I have been asked to write this tutorial about what a woman wants from a man as it pertains to oral sex. I am actually going to address both women and men because even though it's the man who usually performs the act on the woman; there are plenty of women who don't really know what they want or how to ask for it.
Most women want oral sex from their men, even the ones who protest that they don't. I feel that any woman who won't let her man try it has some kind of issue not related to the act itself. To the non-accepting woman, I suggest looking deep within and trying to figure what the real problem is.
For women who have never let their man eat them, let me just say that getting face from a man is one of the best feelings in the world. He's paying special attention to you in a most intimate way. There's nothing like it, if done correctly.
In my case I have been eaten more times than I can remember. And although my preference is men, I have actually performed Cunnilingus on a few women while in tri-sexual relationships.
I have been the recipient of face in enough variety and from enough different men (and a few women) to be confident that I know every technique of value to help you perform better Cunnilingus on your partner.
I still remember the first face I ever received. I was 19-years-old in my first year of college and was dating this boy from California. He was one of those surfer types, tan all over with sandy blonde hair (even down below) and I was head over heels in hots for him. His name was John and he was my fourth lover.
I had just performed oral sex on him and he wanted to reciprocate. I wasn't an expert at giving head back then and I'll admit that I was happy with just intercourse and sucking him off. But we were naked in his dorm room and we had all Saturday morning to lie around so when John crawled on top of me and pushed his mouth to my pussy I just luxuriated in the feeling of have a boy eating me.
I knew about Cunnilingus, but I hadn't expected any boy to actually do it to me. Looking back John probably wasn't all that good at it, but the intimacy of having his face between my legs was a rush, and come to think of it I believe he made me feel pretty good.
I don't think either of us ever had an orgasm from oral sex while we were together, but it was enjoyable, and I'm pretty sure he liked giving me face.
Over the years I found that some men wanted nothing to do with oral sex, so after a while I began to rate my guys by their ability please me orally, and not by their appearance. If a guy didn't want me to give him head or vice-versa, I usually didn't stay with him very long.
About the author
I'll get into a little trouble here with my husband, but the best face I ever had was by a man named Ted. He was a middle-aged man who's wife had died several years before after 25-years of marriage and he was so lonely that our relationship just sort of happened. He was out of shape and a bit pudgy, but could he bring a girl off with his mouth! WOW!
He made me orgasm the very first time he went down on me and I was totally shocked and amazed. I wasn't even all that turned on by Ted at first, I just drifted into an affair with him out of boredom, but after our first time in bed I couldn't get enough of him. He had techniques that I'd never even imagined before.
WHAT YOU NEED TO KNOW ABOUT CUNNILINGUS
The following are the required techniques to perform Cunnilingus properly. I will outline many different techniques, not all of which need to be part of your repertoire. Pick and chose, do what comes naturally, and enjoy the experience, both the performer and recipient.
The descriptions that follow will be based upon what heterosexual couples do to each other. (I'll assume that the rest of you can adapt the techniques.)
THE RIGHT ATTITUDE:
Men, if you don't want to perform Cunnilingus and think it's gross, then nothing I say on the following pages will change your mind. Personally since I own a vagina I know that it can be tasty and fun for a man to play with. My husband said recently that a young nubile pussy is the best gift Mother Nature ever devised. He went on to say, "You can fuck it, finger it, lick it and eat it out, what a useful thing you have there between your legs."
He was being playful, but I also say that a healthy pre-menopausal woman has something wonderful to offer her man and if properly maintained it is very eatable. Cleanliness is sexy. Believe me when I say that a clean pussy is a delicacy, I know because I've even tried one or two myself.
If your lover doesn't want you to try Cunnilingus on her I suggest that you have a frank talk with her when you're not about to have sex. If she's uptight about it and you're both naked and ready, and you've asked her several times, then let it go or you won't get any sex at all. But later or even the next morning, talk to her, tell her how much you want to try it. Over time she should let you.
I've found through personal experience that small children can be a real drag on couple's sex lives. Most of us with young children go through the stage where we feel less attractive than we did before childbirth, and a man's attention is just the thing to snap us back. When he spreads her legs and buries his face between them, he's telling her that he still finds your attractive, and that he loves her. (Men, Cunnilingus will make your wife a happy woman, and you'll get more sex.)
