I  Tried


By Candy



Part 11 of my life in So. California

© 2010


Really, when the school year ended I hadn’t heard from anybody.  Not Jimmy (he cut all ties, too afraid of going with a sixteen year old.)  Not Ed Ibanez (maybe I’m ‘too old’ for him now; though he always said I could act rings around the other girls.)  Not Alan (we spoke by phone around the first of the year, but not since, and he was noncommittal anyway about seeing me.)  Not Cassie (I had no idea where she was, making porn movies somewhere, forgetting all about Redondo and Torrance, and me, I guess.)

I supposed I should have been happy since I wanted to be a regular teen girl, and I went practically the whole year without any drama, and no sex either.  My reality of normal, it seemed.

The journey through tenth grade was smooth enough.  My grades were almost as good as they’d been last year, and that was pretty excellent.  I’d made the JV team in one sport but mostly warmed the bench.  I didn’t have a boyfriend, and I began to realize that after all my experiences of the last couple of years, any boy my age would have a difficult time measuring up (and that’s not a pun).  I had plenty of girl friends though.  I’m very sexually attracted to one of my friends, but my subtle hints have been ignored so far and I don’t want to push it and potentially lose her friendship.

I never have the same intensity of orgasms from masturbation as I do from real sex, and so my ‘love life’ has been as bland as it has been self-administered.  I kept writing sexy fiction stories, channeling my arousals into prose instead.  I wrote the story “1909” from school studies about race relations, and I was particularly proud of it beyond how hot it was.  A few more jumped from my keyboard after that.

I’d kept in touch with Gerry; both of us knowing we had that time together two summers ago but that we would never do it again.  I kept in touch with a few of my “pen pals” as I like to think of them: Brian in England, Larry in Australia, etc., e-mailing often.  I try to answer all my “fan mail” from ASSTR readers.  Most are nice, though some are basically pervs who write stupid things.  I don’t get angry; since I’ve had to understand how men think from the time I lost my virginity and decided to write all about it.  I’ve also developed a nice relationship with another author on ASSTR, Donna M., speaking with her often, even if I get lectured at like my mother would if she knew everything I’d done.

So there I was, July 1st, enjoying a few days at the beach with friends before I began my summer job, when I got a call.  It was Alan!  Juices flowed simply hearing his voice.

“You know I can’t stop thinking about you Candy.”

“Then why don’t you call?  I called you a bunch of times and all I got was voice mail.”

“I know, I know, I’ve been away on shoots, in Arizona and New Mexico, and I figured I would call you, but you know how it is…”

Yes, I knew how it was.  Our phone call went on like that for a while.  My friend, Hannah (no, not the one I lusted after) sat next to me, perplexed by my half of the conversation.  Her facial expression almost made me laugh.  Alan told me he was going to be back in California to make more movies and was hoping we could hook up.  I told him that coming up with an excuse my parents would buy was more difficult than in the past, which in reflection sounded strange to me seeing I’m older now—sixteen and a half.  I promised I’d call him soon.

Hannah was all questions about the call.  “Who was that?  A man?!”

I was not forthcoming with answers, mostly dodging them and changing the subject.

When I got home, my thoughts of Alan kicked my libido into overdrive.  I went into the bathroom, sat on the toilet, and let my fingers do their thing.  Unlike other times I’ve masturbated, this time I orgasmed quickly.  I couldn’t wait to be in Alan’s arms again.  To have his lips on mine.  To feel his strong arms hold me.  To feel him between my legs.  To feel him deep within me.

When I saw Hannah the next day, she wouldn’t leave my telephone call alone.  “You gonna tell me who you were talking with yesterday?”

“No, I’m not.”

“Yes!!  For sure it’s an older man!  Is he like in college?  How does he know you?  Come on, you’ve got to tell me.”

“I don’t have to tell you anything, but yes, he’s older, so you can’t tell anyone, okay?”

“Oh girl, I can see it on your face.  You had sex with him!  I know it…an older man!”

“That’s it.  I’m not saying anything more.”

She kept hounding me for details but I said nothing.  As she kept asking questions, I got the impression that she wasn’t a virgin either.  We never spoke in detail about our experiences, mostly because I couldn’t share mine with her.  Hannah and I had a strange bond, a friendship born through our differing yet shared insecurities.  She was and has always been overweight.  I think she’s cute but to boys she’s not even on the radar screen.  I’m like the opposite; stick-skinny and way petite, with too-small tits and a nose I’ll never be happy with.  I’ve had grown men lust after me yet, like Hannah, boys (the cute ones, at least) don’t seem to see me at all.

I managed to extricate myself from Hannah without giving away any of my secrets, nevertheless I still had no idea how I could get away to be with Alan.  Well, I did have an idea, but Alan himself would have to come through.  I gave him a call.

“Hi there, sweetheart.  Did you figure out how to get away?’

