Date: Tue, 5 Jul 2011 18:48:12 +0100
From: Kyro Clark <kyro3@hotmail.co.uk>
Subject: Glitter and Trauma 7

==============================================================================
Disclaimer.

This story is a work of fiction although it is loosely based on the real
life experiences of the author.

This story contains graphical depictions of sexual contact between two
adult males. This story also contains harsh language or swearing and
depicts scenes of alcohol and drug use. It should not be read by anyone
where it is illegal to read such material and should not be read by anyone
under the age of 18.

The author retains the copyright, and any other rights to this story. This
story may not be published, copied or redistributed in any way without the
explicit consent of the author.
=============================================================================

Authors note.  Send any feedback to: kyro3@hotmail.co.uk Hey!  Thanks to
everyone for all the feedback! This has taken me a while to post as I've
been a bit busy. I'm off to a music festival (T In The Park for those of
you from the UK) and I've been busy doing some prep work (whoever invented
the stereotype that all gay men like shopping should really be introduced
to me, after that I'm pretty sure they would retract their statement!)
Usually when I get back from the festival I'm a bit of a mess and it takes
a few days for me to recover so the next chapter won't be up until the end
of next week supposing I can get it to Guy in the next few days.  Here's
hoping! I've also introduced a quick recap at the start of the story at the
suggestion of a few readers. I hope this helps to improve the stories
continuity.

A HUGE thanks to Guy again for editing and letting me bounce an idea or two
off of him. He's really helped me out with my grammar and given me some
confidence in my writing. Thanks again.

Finally, as for this chapter, there are a few subtle things going on that
are going to play out in future chapters. There's some intrigue, some
drama, and a confession!

 Thanks in advance :D
=============================================================================
RECAP:

"Jamie, you in there?" I heard Alex's voice on the other side of the door.

I heard my room door open and felt Alex sit down on the bed next to me.

"How'd it go with Ben?" he asked.

"Aw Alex, I totally fucked it up," I began while trying to keep my voice
steady so as not to alert Alex to the fact that I had been crying. I didn't
take the hood away from my face. "I practically never told him anything. He
was so pissed at me and I just fucking choked. All I did was apologise and
then I couldn't tell him why I had lied. I couldn't tell him anything. I
just shut up like a fucking clam! He stormed out without saying anything."

I felt Alex put his hand on my shoulder and give it squeeze. "That wasn't
the time to tell anyone anything. You've been carrying this thing with your
family around with you for a while now and you haven't been able to tell
anyone. The situation with Ben backed you into a corner where you felt it
was necessary to tell Ben everything otherwise you'd lose him as a
mate. That's not the right circumstances for you to tell your story. You
should tell your story when you're ready and when you feel comfortable."

"I'm not ready to tell anyone yet," I sobbed.

"I know mate, but when you are, just know this, I'll be there for you," he
said, squeezing my shoulder again.
=============================================================================
Glitter & Trauma
Chapter 7 - Why Are All the Good Ones Straight?
By Kyro

I looked at the time on my watch, it was almost half eleven. I was sitting
on a lounger in the communal back garden of the flat wearing nothing but a
pair of shorts and a pair of ankle socks. I looked up to the sky and closed
my eyes as the hot sun beat down on my face. It was an intensely hot day
with no wind or breeze. I had gone for a run earlier in the morning and had
to cut it short because I was really finding it difficult to catch my
breath. I had been awake since the crack of dawn because I had a nightmare,
the same nightmare. The drunken sleep I had the night before last was the
only time I haven't had the dream in the past week. I looked back down at
the yellowing pages of the book I had borrowed from Alex's collection. It
was a book about Erwin Rommel, a Nazi World War II General. It was an
interesting read and was doing a great job of keeping my mind off
everything.

I continued to read my book until I heard a rabble of noise from behind
me. Looking round I saw John, Rebecca, Louise, Danny and Ryan emerging from
the back door of our flats lobby. My heart began beating faster at the
sight of Ryan in shorts. He was wearing a dark grey t-shirt with the
Rolling Stones emblem on the front made up of sequins, and a pair of light
grey shorts. He had a light dusting of hair on his long slender legs and he
had straightened his hair so that his fringe swept from one side of his
face to the other but stayed away from his eyes. My heart sank as I thought
back to the last conversation I had with him. He may not have said anything
about Ben, but in my eyes, he was just as culpable for letting his friends
trash talk Ben as his friends were for doing so. I returned to my book and
was adamant that if they were to sit next to me, I'd try to ignore them.

"Wow, looks like we've got some hot stuff here, if I wasn't shacked up then
I'd defo be tempted Jamie," John teased.

I gave him the finger without looking up from my book.  There were a few
loungers in scattered positions near me. They all took various loungers
with Danny sitting closest to me on my right and Ryan sitting closest to me
on my left.

