The Last Night
Filing into the
large room I am greeted by familiar and smiling faces. Hands shoot forth
to shake mine while others wrap around me to pull me to them in a warm
embrace. Uncomfortably, I return each handshake or hug with one of my
own. I don't want to be here. But you would want me here, wouldn't you?
We would both be here if you could have managed to come.
fall on my person. I know their thoughts, many too afraid to ask. They
all want to know where you are. "Where is Stephaney?" they
all want to ask. I can feel it.
Should I tell them?
They can't know about us...how much in love we were. No one can. It
was our moment. Many of them think they know about us. We were the talk
of our high school, after all. Everyone wanted to know if we were "doing
it" or if we had "gone all the way". They couldn't understand
our love, though. They could never understand that we were saving ourselves
- our moment - for that special day, not wanting our first time to be
in a car or a seedy motel room. We wanted it to be special.
I wonder if they
still wonder if we ever "went all the way". Do they still
wonder about our first time? Could they understand why we waited until
after graduation, for a time when we could be together without fear
of interruption or hurried tackiness? I doubt it. They were all in a
hurry to lose their virginity while we were in a hurry to spend our
lives and love with each other. Yes, we "did it". But we waited
for the right time and place.
It was a hot summer
night when we first made love. I remember shivering despite our sweat
- or maybe because of it. I was clumsy, scared. I fumbled with the small
buttons on your blouse, snapping one off in my slowed haste. You laughed
and kissed the tip of my nose, easing my nerves. I laughed too. A sudden
confidence took me by surprise and I ripped your blouse open, scattering
buttons to "tick, tick, tick" on the hardwood floor. You pulled
me against you, embracing me and filling my mouth with words of your
I was hard, my cock
waiting for the inevitable. Still, I was scared, shivering against your
warm and goose bump covered body. I knew you were scared too. How could
you not be scared? But we were in love and we were together. That was
all that mattered.
I undressed slowly
as I could, my still buttoned shirt cuffs getting caught on my wrists.
You caught my wrist as I flailed about, attempting to free myself from
the bedeviled shirt. Slowly, you slid your tiny fingers between the
fabric and pulled, sending the offending buttons aloft. We laughed at
the "tick, tick, tick" of the buttons as they scattered across
the floor. We listened to the last button, as it rolled across the floor,
settling, finally, into it's final rotations before coming to rest.
Finally, we were
both naked. I was on top of you, my cock ready and wanting. Your legs
spread slightly, allowing me to progress. "I'm sorry", I whispered,
still fumbling to gain entrance to your secrets.
you whispered, our eyes locked together. Then you smiled at me, sliding
your hand down between us to guide me into you. Slowly, I slid inside
you. A moment of pain crossed your face and I hesitated, fearful that
I had hurt you. Then you smiled and kissed me, assuring me. Then, slowly,
we began thrusting into each other, our bodies taking over.
When it was over,
I was humiliated and elated. I had been inside of you, the love of my
life, but I had not brought you satisfaction, climaxing in mere minutes.
I looked into your eyes, afraid of what I might see. But you, in your
goodness, were beaming a smile of understanding. You understood. But
you always understood.
We made love again
that night. This time, we made love under the moonlit night, in the
backyard. This time I did not face humiliation, lasting far longer than
before. I can still hear your moans as I rocked into you, bringing you
to climax as I had wanted to so badly.
"Where is Stephaney?"
asks a woman with a familiar face. "You two were so cute together.
I heard you got married."
"Yes we were
married," I tell her. "We were married in October, the year
after graduation. It was a small affair; family only."
She asks a dozen
questions before someone else catches her attention. "Yes, we did
save something for our honeymoon" I tell her.
She wants to know
more. She wants things that are private and best left secret. So I answer
a few questions. But I don't tell her everything. I don't tell her how
our wedding night was the first night I tasted you. I don't tell her
how you wanted to save that thrill for our wedding night.
