This one is a VERY slow build... if you're looking for fast and hardcore, this isn't a story for you. Really -- stop reading now.
Stephanie left me sitting alone on the bench in the Family Changing Room. I didn't know what to make of her reaction. I closed my eyes as I attempted to process what had just passed between us.
My body was still in control, so the images that appeared in my mind weren't helpful in thinking things through. I saw Stephanie in tight pink bikini underpants, smiling at me from the doorframe of her bedroom that morning. I saw her strip off her shorts as she stood next to me just a few minutes ago. I saw her earnest face as she said "I won't tell Mommy."
I noticed with interest that my shorts were around my ankles and my cock was in my fist. As I looked down, the first shot of cum hit me in the face. That hadn't happened since I was in college. I had to stifle an animal groan that welled up in my chest. The orgasm rolled over me in three waves, each shorter but sharper than the last. I honestly thought I was going to pass out. I lay back on the bench and gasped for air. Lights were flashing in front of my eyes.
Gradually a more normal chemical balance returned to my brain. Shit, I thought. SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT. I just jerked off to my eight year old daughter. And fuck, I haven't cum like that in years. I'm a fucking pervert.
Other thoughts streamed through as well, unbidden. I've broken the spell. I've freaked her out. It's never going to be the same again.
But why did she kiss me? I couldn't fathom.
I caught my breath, cleaned up the sizable mess I'd just made, and joined my daughter at the pool. I smiled sheepishly, and she smiled a little. We were both subdued. I studied her face for clues on what she was thinking, but her mind was now opaque to me. I noticed her eyes checking me carefully to determine if I was still hard. Not anymore, I wanted to say.
We returned to the Family Changing Room. One thing was clear - Steph was no longer taking the lead in our game. She watched me as I went to the shower, still in my suit. She followed, still in hers. The ball was back in my court.
I needed to know how things stood. With Stephanie beside me in the shower, I stripped off. I hesitated before turning to look at her. She was studying me. Water streamed through her hair and around her glistening face. She bit her lip. I trembled inside. She looked... well, disappointed I guess. She turned away, peeled off her suit, rinsed it for a second, and went back to the bench. We dried off and dressed in silence and walked back to the car.
As we drove she faced the side window and stared out. I heard a soft sniffle. And another. She was crying. Oh shit. SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT.
"Steph. I'm so sorry, honey. It just happens sometimes, and it's... you're not supposed to see me that way. I guess."
"What do you mean, it just happens?" She kept looking out the window.
It wasn't the question I'd expected. "Sometimes a man's penis just gets stiff."
"Mommy said it gets that way so that you can make a baby."
"That's right, honey." I wasn't getting it.
She was really sobbing now. "I can't make a baby, daddy. Mommy said I'm too little."
I'm such as idiot. She had an eight-year-old's understanding. Daddy loves Mommy. Daddy's penis gets stiff. Penis goes into vagina. Penis plants seed. Seed and egg make baby. Erections without sex and sex without babies weren't part of her model.
I pulled the car into the parking lot of a Dunkin Donuts we happened to be passing. (Come to think of it, when are you not passing a Dunkin Donuts these days? I mean, they're all over the place... My mind was desperately trying to find something else to think about, something safe.)
"You thought I wanted to make a baby with you?"
She turned to look at me, and my heart broke. Her face was red and wet with tears. She nodded.
"Oh, honey. It's just not like that."
It seemed impossible, but her face became sadder. She looked down.
"So it wasn't because of me," she said quietly.
Another veil lifted. Now I understood the kiss. She was acknowledging my desire, and apologizing because it was futile. How can I know so little about my own daughter?
And now I had to decide whether to lie to her. Thinking back on that moment, I really don't know if honesty and love overcame fear, or desire overcame reason. Both, probably.
My mind was racing. I tried to be rational. "You and I can't make a baby, Stephanie. And not just because you're too little. If people from the same family make babies, the babies sometimes aren't healthy. It's hard to explain, but it means we couldn't ever make a baby, honey."
She now looked confused as well as hurt. I was avoiding the real issue.
"But sex isn't just about making babies, Stephanie. Did you even hear someone talk about 'making love'?" She nodded. "Making love is sex, but not because you want a baby. You do it because it's a special way to say 'I love you'. And it feels really nice."
She seemed to understand. "You and Mommy do that?"
"So you were thinking about her."
I looked deep into Stephanie's eyes. Moment of truth.
"No, I wasn't."
Some warmth slowly returned to her face. "You wanted to make love with me, Daddy?"
She wasn't making this easy. I nodded.
"And that's why your penis was hard?"
Christ. A swallow. Another nod.
She dropped her eyes to her lap again, still sad, but the tears were gone.
After a long time, she said softly, "We can't, can we?"
"No, honey. It's for grownups."
She was the defiant eight-year-old again. "That's SO not fair."
I couldn't help it. I laughed out loud. She instantly looked hurt.
"You're mean, Daddy."
"I'm sorry, sweetie. I was just thinking the same thing when you said that."
I wondered how often these feelings were part of the father-daughter dynamic. I expect it's not uncommon. But the Family Changing Room had driven things to the surface that usually remain unrecognized, and are certainly seldom unspoken.
"Can we still want to, Daddy?" Oh God. Like I had a choice, I thought.
My turn to look out of the window. I spoke without thinking.
"Only if we keep it inside, Steph. Inside, and just for us."
I felt her hand on my knee, and her hair brushed my face as she kissed my cheek.
"I love you, Daddy."
"I love you too, Stephanie." I swallowed hard a few times before I turned back and started the car. As I pulled onto the road, I realized what I hadn't said to Stephanie. I told her sex was for grownups. But I didn't say that it wasn't for Daddies and their daughters. It hadn't even occurred to me. That barrier, if I had ever had it, seemed to be missing from my mind.
End of Part VI.
To be continued.
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