"Nice socks," Ryan said cheerily.

I looked down and noticed that I was wearing odd socks. One was green and
black, and the other was orange.

"Thanks," I muttered while trying to concentrate on my book. He spoke so
softly that it was hard to be hostile towards him.

Having Ryan and Danny sit so close to me made me feel uneasy and tense. I
was very aware of the fact that I was sitting topless. Instinct was telling
me to get up and grab a t-shirt from upstairs but I thought that I would
look ignorant if I were to get up and leave as soon as they sat down. If
I'm honest though, that's what I wanted to do but instead, I just tensed my
stomach slightly and continued reading.

"What are you reading?" Danny asked.

"It's a book about Rommel, a German General in world war 2," I replied
doing my best to sound like he was distracting me. I felt uncomfortable
knowing that he was looking at me in my topless state.

"Jesus, that's not one of Alex's books, is it?" John asked.

"What the fuck's wrong with my books?" Alex tested from behind me.

We all began laughing as none of us were aware that Alex was behind us. He
took the lounger directly opposite me and smiled. I gave him a tense smile
back before he frowned, his eyes darting around before he broke out into a
huge grin and removed his top. He had some nice definition around his abs
and the beginnings of a hairy chest. I couldn't help but beam back at
him. It was as if he knew why I was so tense without me telling him.

Not to be outdone, John took his top off as well; I smiled inwardly at his
macho competitiveness.  John had some serious definition, more so than
Alex, especially around his pecs, but there was something more appealing to
me about Alex's personality. I suppose I had the best of both worlds, Alex
to talk to and John to look at! I was hoping that Ryan might feel pressured
into taking his top off, but apparently he didn't and neither did Danny. I
made brief eye contact with Ryan before I looked back down at my book. He
was frowning and looked annoyed. I put it to the back of my mind, if he is
annoyed at me for what I said to him at the party, then I don't care, it
was him and his friends that were out of line.

"Sounds like a thumping good read," Danny said sarcastically. Everyone
began laughing except me and Alex.

I looked up from my book at Danny. "A snide bitchy comment, I didn't expect
that from you Danny," I shot back, my voice dripping with cynicism. I made
my eyes really wide to emphasise my sarcasm.

The atmosphere of the group changed immediately. It was a sarcastic comment
but it was also laced with a bit of malice. Ryan and Louise knew what I was
talking about, but from the looks on the faces of, John, Rebecca and Alex,
they were completely in the dark. I know I should have shut up, but I
couldn't help myself. A wry smile broke out across my face as I looked back
down at my book.

"So when's the next party John?" Louise asked hesitantly hoping to liven
the mood.

"How about next week?" John answered.

I heard a loud and exaggerated cough come from opposite me. Obviously Alex
had something to say about this.

"I mean, I'll need to speak to my flatmates first. Alex, Jamie, would you
two care if I were to host a party in the premises which we currently
reside in, next Friday?" John asked jokingly.

"Why no John, thanks for asking in advance," Alex replied, playing along.

"Do I have to come?" I asked bluntly.

"What?" John replied dropping the sarcasm from his voice.

"I said, do I have to come?" I asked again raising my voice slightly so he
could hear me. I still didn't look up from my book.

"Em, no, not if you don't want to," John said slightly unsure of himself.

"Cool, then I don't care, party on," I answered.

John looked at the ground for a moment lost in shear concentration as if he
was trying to comprehend the meaning of life. Eventually though, he began
nodding his head seemingly pleased that he had got the response he desired.

"Excellent, it's gonna be a scorcher today and I've got a case of beer and
some wine up in the flat.  Who wants to give me a hand bringing it down?"
he asked.

I was my intention to volunteer and put on a t-shirt at the same time, but
Danny beat me to the punch so I decided I would just stay where I was. Ryan
also volunteered to help and then Rebecca and Louise decided they would get
the glasses. That left just me and Alex.

"What was that with Danny?" Alex asked.

I looked up from my book and smiled at Alex. He was lying back with a pair
of sunglasses on looking towards the sky. "I knew you were gonna ask that,"
I said.

Alex laughed. "Good, so you should have an answer for me then," he taunted.

I put the book under the lounger and lay back like Alex. "It was
nothing. At the party, about two minutes after I introduced Ben to
everyone, I overheard Danny talking shit about him," I said.

"Hmm," Alex replied.

"What the fuck does 'hmm' mean?" I asked.

"Nothing, it's just, you know?"

"Eh, no," I said frankly.

"Well, look at Danny, and then look at Ben."

"I don't know what you're getting at?" I asked slightly boggled.

"Well, you know, Danny doesn't really have much, and Ben is-"

"I don't wanna hear anything about him being flashy or anything else like
that because he's not," I said while cutting Alex off.