I can still see
the thrilled look on your face as the moment approached. There was excitement
and fire in your eyes, even as there was fear. I can't know why you
were afraid, only that you were. You even pulled your thighs together
as I slid between them to take my first taste of you.
It was only after
my soft caresses against your thighs that you parted your legs enough
for me to slip between your legs. You were shivering and tense, the
fear of the unknown filling you, until the first few flicks of my tongue
against your inner thigh.
I was slow and deliberate,
teasing you. I sucked and kneaded the softness of your thighs, threatening
at the inevitable. The few threats I made to slide further up your thigh
met with resistance, your thighs closing slightly.
your readiness, I slid myself further up your thighs, my tongue grazing
and flicking as I worked my way upward to my goal. Then, for the first
time, I tasted the sweetly tart moistness that flowed from between your
Moaning with my
first taste, you arched your back and put your hands to the back of
my head, urging me on. I flicked my tongue, experimentally, trying to
find your most sensitive areas. Soon, my licking became lapping and
probing. Then I found myself sucking and nibbling, my teeth lightly
nipping at you.
You moaned continuously,
pushing my head into you, your body undulating against my mouth. You
were frantic, filling me with a strange urgency to bring forth new sounds
from your lips.
Finally, after so
many minutes of probing for your most sensitive area, I had found it.
With that finding I found that your hands had tensed, holding me steady
by the hair. The pain was intense but I cared not, for I had found your
secret and only cared to bring you satisfaction. In mere minutes you
were screaming, your body thrashing. All the while you held me to you.
I was dejected when
you pushed me from you, fearing I had done something terrible. But when
I looked up to your face I saw you smiling and out of breath, eying
me dreamily I knew then that I had not erred.
"That was marvelous,
baby," you said to me. And as I slid up into your arms you fell
into a deep slumber.
"Where is Stephaney?"
a man asks. "Aren't you two together anymore?"
"Yes, we are
together" I tell him. "We are always together, even when we
He looks at me quizzically,
not understanding what I said. Or, maybe he does understand. Maybe his
quizzical look was one of wonder. Few people experience what we share.
he says, "she was a wild one. I remember her showing up to graduation
wearing a bikini under her gown."
If he only knew
how wild you really were. I imagine he would cringe at your "wild"
side. I think most people would. Most people aren't as secure as you
are. Most people don't have your electricity and life.
Maybe I should tell
him how wild you really are. Maybe I should tell him about our first
sexual experiments. I am sure he would enjoy it. He lusted after you
in high school. Of course, all the boys lusted after you. So did some
of the girls.
He was one of those
who had always asked me if we ever "did it". He was always
talking about the women who he found attractive and wanted to "bang".
I'm certain he would think it was "wild" to find that you
had a submissive and masochistic side to you.
Perhaps I should
tell him the story of how I took your virginity a second time. He would
probably sit in wonder if I told him, one night, as we lay in bed, you
mentioned it to me, saying "It could add some more excitement".
Of course I would
try it. I had always been curious about it. I had just been too embarrassed
to bring it up. We laughed when we were in the shop buying the needed
lubrication. So many brands, all with odd and off putting names. We
settled on one that sounded the least tacky.
When we arrived
home we were ready, throwing off our clothes as we made our way to the
bedroom. You sucked my cock, bringing me to life as I rubbed the lubrication
into your bottom. And finally, our preparations complete, you straddled
me and began your decent onto me.
Your eyes tightened
and your forehead wrinkled as you sank down onto me, impaling your bottom
on my manhood. It was slow and painful, at first. Your nails dug into
my chest as you descended onto my shaft until you were seated against
I was stunned, unable
to speak and desperately fighting to hold still. I wanted to move; to
thrust into your stretched and pain filled ass.
