Date: Mon, 9 Jan 2012 22:40:41 +0000 From: Kyro Clark Subject: Glitter adn Trauma 13 ============================================================================== Disclaimer: This story is a work of fiction although it is loosely based on the real life experiences of the author. This story contains graphical depictions of sexual contact between two adult males. This story also contains harsh language or swearing and depicts scenes of alcohol and drug use. It should not be read by anyone where it is illegal to read such material and should not be read by anyone under the age of 18. The author retains the copyright, and any other rights to this story. This story may not be published, copied or redistributed in any way without the explicit consent of the author. ============================================================================= Authors note. Send any feedback to: kyro3@hotmail.co.uk Hey! Happy New Year to everyone!!!! I hope you all enjoyed your ne'erday, I know I did. :D It's been a long time since I've posted and that's been due to exam commitments for both my editor (Guy) and I. Guy has had a lot on his plate and sadly he's had to give up editing for me as It's just become too much for him. I just want to take a second to say how thankful I am that he gave up his free time to edit for me. He did so with pretty much no benefit to himself which is something that you don't see too often in this world (or at least, I don't). I'm the one who gets all the feedback and everyone's comments to keep me going but Guy never had any of that, he just edited and it really was a thankless job; so I just wanted to take a quick second to say, thanks again, Guy, G&T's unsung hero. :D On a brighter note, I have managed to nab myself a new editor! I said that I wouldn't post his name without his permission so I'm just going to refer to him as RedPanda (Don't ask :D ). He'll hopefully begin working on the next chapter of G&T not long after this is posted. RedPanda is also proof reading a couple of other stories which I have begun writing so hopefully, in the not too distant future, I could have more than one story for people to read. There's been so much going on in my life for the past 6 months or so but the next 3 chapters are written so I can honestly say (and I know I keep saying this) that the next chapter will be out much sooner than it took me to get this one out. So thanks again to Guy, this is the last chapter that he edited and I hope everyone enjoys it! Send any feedback to: kyro3@hotmail.co.uk Thanks in advance :D ============================================================================= RECAP: "Will you be OK getting home?" I asked. Ben looked really drunk. "Yeah, there's a taxi rank round the corner. Have you got, you know?" He asked nodding his head. "Ben, I'm steaming, all these subtleties are lost on me, can you just please say it because I haven't got a clue what you're talking about." "Jesus, have you got protection?" I smiled, "Yeah, of course." "For both of you?" he asked. My smile faltered for a minute, this would be my first time doing anything with another guy, I was accustomed to carrying only one condom for myself, "Eh... no." I admitted. "Here," Ben said taking a condom out of his wallet discreetly and handing me it. "Thanks," I smiled. Ben nodded his head, seemingly satisfied that he had pursued all avenues that he had to. "Talk to you tomorrow?" I said holding out my fist. "Cool, phone me when you get back," he said banging our fists together. "Ready?" a voice behind me asked. I turned round to look at Gregg, "Ready." ================================================================================= Glitter & Trauma Chapter 13 - An Explanation? By Kyro I groaned slightly as I shifted my weight, the dull pain in my bum reminding me of how last night had played out. My head continued to rise and fall gently as my sleeping partner snored away contently behind me with my head rested against his stomach, our bodies forming a human T-shape. I dare not open my eyes, in fact, I dare not move as my mind remembered the shots of Jagermeister and Sambuca that I was consuming last night. It was only right that I have an epic hangover and yet, as I tentatively raised my head, nothing. A dull ache resided in the back of my neck but I suppose that's to be expected when you're using someone's semi-defined abdomen as a pillow. 'What a night' I thought to myself. From the word go to the very end it was nothing but fun. I smiled, content that I had had a good night and had somehow managed to dodge a hangover. I sat up and began to think about last night. When I said goodbye to Ben I turned to Gregg, he put his arm around me and we started walking towards Gregg's flat, in the opposite direction from Ben. With each step I took a niggly feeling grew on my shoulders. I was going back to a flat with a guy who was really hot and who was definitely interested in me, to have what I hoped would be my first gay encounter and yet something just didn't feel right about it. Gregg seemed nice, caring and gentle and I'm sure he'd take those traits into the bedroom with him, but I just couldn't help but feel that I was doing something wrong. Was I lowering myself? Was this something to do with Ryan? I thought back to all the one night stands I had had with girls. After