I looked over at Alex; he furrowed his brow before continuing, "Anyway, I
think that's why he was probably bad mouthing Ben. John mentioned to me
that it took him forever to get along with Danny, he said that he thinks
Danny disliked him because he always wore designer clothes and because he
had a bit more money than most people."

"John is a bit of a label whore," I remarked.

"And Ben isn't?" Alex shot back quickly.

"I didn't say that. And I thought you didn't have a problem with Ben now?"
I interrogated.

"Has he forgiven you and apologised for treating you like shit yesterday?"
Alex asked.

"No," I mumbled.

"Then I have a problem with him," Alex said proudly.

I smiled at Alex again. "You're a good friend Alex, better than I deserve."

"I know," he said while raising his head form the lounger and grinning
madly back at me. "But just don't go getting all gay on me and crying and
stuff."

We both had a chuckle at this with my response to Alex being the finger.

 "So, how long have you known Ryan and Danny anyway?" I asked.

"A little more than a year. John never really brought them around at
first. I think he wasn't sure about having parties and lots of people
over."

"I'll bet those were the days," I joked. Again we both had a laugh at this.

"So you've known them for a year? I've never seen you talk to them in
class," I continued.

"And you've seen everyone who talks to Ryan have you?" Alex asked while
pulling his sunglasses down to look at me. I laid my head back and shut my
eyes pretending to sun bathe again.

"I don't know what you're talking about," I lied. I could feel myself
turning red.

"I'll bet you don't," Alex began laughing pretty hard as I shook my head.

Just then, John and his troupe came back with a case of beer, some glasses
and some wine.

"What are you laughing at?" John asked while smiling at Alex.

"Jamie has a crush on a naughty wee hotty!" Alex said barely able to
contain himself.

I continued to lie back with my eyes shut shaking my head.

"Oooo, she's a lucky lady to have you chasing her," Rebecca teased.

I propped myself up on my elbows, Alex was doing the same. He had a look on
his face that was a mixture of confusion and giddy excitement. We both
burst out laughing. It took us a while to get ourselves together.

"I don't get it. What's so funny?" Rebecca asked.

"Don't you remember the other night?" John asked giving Rebecca a nudge as
everyone took their seats.

Rebecca paused for a minute, clearly deep in concentration before turning
to me.

"Oh, right, sorry, I just remembered," she blushed.

"Don't worry about it, I think Alex is the only person ever to refer to
another guy as a, 'naughty wee hotty,'" I said while smirking.

I looked around and that joke seemed to have eased the tension for everyone
except Ryan. He was staring at the ground completely zoned out.

"Who wants a beer?" John asked.

"Hit me," I replied with Alex and Danny taking one too.

"Ryan? Earth to Ryan, calling all brain cells," John mocked.

Ryan looked up at John and seemed to be pretty irritated. I looked at Alex
and raised my eyebrows to see if he knew why Ryan was so pissed. Was it
because of my earlier comment? Alex shrugged his shoulders back at me, so
clearly he didn't know either.

"Yeah, gimme one," Ryan said curtly while extending his hand.

"So this Ben guy," Louise started, "Is he...you know," she said before
nodding her head.

"My boyfriend?" I finished for her.

"Yeah."

"Nope," I said simply.

"Is he single?" She enquired.

"You're not his type," I said before taking a drink of my beer.

"Oh, is he gay too?" She asked.

"I didn't say that." I made sure not to deny it; I like to avoid lying if
at all possible.

"Could you give me his number?" She asked.

"Steady on Louise," John jumped in.

"Yeah, you've not even spoken to the guy," Rebecca said.

"I know, but I just liked him," Louise said.

"I can't give you his number because I've broke my phone," I said.

"Can you give him my number?" She asked before putting her hand in her
pocket obviously searching for her mobile."

"We're not really on speaking terms at the moment," I said in a pretty
defeated voice.

"Yeah, Ben's behaving like a dick," Alex chirped in.

I looked across and frowned at Alex to let him know that he needed to lay
off Ben.

"Oooo, what happened?" Louise asked like a woozy schoolgirl. I noticed Ryan
on my left moving his feet slightly and leaning in closer to me.

"It's private," I said firmly hoping that this would be the end of it.

"Oh, sorry," Louise apologised.

I gave her a weak smile to let her know it was okay and she returned it
wholeheartedly.

"While we're talking about Ben," Danny interjected. I turned to look at him
and he too, like Ryan, was looking pretty annoyed. He was almost growling
at his can of beer. "I just wanna apologise for what I said about him. I
had had a few drinks and I was talking crap about him. I didn't mean what I
said," he uttered through gritted teeth.