I watched your face,
eyes closed tightly as you came to grips with the sensation. Your hands
finally released their grip on my chest and you began to rock, ever
so slowly, on my cock. I wrapped my hands around your waist, encouraging
your motion. You never resisted, despite the obvious pain you were suffering.
A moment of worry
crossed my lips but you nodded your head and urged me on. As with our
first time of making love, I was not long to last. In mere moments I
filled you with cum, jerking as I climaxed. You screamed out with each
jerky thrust, pain filling your being. Still, I came, your pain increasing
my lust and pleasure.
When the moment
passed you leaned forward, my cock still inside your ass, resting yourself
against my chest. Your whispers told me how painful it was. When, at
last, you sat up, there were tears in your eyes.
I stared at you
for several minutes after. I didn't want the moment to end, enjoying
the sensation of my cock softening inside your most delicate recess.
To my surprise,
instead of sliding off of me, you began to press against me. You reached
back and tickled me between my legs and told me you wanted to make me
cum again. I reacted instantly, my cock growing harder within you.
You began rocking
on me, at first, telling me how much it hurt and how much you loved
it. "Do you like it?" you asked me, receiving a deep growl
You rocked harder
and faster until you began bouncing on my cock. I watched as tears rolled
down your cheeks. Later you would tell me how it felt as if you were
being ripped apart. For now, however, I only knew your actions, the
incredible tightness of your ass and my powerful lust.
As I neared climax,
I was a man enraged, filled with power. I pushed you from me and commanded
you take to your knees. Obeying me, you thrust your ass up so I could
impale you, once again. My first thrust was hard and fast. You screamed
in obvious pain. Still, I never slowed, fucking you hard, enjoying the
feel of your bottom wrapped around my shaft.
Sweat dripped from
my nose, splashing onto your body as I ripped into you, my orgasm taking
control. Nearly out of control, my hands gripped your waist and pulled
you to me as I thrust spasmodically into you.
Such was the power
of the moment that I vaguely remember you turning around to take my
cock in your mouth, catching the final few drops of semen as they oozed
from my member.
"When you see
her, tell her that Jack Hamblin says hi" says the man before walking
He said his name
was Jack Hamblin. I don't remember him. Would you remember him, I wonder.
Would you care if I told him how wild you really were?
It was the middle
of the night when you woke me. You wanted to try it again. You wanted
to see if you could cum from it. This time we did not use the lubrication.
Instead, you brought me to life with your mouth, leaving my cock coated
with your saliva. Then, as before, you straddled me, reached for my
cock and slid me into your ass.
I watched you as
you bounced on my shaft. I reached up to squeeze your bouncing breasts,
kneading them lustily. You leaned forward to kiss me before leaning
back until you were lying between my legs, still fucking me. The sight
of my cock sliding into your ass astonished me and brought me near to
climax. But I had to wait. I had to keep control to see if you could
orgasm this way.
Just as I was thinking
I wouldn't be able to last much longer, you shivered and I knew it was
upon you. A low moan exited your body. Then you pushed down hard on
my cock, forcing it into you more deeply. In an instant, the room was
filled with the sonic evidence of our lovemaking.
It was you who moved
first, sitting up, my softening cock still inside your bottom. You stared
down at me, your cheeks still damp from tears. Then you smiled that
wondrous smile and leaned forward to lie on top of me. We moved nary
an inch 'til daybreak
End Part 1
The Last Night - Part 2
Another familiar face introduces
itself. Nancy is her name. I see that her hair is damp as she thrusts
out a hand to shake mine.
"How are you? Is Stephaney
here with you or couldn't she make it?" she asks me, smiling. "Sorry
for the damp hands. It's started coming down out there and I just got
Rain. I can hear it above
the dull roar of the room, beating down just beyond the open doors of
the auditorium. I think of the first time I saw you. But I always think
of the first time I saw you when it rains.
We were in high school. It
was our lunch period and you were standing with a couple of your friends,
just under the shelter of the cafeteria. Your hair, long and dark, clung
to you as you spoke to your comrades. I was captured, instantly, and
I found that I could not take my eyes off of you.
