Part 30 - Coming Out of the Closet
Later I found myself marching
down the street with a huge group of lesbians and gays. I was
right in the middle of this huge Gay and Lesbian demonstration.
We marched and marched until we came to this big downtown area.
Trying to take advantage of the people who were being so nice
to me, I started asking people for money to get some food. Soon
I found myself fighting with this big butch dyke about if I was
a real poor kid or a rich brat out to hustle a few bucks. Of course
my temper got the best of me and before I even knew it the words
are coming out of my mouth and I'm telling this big dyke to go
fuck herself! Of course she didn't like that very much and she
tells me to get the hell outta here and starts coming at me. Her
friends start to try to get in her way, but you can just tell
this girl isn't the kind of motorcycle dyke that is used to people
getting in her way. She just shoves past them and completely knocks
me to the ground. Oh my GOD, I'm like blown away! Stunned! I just
sat there on the ground like an idiot and watched her smirk, then
someone is taking my hand, picking me up. At first I don't even
know who it is. I can feel the unmistakable sting of tears and
I am afraid to look at the person helping me.
"Paula?" this person asks.
I look up, expecting...hoping...to see someone I know. Even though
it was a bright, sunny day, I was in this nightmare. I was hungry,
dirty, and completely lost. Lost in a way that you can only be
when you've gone so far down that path of despair that the only
way to get back out is to give yourself up to hell. I was ready
to do that and kept hoping that someone would save me. So when
I heard my name I nearly lost it, I nearly turned to hug the person
who knew me! But it wasn't who I expected.
"Holy shit! Wha...what are you doing here?" I asked
rudely. The lady cop who had picked me up on the street stood
there kinda laughing at me and answered, "Well, I was going
to ask you the same thing."
For some reason we both just started laughing. I think I needed
to laugh, I needed it so bad my body rippled with the laughter.
"We seem to have a habit of running into each other. Are
you trying to tell me something?" She asked.
"God, I wish I knew what the hell I am doing. Did you just
see what happened? I'm like a psycho magnet, you may not want
to get too close."
"Did you know that woman?" The lady cop asked. I was
going to answer her but I noticed that she was in her uniform.
She wasn't here for the parade, she wasn't a dyke I guess. She
was being a cop, doing cop stuff.
"No, I don't know her. She just didn't like me being here
I guess." It was a lame answer and I could see by the downturned
corner of her mouth that she didn't think it was very good either.
"You know?" She asked, starting to tell me something,
"you look like you need a good meal and someone to talk to."
I could have kissed her!
"Think you can hang here until 4 and then I'll come by and
pick you up?"
"Yeah...sure. I mean, where are you going to take me?"
I asked, not really trusting her. I mean, after all, she is a
"Where ever you want to go."
At dinner I started to get food into me and it's
like everything in my head just started to spill out. The little
restaurant was perfect for me to talk without feeling like everyone
in the world was listening. The ceilings were tall, the tables
spread out and the noise level steady and heavy enough for you
not to be able to hear any particular conversation. So I told
her everything, well everything that I felt comfortable telling
her. I don't know if she believed me or not, but she had this
look on her face like she was going to cry. I couldn't understand
how in the hell she could ever be a cop. But I think I could tell
she was a good person and that was enough for me to just spill
"Listen Paula, I don't want you on the streets tonight. I
doubt this is very smart of me, but I'm going to offer for you
to come to my place and sleep. I'm not sure what we are going
to do next, but after a good nights sleep you can tell me what
YOU want to do. Does that sound like a good idea?"
Was she kidding? I started crying. I mean weeping right there
and she came over and put her arm around me and held me close.
I buried my head into her shoulders and let the tears flow. She
looked at me and brushed a few strands of hair out of my eyes
and asked, "So is that a yes?"
"Oh God yes! Are you kidding me?!" I smiled back into
her eyes and at that moment she looked like the most beautiful
woman I had ever seen.