each I had felt terrible and it had usually taken me a while to pick myself up, but that's because they were girls and I was gay, wasn't it? I felt worry wash over me; suddenly I wasn't so ready to have my first gay encounter with someone I had only met a few hours before. "Shit!" I complained. "What's up?" Gregg asked. I sighed hoping to buy myself time as I thought up a lie, "I promised Ben I'd go to this charity golf thing with him tomorrow morning. Our tee-off time is supposed to be quarter past 6, in the morning." Wow, that sounded convincing. Gregg smiled, "You don't have to come back with me, I didn't mean to make you feel pressured." I smiled, "You didn't, I'm gonna run back and see if I can catch him, sorry." "Wait!" Gregg cried as he grabbed my hand, rolled up my sleeve and took out the pen again. "Here's my number," he said as he wrote on my arm, "drop me a text or gimme a call and we can head out again, if you want." I grabbed his hand as he finished writing his number and stood on my tiptoes hoping that he'd get the message, he did. He lowered his head and our mouths met again. Gregg was a great kisser, it's probably not the nicest thing to say about anyone but I could tell he was experienced, his tongue darted into my mouth and knew exactly what to do. It was a hot kiss, really hot, but I couldn't help but feel that something was off... As I tore myself away from him, I readjusted my jeans and apologised again as I ran back past the club and around the corner towards the taxi rank where Ben said he'd be. I saw him near the middle of the queue, walked up causally and gave him a dig in the bicep. He turned around ready for a fight and then his face softened into a surprised look as he saw me. "What are you doing here?" He asked. "You just put all these mad thoughts in my head and then I couldn't go back with him," I said, giving him another punch in the arm. Ben smiled, "You'll thank me for this later." I gave him a further punch in the arm. I smiled as I finished recalling the previous night's encounters, stood up and stretched. I was still wearing last night's clothes, unlike Ben who had come home with me last night and asked if he could change into a pair of my jogging bottoms. They were a little bit short in the leg for him but they were made of cotton so they stretched pretty well. I staggered over to my bag and pulled out my only other pair of clean jogging bottoms and a clean pair of boxers, I looked down at Ben, who was still sleeping; surely I could risk it. Even if he did catch me, he was probably accustomed to seeing guys naked all the time with the amount of sports he participated in. I quickly peeled off my socks and struggled out of my skinny jeans while facing away from Ben. I dropped my underwear and put one leg through my clean boxers and bent the other leg up so I could pull the boxers up. "Nice ass." "Shit!" I said as I stumbled forwards and fell to the floor hitting my head hard against the room door. I could hear Ben rolling around the floor absolutely cracking up with laughter. I rubbed the front of my head where I hit the door and pulled my boxers up with my other hand, "Jesus, you're a dick. I thought you were sleeping." "I was until all the panting; I thought you were masturbating at first. If your denims are that difficult to take off might I suggest a bigger size." "They wouldn't be skinny denims if I wore them two sizes too big, Einstein," I said standing up and continuing to rub my head. Ben sighed happily and buried his face in my pillow, "I've got a mild hangover; do I have to get up just now?" he asked. "No, but I'm starved, I'm gonna go get some cereal. Do you want anything?" "Awww, boke!" He moaned. I laughed as I picked up my jogging bottoms and pulled them on, "cool, well I'll be in the living room if you want anything." "How about another look at that ass?" Ben teased. "You wish dickhead, and you'd better not be sniffing my boxers when I'm not looking either," I joked. "Oh come on! I'm trying NOT to be sick." I pulled on a dark blue and white, horizontally striped vest and made my way out of the room. I stopped off at the bathroom to empty my bladder and then began to make my way to the kitchen. I walked through the living room expecting it to be a bombsite but surprisingly it wasn't. There were two Guitar Hero controllers lying around but no beer cans or any other kind of rubbish. I went into the kitchen, fixed myself some cereal and then made my way into the living room where I turned the TV on and sat and munched happily. I was watching Sky Sports News and getting my daily fill of all things football related when I heard a door opening and closing in the hall and a few voices. I supposed it was John, Ben or Alex and continued to stare at the TV whilst eating my cereal when a blast of cool air indicated that the living room door had been opened. "Morning," I said robotically, still staring at the TV screen. After a few seconds I realised that whoever it was hadn't responded so I tore my eyes away from the TV and there, leaning against the wall, staring at me apprehensively, was Ryan. "Don't say good morning then," I grumbled and rolled my eyes. "I didn't think you'd wanna talk to me," Ryan sulked, barely more than a whisper. "I don't, but you're Johns mate and Alex's as well now so I'm probably gonna be seeing