“Not yet,” I said.  “I was hoping you could help me.  Remember my friend Cassie?”

“You mean the oversexed blonde you got into the business?”


“What does she have to do with anything?”

“If I can contact her, maybe she could be my excuse like last year.  Do you know how I can get in touch?”

“I’ll give Dana a call.  I think she’s been working for him, last I heard.”

“You don’t like her, do you?” I asked him, since I heard something in his voice.  “You’ve worked with her, right?  Without me?”

“Yes I have.”  He hesitated, giving me several moments of dead air, then he said, “Candy, hon, I think she’s into some heavy drugs.”

“You know that for a fact?”

“No…not exactly, but she’s…she’s kinda fucked up, I think.  Has to be drugs.”

I was devastated.  The older girl had been a special friend for a while.  I couldn’t imagine her doing drugs.  “You’ll still get her number for me, won’t you?” I asked.

Alan called me a few days later with Cassie’s number.  I built up my courage and made the call.  When she answered her voice sounded dull and unemotional, though she did say she was glad to hear from me. She told me about the videos she’d worked on.  I was sad listening to her, since her voice betrayed what I feared most; she wasn’t the ‘star’ she thought she’d be, yet she didn’t know what else to do.

I wanted to apologize for getting her into the life in the first place.  A thought popped into my head, wondering if she was hooking too; which would be doubly sad.  I felt badly but this wasn’t the time to think about her.

“Remember how you told my parents the story about going to a camp when we really did the movie in Barstow?  Could you like, do it again for me?  Alan will be in the Valley in a couple of weeks and I have to see him.”

“You in it?” she asked.

“The movie?  No, not this time,” I said.

“Have you made any more?”

“I really don’t want to.”

“You’ve changed your tune.”

“C’mon Cass, don’t be like that, okay?  I’m asking a favor that’s all.  I know it’s been a while, but I do want to know how you’re doing.”

“I’m fine,” was the extent of her answer.  This was so awkward.

“I miss you, you know.  We had a lot of fun together didn’t we?  Remember the hot tub party at Pete’s house?”

She laughed, saying, “How could I forget that one?  Yeah, Squirt, we did have fun.  You doing good in school?”

I knew this might be a touchy subject with her, since she never did well and dropped out.  I answered, “I did okay.  Good grades.  Two more years of high school to go, then I’ll be off to college.”

“That’s great, Squirt.  You’re gonna be famous someday.”

Finally, I got the conversation back around to a plan.  She admitted that she’d be making another movie at a Topanga Canyon ranch, which wasn’t very far from where Alan would be working.  We discussed the particulars of how she would come to my place and spin the web for my parents.

My summer job was now doubly boring drudgery, waiting for the day I could quit and see Alan.  I masturbated that night in bed, thinking of him making love to me over and over again.

When Cassie picked me up on the fateful day, I was actually relieved at her appearance since I had imagined far worse.  The rebellious spark that had attracted me to the older girl was pretty much gone.  She did look more sophisticated, though the word that came to mind was aloof (yes, another word I learned in school), though I figured my dad would still drool.

If they saw any change in her they didn’t let on.  My father reacted as he always did to Cassie—like a man.  He was checking her out so openly I knew mom would get real jealous, so I made sure we got right into our spiel about the fictitious camp Cassie wanted me to attend.  Cassie told them it was for girls to get away from the pressure of boys and sex and learn to be self-reliant.  I don’t think I have any problems with self-reliance, but I went along with her, and the best plan we could come up with.  My parents asked plenty of questions, but quick-witted Cassie had all the answers.  She may be different, but she could still sling bullshit like no one else.

The bottom line: they fell for it.  Like usual, I felt bad for lying to them once again.  They deserved better, and someday I would make it up to them, but for now I knew what I needed to do.


The singular thought that permeated every cell, every pore.

When Cassie picked me up to drive north, my panties were damp, and I could hardly breathe thinking of him.  Before we hit the 405, I thought I saw Jimmy’s Xterra, though it was difficult sometimes to distinguish cars when they’re all coated in southern California smog-dust.

She must have seen it too.  “You still seeing him?”

“Jimmy?  No.  He’s like too chicken to date me because of my age, so I guess it’s over.”

She laughed, “He wasn’t too chicken to pop your cherry when you were thirteen, was he?”

“Don’t say it like that.  He’s a nice guy, and I understand.”

On the way, we mostly talked about her movies and who she’d had scenes with.  She told me a story about Big Rod, one of the guys I made the Cleopatra movie with.  One day he had a hard time getting it up so he took two Viagra pills, and after that he said it was so hard it ached, and all the actresses didn’t want to do it with him because he was now even bigger and fatter than before.  I knew how big he normally was, so maybe I couldn’t blame them.  Cassie finally admitted that she wasn’t entirely happy with the movies and the money, complaining about how she felt she was getting screwed in her pay as she was getting screwed on video.  Normally I would’ve laughed at her joke, but now I wondered even more if she was augmenting her income in some other way.  She tried to get me to tell her how much money I’d made the last couple of years doing movies for Ed Ibanez, but I wouldn’t tell her.