VARIETY IS THE SPICE OF LIFE:
The act of Cunnilingus is quite different than anything that a woman would perform on a man. Women are just as sexually endowed as any man; only it's harder work to get to their equipment. Many men pay too much attention to the clitoris and not enough to the surrounding area and their rhythm. Just like a penis, too much rubbing can become painful.
Keep in mind, variety is the spice of life and there are a lot of ways to simulate a woman into an incredible and satisfying orgasm the likes of which she never thought you could. Just don't try too hard, and by that I mean, "If it isn't happening don't force it," try another time.
The act of Cunnilingus is basically the manipulation of the lips and inner folds of the vagina and the stimulation of the clitoris. This of course doesn't stop the inventive man from feeling his partner's body up. She has inner thighs, breasts and nipples that are just aching to be gently pinched and pulled while tongue and lips massage her intimate spots.
Sounds like fine dining doesn't it? Well, in a way it is. The backbone of Cunnilingus is the mouth action. It is sort of a cross between kissing and sucking. The easiest way to describe Cunnilingus is to imagine a man at a pie-eating contest eating a pie ravenously with his hands tied behind his back.
That motion of dipping his face into the pie and eating pie filling is the same motion required to stimulate a woman. Be sensual, move your lips, tongue, kiss and rub, suck on a pussy lip, feel your way around, eat her out with vigor, as the saying goes.
Men, there are a lot of other moves required to bring your lady off, but the eating out motion is still the mainstay. And women, don't just lie there, tell him what to do, get him to do it the way you want it or shame on you.
As I mentioned before, don't over do it with your partner's clit. A woman's clitoris is as sensitive as the uncircumcised male's penis head. It is tucked into a hooded fold of flesh to protect it from stimulation while relaxed. When a woman's clit is erect it is super sensitive and should be touched only occasionally. I will discuss the rhythm in the "example section" later on.
There are a lot of things the men can do with the clitoris but the most sensual is to lick it. A man's tongue is soft, moist and hot and it feels fantastic when it's employed on the clit. Other stimulation for variety is great, but always come back with the tongue. Again, don't over do it, change to other stimulations and other parts of her body too. (See illustration)
As I pointed out in the previous section the tongue is a man's best asset when it comes to giving his lover face. I like it best when a man can stick his tongue into me and simulate fucking motions. That's what Ted was so good at. He had the longest tongue I have ever seen and it was so talented. There are probably many other talented men out there, they just don't know it yet.
The most effective technique is to spread the outer vaginal lips (Labia Majora) open you're your fingers and then force your tongue between the inner vaginal lips (Labia Minora) and wiggle it in lapping motions trying to reach as deep as you can. Then pull back out and flick the clitoris hood, then and push deep in again, then repeat these motions as many times as you are able. (See illustration)
Tongue fucking can be a strain on both the jaw and tongue, I personally can't keep it up for more than a couple of minutes at a time, but that is really enough, because the clit will probably be screaming for attention by then, and there are so many other pleasure points on a woman's body that an imaginative lover can rotate through them and never really tire out.
An important talent to practice. Flicking the tongue on the clitoris can be the "final stimulation" that brings her over the top, but only if the shiny little nub has been neglected prior and the arousal has been through other body parts.
If you use the clitoris during tongue fucking you should back off when you notice that she isn't responding as violently as in the beginning. Hold the clit in reserve to be used as the trigger to her orgasm.
Keep in mind that the clitoris is super sensitive and should only be "flicked" at crucial times as she gets closer to orgasm. Some woman may disagree with me on this, but I'm a firm believer in the slow buildup, and then the flame out. The problem with too much concentration on the clitoris is that she will become somewhat desensitized if it is over stimulated and the man loses a great trigger.
A supplemental massage can be done with the chin. While catching your breath the chin can be used by rubbing it against the woman's outer vagina lips. (I suggest that if she's shaved you better be too.) What I like is when he sort of buries his chin between my slick lips, spreading them slightly, and rotates his chin slightly grinding me. I also like it when he runs his chin up each side of the pussy lips and kisses me there that can feel really nice.