She lived in a small apartment
right outside of town. Her cop car was parked in the parking lot
and she went to it to take some things out before we headed inside.
The inside of her apartment was very cute, very homey. She had
the typical rented apartment rug but she had decorated the place
with comfortable furniture and there was a dining table in the
kitchen area, little spices on the bar that separated the kitchen
from the living room. She had a little cross-stitch framed picture
that had a small house and the words, 'Home is where the heart
is' written above it. Lots of pictures of what was probably her
family hung around the room and she had the potpourri bowl in
the middle of the coffee table. She was everything that no one
I knew was, she was domesticated.
"Listen, if you want to take a shower there are towels in the
closet and washcloths."
"Man!! I could fucking die for a shower now!" I nearly ran for
the bathroom. Her bathroom was set up like you see in good housekeeping.
She had the little soaps on the counter and matching decorative
towels on the rail and a cover for the toilet with matching rug.
I kicked off the flip flops and peeled off the shorts and shirt.
I quickly turned on the water and as soon as it was close to being
hot enough, I slipped under. The shower
was clean and the water felt amazing! It felt like years of grime
were coming off.
After an amazing shower, the last thing I wanted to do was put
those clothes back on. Instead I wrapped her big fuzzy towel around
me and I kicked the clothes in the corner. I longed for a toothbrush
and for a moment I seriously thought about using hers, but decided
that was way too crude. I took a little tooth paste and put it
on my finger then rubbed it hard over my teeth. It didn't really
get rid of that fuzzy feeling that had been growing, but it helped.
Then I went back into the living room.
"Feel better?" Karen asked.
"God Karen, you don't even know! I don't know how I'm going
to be able to pay you back for all this, but I'm totally in your
"Listen Paula, I'm just happy to know that you aren't going
to be out on some street or back with those people again. I wish
you had said something at the station, we could have made sure
that you got put with someone who could get you home." then
she paused for a minute and tried to recover, "or...you know...with
a real friend."
"Well, I thought Desire was a real friend. I thought she
would help me out. Damn, you just have to be careful, you know?"
As I answered her, I could see that she was avoiding looking at
me. I guess it was odd for me to be coming out in only a towel,
but I wasn't really worried. Plus sleep was starting to kick in,
it was like I was there, but not there.
"Thanks for the date." I said.
"Date? What are you talking about, "Date"."
She said defensively. There was even a little tone of anger in
"It wasn't a date? And here I was thinking you were cute
too." I pushed and before she could even answer, I was lying
on the couch, going to sleep. I barely remember the feeling of
cold as she took the towel off me. For a moment my brain got more
alert and I half expected her to start to fondle me or do something
to me. But instead I felt a soft blanket fall over me and I was
I wake up the next morning to Karen getting ready
for work. She looks down at me when she sees me starting to stir
and she whispers, "Paula, I'm sorry but I have to go to work.
So feel free to help yourself to anything in the fridge and I'm
going to be crazy and trust you to not take off."
"Hmmm...I'm not going anywhere." I whisper back.
"Good, because we need to figure out what we are going to
Then my eyes adjust and I see her standing there, staring at me.
The blanket has fallen down around my hips and my body is half
exposed. I can't tell, but my instinct says she is checking me
out! So I yawn and stretch, giving her a better view. She turns
quickly and grabs her stuff off the table.
"Be good." She says softly, then the door shuts.
Later I am still not about to put back on those
clothes and so I sit naked and watch TV for a while. I get bored
and hungry so I go find something to eat. After eating a bowl
of cereal and watching some stupid game shows, I start to explore
a little. There isn't much to see in her living room, nothing
much to get into so I find myself going to her bedroom. In her
bedroom the light is very dim, the curtains over the windows blocking
out much of the light and creating a soft light about the room.
Her bed is made and beside the bed is a round bedside table. On
the table she has some typical things like tissues and a picture
frame and lipstick. I open the drawer and more typical things.