She drove up canyon roads and I was immediately lost.  Eventually we wound down toward the valley.  She pulled into a curved driveway and through an open ornate gateway.  Unlike some of the adjacent properties, this one was lushly landscaped, which likely provided the privacy necessary for what would be going on here.  I wondered who owned it and how they got away with the water usage the place probably required to keep everything green.

As a woman I didn’t know came out to greet us, Cassie said “Here you are, Squirt.  I hope you have fun.  Say hi to everyone for me.  If Santiago’s here, give him a kiss for me, okay?”

“He’s not in the movie you’re making?”

“No, I haven’t seen him a while.  Don’t know where he’s at.”

She kissed me on the cheek, wished me luck, made sure I had her number to call for a ride home, and then took off in a cloud of dust kicked up by spinning tires.

The woman introduced herself as Maddy, and wondered who I was.  I told her my name and that I was a guest of Alan’s.  She seemed confused and wanted to know more, probably thinking that I was going to be in the movie and she didn’t know who I was.  Still confused, she helped me with my stuff and into the house.

“Candy, Candy, Candy…” Alan said as he came to me and picked me up off the floor and kissed me long and hard. 

If Maddy was confused before, she was even more confused now.  “I’ll leave you two alone,” she said, before walking away.

When we stopped kissing, I told Alan how much I missed him.  It was so special being here, and in his strong arms once more.  I sensed that a part of my love of this—my love of Alan—is how safe and secure I feel in his arms, since I’m a petite girl and he’s a strong virile hunk of a man.

“We’ll stow your things in our bedroom and then go out back to the pool for introductions,” he said, and I was so ecstatic hearing him say “our” bedroom.

“Are you sure it’s okay for me to be here?  That lady, Maddy didn’t look happy.  Is she like a director’s assistant, or is she an actress?”

“Maddy thinks she’s an actress, just like she thinks she has to know everything that’s going on.”

“Who is directing?”

“His name’s Richard, and if you call him Dick he’ll drown you in the pool.”

I laughed.  “Thanks for the warning.”

On the way to the bedroom, we ran into one of the actors I’d worked with before, Alex, and he gave me a kiss too.  I was feeling so good, since I really loved all these guys I’ve made movies with because they’ve all treated me so well.  I used to wonder if they simply lusted after me because they were like pedophiles and I was a very young teen.  Now I realize that most if not all of them respect me like a grown-up, and maybe want to protect me like they would a younger sister.  That’s a much better feeling.

Alan already had shorts on, so I got undressed and put on my bikini, marveling how easy it had become for me to undress in front of a man.  He said, “You’re starting to fill out a bit, Candy girl...looking nice in that suit.”

I squeezed one of my breasts and said, “I don’t think these are doing much ‘filling’ out.”

“Look good enough to eat.”

“You start talking like that and we’ll do it right now, and never meet anyone else.”

“There’ll be plenty of time for that…plenty of time,” he said before taking me in his arms and kissing me again.

Oh yes, I wanted him now!  I was squishy wet down there and getting wetter by the second.  I mumbled, “Let’s go out back before I melt completely.”

He gently placed a hand at my crotch and said, smiling, “I guess so.  You are melting.”  He pulled his hand back up and licked his fingers.  I almost raped him right there.

But I didn’t.  We went out to the pool, meeting folks along the way.  I met the director, Richard, and I was happy to see that his chief camera guy was Reggie who I’d worked with before.  Of the actors, besides Alex, I knew Horst and Marc from a previous movie.  I knew none of the women.  A couple of the men I didn’t know looked very interested in fucking me.  They’ll be disappointed when they discover I’m not in the cast—and belong to Alan besides.

Horst gave me a kiss and kiddingly asked when I was going to get drunk.

“Like, that’s the only way you can do me,” I kidded him back, remembering how he’d taken me by the pool after I’d gotten drunk on that other set.

Most of them—either through Alan or maybe the other actors who knew me—knew my age.  They probably had some worries beyond the usual but overall they seemed okay with it.  Richard got everyone’s attention and began explaining the scenes being videoed today.  Alan was going to make it with a pretty blonde with giant boobs.  I knew I had to watch though I also knew I’d be jealous.

While Alan was getting ready, Marc sat next to me and struck up a conversation.  “Hi Candy.  I take it you’re not here to be in the movie, right?”

“That’s right.  Alan invited me here to be with him.”

“With only him?” Marc said.  “I mean, do I get a chance to get into that tight little vagina again?”

I thought he was cute, so I told him that yes, he did have a chance, though I felt like I was already cheating on Alan.  What a strange feeling for a sixteen year old to have!