a lot of you, the least I could do is be civil," I said turning my attention back to the TV screen. "Alex and I are heading into town." I grunted, not really interested and a few seconds passed while I continued to watch the TV and he continued to stand there in silence. I was well aware of his gaze on me and it was making me feel really uncomfortable. I sighed heavily, "Jesus, you know you can sit down, I don't bite," I said whilst continuing to stare at the TV. What happened next shocked me; he sat down right next to me on my right. I wanted to scream 'not there you idiot!' but clamped my tongue. "How did your night out with Ben go?" he asked. Great, small talk! "It was good, it was really nice to be amongst other people who were comfortable with themselves and who didn't have split personality disorder." Wow, so much for being civil. I saw Ryan shuffle along the couch further away from me. "What's that on your arms?" I looked down at the tally marks, indicating the number of drinks I drank last night alongside Gregg's phone number. I scrunched my face up, "Its tally marks, one for each shot I did." "Wow, you drank a lot." I grunted. "There's nearly thirty tally marks on your arms altogether." I nodded my head still intent on the TV. "Is that a phone number as well?" "Yes." "Oh." I shook my head and rolled my eyes, what does this guy expect? "Did you and a guy - " "That's got absolutely nothing to do with you," I cut across him. "Right, of course." There was an awkward moment of silence before he started again. "Did you think about what I said to you in the kitchen?" "Do you mean, have I thought about you kissing me?" "Yeah," he whispered. "Nope," I said flatly. There was a small silence afterwards and a trickle of guilt crept into me. Was I being cruel? Maybe, but no more than Ryan was. Why wouldn't he just shut up? "Can I talk to you for a minute?" he asked. "Isn't that what we've been doing?" I asked dryly. Another moment of silence passed, "Can you please look at me?" He asked in barely more than a whisper. I turned around to look at him, but not at his eyes, "What?" "I want to tell you about everything, from the beginning." I saw him exhale heavily, "I'm gay." I continued to stare at him with my eyes widening, "Well no shit, Sherlock," I shot back sarcastically. "Please, don't," Ryan pleaded. "Just let me get through this. Firstly, I think you'd better know that I've got one little brother. He's really young but apart from him I've not really got any close family besides my mum and dad. I've got a few cousins, but we're not close. The only person I've ever had look out for me has been Danny. We went to secondary school together and now we've gone to uni together. Nobody has ever stood up for me or been there for me like Danny." "Is he your boyfriend?" I asked. "He's not gay; he's my best mate. He was the first person I told that I liked you - " I clucked my tongue but Ryan continued choosing to ignore me. "He told me not to say anything to you about it as you were probably straight and he didn't want to see me get hurt; which was kind of right is suppose," he grumbled. "But then you got introduced to us and I found out the same night that you were gay and I knew I had a chance with you. I told John and that that I liked you...well, Louise kind of guessed, I suck at lying," he said looking down at the couch, his hair falling over his face. "Anyway, Danny pointed out how close you and Alex were and after hearing the argument you had with Ben I sort of thought that you and Alex were a couple." "We're not; he's just a good friend," I said defensively. Why do I feel the need to defend myself to this guy? "I know, but I didn't know that at the time, that's why I got crazy with him out in the back garden. I don't drink much and with the heat and the thought that you two were together, well... I was annoyed. Anyway, I sort of..." I could see Ryan's cheeks flush; clearly he was embarrassed about what he was about to say next, "...sulked for the next few days after that. I was angry at Alex... but I still liked you. That's why I sat and had coffee with you, but the next day when I saw you with Alex I got really pissed off again and just walked past you. Alex figured it out then, he called me up and asked me to come over; he said he wanted to talk to me about me, him, and you." Ryan rubbed his hands together nervously. "I thought he was going to tell me to back off, I thought he was going to tell me that you and him were boyfriends. I even thought he might hit me! I didn't really know Alex too well before that," he smiled nervously. I felt a familiar tingle run down my back before I caught myself and hardened towards him. "I went anyway, and I met you along the way and I ignored you deliberately. I thought you had told Alex that I was hitting on you." "Hitting on me? I don't remember you doing that once?" I said exasperated. Ryan looked both puzzled and crestfallen before he recovered himself, "I'm not really good at the whole dating thing. You were the first person I had ever been out on a proper date with." I didn't know what to say to that, so I said nothing and eventually he continued. "When I met up with Alex he started asking all these questions and dropping hints and talking about stuff he had noticed about me. I knew he knew I was gay but I wasn't ready