Part 38 - On Being Gay
"Paula?" Sasha pulls on my hand slightly and makes me stop. We had been walking for a good 5 minutes and were by the fountain in the middle of campus. Sasha let's go of my hand and sits down on the brick wall that surrounds the fountain. I walk over and sit next to her.
"What's up Sasha?" I ask quietly, taking her hand in mine.
"I don't think I'm going to make it to that party." She says apologetically.
"No problem" I say as I look down ahead of us. Sil and her gang aren't waiting up for us. They slowly dissappear and then turn right behind the large dorms.
"Well, where do you live?" I ask.
"Right there." Sasha replies, pointing to a dorm door only a few short steps from the fountain. The yellow light above the door illuminates the small block of sidewalk in front and the door has a large metal handle, the kind you find only on doors people aren't supposed to go into with a lock in the middle. Sasha makes an uneasy attempt to stand and walk toward the door so I get up and help her. I have no idea what I'm going to do if she turns and says good night, leaving me to fend for myself. I don't know where the party is and I don't know how to get back to Karen's from here. Never mind that I'm not wearing anything but jeans and a coat.
"Listen...I really don't want you to split yet." Sasha says, looking at me.
"What? I'm not going anywhere. If you want me here, I'm here." I reply, releaved.
Sasha's dorm room is very clean and very cosy. Her roommate is obviously gone for the weekend because there is little of her stuff laying around, either that or she is really anal and has it all stashed away. Sasha throws her keys onto the bed and goes for the little fridge they have hidden under one of the desks. She pulls out a bottle of water and takes a long drink before offering it to me. I take a sip from the bottle and the relief of the cool water makes me realize just how parched my throat had become.
Sasha literally falls onto the bed, grabs the cover and rolls up inside it. She doesn't move for a long time, so I sit on her roommates bed and watch her laying there. Beside the bed, built into the wall is a desk on which sits a nice laptop. Beside that is a printer and on the shelves above is a microwave. Hanging abover Sasha's bed are several neatly framed japanese prints and some photos of, I can only assume, her family. Looking at the people in the family, it's obvious that Sasha's parents have money.
Sasha turns back to me and reaches out a hand for me to come to the bed with her. I take off my coat and lay it over her desk chair before slipping into bed. I curl up behind her and she invites my hands to wrap around her small waist. Spooning up behind her I snuggle in tight, enjoying the warmth of her body and the semi-comfortable bed. It doesn't take long to realize that Sasha is already asleep and within minutes I'm out as well.
I wake up because Sasha has suddenly jumped up in the bed, pulling the covers off me. Daylight invades the room like an unwelcome guest and I have to cover my eyes against the blinding sunlight that streams through the window. Then I hear a voice beside us.
"You know, if you were a lesbo you should have told me."
Sasha curls up into a ball on the bed and I prop myself up on my elbows to see her roommate, jaw open wide as she notices I'm topless...oh, and my nipple rings I suppose. I take a look at her and she isn't much. She is normal in every sense of the word. Her hair is brown and unimpressive, her face is bland and boring, her choice in clothes are nothing but ordinary, the only thing unique about her is the look on her face as she struggles to take in the scene before her.
"Umm..it's...we...it's...oh..." Sasha is struggling hard with this. I feel bad for the poor girl.
"Lesbo?" I ask.
The roommate looks at me puzzled, not sure what to make of me now that I actually speak.
"What? You guys aren't?" She asks in a southern drawl.
"No way!" I calmly reply and get up, grabbing my coat and pulling it on.
"So where is your clothes? I mean if you are gay Sasha, you are so totally out of here. I am NOT going to be roommates with a lesbo slut."
"God, calm down! What is your mental damage?" I get in the girl's face. "Fuck, you need to really get a fucking grip."
This pissed the girl off and she started to get up and then someone appeared at the door. It was the RA and she was all like, "What is going on here?"
"Nothing, I was just leaving." I turn to Sasha and she still looks like someone just put a gun in her face. "Thanks for letting me crash here last night. We have both got to make a vow never to drink again! Now if I can just find my fucking shirt! Woooo!" Then I turn to the roommate, "But hey, if you are so worked up about lesbians, you know what they say?"
"No, what do they say?" she spits out.
"Takes one to know one." I laugh.
Karen's door is locked and there is a note on the door. I take the note down and begin to read.
Somehow I knew you would do something like you did. I can't believe that I have been allowing you to stay in my home. After all I've done for you and all I believed, you have betrayed everything. You have betrayed my trust, my friendship, our love, everything! I don't know why I ever thought that you loved me and that we could be happy together. I've been up all night crying, hoping that you would come back home and try to make things work. Instead you were out having...nevermind. You aren't someone that I want around, you aren't what I thought you were. You aren't welcome in my home, in my life. I've included enough money here for you to get home only because I know you don't have any and I know you aren't totally an adult yet. I think, looking back on things, that is my problem. I think I believed that you could be an adult, that you could act like an adult and that we could somehow form a life together. Instead you have done nothing but behave like a spoiled child and I think now it's time you go back home and face the music. I think you and your mother need to work this thing out between you and I had hoped I could help. But you are own your own, I think that is how you would prefer it.
Goodbye Paula. May your life take you in better directions. For now I only see you on a mission to self destruct.
As much as the letter should have made me sad, it only made me angry. I mean I know that I didn't do Karen right, but God! What the fuck did she expect? I was just going out to a party, I was just trying to have a little fun. This is the whole problem with her and I am not going to fucking go home and "face the music". What the hell does Karen know? What the hell does anyone know?
I crumpled the letter up and threw it at her door! I stormed away and started down the drive toward the street. It was a long fucking walk to get to Sil's house but that was the only place I had left to go. I would just have to walk it. That's when Sister Amy's car pulled up and I nearly died of a heart attack! What was she doing here? I was both pleasantly surprised and horribly ashamed.
"Paula!" Sister Amy called out and smiled. "I've been looking for you. I hoped to find you here."
Now that was a surprise, why was she looking for me?
On to part 39: Falling Apart