I then go over to her vanity and start to poke around through
her stuff. I open her drawers there too and start to go through
her clothes, looking for something to put on. All her panties
are wadded up in one drawer, her bras in another and I take out
a bra. I didn't even really notice, but she is a double D! I wouldn't
have put her as being that big, but I think she doesn't like to
show it. I look in the mirror and try on her bra. The thing nearly
engulfs my entire chest! I look like a dumb school girl trying
on her mother's clothes so I throw the bra back in the drawer.
I take out some panties and suddenly picture her in them. I can
see her pulling them up her thighs, around her hips, the fabric
hugging her crotch as she pulls them up tight. For a moment I
think of myself kneeling before her, my face right in front of
that beautiful crotch and I start rubbing my fingers up and down
my slit. I'm already wet and my fingers slide over my little pussy,
spreading the lips open as I imagine pulling her panties down
with my teeth. I fall onto her bed with the panties in my hand
and then I bring them up to my face, breathing in her scent! My
fingers are deep inside my pussy now, getting nice and wet and
then I start to play with my clit. It doesn't take me long to
spread my creamy wetness around my clit and get myself worked
up. Then with her panties practically in my mouth, I start to
cum! Mmmmmm...I can feel my whole body shake as I masturbate with
her panties. I swear if she came walking in that moment I would
have just attacked her.
After a few minutes of laying there with my legs spread wide and
playing with myself, I got up to check out the other drawers.
The bottom two drawers were larger, running the length of the
vanity. So I opened them and found a shirt that looked like it
would fit and threw it on the bed. Then I started looking through
her jeans. None of them would fit me, so I kept moving around,
going down and in the corner I found a small black box. A long
box. I thought to myself, "No way!" But I knew, even
before I opened it, that it was exactly what I thought it was.
I pulled out a slim, plastic vibrator. But better yet was what
was under the box. A stack of magazines. Not just any magazines,
lesbian sex magazines!
I knew it! I fucking knew it!
I flipped through them, going through image after image of these
dykes fucking each other, licking each other's pussys and tying
each other up. The magazines were kinky shit. Some of them even
had women being tied up and spanked and I was very turned on looking
at them and thinking about Karen doing this to me! I turned on
her vibrator and laid down on the bed with magazine in hand. I
let the vibrator slid over my clit, teasing it, playing with myself.
I started to move it around my pussy, letting my slippery juices
lubricate the vibrator nicely. I dropped the magazine beside me,
and put my hand to my little breast. I started to pinch my nipples
hard and then I slipped the vibrator down inside me. I pushed
it in as deep as it would go. The dry part of the vibrator starting
to stick and so I pulled it back out, pushing it in deeper each
time. My pussy quickly lubricated the vibrator so that it would
move all the way inside me. The whole thing I was doing was so
dirty, so wrong! Here I was in Karen's apartment, fucking myself
with her vibrator and laying on her bed.
I wanted more! I wanted her to come home and walk in and fuck
me. Well, be careful what you wish for, you just might get something
like it, but not quite.
"What in the FUCK are you doing!!" Karen yelled from
"Oh god! Karen!" I jumped up and nearly couldn't get
the vibrator out of me.
"Give me those!" Karen jerked the magazine off the bed
and then started to take the vibrator, then thought better of
it and just threw the magazine down and stormed out of the room.
I jumped up and ran out to her.
Karen is sitting on the couch, obviously angry, obviously raging
"Listen, I was trying to find some clothes. I mean nothing
you have will fit me so I was going through your stuff...and..."
"I would hope that you could tell my clothes wouldn't fit
you by looking at me. Why? I mean....what in the hell?"
"I know...I guess I just got.."
"You should just ask, you shouldn't just go through someone's
stuff!." she looks at me and frowns, "Can you put some clothes
on? I want to eat some lunch and you being nude makes me uncomfortable."
Geesshh! Who pissed in her cornflakes? So I get dressed in the
Tee that I had put on the table and I come back out.