I got to watch all the sex scenes being videoed, and after a few I was REALLY hot.  Watching Alan’s scene pushed me over the edge, so when he was done I dragged him to the bedroom and set to work on getting him hard again—for me.

I sucked his cock better than I’ve ever done, and I was rewarded.  He grew hard in my mouth, and he moaned, “You’re lucky, little girl that I’m not up for a scene the rest of the day.”

“This scene will be just you and me, and it looks like you’re ‘up’ for it,” I said, smiling at him as I climbed atop his magnificent cock. 

I may still be tight for him, but it’s a great fit as far as I’m concerned.  I don’t always have the best orgasms that way, but riding cowgirl has other pleasures.  I loved looking down into his eyes, watching the enjoyment build.  I loved the control it gave me, being able to move at the pace I wanted.  I loved allowing his hands to be free to caress my breasts, to tease my puffy little nipples that get so stiff from his touch.  I loved the way my vagina feels as it clamps down on his cock seconds before I begin to cum.  Oh boy, I thought, this one will be special!

“Ohhhhhhh Alaaaannnnnn, I’mmmmmm cummmmminggggggggggg,” I squealed with delight.

He was going to pull out, but I begged him to cum inside me.  My vagina walls felt every spasm, every ejaculation of his cock deep inside me.  Like I usually do at times like this, I hoped my contraceptive prescription worked, since he was certainly squirting right into my womb.  Lying on his bed afterwards, he tickled me and said, “Now let me save some of that for movie cumshots, okay?”

I laughed and said I would, but I teased him by saying, “That means I’ll have to fuck all the other men here instead.”

He turned serious and told me that I didn’t have to be faithful to him, that if I wanted to, I could have sex with others.  He said it, but I saw he hadn’t meant it.

While we were in bed we missed the remainder of the day’s filming.  We almost missed dinner too, but the crew was nice enough to save some for us.  Sex made us both hungry so we wolfed everything down.  When Alan belched, he was sheepishly apologetic, and I laughed my ass off. 

The cast and crew were hanging out around the house, some by the pool.  All were drinking.  A couple was smoking marijuana.  Alan and I grabbed beers and sat with the others at poolside.

The women, including Maddy, wanted to know all about me.  I told them stuff, like the movies I made for Mr. Ibanez, and I told them about school and things.  One lady wanted to know how old I’d been when I lost my virginity.  When I said thirteen, some thought it was cool and a few shook their heads.  A couple of men joined us and asked more questions.  One of them asked me if I’d been fucked by Ed Ibanez, and when I said yes, I’d done it on camera they were all amazed.  “You took the whole thing?” one of the women asked.  I gave them all the details.  One woman asked about Alan and me.  I told them how we’d met and the scenes we did together and how he was special to me.  Alan hugged me close and told everyone how special I was.  We never used the “L-word” but it was there nonetheless.

Marc sat with us and started telling stories about the scene we did and how good an actress I was.  I felt very proud.  “This girl’s a natural, and God do I wish she could be in this video,” he said.  He was looking at me and I knew he wanted me.  Bad.

In bed later, Alan begged off sex, wanting to be rested—and “ready”—for the next day’s sex scenes.  I was so hot and he knew it, so he did cunnilingus on me until I came, though it wasn’t as great an orgasm as I would have had from his cock in me.  I slept really well.  I sure loved sleeping with a strong man next to me; I felt so warm and secure.

After a community breakfast, where everyone was talking about the activities of the day and who would be filming with whom, Alan got ready for his scene.  He was supposed to be a private detective or something like that and his clients were all seducing him.  He played the “reluctant fuck” (his words), and this morning was working with a girl named Sherri.  She was a blonde, with big tits that had to be fake (weren’t they all?)

I had the usual reactions to watching Alan with another actress: jealousy and arousal.  Maddy stood next to me as I watched the action.  She turned and whispered, “You love him, don’t you?”  I nodded yes.  “Does he?”

“Love me, you mean?  Yes he does.  He cares a lot about me but we both know it can’t go any further than this.”

“That’s too bad.  He’s such a great guy, and I heard you’re good at this sort of thing,” she said. 

“This…’thing,’ you mean making porn?”

“Well, yes, though I hate that word—porn.  It’s adult entertainment, and there shouldn’t be any stigma to the whole thing.  If adults want to watch us in the privacy of their own home then that’s cool, don’t you think?”

“Yeah, it’s cool, I guess.  I kinda like sex so much that I don’t even think about the camera being on when I’m doing it with one of these hunks, especially Alan,” I said.

 “Wow, that sounds like me,” she said.  She stopped talking as we watched Alan give Sherri a massive facial before Richard hollered “Cut!”

I shuddered, thinking once more about making it with Alan, though I didn’t envy Sherri for where he ejaculated.  “I hate facials,” I said, and Maddy laughed.

“I hate ‘em too, though that’s what men like to watch, I guess.”

“When do you do your next scene?” I asked.