As luck would have it, you
noticed my steady gaze. I was embarrassed at having been caught staring
and I knew that I should have ruined my chances at ever speaking with
you. Still, I never wavered in my gaze.
Amusedly, you walked over
and introduced yourself, flashing a smile. The voice that issued forth
was as music to my ears, lilting and beautiful. For me, it was love
at first sight and I could only pray that I would not say something
stupid. I didn't and you agreed to let me walk you home after school.
That day, standing out in
the rain in front of your parent's house, I leaned in under the damp
cave of your hair and kissed you. I was afraid, never having kissed
a girl before…not in that way. But, as I leaned in to kiss you,
I saw your beautiful lips part, slightly. And then, as our lips met,
we embraced, holding each other's sopping bodies.
We were rarely apart afterwards,
finding or making time to be together whenever possible. Even our yearbook,
for the next three years, noted us as "the couple most in love".
A statement more true than any could have imagined.
Another voice shakes me from
my memories. "Did you and Stephaney ever tie the knot?" asks
a new face. The question makes me chuckle.
"Yes, we tied the knot"
I tell the woman as I wander past her towards the open doors.
It was damp and cold the
first time we "tied the knot". Clouds filled the sky with
darkness. Lightning flashed and thunder rolled through the dark night.
I remember how the wildness of the night excited you.
You came to me, eyes wide
and excited, hands filled with silken scarves. "Tie me to the bed
and have your way with me, lover!" you exclaimed.
We practically raced into
the bedroom, tearing off each other's clothes. Stopping just as we entered
the room, we kissed in a passionate embrace before I flung you to the
In an instant, I was upon you like a rabid beast, pinning you on the
To my surprise you put up
a struggle, fighting my attempts to bind your wrists to the bedpost.
Excited at your struggle I fought against you, finally securing your
arms to the bedposts. I grinned from over you, ready to bind your legs
As I made my first attempt
to grab your ankle, you lashed out, nearly kicking me. In retaliation
I spun around and slapped you, reddening your cheek. Still, you fought,
prompting another slap. Suddenly, rapt with power, I flung myself over
your legs and wrapped my arms around your calves. I struggled to still
your powerful and well-formed legs.
As our battle raged I became
more determined, filled with power and lust. Finally, as I feared I
might never achieve my goal, I had you bound to the bed, your ankles
pulled wide to their respective bedposts.
I stepped from the bed to
admire my prize: A beauty in bondage, helpless and ready for the taking,
still struggling against the knotted scarves that held you in captivity.
Sliding on to the bed, I
promised that you would pay for your struggles. I would take you now,
as I wanted, and rape the resistance from your heart. For this you swore
at me, promising me punishments and reprisals for my actions.
Aching to take you, I crawled
on top of you, straddling your chest and commanding you ready yourself
to suck my cock. You swore at me, eyes wild, promising that I would
suffer if my cock came near your mouth. You did not lie. For, as my
cock came to your lips you jerked forward, baring your teeth and snapping.
I pulled back, surprised at your actions, falling between your legs
and nearly toppling from the bed.
When I righted myself I promised
suffering to be your reward. You screamed at me, promising to make me
suffer for abusing you so. My demands at silence were met with more
screams and more promises.
I bolted from the bed to
retrieve your panties, promising that you would be silent. Then came
the ensuing battle to pry your mouth open and fill it with your panties.
It was a long and arduous battle but, when it was over, you were no
longer able to speak. Still, you growled through your panties, fighting
to spit them from your mouth despite the scarf, which held them securely
Standing back, once again,
I pulled the belt from my discarded pants and began to beat you with
it. You screamed into your gag as I smote your inner thighs, reddening
the soft flesh between your legs. Then your eyes grew wide as I took
aim further up. And though a part of me feared to do so, I struck the
tender flesh of your sex. You howled and arched you back as the pain
filled you. And then, unable to wait any longer, I pounced on you, ramming
my cock into your pain filled sex.