I took a deep breath after Danny had finished. I was desperate to ask him
why he had said it in the first place and I wanted to tell him that he
could at least have the balls to stand by what he had said.  But I
didn't. Maybe it was the intense sun, or maybe it was because I had fallen
out with Ben and didn't care what Danny thought of him, or maybe I had just
had enough confrontation lately, either way I bit my tongue before looking
over at Danny, "No problem."

I lay back on the lounger and thought about why I had said that I had
forgiven Danny. Was it really because Ben and I had fallen out? Did I agree
with Ben's assessment that he and I were no longer friends? Clearly Danny
didn't like Ben and from the way Danny was behaving, I'm pretty sure John
had found out what had happened and made Danny apologise. I put it out of
my head. What's done is done.

We sat around for an hour talking about the party and some of the people
that had turned up. Most of the people there were John's friends or friends
of his friends. Only 3 of Alex's friends turned up and I didn't get a
chance to meet any of them. I didn't even get a chance to meet John's
brother which I regretted. I know I had never met his brother before but I
was keen to make new friends, especially if they were gay. Eventually, Alex
and I began talking about music as we usually do.

"I still think Puzzle is Biffy's best album," I argued.

"Only Revolutions is far superior," Alex countered.

I began shaking my head and was ready to retaliate when Ryan jumped into
the argument. "I like Biffy too," he said loudly. John, Rebecca, Louise and
Danny were all talking about something else but went quiet when Ryan
blurted that out. From what I had seen over the past couple of days, it was
quite out of character for Ryan to raise his voice to normal conversation
levels never mind shout.

"Well Ryan, there are a few people on the other side of the city who didn't
hear you but I'm sure they'll be keen to know just how much you like
Biffy," John teased. I noticed Ryan blushing which I found pretty funny. I
must have been smiling like an idiot because when I tore my eyes away from
Ryan, Alex was shaking his head at me with a wry smile on his face.

"Infinity Land is better than Only Revolutions," I said starting the
argument up again.

Alex began laughing and shaking his head at me in mock revulsion.

"I think Puzzle is the best, then Infinity Land," Ryan said.

"Aaahhh, the man speaks sense," I said.

"The man is deluded," Alex joked, "As are you."

This kind of banter was pretty common for me and Alex. If I'm honest, this
was really tame, if left for long enough, we would usually get to the stage
where we would just throw random (although slightly honest) insults at one
another. None of us ever took it serious and we usually had a really good
laugh at each other.

"I'm not fucking deluded," Ryan said with just a little bit of provocation
in his voice. He was still speaking louder than he usually did. Alex wasn't
sober as I was so I'm not sure if he picked up on this, but I certainly
did.

"You're the deluded one," Ryan replied.

"Excellent comeback," Alex teased.

"Fuck you!" Ryan practically shouted back. There was no mistaking the
provocation and venom in his voice this time.

"Ryan," Danny hissed before standing up and grabbing him by his arm. John
stood up as well.

"What happened? What's wrong?" John asked.

Me, Rebecca and Louise were now on our feet as well. Alex was the only one
who stayed seated.

"I think it's time we left," Danny said while walking away pulling Ryan
along with him. Louise ran after them.

I looked over to Alex who was sporting the same puzzled look as me. "What
the fuck was that all about?" I asked.

"I have no idea; I thought it was just a bit of banter," Alex said.

"Ditto," I sighed. "Is everyone completely fucking nuts around here or
what?" I asked to no one in particular.

"It has been pretty eventful since you came," Alex said while nodding his
head seriously.

*

I woke up on Monday morning with a pounding sore head and John banging on
my door.

"Get up wreckhead! It's eight o'clock and your first lecture is at nine."

"Oh my god I'm dying!" I exclaimed, "Please tell me we have some
paracetemol or something?"

"There are two paracetemols and a glass of water waiting for you in the
kitchen."

"I'll be there in a minute," I groaned.

I crawled out of bed and found some clothes to wear. I didn't have enough
time to shower so I gave myself a wash and then put on a lot of deodorant
and aftershave. I walked into the bright kitchen solemnly, the sun's rays
illuminating every corner, to see John sitting with Rebecca. Both had huge
grins on their faces.

"What time did you two get to bed at?" John asked.

"I think me and Alex sat up to around half 5 this morning," I said while
trying to make myself some coffee. I couldn't stop my hands from shaking
long enough to put the spoonful of coffee into the cup.

"Here, let me do it. Do you want cereal as well?" Rebecca asked while
taking over from me. I looked up from my shaky hands to see Rebecca
standing there with a huge grin on her face. I gave her a sheepish hug
before sobbing meekly on her shoulder, "You don't know how much I
appreciate this," I broke the hug and then shuffled over to the table and
put my head in my hands, "What a hangover, I seriously think I'm
dying. Where's Alex?"