“Later today.  I’m doing a three-girl.”  She paused, then asked me, “You ever been with a girl?”


“On camera?”


“You like it?”

“It was cool.”

“I guess what I’m asking is whether you like women more than men.  I’m okay with men, but I basically would rather be with another woman.”

“I guess I’m like the opposite,” I told her.  “I like it with women but I like men much better.”  My thoughts drifted away to memories of Glory and the time we spent together.  It was a special kind of lovemaking between us, with her being much older than me, like a second mother perhaps.

We watched Alan get cleaned up, his scene completed.  Before he came over to see me, Maddy leaned closer and whispered, “Before the week’s done, I’d like to have sex with you.  Is that okay?”

Our eyes met, and I saw the lust.  No matter how many times it’s happened, I can’t get over how men and women want me so, since all I ever see in the mirror is a skinny, small-breasted girl with a funny, fat nose who isn’t particularly pretty.  For whatever reason, their desire always triggers a likewise response in me.

I whispered back, “Yes,” as my breathing halted for a couple of seconds.

“So, how was I?” Alan asked jovially when he joined Maddy and me. 

I can never get enough of seeing his chiseled body and magnificent cock, so I drank in the sight of him before answering.  “So-so, I think.  Maybe your performance would’ve been better if it was me instead of her,” I said.

Maddy thought that was funny, and laughed, as Alan replied, “I think you’re right, Squirt.  That is what Cassie calls you, isn’t it?”

“Don’t you be calling me that now too.”

“Okay, Squirt.”

We joked like that for a while until Maddy asked me how I knew Cassie.  I explained how we met at the beach, and how eventually I got her into this business.  I asked her why she wanted to know about me and Cassie.

“Oh, nothing really.  I worked with her once and she went all bossy-bitch on us, like she was the star and we were just meat.  I guess I don’t like her and I was afraid you were close friends, and not like me for it.”

“Naw, it’s okay.  I know Cass can be like that sometimes.”  My mind drifted to our time in the car on the drive up here, and what Alan had told me about her.

Later, Alan and I watched other people being videoed.  It’s plain to me now how much of a voyeur I’d become; I watch these hard bodies get it on in twosomes, threesomes, and moresomes, and I’d be so horny my pussy itched.  I needed Alan to scratch the itch, but he was too worried about not being ready for his scenes, so I started to think of Marc’s and Maddy’s separate propositions.

I definitely wanted to watch Maddy’s girly threesome.  Girls can pretty much always fake an orgasm, but it was difficult for me to tell if these girls’ cums were tongue-induced reality, or good acting.   They were all very loud, and that turned me on even more.  So, that’s when I went looking for Marc.

He sat at the pool’s edge, dangling his feet in the water.  I sat next to him, but not before taking off my t-shirt, now only wearing my bikini bottoms.  He looked appreciatively at my tits and I felt my nipples correspondingly stiffen.  I know that a lot of men like small, pointy tits like mine, with their slightly puffy areolas, which contrasts with what I’d always believed—that men liked really big ones.

Marc stared at my tits, and said, “They look happy to see me.  Are they?”

I croaked, “What do you think?”

He moved closer and touched one of them, halfway between a caress and a squeeze.  “I think you and I are going to have some fun.”  At that, my crotch grew damp.

We slid into the pool and I slid his swimshorts off of him.  My arousal got the better of me and I did the silly thing of trying to suck his cock underwater.  It didn’t work.  He said it was okay and took that moment to take off my bottoms.  I rubbed his hard cock as he finger fucked me underwater.  We were both so ready to fuck, so we got out of the pool and went to one of the poolside lounge chairs.  He lay down and I got on top of him.  I cowgirled him, whipping myself up and down on his nice, hard cock, going faster and faster until the lounger started to make noises like it was about to collapse under us.  I was so close to cumming and my squealing told him so.

Just then, he got me up and off him, stood, and picking me up, dropped me onto his erection.  This way was a dream of mine, and only Alan had been strong enough to fuck me like that.  My friend, Brian in England had sent me a video link once that showed a petite woman with her arms around the neck of a muscled man by a pool, as he held her and raised then lowered her on his glistening wet cock.  I always thought that was the sexiest vid I ever saw on the web. 

Marc wasn’t as strong or muscular as Alan but he showed me he was fully capable of making this work.  My arms were wrapped around his neck and my legs were around his waist.  Up and down; in and out.  He squeezed my ass cheeks as he held me, raising and lowering me in the long stroke it took to envelop his cock.  He was deep inside me on the down-stroke when my orgasm hit big time.

I screamed and screamed as wave after wave of my orgasm undulated through me.  I never felt or heard him cum but he must have, because when he finally lowered me so my feet were back on the ground, his cock was dripping the last remnants of his ejaculation.

“Baby, you are so hot and so tight.  I still can’t believe you’re only sixteen the way you love to fuck,” Marc said, hugging me to him, before leaning down to kiss me.