to out myself to him. Finally though, he said 'you know me and Jamie are just good friends, there's nothing else between us, he's gay and I'm straight, we're just good friends. So if you ever wanted to,' and he nodded his head like this," Ryan began nodding his head fervently which made me smile until I hardened my jaw remembering that I was still pissed at him. "I finally told him that day that I was gay and he was really cool about it. He didn't make any judgements or jokes or anything." "He's really cool about that sort of stuff," I said, remembering when I came out to Alex. "Anyway, that left me clear to go on a date with you, and I did, and I even got up the courage to... well, you know, and then you said what you said and it all... sort of fell apart. I was so annoyed at myself because Danny told me to take it slow and I didn't listen to him, when you came back round the next day and apologised I didn't know what to think. But Danny spoke to me afterwards about it, he didn't like you for what you said but he said he kind of understood it, I told him I wanted to go back out with you and he thought I was crazy, finally though, he said 'fine' but made me promise to take it slow, he made me promise not to kiss you until after the third date, he specifically stated that the previous fiasco didn't count, and I did, I promised him that I wouldn't kiss you until at least after the third date. I know you probably don't really care about that but I can't tell you how much Danny means to me, he's my big brother, my little brother, and my best friend all rolled into one." An image of Tweak flashed through my head, I know exactly what it's like to have a friend like that I thought to myself, or at least, I did. "When I went out on those dates with you, I really had a great time and I wanted to kiss you, especially after all you went through on the first date, but I had promised, so I didn't. And then on the third date you tried to kiss me and I was so tempted, I wanted to really badly but I couldn't lie to Danny, so I pulled away. I hoped you wouldn't take it too bad but the next time I saw you I knew you were mad." "Wouldn't you be?" I sulked looking down at my empty bowl of cereal. Ryan took a minute to answer, "Probably, but I didn't know what else to do," he said glumly. We sat there for a minute or so with neither of us saying anything. What happens now? I had this image built up in my mind that Ryan was the sort of guy who just enjoyed fucking other guys around. I thought he was purposefully taking the piss out of me, I had thought it unimaginable that there was an explanation for everything that had happened besides Ryan being a narcissistic psychopath. Just then Ben walked in topless wearing my jogging bottoms. He scrunched his face up in mild surprise at seeing me and Ryan sitting next to each other on the couch. "Eh... morning." He said. Ryan whipped his head round to look at Ben and then turned back around to look at me before he stood up, "Oh my god!" He said turning crimson and lifting his hand to his brow, "I had no idea; I thought you two were just... I thought he was straight!" He said before dashing towards the door leading to the hallway, it took me a few seconds to realise what was happening. "Ryan wait!" I said darting out into the hall, "hold up." I said as I ran in front of him, "Ben is a mate, a straight mate." I reaffirmed. The words were out of my mouth before I had even thought about them, I had lied, but I had done it for Ben, not just for myself. "We went out last night and he crashed here, nothing happened." I could still see the redness in Ryan's face and there was sweat on his forehead as he furrowed his brow deciding whether or not to believe me. I saw the door to my left open up and Alex walked out, "Yo, what's going on?" He asked with a little bit of alarm in his voice. "Nothing, can you give us five. Ben's in the living room, can you show him where the cereal and stuff is?" Alex nodded his head and began making his way towards the living room. I stood there in front of Ryan still confused as to what we were going to do next. "So what happens now?" Ryan asked. I looked down at the phone number on my arm; I guess I had a choice to make. "I dunno," I answered honestly. "I guess I need to think about stuff and stuff," I answered. Wow, really eloquent! Ryan pawed at the ground nervously. "Are you doing anything tonight?" I asked unsure if this was a good idea. Ryan looked up surprised, "N-no," he stuttered. "Do you wanna meet up at 8 and we can talk better then?" I asked. Ryan nodded his head determinedly. "Cool, I'll go get Alex and tell him you're waiting," I said as I walked past him. "Thanks." I walked into the kitchen to find Ben forcing cereal down and Alex standing at the kitchen counter chomping on a Pop Tart. "Ryan's waiting for you in the hall," I said to Alex. "Cool, see you two later," he said as he walked out of the kitchen. Ben started humming the 'imperial march' song from Star Wars before he finished abruptly, "So what's the latest update in the Jamie-Ryan saga." "Oh very funny, did it take you long to think that one up?" "Meh, couple of minutes." I repeated to Ben everything that Ryan had said, it was good to tell someone as it helped get everything straight in my head, Ben continued forcing his cereal down and