I stared down at you as I
began thrusting. You eyes were clenched tightly: Evidence of your pain.
Still, I thrust, beating into your body, an animal enraged with lust.
I was in ecstasy, enjoying your agonized struggles. And when your pain
subsided and you began to return my thrusts, I withdrew my cock from
your sex to thrust into your ass.
Again you howled into your
gag, unprepared for the sudden invasion. But I did not stop, nor could
I. Instead, I pumped into you, stroke after painful stroke. Suddenly,
I could take no more. My own eyes clenched and I thrust one final time,
moaning as I came.
Later that night, I held
you to me. You cried and shook, unable to utter more than a few coherent
words. I was frightened at your state of being, horrified that my brutality
had might have injured you. But you assured me, as best you could, that
you were fine. And, when, finally, you were able to speak in coherent
terms, you revealed your secret longing for such rough brutality and
made me promise it would be so again. Of course, I promised. How could
Staring out at the rain,
I wonder that it should be so tonight as it was on the day of our first
meeting. But then, I suppose, I should not be surprised at this. Most
important days of our lives were graced with rain.
I turn back to see a man
standing just the other side of the door. He is smiling, speaking to
me, reminding me of the day when you caught your skirt on the fence
as you climbed over it. No one would have described you as a tomboy
but they never would have described you as a girlish, either. You were
always so adventurous and never afraid to get dirty.
"She was so humiliated,
that day," he says to me. "She got hung up on that fence,
her skirt pulling up to her armpits and trapping her against the fence.
No one laughed at her, though. At least, not until she laughed at it
I smile back at him, remembering
the day. "Everyone loved her, didn't they?" I ask.
"You two were both loved,
really. Why do you think no one ever messed with you two? You guys were
strictly off limits," he says. "But boy, that was probably
the most humiliating day of her life."
I grin and nod my head as
he walks off. As he does so I am reminded of so many nights when I humiliated
you. Some nights I made you beg to be taken. Other nights I made you
beg for pain or to eat cum. You loved those games.
Especially, you enjoyed when
I treated you like an animal. The "puppy game" we called it.
I made you wear a dog collar and bark to communicate with me. I taught
you hand commands that would make you sit, lie down and roll over. And,
though you always enjoyed it, I don't think that any night compared
to the first night I treated you so. I can never forget that night,
though I do wonder how the notion came to me.
You had been waiting for
me to come home. I had phoned you, telling you to be naked and to have
your bottom lubricated. I'm sure you thought I intended to take you
roughly when I got home. We had, after all, made rough sex a regular
part of our marital activities. But I had a surprise for you instead.
You greeted my with a huge
smile. You were excited and expecting. When we entered the living room
I bent you over the couch. You moaned, expecting my entry. Instead,
I pushed a plug into your waiting ass and told you not to move. Then
I pulled the collar from my coat pocket and fastened it around your
"Get down on all fours
and show me how a dog behaves", I commanded.
It was as you got to the
floor that you realized that your plug was graced with a springy tail.
You looked back and wagged your ass, watching as the tail wagged behind
it. When you looked back to me, I had a rolled up newspaper in my hand.
Then you noticed the bag you had failed to notice before.
"I don't want to eat
those", you told me.
A quick smack with the newspaper
silenced your protests, your face turning red. A moment of resistance
rose and was quickly suppressed by another smack with the newspaper.
Then I explained how the night, and the ensuing weekend, would unfold.
You were a bit difficult,
at first. My commands were met with angry glances and you broke character
several times. Finally, after grabbing you by the hair and pushing you
into your dog dish, you gave in to the inevitable. Truthfully, I was
quite unsure of my actions until I reached back to find your sex wet
For the rest of the weekend
you begged at the table, being fed an occasional scrap. And, though
there was no enthusiasm to do so, you ate the dog food and dog biscuits
you were rewarded with.