I’m learning that on these video shoots, a lot of sex happens off camera, maybe because all these hot bodies are like me and get aroused easily.  What we just did was a fairly normal occurrence, so nobody around the pool said anything, or even acknowledged our sex.  The exception was the intense stare I got from Maddy on the other side of the pool.

I didn’t see Alan around.  Marc must have guessed what I was thinking because he said, “Alan won’t be pissed at you, will he?  I know you two got a thing going.”

“Ah, I don’t think so.  Like, we know that there’s no future for us even though we love each other.”

“Wow...Love...you really both feel that way?”

“Yeah, I guess.  Don’t get me wrong, Marc.  You’re cute and all and sex was fun, but Alan and I are much more than that.”

“That’s sweet.  I understand.  I really do.  Maybe I wish I found the woman who’d feel that way about me.”

“You will someday, because you’re a sweet guy and know how to make a girl feel good.”

“Thanks, but I’m not sure if being in this business hurts or helps.”  He paused, like he was trying to find the right words.  “You know, Candy, I didn’t use the word ‘woman’ lightly.  You’re more woman that most I’ve met.  I really mean that.”

“Oh Marc,” I murmured, jumping into his arms and giving him a big kiss.

Maddy was still giving me the evil eye from the other side of the pool.  I guess Alan was right about her sticking her nose in everyone’s business.  I bet she’ll even tell Alan I made it with Marc.  Would he be jealous?  One thing was for sure, I wasn’t going to sleep with her now.

I went back into the pool, naked and loving it.  Alex and another guy were in there along with one of the actresses whose name I couldn’t remember.  I swam up to them, and Alex grabbed me and held me to him as he playfully described scenes I’ve done for the camera.  I chuckled as he regaled those in the pool with a loud voice with exaggerated stories about my sex scenes in Mr. Ibanez’s movies.

I stopped him, saying while poking him in the ribs, “C’mon, you make the Cleopatra three-on-one sound so gross.  It’s not like I did a DP or anything like that.”

He hefted me over his shoulder so my ass was to everyone gathered around us.  “Right, no anal for this little girl.  Can you guys imagine how freakin’ tight this butthole is?”

Everyone else laughed but me.  “Hey, my vagina’s tight enough for you dildos!” I said, surprising myself.

They all laughed even harder.  “She’s sooooo right about that,” Alex said.  That’s when Alex slid his finger into me.

He finger-fucked me so hard and so well that in less than a minute I was cumming, squealing like I usually do.  His finger went as deep as it could and tickled something inside me and another wave of cumming washed over me and I was wetter than the pool water.  Alex whispered that he could make me cum even more, and then he shocked me by moving his finger to my anus and sliding it into me.  I gasped but didn’t try to stop him.  He finger-fucked my ass with his middle finger at the same time his thumb stroked my clit.  More people gathered around us in the pool.  Some were actually cheering him on.  I never wanted to find out what anal felt like, especially with these porn guys and their big cocks; however Alex’s finger was getting to me, the feeling completely different.

My legs involuntarily thrashed the water as his finger and thumb massaged me, until I screamed, “Oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo Godddddddddddddddddd!” so loudly my shrill voice surely echoed throughout the valley.

Alex kissed me before setting me down shaky-legged in the pool, saying, “See, your ass is as fine a place to cum as your pussy, maybe finer.  You ready for your first real anal?”

I couldn’t answer; maybe still in shock from his assault and my extraordinary climax.  I hadn’t known he was watching until Alan spoke for me.

“Hey Alex, you’ve had your fun, so how about leaving the girl alone, okay?”

“Yeah dude, but if you heard her then you know she had her fun too.”

I looked up at Alan, standing at poolside, his face an indecipherable mask.  I felt guilty for first Marc and then Alex having me, but not guilty enough to deny the fine orgasms I had with them.  “It’s okay…I’m okay, Alan, I really am.”

Without another word he turned and walked back into the house.

Instead of the expected wisecrack, Alex surprised me by apologizing.  “I know you two have a thing going.  I’m sorry for being a jerk.”

I said the same thing to Alex that I’d said to Alan.  “It’s okay.  I like really am okay with what we did.”

Alex gave me another kiss, and said, “Where were girls like you when I was your age?  Go after him, before he gets too pissed off.”  He lifted me high out of the water and set me down on the pool’s rim.

I didn’t care if I was wet and naked.  I went after Alan.  Everyone looked at me funny; a naked teen running through the house, dripping wet meant I must have been quite the spectacle.  I tracked Alan to our bedroom.

“I’m sorry, please forgive me,” I said.

Instead of being angry with me, he smiled and said, “No, I’m the one who should be sorry.  You’re a hot-blooded young lady that understands her sexuality like no one your age.  It’s what I love about you, and what I know I’ll never find in this business.”

I jumped into his arms and gave him a big kiss.