"In his bed, I tried waking him but he was a mess. I think it's just you
today," John said.

"Great," I grumbled before I began hiccupping, much to the amusement of
John and Rebecca.

I quietly ate my cereal and excused myself before setting off for uni. I
was cutting it a little fine but I made it to my first lecture on
time. When I got into the lecture hall I had a quick glance around for Ben
but I couldn't see him. I was glad that I didn't see him; I was an
emotional wreck the last time we met and felt pretty embarrassed about
it. I sat through the first lecture and strangely I felt more attentive
than usual. I don't know if it was because I was still slightly drunk or
because I didn't have Alex sitting next to me chatting away about something
totally unrelated to the subject in question, but I really felt as if I
took some of it in. At the end of the lecture I gathered my stuff with a
new sense of self-pride at my attentiveness and was one of the first people
to exit the lecture room. I stepped through the door and began making my
way to the next lecture when I heard someone shouting for me.

"Jamie! Jamie!"

I stopped and contemplated whether or not it was me they were shouting
at. The voice didn't sound like Ben's. Who else could it be? I didn't know
of another Jamie on my course. I turned around and to my surprise I saw
Ryan walking up to me looking like his ever shy self with Danny walking
slightly behind him still looking angry. Did this guy ever smile?

"Oh, hey," I said.

"Hey," Ryan parroted with Danny making an inaudible grunt. I frowned at
Danny a little too obviously because Ryan then said, "Don't worry about
him, he's just annoyed because he's got a lab today."

"Me too," I said, "and I've got a raging hangover as well."

"Me too," Ryan said. He certainly didn't look rough I thought, but I guess
I'm biased.

"Did you two keep drinking after you left us?" I asked.

"No," Danny said looking down at the ground completely disinterested.

"We don't drink much," Ryan said before smiling shyly.

I gave Ryan a small smile. "Me and Alex ended up sitting up to half five
this morning. It feels like someone took an ice cream scooper to my brain,"
I joked. The expression on Ryan's face changed immediately. He became very
serious and then faked a smile. I quickly remembered that he had an
incident yesterday with Alex. "Well, I'd better get going," I said. I
didn't want to hang around after I remembered what happened yesterday.

"Are you going to the next lecture?" Ryan asked

"Em, Yeah," I replied.

"We could walk with you?" he suggested sheepishly.

I was caught between a rock and a hard place at that moment. Ryan was being
really nice to me and he had a real charm about him. It wasn't just that he
was unbelievably hot; he also had a shyness that I could relate to. But he
had treated one of my friends like shit yesterday, and that wasn't fair. I
contemplated this for a second before I chalked his offensiveness to Alex
up to too much drink. After all, he said himself that he doesn't drink
much.

"Em, okay," I said.

"Cool," he said enthusiastically. I couldn't help but smile.

We began walking to the next lecture with Danny walking in between me and
Ryan. There was an awkward silence hanging over us and I was thinking about
what to say to break it but Ryan got in first.

"So where's Alex today?"

"In his bed recovering, lucky bastard," I joked.

Ryan made an unconvincing laugh before continuing.

"So are you and him pretty close?"

I was feeling slightly awkward talking about Alex to Ryan, especially since
Ryan didn't seem to like Alex.

"Yeah, we're close. So what lab is it that you have today Danny?" I asked
changing the subject.

"Fluid Mechanics," he droned. Wow, quite the conversationalist I thought.

"Cool," I said as I stepped through the door into the lecture hall. "Well,
I'll see you guys later," I said expecting us to part ways as I took a few
steps towards the back of the room. Danny motioned towards the front of the
room before Ryan said, "Wait, we'll sit with you."

I was surprised that Ryan had offered to sit with me. I looked at Danny's
face and he seemed uncomfortable and annoyed. I really don't get this guy?
Admittedly I had never spoken to Danny until a few days ago, but from afar
he never seemed this grumpy. "Don't you wanna sit down the front like you
usually do?" I asked not really wanting to spend any more time in Danny's
company.

"Yes," Danny shot back quickly before walking towards the front of the room
leaving me and Ryan standing there.

"I'll see you later," I said.

"Yeah, later," Ryan said before giving me a weak smile and walking towards
the front of the room.

I took a seat in the very back row. I was one of the first people to arrive
in the lecture room and I could see everyone filtering in through the
doorway. I kept an eye out for Ben but it looked like he was absent today.

The next few lectures went by pretty quickly. Before I knew it I was on my
way to the same lab which I had been paired with Ben in last week. The
thought of Ben not being there made me feel slightly better about going. I
was happy to have some space from him after our last encounter in the
cafe. I stopped at the toilet on my way to the lab and as such I was one of
the last people to enter. I walked in with my head down, sat in the same
seat as last week, and took my pen and pad out of my bag.  Thankfully the
two girls who were sitting in front of me last week were sitting somewhere
else. I sat with my head in my hands nursing my hangover until a hush fell
over the room indicating that the lecturer had arrived.