nodding along while I spoke, pausing now and again to frown at something he didn't like that Ryan had said to me, but to his credit he never interrupted me and let me give him the whole story. "Do you believe him?" He asked when I was finished. "I dunno, it makes sense I suppose, and I could always ask Alex if what he said is true." "Do you think Alex would lie for him?" I thought about that for a minute before I gave myself a mental slap for thinking such a thing, "No, no way would Alex cover for him. They two are good mates but so are Alex and I and I don't think he'd screw me over like that." Ben rubbed his chin deep in thought, "Doesn't it bother you that he did all of this just because he didn't want to break a promise to Danny. I mean, couldn't he have just said to you that he didn't want to kiss on the first few dates or something?" "Probably, but he's not really up front like that, he's a bit more... shy and stuff." To be honest, 'so am I,' I thought to myself. "And he just completely ignored you because he thought you told Alex that he was hitting on you?" Ben asked. "That's what he said." "Hmmm, I don't know." "You think he's lying?" I asked. "I really don't know, and neither do you to be honest, you've just got to go with your gut feeling but it wouldn't hurt too much to talk to Alex and find out what he had to say about the whole thing." "I suppose." "Have you thought about what you're going to do about Gregg?" "Nope." Ben arched his eyebrows, "it's not really for me to say but I say you put this whole thing with Ryan behind you and take Gregg out." "Really?" I asked slightly shocked. "Yes, Gregg seemed like a decent guy and obviously you two hit it off otherwise you wouldn't have been willing to go back to his house." I gave Ben another punch in the arm, "Thanks for ruining that for me," I complained. Ben rubbed his bicep, "You know you're glad that I stopped you." "Probably, I don't do too well with one night stands, but still, he was fucking hot!" "So you're going to give him a call?" Ben asked. "I'm not gonna do anything until I talk to Ryan tonight." Ben nodded his head, "When do you think I should phone Kelly?" "Who's Kelly?" I asked completely boggled. "The guy I spent most of last night with." I let out a snort of laughter, "Kelly?" I asked. "Shut up, he was nice." I could see Ben's face turning slightly red. "A gay named Kelly? Definitely a transsexual." It was Ben's turn now to give me a punch in the arm. "No he's not, he's really nice and... masculine." I couldn't help but let out a snort of derision, that guy didn't look pretty masculine to me. Ben gave me another punch in the arm whilst turning completely red. "Gee-zus!" I complained whilst rubbing my arm and stifling a laugh. "Anyway, when do you think I should phone him?" Ben asked. "It's up to you but personally I'd phone him pre-op while he's still got all the bits you're interested in." This was apparently the final straw as Ben launched out his chair and speared me around the chest, we fell to the floor with a clatter and began rolling around wrestling, Ben was far, far stronger than me so I had to keep using his momentum or squeezing his skin with my fingers to get him off of me, eventually though, he had me pinned. "Do you submit?" He bragged. "Never!" I protested. While holding my wrist Ben managed to pinch my skin and twist it in his grasp. "Arrrrgghhhhh," I yelled. "Do you submit?" He asked again. "Never, speed always beats strength," I said wriggling between Ben's legs trying to get some breathing space and trying to get free. Ben started laughing and then got up off of me and offered me a hand up. "Jesus," I complained whilst rubbing my wrist. "I'm not one of you beefy Sporty-mates; you'll kill me if you throw yourself at me like that again." "Now who's the girl?" He said wiggling his eyebrows. I stood my chair up and then then sat down again next to Ben. "Seriously," he said catching his breath. "When should I call him?" "It's up to you but I'd call him tomorrow or Monday, you don't wanna seem needy." Just then John walked in through the kitchen door, "Morning," he said. "Morning," we chimed back. "How was your night out?" John asked. "Epic," I stated. "It sounded like it," John said. "What do you mean?" I asked. "I heard you two coming in at half 4 this morning, you sounded wasted." "Oh, sorry," I apologised. "It was Ben making all the noise, he was completely fucked." "Me?" Ben asked indignantly. "You were the one who stood IN the toilet and shouted 'Diagon Alley!'" I heard John chuckle. "Well you were the one who threw my IPod across the living room and shouted 'Go Pikachu!'" I don't think Ben had heard that one before as he burst into laughter along with John; I had a good chuckle at my own joke as well. "Has Ryan come by yet?" John asked. "Yeah, he and Alex left about 10 minutes ago." "Damn it, I wanted to head into town with them." "I can drop you off if you want; Zander is driving my car over in the next five minutes, actually I should probably go get dressed," Ben said standing up. "Thanks, that'd be... nice of you," John finished. * I was sitting on the edge of my bed telling the past day and night events to my fish, it was crazy to think just how important they had become to me lately. I had become tight with Ben and I still reckoned that I was close with Alex