As the weekend ensued you
learned what I expected, becoming an expert at licking my cock, balls
and ass with long strokes of your tongue. And, though it embarrassed
you beyond any you embarrassment you had experienced before, you became
accustomed to using the back yard for your bathroom.
You were a "good bitch",
I always told you so. Of course, despite the reddening this brought
to your cheeks, you were prideful of being a "good bitch".
A woman thrusts her face
into my view. I recognize her but I can't match it to a name. She hugs
me, squealing kind words and, of course, asking about you.
"She was so nice to
me," says the voice issuing from the familiar face. " I don't
know if you know this but my parents were not very well off. Stephaney…well,
she was so kind. Sometimes, my parents couldn't send any lunch with
me. We were not well off. Stephaney would share her lunch with me if
I didn't have lunch or the money to buy lunch."
"Yes, I know."
I tell her. "Debby, right?"
"Oh, you do remember
me!" She squeals. "You know, she never made me feel bad and
she always…what was it she said? Well, I don't remember it exactly
but it was something along the lines of giving to others is nothing
to be proud of if you have enough for yourself."
I smile at her, remembering
you always speaking of being well off as a privilege and responsibility.
"Yes, she has always been that way." I tell her.
"Well, when you see
her, tell her that Debby is alive and well and that I run a non-profit
organization to feed the hungry." She says. "I call it "Stephaney's
Again I smile at her, nodding
my head and telling her how happy that would make you. She begins rambling
on as I make an excuse to extricate myself from her high-pitched company.
Stepping outside, I remember
back to so many times when your generosity turned out so well. I remember
how a poor family was allowed the dignity of an honest days pay working
as our gardeners. We didn't need a gardener. But you insisted on having
them work for us. Two years later they started their own lawn care company.
And, of course, as was always the case, your generosity was returned
when they refused to take pay for taking care of our own small yard.
There were so many generous
things you did. All of them, it seems were returned ten-fold. And anyone
who worked with or for us fell in love with us…with you. Wasn't
it always the way?
The Last Night - Part 3
Another woman pushes her
way into my company. I don't want to be here. I want to go home. It's
all I can do to remain and answer the bantering of these people.
it is you! How are you?"
She is short and chubby.
Her hair is damp and frizzy. I remember her from my homeroom. I never
liked her but she always liked me. I smile, attempting to excuse myself
but she will have none of it.
"You know, I had such
a crush on you." She tells me. "If it hadn't been for Stephaney
I would have made such a move on you!"
Hardly flattered, I again
try to excuse myself. Still, she is relentlessly pouring words out of
her mouth. You would remember her well. "Talky Tina" we used
to call her. She was rude and obnoxious; always talking - some things
I remember how you managed
to find something to like about her, despite her obnoxious manner. You
always found something to like in everyone, no matter how annoying they
were. I always loved that about you.
"I am so glad to see
you. Where's Stephaney? Don't tell me you guys broke up! You were the
perfect couple. I so loved you guys. Oh, you're still together? Great,
is she here? I would so love to see her again! Oh, she's not here? That's
too bad. Tell her that Tina says hi, okay?"
She rambles on and on, a
juggernaut with her mouth. Finally, I escape her rapid-fire machine
gun of a mouth and step outside. Fortunately, the rain keeps her from
following me. I don't want to be here. Still, I manage a bit of a grin
as I hearken back to the day I told you I wanted to shove something
in her mouth to shut her up.
We were in our apartment,
a few weeks before we were to marry. Upon your mentioning of her name
I began ranting about how annoying she was. Immediately, you grinned
at me and began talking, a chatterbox mimicking her speech pattern and
banal conversation. I warned you that if you continued I would certainly
shut you up, as I wanted to do to her. Still you continued, grinning
at me and daring me to "Shove something in my mouth, mister!"