She makes some sandwiches and we sit eating, not talking. I look
at her and she looks at me and we sit there staring at each other.
After some time of this I start to feel odd, like I should do
something. It's obvious she wants to do something, it's obvious
she likes me. This is so stupid! So I lean over the table and
I kiss her. Both of us keep our eyes open, but her's open wide.
She doesn't really respond to my kiss, but she doesn't really
jerk away either. So then I kiss her again, this time trying to
slip my tongue through her stiffly pressed lips. Finally she gives
way, letting my tongue start to explore her mouth and as she does
my body instinctively presses into hers. She puts her hand up,
I think only to put her hand around me but it slips under my shirt.
Soon she is cupping my breast and starts to massage it a little
roughly. But just as I'm starting to enjoy this, starting to feel
her relax, she pushes me away.
"I have to go."
"What? What did I do?" I ask.
"Nothing...it's just...it's me. Listen, I gotta go. Don't worry,
I'm not gonna kick you out, but we are going to have to find you
a place to stay soon."
"Listen, Karen, let's talk about this..don't go! Wait!" but she
is out the door before I can do anything to stop her.
For the longest time after she walked out I just sat there, my
legs straddling her chair and my hands wringing my shirt. Her
shirt. I was feeling sorry for myself again, letting myself get
into shit that was way over my head. I mean what was I thinking?
I had a chance to stay in Karen's apartment and already I had
fucked things up! I probably needed professional help. I must
me one of those pathetic nymphomaniacs that can't keep from fucking
anyone who is nice to her. It's really sad, I know. But I need
to get in control. I know that. So I have to calm down and I have
to call Tina. That's it. It doesn't matter how stupid I look and
it doesn't matter what anyone thinks, I have to call Tina and
find out what is going on. Maybe my Mom'll let me come back home
and I can finish up school and then I'll be out of her hair. You
"No fucking way?" Tina yells!
"Yes way! But check this out Tina, I totally didn't even
believe that she was a lesbian. So here I am with my tongue down
her fucking throat and she is like going all up my shirt!"
"You are such a slut! I can't even believe it!" Tina
said. But she sounded different. Almost like this was bothering
her, like she didn't really want to hear it. So I changed the
"So have you seen my Mom?"
"No, I haven't. My Mom tried to call her a couple of times
but she hasn't returned her call. My Mom said that if we hear
from you that you should call your Aunt. She said that she would
let you stay with them."
"What?! No way am I staying with her and her perverted son.
Oh God, that is so gross. So your Mom doesn't want me to...I mean
can't I stay with you guys?"
There was silence.
"If it were up to me, you could come and live her."
a long pause and I almost started to cry, "But Mom and Dad
are pretty pissed that you brought the cops here and then just
took off! They care about you, but you know...this was pretty
She was talking to me like I didn't know that I had fucked up,
it pissed me off. I wiped away a tear and said, "Oh, it's
cool." but it wasn't.
"So what are you going to do?" Tina asked.
"I'm going to call Meredith and see if she has seen my Mom
"Good idea" Tina said.
"Yeah...then I guess I'll call my Mom and leave a message
if she isn't there."
"Do you think that lady cop is going to kick you out?"
"Yeah, if not for trying to get in her pants then once she
sees this phone bill." I laughed. Tina laughed back and said
she better go then. I told her I loved her and she said she loved
me back. It made me feel better.
Meredith was really stand off-ish on the phone. She acted like
I was some stranger and she needed to go. But she did say she
hadn't seen my Mom so I thanked her and we hung up without much
fanfare. Then I called my Mom. I waited for the phone to pick
up and prepared to be yelled at, or hung up on. But I got the
answering machine. I had to call back twice before I could muster
enough bravery to leave a message.
"Mom? It's Paula. I know I fucked up bad this time but I
want to come home. I'm staying with this cop and so things are
cool but I don't really want to be here anymore. I want to come
home, I'm.....you know? I guess I'm sorry." and I hung up.
On to Part 31: A night with Karen