He hollered, “Hey, you’re getting me all wet!”

“So?  You get me wet all the time.”

He laughed.  “See what I mean?  You’re like a sexy little devil.”  Before putting me down, he looked into my eyes and said, “I do love you, you know I do.”  I was going to speak, but my facial expression must have spoken for me, so he continued, “I know, I know, you’re not going to run away with me.  You’re going to go to college and be somebody famous.  If you didn’t do that then you wouldn’t be the woman I know you to be, regardless of your feelings for me.”

He said he loved me!

He called me a woman!

“I love you so much,” I said, then began to cry.

He held me tightly, and if someone saw us it sure would have looked strange: a skinny, naked, crying teen with a wet, tangled mess of hair, standing there being hugged by a tall, muscular, handsome, fully clothed man.

He eventually said, “I know you love me.  I just wish there was some way I could really earn that love short of being selfish and taking you away from your true future.”

I suggested that I get dressed and we go for a ride in his car.  I figured the car would give us some privacy to talk and get us away from the porn scene for a little while.  He had a brand new Charger that was like completely black, even the wheels.  He told me stuff about its engine and how powerful it was but it didn’t mean anything to me.  The car sure looked like it could go fast though.

I asked him if I could drive, and he reluctantly agreed, after asking me if I’d driven before.  I told him I had, though the details of one such drive—driving Gerry’s Lexus through Hollywood—I failed to mention.  I explained how I’d been taking drivers’ ed classes and soon getting my learner’s permit.  He let me get behind the wheel even if he didn’t appear happy about it.

The car sure did want to go fast, hee-hee, but I kept it at or below the speed limit as we drove through the Valley.  I was lost but he seemed to know the area and told me where to turn.

“I’m sorry,” I said.  “I’m sorry for fooling around with Alex and Marc and the other guys.  It just, like, happened.”

“I admit, I did get jealous seeing you with them, but maybe that’s the silliest part; you’re a lusty little teenager and I sure know how much you love sex, so how can I expect anything else?”  I was going to answer, but he shushed me, “Candy, we’ve had talks like this before.  We love each other…yes, I know…but we can’t have a relationship, at least one that’ll work long-term while I’m in this business and you’re in high school.  You are going to college, and I’ll keep doing the only thing I’m...qualified...to do to earn a living.  That’s it.  That’s the way it is.  That’s the way it’ll be.”  He paused, and then said, “I’d tell you again how much I love you, but the way you’re driving we’ll probably end up off the road.”

He was right.  I was so emotionally wrapped up in what he said that I was driving rather erratically.  I pulled over and told him to drive.  As we swapped places, he pulled me to him and kissed me deeply, right there outside the car on the side of the road.  Two cars honked in approval as they drove by.

I was crying, and even kissing didn’t alleviate the pain and confusion.  Back in the car and moving again, I told him that he was correct, I was a horny slut and he was too good for me.

“That’s not what I meant, and you know it.  You’re the one who’s too good for me,” he said, taking his eyes off the road for a second and looking into mine.

“I’ll wait for you.  After college.  Even if you’re still doing this, I’ll understand as long as we’re together.”

“Candy, you’re the sweetest girl I’ll ever know, but six years is a long time, and I know you’ll meet someone, someone special, someone better and smarter than me.  So, don’t wait, don’t throw your life away.  Don’t think about me, or this business.  Don’t do it.  Be the woman you’re meant to be.  If later that means me, then I’ll be the luckiest man alive, but don’t think of me.  Think of yourself.”

I couldn’t stop crying.  He was right, but it hurt nonetheless.  This was heartbreak, the kind people write about, and now it was my turn to experience it.

When we returned, everyone in the house knew I’d been crying so they sort of kept their distance.   By dinnertime, I felt better.  I watched some scenes being videoed, and for the first time here, I truly reminisced about movies I’d made and scenes I’d done.  For a brief moment, I had been a fourteen-year-old Cleopatra.  Ah, the memories.  I didn’t much like Ed Ibanez now, especially after what he’d done to his daughter’s psyche, but he had seen something in me beyond what a pedophile would see.  He saw a hot little actress.  I know that now.  I decided to try acting, try drama, the theater.  We’ll see how that works out, even if I kept my clothes on!

That night, Alan made love to me and it was the best ever.  I lost count of orgasms I had so many.  When he climaxed, he gave me the most spectacular cum shot on my body, even by his standards.  I lost myself in our sex, forgetting about everything else.

The following morning, I called Cassie to ask about a ride home.

“So soon?” she asked.

“Yeah, it’s time.  Can you get away?  Are you done?”

She hesitated, which made me wonder for a moment if the call had been dropped, until finally saying, “Yeah, I’m done.  I have an appointment later this morning, then I’ll pick you up.  Okay?”

Something about her voice was off, especially when she said the word appointment.  Whatever, I said it was okay, and went to pack up my things.