"Okay, can I just repeat myself from last week and say that it is a maximum
of two people to a desk and no more. That means you three will have to
split up," the lecturer said pointing to a group of people at the front.

I moved my head to see who it was and noticed that it was Ben. He was
sitting next to the two girls who hated me. My stomach lurched at the sight
of him. I couldn't believe he was sitting next to them! He was just doing
this out of spite. He knew they hated me and he knew I hated them for
always snickering and giggling at me like little school girls. He said
himself that they weren't even his friends and now he's sitting next to
them. How could he be so hurtful? I clenched my teeth and put my head in my
hands again.

"There's a seat available near the back of the room for whichever one of
you chooses to move," the lecturer said hurrying them along. I still had my
head in my hands and was staring at my pad when I saw Ben take his seat to
my left. I felt a mixture of anger and embarrassment as Ben took out his
pad.  I felt embarrassed at the emotional state Ben saw me in
yesterday. I'm not sure if he saw me cry but I can only hope he didn't. I
was angry at him for being so hostile. He had a right to be upset, but
sitting next to Angela and Laura was just malevolent and
spiteful. Furthermore I was angry at myself for the way I handled the
situation, I should have given Ben some space and I wish I was able to open
up to him. Some people seem able to tell their life story to just about
anyone who'd listen, not me though. We never greeted each other and I
remained still until the lecturer was finished giving us a briefing.

We were to write down the steps for disassembling and then reassembling the
engine which we followed last week from memory. I picked up my pen before
saying to Ben, "I'll write down the disassembly instructions."

He didn't reply which only further angered me. I shook my head but I didn't
look up from my pad. I fired through my side of the instructions in fifteen
to twenty minutes and when the lecturer said that I had them all right, I
stood up to leave.

"You're not finished yet," he said frowning at me.

"What? Why not?" I asked.

"It's a group exercise and you've only handed in one half of the task," he
replied.

"But we split it," I said hoping to be let away.

"I can see that, but the whole point of a team exercise is to get you to
work together."

I exhaled loudly and sat down again. I looked across at Ben's work; he was
on step fourteen of thirty six.

"I'll do steps twenty seven and onwards," I said taking my pad and pen out
of my bag again.

"I can do my own work," he said broodingly. I wasn't going to back down
from him; I don't care how big he is. Unlike these rich kids, I had been in
a lot of fights when I was younger and everyone I fought against was bigger
than me. I wasn't intimidated by Ben.

"Yeah, well I don't wanna be here all day waiting on you 'doing your own
work,'" I said before writing the number 27 at the top of my page in an
exaggerated way.

I heard Ben exhale with anger but I ignored it. He could do a pretty good
dragon impersonation I thought to myself as I smiled. I made my way through
my steps pretty quickly. Most of them were the same as the disassembly
steps only in reverse so it wasn't much of a challenge. I finished step
thirty six before I looked at Ben. He still wasn't finished! There's no way
it should have taken him this long. I looked at his steps and some of them
were out of order. I could feel my hangover coming back with the effects of
the paracetemol wearing off and I was anxious to get back to the flat and
get some food.

"Steps seven and eight are the wrong way round and so are steps twenty two
and twenty four," I said doing my best not to sound as if I were gloating.

I expected an argument or some sort of remark but he just plain ignored
me. I shook my head before I stood up and picked up my bag. Ben finished
writing the last instruction before he picked up my work and handed it over
to the lecturer.

"You've got a few of the steps in the wrong place but overall that's a
pretty good job," he said looking at me and Ben.

I walked outside the laboratory and made my way to the exit of the
building. I stepped out into the radiant sunshine and looked up towards the
sky; some of the tension that had built up because I was sitting next to
Ben was easing away.

"What are we gonna do about our lab report tomorrow?" Ben barked from
behind me.

I jumped, unaware he had followed me out of the building. I turned round
and Ben wasn't even looking in my direction. I know that I was in the wrong
and had been the one who had created this situation, and I also know that
Ben had a right to be angry and upset, hurt even, but he was acting
spitefully and maliciously and that was really angering me, not to mention
the fact he'd just startled me.

"I'll tell you what, since you seem so busy with Angela and Laura who you
said weren't your friends, and since you don't even remember what order you
assembled the fucking engine in, I'll finish the report by myself and hand
it in," I said before stomping away.