I've had a man or two even lay their head down on my aroused pussy to listen to my pulse. That always brings out my maternal instincts and if a guy does that to me I usually end up fucking his brains out latter, remembering how cute he looked laying there.
YOUR PALM AND FINGERS:
Hands and fingers are an important part of Cunnilingus. As I keep saying it takes all your parts to really get her off. Men, listen to me carefully here, because if you really want your woman to cum on your mouth, you'll have to bring all your weapons to bear. Mouth, tongue, teeth, fingers even the palm of your hands.
The secret is to keep up a pace, not necessarily on one spot, but a pace that stimulates the general area. Get your woman to tell you were it feels best, keep asking and make a note of it. The fingers are a great stimulation tool and so is the palm of your hand. The palm can be used intermittently directly against the vaginal lips and the fingers can be used to jerk her off.
ABOUT FEMALE MASTURBATION:
I guess at this stage I should probably tell you how woman jerk off. Oh yes we do, even if you never hear about it, we're just usually too discreet to tell you.
The preferred method for a woman to jerk off is lying on her back and rubbing both sides of her vaginal lips -- sort of like doing the Vulcan salute, with fingers on either side.
From time to time she will touch her protruding clit, keeping up a steady pace. As her natural lubrication begins to flow she will rub that along her vaginal lips moistening the area. Vaginal lubrication has the same viscosity as a man's pre-cum and aids in heightening her stimulation.
When she gets close to cumming she will increase her rhythm, just like a man does, and she will concentrate with her fingers on either side of her clit hood. At this point her clitoris will be engorged and erect and the little fleshy hood will rub against either side.
These actions along with her increased lubrication will make her fully aroused and she will continue an ever-increasing stimulation will soon be enough to make her cum with a bang.
I personally like to lift my legs right as my orgasm hits; it makes the sensations more intense when the tummy muscles are tightened while orgasming. I also like to make my rhythm a bit erratic right before I cum too, it seems to make me cum harder.
The reason that I've told you how a woman jerks off, is to make the point that fingers are an important stimulant, and don't be afraid to use yours. Just keep that tongue down there too.
NOISY FEMALE ORGASMS:
Men, if you've never made your lover orgasm orally, read this, because you could be in for a surprise. The female anatomy is designed to have something thrusting in and out of it during sex. And when that is the case an orgasm is no more noticeable than when a man cums in a woman.
But remove the thrusting penis and you might be in for a surprise when your mate orgasms by oral stimulation. What happens when a woman orgasms is that her vaginal muscles spasm, and when this happens and the vagina is not filled by a penis its muscle spasms can expel air. This action can make various sputtering sounds.
Don't be surprised or grossed out if this happens. All it means is that you've made your woman cum with your mouth and she's having an orgasm. Consider it a trophy of your success, many men will never hear this sound, and if you do there is no doubting that you made her cum. (This situation will not always happen but it can be disconcerting to an inexperienced man.)
DILDOS ARE COOL:
Dildos are great to use during Cunnilingus, assuming that she will let you see her with one. I know that many women would rather die than let their man see them playing with a dildo. I don't have this hang-up, and I think there's nothing sexier than my husband playing with my pussy with our #10 dildo and licking me at the same time.
The only thing men need to know about dildos is that they have to be used with care. Don't get carried away and start shoving them in too hard. Just because there is more depth down there doesn't necessarily mean that your lover wants the thing jammed all the way in. My rule is no deeper than 5 inches and no faster than "slow" I do however let my husband bend it to hit against my clit.
Some women swear by this practice. It of course requires prior discussion because many women don't like anal penetration, but if they do it will greatly enhance their pleasure when done at the point of orgasm.
The technique for the experienced couple is for the man, while orally stimulating his partner, to gently rub his finger along her anal opening, working his finger slowly past her sphincter muscle until his finger is just barely to the first knuckle. When she is about to orgasm he should slowly push his finger deeper and wiggle it gently. (Please cut fingernails short, thank you.)
As her vaginal muscles spasm her anal muscles will grasp his finger giving her the double stimulation and greatly enhancing the intensity of her orgasm.