Grinning back at you, I rushed
to you, taking your head in my hands and pushing you down to your knees.
Still, you rattled on, insipid commentary rushing from your mouth as
you refused to quit the role.
I stole my cock from my trousers,
already hard at the thought of what was to come, and pushed it at your
face. Still rattling on, I found it difficult to find my mark. Finally,
a break in your commentary came and I was able to push myself into your
I was in instant ecstasy.
Obediently, you closed your mouth around my member, sucking me. Your
tongue lashed at my shaft, curling and pressing up from under the swelling.
After mere moments you began to slide your lips back and forth along
my shaft, my hands guiding your movements.
As my motions became more
hurried, you unsnapped my pants and pulled them down to my ankles. I
felt the firm grasp of your hands on my ass as you began pulling me
into your mouth. Then you released my cock and lay down on the floor,
beckoning me to straddle your head.
My first motion was not what
you wanted and you pushed me forward so that your face was between my
"Stroke your cock,"
you told me.
I began stroking and found
that you were motioning me to settled further down. Obedient to the
moment I settled, greeted by the feel of your darting tongue on my dangling
sack. The sensation thrilled me, sending a thrilled shiver up my spine.
As I became used to the sensation
I found myself being pushed forward, even as I was motioned further
downward. Then I felt your tongue darting between my cheeks, probing
at the hole between. I thought that I should have been put off by this
action, but I was not.
A whisper from between my
legs told me that you wanted to taste me when I climaxed. Then the tongue
returned to work, probing between my cheeks. The probing flicks of tongue
turned to licks, short and then long. Then you sucked at my sensitive
hole, pushing your tongue into me. I was moaning, climbing the agonizing
road to climax.
"Does it feel good,
lover?" You asked, briefly pulling from my hole.
"Yes!" I growled,
as you returned to licking, probing and sucking.
I cannot remember how it
came to be that you ended up on your knees in front of me. I can only
remember the intensity and the enthusiasm with which you sucked as I
came, swallowing every drop of fluid that spewed forth.
I remember thinking, later
that night, that I was a blessed man.
The sound of a horn rips
me from my ruminations. I realize that I have wandered into the parking
lot. In front of me looms a small car; it's lights staring at me. Quickly,
I move out of the way allowing the lights to progress.
It's time for me to head
home to you. I can take no more of this.
The ride home is without
incident. Rain pelts the windshield as I drive. Lights in the distance
blur with each drop of rain, only to be brought into focus by the redundant
swish of the windshield wipers.
The ride is interminably
long, and yet it seems to have only taken a few moments. It's funny
how that happens; arriving someplace and having little recollection
of how you managed it.
For a long time I sit in
my car, my energy nearly sapped. The reunion was difficult. There were
so many different faces asking so many of the same questions. I would
never have gone had you not wanted to go so badly. I only wish you could
have gone too.
Finally, I work up the energy
to exit the car and make my way into our home. Opening the door, I step
inside expecting your greeting, knowing it is not to come.
The house is dark but for
the light in our bedroom. Slowly, I make my way to our room, glancing
over to your beautiful form as I enter. You look so peaceful and beautiful
lying there. I wait for you to stir, feeling foolish at my hope.
My note is still on the dresser
- poetic I hope. It's probably not, though.
I open the drawer to withdraw
the object of necessity. It is necessary. I had hoped it wasn't. But
It happened so fast. They
said that it was too late when they caught it - gave you
6 months. They were wrong. Three weeks later I sit here on the bed,
my note repeating
itself in my head. "In her love I had life. With her passing I
have death. No, it's probably not poetic: accurate but not poetic.
I lay down beside you: by
Putting the revolver to my
head I can hear the sound of the cylinder rotating as it aligns the
cartridge with the barrel. It's so loud - deafening, really.
It's funny how one can fear
what one must have. I only wonder if I have the courage to do what I