despite our differences over what happened with Ryan, but I needed someone (or in this case, something) that I could confide in and be completely honest with. I told my fish everything, I told them about my family, about Tweak... and Paula, about Alex and his family, about Ben and I even told him everything about Ryan. They couldn't talk back, (obviously) but sometimes you have to get things off your chest and just put them out there into the universe. The night I told my fish about my family, I almost punched a hole in the wall because I was so angry, I definitely don't think that helped at the time but later, it felt good that something else knew about what had happened. I didn't want anybody to know about what happened, not yet, I wasn't ready for that, that was an entirely new battle to be fought and won, but right now, having my fish know about everything that was going on with me, it helped. I heard two knocks on the front door, it would probably be Ryan. I stood up and checked myself in the mirror, 'as good as it's ever likely to get' I thought to myself. I walked to the front door and pulled it open to reveal Ryan, I couldn't help but smile and he beamed back which only further broadened my smile. "Here," he said handing me a bag. "What's this?" I asked taking it from him; it had a good firm weight to it. I looked inside and smiled, "You got me the first season of The Walking Dead?" I asked. "I don't know if you've seen it yet but I know how much you like zombies," he said shyly. "I haven't seen it yet, I read the comics but I missed the TV show." I closed my eyes and held them shut for a second, what an idiot. 'I've read the comics?' He'll think I'm some sort of adult reliving his childhood reading Spider-Man comics. "Not comics, I mean graphic novels... They're not for kids," I clamoured. I could feel my face reddening but Ryan just smiled. "Maybe you could give me a loan of them, I like graphic novels too," he said smiling. "Wow, cool, most people aren't into reading and even if they are they think graphic novels are for kids." Ryan just smiled, I was babbling, I shook my head, "You shouldn't have done this, it's too much." "You got me a book," Ryan protested. "But you paid for lunch that day, I thought we were square," I said. Ryan let out a small laugh, "Paying for lunch didn't make us square, if you take that though it'll go a long way, remember, you still paid for everything on our first date." "Still though," I said unsure if I should take this, it seemed too much. "Please, just take it." I gave him a small smile, "OK, back in two." I hurried into my room and sat the DVD on top of my bed before I rushed back out to the door, I opened it slowly, not wanting to seem too keen and I stepped outside. "So, where are we off to?" Ryan asked. "I'm not fussed, just somewhere we can talk, I'd suggest a coffee shop but going on past experience I'm pretty sure you don't like coffee." I grinned. Ryan just smiled, "How about Alberto's?" "Perfect." We walked towards the main entrance to the flat and Ryan took a few long strides ahead of me and held the door open, I smiled and could feel the heat rising in my face as I put my head down and walked through muttering, "thanks." "Soooooo," Ryan began. "So, what?" I asked unsure as to what he meant. "Have you thought about what we talked about earlier today?" "Yeah," I confessed. "I should probably tell you that I spoke to Alex to see if what you said was true." Ryan merely nodded his head. He never even asked me if Alex confirmed what he had said. "I've still got a few questions and stuff." I said truthfully. "Sure, do you wanna wait until we order first?" We were just outside Alberto's now. "Yeah, I suppose." We went inside, I ordered a white coffee and Ryan ordered a hot chocolate with whipped cream, I smiled thinking that that was something a kid would order and not a grown man but I didn't say anything, he caught me smiling but he never said anything. We took our customary seat near the window. "So what do you wanna ask me?" I chewed my lip, I had a few things that I wanted to ask but I had to be careful not to put it in a way where it seemed like I was annoyed. "On the date where I took you out to Knockhill, you mentioned that you thought I was stressed because you thought I couldn't afford to pay for the night out, was it because of the way I was dressed or how I looked?" Ryan shook his head, "No, you don't dress like most people, you don't look like most people, but that's not to say you look poor or anything, I know that most of your stuff isn't..." he paused as he chose his next words carefully. "high-end designer stuff, to be honest, neither is mine, the only reason I wear designer stuff is because my parents still buy me it, I don't go out of my way to buy it. Anyway, that wasn't why I said what I said and I really didn't mean to offend you that night, honestly." "If that wasn't why you said it then why did you say it?" Ryan shifted awkwardly in his chair, clearly he was uncomfortable, "I don't know, I've just always been aware that you were different from most people over here at uni. I just sort of noticed; I wasn't stalking you or anything like that. I guess, I've just sort of always known that you weren't loaded," Ryan said shifting uncomfortably. Great! So he thought I was poor and has thought that