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Celestial Reviews 284 - May 30, 1998|
Note: Several people have inquired about my recent absence. No
problems.... My husband just made me an offer I couldn't refuse and took
me away for a sudden vacation, which in turn required me to plan school
activities before I left and to catch up when I got back. My husband's
sudden romantic interests reminded me of the following story:
A man comes to a doctor and, twitching his fingers and stuttering,
finally managing to say, "Doctor, I have a sexual performance problem.
Can you help me?"
"Oh, that's not a problem for us men anymore!" announces a proud
physician. "They just came out with this new wonder drug, Viagra, that
does the trick! You take some pills, and your problems are history."
So the doctor gives the man a prescription and sends him on his merry
A couple of months later, the doctor runs into his patient on the
street. "Doctor, Doctor!" exclaims the man excitedly, "I've got to thank
you! This drug is a miracle! It's wonderful!
"Well, I'm glad to hear that," says the pleased physician. "What does
your wife think about it?"
"Wife?" asks the man, "I haven't been home yet."
Second note: An Irish gent came into the pub and said to the barkeep,
"Mike, I'll be havin' three whiskeys."
Callahan set up three glasses and began to pour. "Now, Timothy, it's not
the usual thing for you to ask for three whiskeys. Is it celebratin',
Timothy sighed: "Ahh, ye know me too well, Michael, ye do. Truth, and
I'm celebrating me first blow job."
Callahan smiled benevolently and set a fourth glass on the bar. "Now,
that's special," he said. "For an old customer like y'rself, here's a
fourth on the house, so I may be sharin' your celebration with you."
Timothy shook his head, and replied "Tis verra kind of ye, Michael; but
I'm thinkin' if three won't get rid of the taste, four won't either. "
Third note: A little old lady with blue hair entered the marital aids
shop and asked in a quivering voice, "Yy-young man, dd-do y-you sell-
The salesman, somewhat taken aback by the little old lady's appearance
in his shop, answered "Uh, yes, ma'am. We do."
The little old lady, holding her quivering hands about 10 inches apart
asked, "D-do y-you ha-aave any ab-bb-bout th-this l-long?"
"Well, yes ma'am, we do. We have several that size."
Forming a 5" circle with her fingers, she then asked, "A-are an-nny of
th-them about thi-is b-big ar-round-d?"
"Well... Yes, a few of them are about that big."
"D-do aa-ny of th-them ha-ave a vv-ii-bra-a-ator?"
"Yes, Ma'am, one of them does."
"W-Wel-ll, h-how d-do y-you t-turn it off?"
Fourth note: A priest and a minister walked into a bar. After sitting
down, ordering, and some chit chat the priest said, "Have you noticed
there are no women in this bar?" He then realized the truth, "I think
we're in a gay bar."
A man approached and tried to flirt with the priest. The priest was
dumbfounded, and didn't know what to do. The minister leaned over and
whispered something in the man's ear. The man nodded and walked off.
The relieved priest said, "Thanks. What did you tell him?"
The minister replied, "I just told him we're on our honeymoon."
Final note: Remember: even though someone else may be posting my reviews
for me, my e-mail address is still Celeste801@aol.com.
"One o'Clock Jump" by Taria (music & sex) 10, 10, 10
"Diary" by Bruce AKA mcbeam (mind control & breast gtowth) 8, 8, 8
"A Yank in the Outhouse" by David Shaw (war-time sex) 10, 10, 10
"Taxi Tales: Lost and Found" by Delta (quietly sexy episodes) 10, 10, 10
"Diary of a Voyeur" by J. Reynolds (voyeurism & exhibitionism) 10, 10, 10
"Cleanliness is Next to Ecstasy" by John Galt (ff sex) 10, 10, 10
"The Cruise" by Tonya (shipboard teen romance) 8.5, 6.5, 6
"My Sexual Odyssey" by darla (sexual escapades) 9, 7, 6
"The Japanese Student Nurses" by Gordie D (naive but naughty nympho nurses) 9, 7, 8
"Under the Moons of Eden" by Christopher Leeson (sci fi sex) 10, 10, 10
"Hypno-tricked Wives" by Watcher (entranced matrons) 10, 10, 10
"In the Moon That Is Always Rising" by firstname.lastname@example.org (lyrical sex) 10, 9, 8
"Amy Swallows" by Walker (oral sex) 7, 7, 7
"Rush Hour" by Robert Mitchell (public sex) 10, 9, 8
* "Fantasies" by BitSlinger (sexual fantasies) 9, 10, 10
* "Friday" by Uther Pendragon (email@example.com)
* "Funhouse" by RC (mind control) 10, 9.5, 9.5
* "Mating Flight" by D.A. Ignatius (dragon sex) 10, 8, 5
* "Not Quite Hidden" by Fin Haddie (exhibitionism) 9, 8, 9
* "Dating Ritual" by Michael K. Smith (rough adolescent sex) 10, 10, 10
* "Chosen" by Tom Bombadil (ff passion & sex slavery) 10, 10, 10
* "Exquisite Error" by Eric Shon (mistaken identity) 10, 10, 10
* "The Birthday Party" by Losgud (romantic birthday weekend) 8, 8, 9
* "Feed the Night" by Brother Cadfael (lesbian vampire sex) 8, 9, 8
* "Commencement" by Vickie Tern (coerced feminization) 10, 10, 10
* "The Gathering" by Patrick Donovan (romantic group sex) 10, 10, 10
* "Cocktail Table" by Sue (orgy) 10, 10, 10
* "A Night at Suzy's" by Mark Aster (tasteful orgy) 10, 10, 10
* "Angelic Interlude" by Joe Parsons (meeting the cyber- lover) 10, 10, 10