“You know, I dreamt of you again last night.”
She continued to stir the cappuccino, but raised her eyes from the hot cup. She never asks me to tell the dreams, she just waits until I do it. She knows when I will do it; I ask her if she wants a cappuccino, and she follows me, not a word. She sits right in front of me, her cappuccino untouched, and she keeps stirring it, pausing, stirring. Her eyes dropped again to watch the plastic spoon cut through the foam. We both watched that plastic spoon in the thick foam, and I started to tell her about my dream.
“We were in that old building at First Avenue, do you know which one? We were together with a bunch of people, I guess from work. I think we were working, we had something to do. At some point we got lost from the others. We had a lot to do and it was so difficult to keep up with them. Then we got to the roof. There was nobody there, but we could see the avenue, below. It was afternoon, almost by sunset.
“You approached the balcony, to find how far away you could see. I arrived by your side, brushing my arm against yours. You didn't move away. I wrapped my arm around your waist, and you turned to me. `No,' you said. There was just the slightest fear on your face, fear that I might not obey you. And I didn't. I pulled you to me and I kissed you. It was so pleasant, that kiss. You lips were so soft, and you tasted of something sweet, but not too much, like a very delicate fruit. So good. Have you ever kissed in dreams? It's so often like kissing for the first time someone you are in love with. When I broke the kiss you didn't run away, but you asked me once more to stop. I touched your cheek, expecting you to shiver, but you didn't. You just kept your gaze, deep into my eyes, as if you were waiting to see how far I'd be silly to go.
“I kissed you again. You let me. It was another sweet kiss, my tongue only brushed your lower lip. You kissed back, you know. But it was not like that other dream I told you about, the one we kissed like our life depended on it, the one I ripped your clothes off and fucked you with all my will. No, today was different. It was soft, I could almost feel you slowly melting in my arms, your love for me growing. I hugged you tightly, feeling your body against mine. When we stopped for breathing, you were still trying to fight your urge. We lay on the floor, well, I laid you on the floor. You said something, I think. I kissed you again, taking you blouse off. I kissed your breasts. You moaned. Very softly, it was almost a breathing.
“It was a little dreamy afterwards. You were naked, just like that. Your eyes begged me, please, they said. I felt I was control, this time. `Ask me,' I said. And you didn't. You couldn't speak. My hands were on your body, and I found your pussy. Your body twisted, jolted. `Ask me and I'll do it.' But you didn't, you were only looking at me, your eyes half-closed, unfocused. `Ask me or I'll leave you,' I said, and you just grinned, closing your eyes, enjoying the feeling of my fingers inside you. Then I stood up. You just looked at me, defying me. I turned around. We weren't on the top of that building anymore. The dream changed. I decided to find you again, but I couldn't. The dream had changed.”
She was flushed and heaving a little. Like she always is, after I tell her one of my dreams. “Please, have dinner with me this time,” I asked. She shook her head. “Only this time. At least once.”
“I have to go,” she said, getting up and leaving.
This is what happens every time. If she just didn't have a fiance. Or if I were braver, like I am in my dreams, and I just grabbed her and took her to a bed.