When I know that I have an experienced lover and that he will be doing anal play with me, I will take a warm water enema just prior to having sex with him. It is only good etiquette to be clean and it makes the whole thing so much better. (You can get everything you need for warm water enemas at your local drug store.)
Anal Play is not for everyone, so if your lover doesn't want to do it, move on, there are lots of other things you can do to each other. Oh, and by the way, anal play can be used on the man during Fellatio, it's just that most men aren't sophisticated enough in their sexual tastes to enjoy it. It'll be the rare man that will let his lover poke him with her finger.
Believe me when I say that a lick on the clit will make her see stars. That kind of stimulation sends a nerve-rending charge through a woman's body. In me that charge goes right to my nipples. I've never taken the time to find out why this happens, but it is a very nice feeling to be sure. (When my man gets me up there close to the edge I can't seem to stop myself from play with my nipples.)
The experienced man will -- at the moment of his partner's orgasm -- reach up and slowing twist her nipples in his fingers while she bucks against his mouth. When that combination comes out right, she'll be his love slave for the rest of the night.
WOMEN, SHAVE IT:
Women, if you really want your man to eat you, then get rid of all that pubic hair. It's not nice when your man gets pubic hairs in his teeth.
There's nothing quite as nice as a female vagina all smooth and clean to get your man down there lapping away. Believe me when I say it's worth it. Even though (If you have regular sex) you'll need to shave every day, it will make his experience much more satisfying and in doing so you'll get a lot more face.
When I say that you should shave your pussy, really what I'm saying is that you should remove all trace of hair from around the vagina lips. I suggest that you leave a short well-trimmed semblance of pubic hair about the vagina though. Being completely bald makes a woman look strange. (In my opinion.) Some pubic hair looks sexy; you just don't want to have it get in the way.
HONEY & WHIPPED CREAM:
For those hesitant men. You know, the ones that are reticent about trying Cunnilingus on their partners. I suggest the introduction of honey and or whipped cream. This of course pre-supposes that you went through the shaving process, because it's kind of messy otherwise. The advantage to honey or whipped cream is that even if he backs out you can still go a head and have intercourse, although it might be a little sticky, it's still fun.
Honey is a natural antibiotic and won't cause any nasty yeast infections, plus it tastes good. You'll have to warm it and or dilute it, because it needs to be runny so it can be easily smeared "on" and "into" her pussy.
I've had a lover open me up with his fingers and shoot whipped cream up into me. It was a really weird feeling but he had a long tongue and was successful in getting it all back out, which was rather enjoyable.
I warn you though, be careful about using any other food materials "in" your partner's vagina. I've heard people who liked things like cheese-wiz and beef bullion, I don't suggest either because of the foreign mold in cheese and the bacteria in beef bullion. Guys, if you don't know about yeast infections ask your partner, she'll tell you all about it. Don't expect any sex while she's suffering from one.
This is a term for Cunnilingus after sex between a man and a woman. This type of oral sex can only take place when the couple doesn't need external birth control devices such as condoms or foams, etc.
My experience with Marshmellowing is somewhat limited, (It's only happened to me with a few men) but has always been intensely erotic when it does happen. The first time I experienced it was with Ted. You remember Ted? You know the middle-aged oral god. We'd been having sex steadily for 6 months when I finally felt safe enough with him to go bareback during sex. (Still on the pill of course.)
That first time after we dumped the condoms Ted fucked my brains out and then held me down as I protested and eat my pussy clean. I was only protesting because I though he'd be grossed out, which he wasn't.
Afterwards Ted explained to me why he liked doing it. It was simple. After we'd had sex, and even though I'd orgasmed, he felt that he could -- with a little extra effort -- take me to a new level. And that's what he did. You see, Ted got off getting his partners off, it made his experiences more pleasurable.
Marshmellowing takes a lot of tongue work and Ted even had to scoop out cum with his finger. He made quite a show of the process. We ended up sharing his cum between us and even though I was unsure at the beginning, after that experience I was always ready for the next time. By the way I never asked him to do it, I always considered it a gift and accepted it as such.