I was making my way back to the flat when I decided to stop at the local
café to pick up fish and chips for Alex and me. I was feeling really ill as
my hangover was back with a vengeance, so I could only imagine the state
that Alex must be in. He must be feeling as if he's at deaths door. I
walked inside the café and took my place in line. My hands were still
clenched and my jaw set after the argument I had with Ben. The guy in front
of me turned round and his entire face lit up and sparkled.  He beamed at
me one of the most heavenly smiles I've ever seen in my life which froze
the fire of hatred burning inside me.

"Hey Jamie, nice to see you again."

"Nice to see you again Ryan," I said.

"Didn't you say you had a lab this afternoon?"

"Yeah, it's finished, it was pretty easy," I explained.

"Oh, cool. So is that you finished then for today?"

"Yep."

"Cool, do you wanna get a coffee and wait for this queue to go down a bit?"
he asked hesitantly.

"Em, yeah, sure."

We both took a seat directly facing one another and ordered our coffees.

"So what's the deal with your hair?" Ryan asked.

"What?" I asked taken aback by his topic of conversation.

"Nothing," he replied quickly. "I was just wondering about your hair, it's
different now," he said while putting his hands together on his lap.

I unconsciously tugged at the side of my hair.

"It's not that I don't like it," Ryan began to explain, "It's just that's
its more curly and longer than it usually is and stuff," he trailed off.

He made me feel really self-conscious. I looked down at my
Converse. Walking through the park every morning was beginning to take its
toll on my canvas shoes. The dirt was beginning to get ingrained and they
were starting to look unkempt and just downright dirty. I ran my hand along
my right cheek. My usually clean shaven face had a growth on it now. It
wasn't exactly a beard but it was certainly more than a five o'clock
shadow.

"I guess I've just...you know...been busy and stuff. I'll probably get it
cut soon," I said while moving my hair over my face again.

"I didn't mean to make you self-conscious, you really suit you hair long."

"You didn't," I lied, "and thanks," I smiled before taking a sip of my
coffee.

"So what's the problem with Danny?" I asked looking to change the subject.

"What do you mean?" Ryan asked while squirming slightly in his chair. I
think he knew exactly what I meant.

"He always seems so pissed. Yesterday he barely said a word and today he
seemed really moody.  Was it because of what I said?" I asked.

"No, it's just...he's got some stuff going on just now, it's kinda my
fault," Ryan said while smiling weakly.

"Oh, right. Cos if it's because of what I said, then can you tell him that
it's all forgotten about. I don't hold grudges and stuff."

"It's not that, but I'll tell him you said that anyway, thanks."

Ryan leaned forward and started fidgeting with his coffee cup. There was an
awkward silence that had befallen us. This seemed to happen quite a lot
when I was in Ryan's company.

"You know most people drink the coffee," I said.

"What?" Ryan said looking up with a puzzled look on his face.

"Your coffee, you haven't drunk any, you've just played with the cup," I
pointed out smiling at him.

"Yeah, I don't really like coffee," he said returning my smile
sheepishly. I felt pins and needles race down my back from my
shoulders. His smile was so infectious.

"You don't like coffee?" I asked. It was my turn to sport a puzzled look.

"No, I just got one so I could sit with you...I mean...if you're not buying
anything then they tend to look at you funny," he said rather hurriedly.

I smiled at him and looked him in the eye. What I was about to say would
just about crush me later, but I would deal with that then, "You know, you
don't have to be worried about what you say to me.  I understand that
you're straight, so you don't have to keep clarifying what you say."

"It's not that," he said fidgeting with his cup again, he was turning a
deep shade of red.

"Most straight guys are sort of weird around gay guys when they first find
out they're gay. But once they get used to it, it gets easier and there's a
lot less innuendo and worry about double entendre," I said smiling hoping
to ease his anxiety.

He gave me a meek smile back which I took to mean thanks.

"Anyway, I'd better get some food and feed Alex before he wastes away," I
smiled.

"Yeah," he mumbled.

We both waited in line with Ryan letting me go first. Once I got my food I
said goodbye to Ryan and was making my way to the door when he stopped me.

"Jamie."

"Yeah?" I asked, turning round to face him. He was fidgeting with the
wristband of his watch.

"Do you wanna go to the pictures on Saturday?" He asked.

I think I just about passed out. I know that it's a bit of a cliché but I'm
sure that time stood still. My heart was in my mouth as I searched for a
response. Was he asking me out on a date? I could hear my heart pounding in
my ears as all the moisture was sapped from my mouth. This couldn't be what
it looked like. I had called him straight less than two minutes ago and he
didn't object. He must want to go as friends. Maybe I had misread the
situation. I'll bet John and co. are going as well, "Who's all going?" I
asked.

Ryan furrowed his brow for a moment, "John and Rebecca are going and I
think Louise and Danny are coming as well. It's just if you want...you
don't have to and if you're busy or something..." he trailed off.