for so long that he can't even remember why he thought that in the first place. I took a deep breath, "I'm not poor, honestly. I'm not loaded either though and - " "I don't care," Ryan said speaking over me and smiling. "There are thousands of people at this uni with money and most of them are stuck-up twats, money doesn't mean anything, I'd rather kick around with guys like you and Danny and Alex than guys like Ben." I scrunched my face up, "Ben's not stuck -up," I said more aggressively than I intended. "I know, I know," Ryan said panicked. "I just meant people like him who're really rich and stuff, Ben seems cool." I took a calming breath, "He is," I reaffirmed. I took a sip of my coffee now and Ryan took some of his Hot Chocolate. "On the second date, you sort of..." I paused for a nice way to say it, but there really wasn't, "you sort of interrogated me." Ryan smiled, "That was Danny's doing." Ryan was turning red again and staring at his mug. "After the first date or the second date or whatever you wanna call it, after we got back from Knockhill, I told Danny I really liked you, and he asked me some stuff about you, like 'what's his favourite movie?' and I didn't know the answer. I wanted out of the agreement I had made with him but he said that I still barely knew you and that I had to slow down and find out a bit about you. So on the next date I was determined to find out as much about you as humanly possible, but we were going to the cinema so I had to find out as much about you as possible before we got there and the movie started." I smiled, "We didn't have to go to the pictures, we could have done something else if you'd wanted?" "No, I love the pictures, really, it's one of my favourite places," Ryan said sincerely. I nodded my head before I took another sip of my coffee. "On the last date, you seemed really abrupt and - " "I wanted to get back to see Danny," Ryan interrupted. "He was heading back to his mum's house and I wanted to talk to him before he left. He was planning on staying there overnight. I wanted to tell him that I was finished with his go-slow mentality and that I had been on three kiss-free dates and I knew lots about you, that's why I was in a hurry," he smiled shyly. "I didn't really anticipate you making a move on me, and I'm really, really sorry for turning away." His face was turning slightly red again as he looked down at his hot chocolate, "I wouldn't do that again," he muttered. I took another sip of my coffee giving myself time to digest everything he had said, was it all true? If not, then he was one amazing liar. Was there anything else I wanted to ask him? I had asked myself so-long 'What does this guy want from me?' that I had forgotten what I wanted from him? Did I still like him? Could we still strike up a meaningful friendship or something more? And what about Gregg? I bounced my leg on the ball of my foot totally unsure about what to do next. "I believe you, I suppose." I answered. "It's all true, honestly." "But, it's just... couldn't you have told me about not kissing on the first few dates, I would have respected that, you didn't even have to mention that it had anything to do with Danny." Ryan brushed his hair out of his face absentmindedly, "I was afraid you'd think I was some sort of prude or something. I'm not the type of guy to have sex on the first date or anything like that...." My mind flashed back to Gregg and then snapped back to the here and now. "But I'm not a square from the nineteen-fifties or anything either." He fidgeted with his hair again. "I don't really know what to say," I confessed. Ryan screwed his face up; "we could still be friends or something else or something..." he trailed off grumbling slightly. With everything that had happened, being friends probably wasn't a bad outcome, moreover, I don't really know how I feel about him right now. "Do you wanna head to the pictures just now? As friends?" I asked. Ryan looked at me dumbstruck before he recovered himself, "does that mean you're not mad at me for everything?" "I wouldn't go that far," I said smiling and widening my eyes, "I just wish you would have been straight with me and said that you didn't wanna kiss on the first few date or something, or you could have told me that you were gay or dropped me a few hints or something before the first time you kissed me. You really blindsided me with that," I said chuckling. Ryan joined in as well. "So, I mean, if you still wanna be mates and stuff then we could head to the pictures," I suggested again. I wanted to make it clear that I didn't know where I wanted this to go but I didn't want him thinking that I still hated him. "Definitely," he beamed. I felt that familiar tingle down my spine again. We walked outside and it was much darker now, the journey to the cinema was hurried as the wind battered us as we made our way down the street. When we got inside the cinema, Ryan said that he had sort of wanted to see this Japanese 3-D horror movie for a while but had no one to go with because it wasn't Danny's thing, I couldn't help but smile, it sounded exactly like my thing. We made our way into the cinema hall and Ryan charged on ahead to the back row, usually we sat near the middle but I suppose if it's a 3-D movie he may prefer sitting at the back. Ryan nibbled away on his popcorn whilst