One note for lovers who want to try this but aren't sure they'll like it. Men, I suggest having a wet terry washcloth handy and you can wash your partner's pussy off and then if you want to, you can pour a little honey onto her. Honey and cum "do" mix, believe me.
In my opinion marshmellowing is the hottest thing a man can do during Cunnilingus, but again, it takes a shaved pussy to make it happen.
AN EXAMPLE OF THE PERFECT EXPERIENCE:
This of course is my perfect experience, you'll need to take the time to find out what your woman likes, but if you try the following example, you probably wouldn't be too far off:
I like the bedroom to be romantic, low lights, but not too low, maybe a couple of candles out of harms way, clean sheets and two freshly showered bodies and one douched pussy.
If you know your man well I suggest a little sucky-kissy and a tussle in bed, everything but intercourse. Men, if you don't want her too moist, I suggest getting to it fairly quick, but for those who like the taste of a woman's clean, clear lubricant, make her drip, bring her arousal to a peak by touching and feeling her. Let her suck your cock, let her feel your body, be soft and pleasant, make her feel good, get her aroused.
Then once you feel the time is right, rise up and push her down gently onto the warm clean sheets and kiss her. Take a while, make the kiss a good one, women like kissing, honest. If you don't mind going in with your mouth afterwards, you could even penetrate her a few times just to open her up a little.
Then look into her eyes and smile mischievously as you begin to kiss her breasts working your way down her body to her pussy.
The experienced man will raise his lover's legs over his shoulders and bury his mouth into her pussy, spreading her vaginal lips with his fingers or tongue and then begin lapping and thrusting in and out paying special attention to the sensitive inner folds of the vaginal opening.
Dispersed amongst the tongue thrusts should be finger action. His arms can easily reach around her legs, or he can release her legs to rest on his back and play with her with all ten magic fingers.
After a couple of minutes of this she would probably crave tongue flicks on her clit then if he moved back to mash his chin into her slick pussy lips and give it a short massage with his chin, she would probably moan in pleasure. If he then moved back to tonguing her some more, and then played his fingers all over her body she would probably have her eyes closed with a concentrated look of pleasure on her face; her body straining to feel every wonderful sensation he was giving her.
By now she would be craving his stiff big stiff penis. But if he loved her he wouldn't let her have it, not just yet. But he would pinch her nipples and lick her clit a couple of times and then begin to eat her pussy wildly. His excitement and uninhibited attack on her vulnerable body would create a surge of excitement deep down, making her shiver in delight.
If he kept this up with enthusiastic energy and rotate through tongue, fingers chin, mouth work, and then clit flicking again in a faster and faster rhythm she would not be able to help myself, she'd cum all over his mouth.
If I where his sex partner the neighbors would know that he'd done his manly duty because I don't believe in being quiet when I orgasm. (I can't imagine not letting him know how much pleasure he's given me. And I suggest to all women out there; reward your man by letting go, no matter what he did, if he got you off, the least you can do is lose a little control.)
Afterwards, depending on whether or not he's game, and after a decent interval, I think I'd fuck his brains out, or maybe return the favor and pour a little honey on him.
After having written The Pleasure of Fellatio previously I had quite a few responses from men wishing that their women would think more like me. Some of the men said that their woman was a selfish lover.
I'm not trying to imply that any of these readers were wrong, but it usually takes two to tango, and before you call you lover selfish in bed, take a close look at your sexual relationship. Think about trying to communicate your feeling directly and non-confrontationally.
Women get defensive when they are criticized, just like a man would he she told him he didn't quite measure up.
I also got an interesting letter from one man wondering how he could bring up the Fellatio techniques that I'd written about to his wife without her blowing her top at him.
I have a good suggestion for him: Read "The Pleasure of Cunnilingus" very carefully and try some of the techniques out on her. Become an expert pussy eater, and when she finally asks what inspired you, tell her the truth, that you read an article that discussed how to give better Cunnilingus.
If you have a printed copy of "The Pleasure of Fellatio" that happens to be lying around, you might bring the subject around to that and even give her a copy. Who knows, maybe she'll even want to try it out. Women aren't void of imagination you know.
Either way, don't expect her to be the one to please you, if you're not working hard at your end.