A big gang bang scene was being filmed, and Alan was right in the middle of it.  I stood on the periphery and watched him.  He was a magnificent creature to watch; so sensual in his movements, almost like a dancer.  I never really took the opportunity to watch him in action like this, to really study him.  After all, most of the time I was either under, over, or in from of him, too close and too orgasmic to pay attention to him this way.

Richard, the director, wanted a big cumshot finale to the scene, but unlike what it looks like in the finished product, actors never ejaculate on cue.  They videoed one after another’s cumshot in close-ups until eventually everyone shot their load, including Alan.  They would edit the whole thing together later to make it seem like they all came close to the same time.

Alan cleaned himself up and then joined me, wearing only a robe.  “Are you okay?  I wanna make sure you’re not leaving as sad as you were yesterday.”

“I’m okay,” I said.  “I’m not sad.”

I lied.

We spent as much time together as the shooting schedule allowed.  When Cassie called to tell me she was minutes away, I said goodbye to everyone.  Horst, Marc and Alex all gave me kisses and told me how much they liked me and how they wished to “see” me again, which of course meant something more.

Alan carried my bag out to the driveway.  We kissed for a long time until Cassie’s car horn brought us back to reality.

“Stay in touch.  Don’t be afraid to call me, ever,” I said.

He told me he would call and let me know how he was, and what he was doing.  “I love you,” he said.

“I love you too, even if we’ll never be together.”

He said, “Never say never.”

I turned away, and walked to Cassie’s car, afraid I would start bawling any second.  She either didn’t notice my melancholy or chose not to mention it, since she uncharacteristically drove off without saying a word as soon as me and my stuff were in the car.  I studied her as she drove.  She had more than enough make-up on and her cologne was freshly applied, which made me wonder about her ‘appointment.’

“Your appointment was a John, wasn’t it?” I asked, ready to receive her wrath.

“None of your business, Squirt.”

I let it go.  Besides her dolled-up appearance, she looked too hyper somehow, but I wasn’t about to ask about drugs after being rebuked asking her about the other thing.  For miles the silence in the car was deafening.

Finally, heading south on the 405, she sighed and said, “Yes.”  I knew enough not to ask her what she meant.  I’d let her continue on her own terms.  Eventually she said, “I’m an escort.  Are you happy now?”

“Of course I’m not happy.  Why?”

“You think there’s an easy answer, Squirt?  Maybe I’m not making enough money.  Maybe I’m addicted to this lifestyle.  Maybe I need sex way too much.  Maybe I’m too fucking lonely.”  She was crying.

“But selling your body like that?”

“What the fuck did YOU do for the last three years?  You sold your body too to that shithead Ibanez.  You think I’m being used by my clients?  Well, Ed Ibanez used you to make a fucking bundle, didn’t he?”

“Okay, so you justify it that way,” I said, pondering what to say next.  “Then why are you crying if everything’s alright with it?” is what I said.

Another deep sigh; “I guess the dream never matched reality, that’s all.”

“If you need a friend, why don’t you call me?  You’re not a secret to my parents like everything else.  Call me, and we can hang out, pretend...”

“There’s no pretending anymore, Squirt.  I have a life now and I’ll make the most of it.”

All I could say in reply was “Okay.”

By the time we got to my house, she’d pretty much pulled herself together.  My mom seemed to be more attuned to my sorrow than Cassie’s.

“Why so early?” she asked.  “I thought you’d be gone another couple of days.”

I told her I hadn’t liked the ‘camp’ program and asked to leave early.  She asked if I was okay, and I put on my best happy face and said I was.  Cassie and I were both better actresses than people might think.

I went back outside and gave Cassie a big kiss before she got into her car.  The kiss was more than sisterly.  “Take care of yourself, and please call me,” I said.

She waved as she pulled away.  I wondered if I’d ever see her again.

My mom and dad both sensed something was wrong but to their credit they didn’t bug me.  I thought happy thoughts, which were mostly crazy dreams of Alan and me, married with kids, and that helped me avoid questions from my parents.  I guessed my false happy-face was holding up well.

That night in bed, I couldn’t sleep, thinking about everything.  I made some decisions.  I was going to make the most of the upcoming school year.  I knew I wasn’t valedictorian material but at least I could try real hard over the next two years.  I was going to college, no doubt about that.  I vowed not to have sex until after high school.  I wouldn’t see Alan or Jimmy if they called.  I had tried to be a ’normal’ teen girl and failed.  I had two more years of high school to see if I could do it. 

Everyone keeps telling me how womanly and mature I am for a sixteen-year-old.  This will be my test to see if I am all that they say I am.

I’ll keep trying.


If you liked this, e-mail me at cottoncandyteen14@yahoo.com and let me know what you think of my writing.  You’ve read the other parts of my story, haven’t you?  This is Part 11.  You can find the previous parts at the Cotton Candy web site

Thank you,