"Sounds like a good idea, I'll give Alex a shout about it as well. Anyway,
I'll see you tomorrow," I said trying to hide the disappointment in my
voice. I walked back to the flat with a heavy feeling in my chest. I wish
Ryan was gay. Why oh why are all the good ones straight?

I got back to the flat and entered the living room to find Alex sprawled
out over the three seater couch with his face buried in a cushion. He was
wearing a grey vest and a pair of drab green shorts.  He looked like he was
some sort of army recruit. Well, a dead army recruit.

"Feeling rough there?" I asked.

"I think I may have died and gone to hell, that's the only thing that can
explain the suffering I'm going through," he muffled into a cushion.

"So you won't want anything to eat?" I asked.

"I couldn't even drink water at the moment."

I smiled to myself, "Hmm, I guess I'll just have to throw this fish and
chips from Alberto's out then?"

Alex lay still for a second before sticking his arm out and moving his
fingers in a grabbing motion. I chuckled to myself as I handed him his fish
and chips.

"I'm gonna get myself a drink and some pills, do you want anything?" I
asked.

"No," he said while sitting up.

I swallowed two paracetemols and took my drink into the living room as I
sat on the two seater couch to Alex's right hand side.

"How was uni?" Alex asked.

"Ben wasn't in any of the lectures but went to the lab. He tried sitting
next to Angela and Laura but got moved next to me. He pretty much ignored
me until we were outside and then he asked what we were going to do about
the lab report we were supposed to finish tomorrow."

"What did you say?"

"I went all WWF on his ass," I joked.

"You didn't hit him?" Alex asked alarmed.

"Nope, I told him I was gonna finish the report myself," I said rather
proudly.

Alex looked at me completely boggled, "And just how does that constitute
you going, 'all WWF on his ass?'"

"I don't know, it's hard to explain but I definitely won the argument," I
said before I began laughing.  Alex smiled while he shook his head in
confusion.

"WWE," he said, returning the conversation to a more serious tone.

"What?" I asked.

"It's not WWF anymore, it's WWE."

I exhaled at his stupidity before I continued, "Ryan and Danny spoke to me
today."

Alex nodded his head to indicate he was listening.

"It was only for a bit, we walked to a lecture together and then we sat at
opposite ends of the room.  Ryan offered to sit next to me, but I don't
think Danny wanted to," I said trying to keep my voice upbeat.

"Don't worry about Danny," Alex said clearly picking up on my uneasiness.

"I met Ryan afterwards and we had coffee," I began, "And he said Danny's
got some stuff going on just now and that's why he's so pissy. He said it's
nothing to do with us or what I said yesterday."

Alex made a grunt and nodded his head while he ate some of his chips.

"Ryan also said that he and Danny don't really drink much, I think that's
why he kinda went crazy with you yesterday."

"Oh yeah, I forgot about that," Alex said with his mouth half full of
chips. He shrugged his shoulders clearly not fussed with the whole
incident.

"Aren't you curious why he went nuts with you?" I asked.

"I've got an idea."

"What's that?" I asked.

"It's nothing; I'll tell you later if I'm right," Alex said. His tone
sounded quite serious so I thought that it was best not to press him.

"Anyway, Ryan invited me to the pictures with him and John and that. I told
him I'd probably go and I'd invite you. It's on Saturday night," I sighed.

"Sounds good. So you got the better of Ben in an argument, you had coffee
with Ryan, and you set- up a night out with Ryan on Saturday," Alex
summarised.

"Yes," I said monotonously.

"So why are you still unhappy?"

I sighed again before I took a deep breath, "I like Ryan," I confessed.

Alex nodded his head as he continued eating his fish and chips. He didn't
seem bothered at all by my confession.

"I mean, I really like Ryan. You know," I said nodding my head.

"I get you," Alex said offended. "Just because you're gay and I'm straight
doesn't mean I don't' know what 'I like him' means.

I sighed again, "When we were talking over coffee I said that I knew he was
uncomfortable around me because he was straight and I was gay. He didn't
correct me. He's straight," I said defeated.

"You barely know him. When you first met Ben you didn't tell him that you
were gay. In fact, you never told him at all, he just found out."

"Story of my life," I muttered under my breath.

"My point is, you've just met the guy, and he may be uncomfortable coming
out to you the same way you were uncomfortable coming out to Ben."

"Not everyone is as socially retarded as me," I whined.

"You really do need to overcome your shyness," Alex pointed out.

"I'll stop being shy if you stop being tall."

To Be Continued...
Send any feedback to:      kyro3@hotmail.co.uk
I hope you enjoyed it and thanks for reading!!!

=============================================================================
Editor's Note

Well, Ben is still being a dick, but things are progressing with Ryan...the
question is, just where are they progressing to?
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