A short glimpse of Lawrence
I'm going to the verandah, away from the loud music inside and the dancing. I need a break, I'm drunk, and I don't need that loathsome idiot that has set his eye on me tonight. The night is clear, there are stars on the sky. I think the last time I looked up to see stars was when I was still in high school. I don't even know if you can see any stars in the city. Too many buildings and too much light. I almost lose balance looking up.
Lying over the railing is Lawrence. He is looking directly at the zenith.
``With a thousand stars.''
Lawrence always disappears at some point during party nights. We sometimes wonder if he disappears alone, or accompanied. I had heard one or two gossips that his company was of the same sex.
``So, is this what you do when you disappear?''
``When I disappear?''
He thinks for a moment, apparently not understanding. I move closer to him, putting my arm on his chest as if he was part of the railing.
``What about the other times?''
``When you are old enough to understand, I'll tell you about.''
``You got it right, but that is only the tip of the iceberg.''
In a split second he is sitting and has a leg and an arm around me. ``Believe it, or I'll show you.'' I tried to get rid of him, but I'm too drunk. He noticed.
``Are you so drunk you won't remember any of this tomorrow?''
``Maybe. Are you?'' I say, rolling my tongue a little.
``Drinking sobers up the dark part of my brain.''
``Sure.'' He let me go, making sure I wouldn't fall.
``So, are you gay?'' I am drunk, so drunk.
``Why?'' Maybe he could fuck me tonight.
``I don't know why you are gay, Lawrence.''
``Who said I am?''
``It's just the rumors.''
He laughs. ``I'm not gay. I just don't care.''
``About girls?'' He shrugs, ``Yes, and no.''
``So, are you a... what is the name... you don't fuck anybody?''
``I fuck, when I'm sober.''
``Are you sober?''
``Why, do you want to do it?''
``It feels good, you know. Or you don't?''
``Fuck somebody else.'' He laid down again. I was pissed, and I pushed him away. He fell down, to the beach down there. ``Ouch! Fuck!''
``Shit. Are you hurt?'' I can't see down there, it's in the shadows. The moonlight is not very bright. ``Fuck, Tammy. I could have broken a bone. It's almost three meters!'' He's up again, I can see his head. He tries to get up on the verandah, lifting himself, but after a couple tries he gives up.
``I'm going away.''
``No! Wait.'' I try to jump down, and suddenly I have sand in my mouth. He helps me to get up. I spit out the sand and start to laugh. I fall over him and take him to the ground. I try to kiss him, and start to reach for his fly.
``Why do you want it? You won't even remember it tomorrow.''
He stands up, I can't hold him. I just know I'm sitting on the sand.
``What's wrong with you? You are gay, aren't you?'' I tried to stand up, I almost fall. He holds me. I get to kiss him this time. He doesn't kiss me back, or tries to escape, just stays there, lips not moving.
``Let's get inside, Tammy.''
``I don't want to go inside. I want to fuck.''
``You can find someone that will fuck you.''
``I want you.''
He shakes his head, practically carries me up, while I try to fight him and yet kiss him. A bit difficult, specially when drunk like I am. The party is around us again. Then Luke is with us. ``She's drunk, Luke.''
``Tell something new.''
``Way too drunk.''
Yes, way to drunk. I want to fuck. No, wait, I want to throw up. I do. Don't I? Odd, everything is so fuzzy now.