I ripped the head off giant gummy-dolphins and wolfed gummy cola- bottles down my gullet. After ripping the head off a particularly stretchy dolphin, I began chomping vivaciously whilst I held the body of my victim out in front of me as I continued to watch the trailers. Then I saw Ryan making a move in my periphery vision, I looked down at my hands and Ryan was stealing a bite of my dolphin whilst I wasn't paying attention, his eyes looked up and met mine whilst he clamped his teeth around the body of the giant gummy dolphin, he pulled his head back grinning whilst the dolphin stretched and finally broke, I felt a huge stirring in my jeans, I don't know why but that looked amazingly hot! I let out a laugh and shook my head, "thief," I proclaimed. Ryan just smiled at me evilly, it was unbelievable how much he was turning me on right now, I picked up the bag of pic n' mix and sat it in between my legs so I could hide what was going on in my boxers and hopefully give it time to go down, but Ryan moved his leg and rested it against mine, it was only a small piece of physical contact, it shouldn't be that big of a deal but I had major heat emanating from my face and severe tingles shooting down my back now. Finally the movie started and things started to calm down, at least off-screen, on-screen, things were intense, there were crazed Samurai demons massacring victims left, right and centre in a bloodbath that would have given any American slasher-movie a run for its money. I stole a few glances at Ryan as the pale light from the screen shone on his elegant features; he was smiling and nibbling away at his popcorn. He looked like a different person from the guy I was used to seeing walking around uni, his face was more relaxed, he didn't look anxious, he just looked... happy which was only further augmented by the exaggerated 3-d glasses he was wearing. He epitomised the look of a hot, happy geek. I sneaked another glance and caught him staring at me; I shot my head back towards the screen and smiled as I felt the blood rushing to my face again. When the movie was over we got up and made our way out of the fire exit and began walking home. "So, what did you think of it?" Ryan asked. "It was brilliant," I said stifling a surprised laugh. "Japanese Samurai mutant demons, and in 3-D, what's there not to love about that?" "I thought you'd like it," Ryan smiled. "Do you want another dolphin for later on?" I asked holding out the considerably lighter bag of pic n' mix. "Thanks," Ryan said taking a dolphin from the bag before he stopped; evidently we had come to the end of the night. "So, eh, I guess I'll see you around and stuff," I said. Ryan took a step forward still looking at the bag of pic n' mix with a grin on his face, "Do you have any cola bottles left?" he asked looking in the bag. "Oh well, none," he said nonchalantly. He looked up from the bag and stared into my eyes, for the first time, in Ryan's company, I knew what was coming, I knew what was coming and I wanted it. He moved his head forwards and our lips touched, almost exactly like the last time only, this time, much more happened, I leaned into him and I felt him put his arms around me while we tenderly kissed, my arms went around his side and I clenched my fist around the bag of pic n' mix as I felt a passion stirring. This wasn't like the kiss I had shared with Gregg. This wasn't lustful tonsil tennis, this was something more. We broke apart and Ryan had the biggest grin imaginable on his face, I couldn't help but smile back, and yet... "What's wrong?" Ryan asked. "Am I that bad a kisser?" He laughed half-heartedly, clearly self- conscious. "No, it's not that." "Then what is it?" He shot back anxiously. I looked down at the bag of pic n' mix, "That was... special but..." I paused unsure how I could word my feelings. "But..." Ryan hastened. "I do believe you, about everything you said earlier..." "But you just don't really trust me," Ryan said defeated. I looked up into his eyes briefly and shook my head; he had found the words that I couldn't. "I'm just so unsure," I said. Ryan looked down at the bag of pic n' mix thoughtfully. "Do you remember after our first time at the pictures, after I kissed you, you came to the flat the next day and you asked me to go out on a date with you?" "I remember." "You asked me to give you another chance." I knew what he was getting at; I knew what he was asking. "You'd still wanna go out with me knowing I'm in two minds about you?" I asked. Ryan nodded seriously before looking back into my eyes, "I don't blame you for not trusting me, not after everything that's happened, I probably wouldn't trust me just now," he smiled. "We can take it slow, and if nothing happens, then at least we've gained a friendship. Please," he pleaded. A warm smile swam across my face, how could I say no to him? Not while I was still unsure as to how I felt about him. "OK." I caved. A huge grin broke out across Ryan's face, "So can I pick you up tomorrow at eight and we can head to the pictures again, maybe get something to eat before it and just talk?" I smiled, "I'd like that." Ryan swung the dolphin in his hand up to his lips by the tail and caught the head in his mouth, I smiled and reached up and gave him a kiss on the cheek, "G'night Ryan." To Be Continued... Send any feedback to: kyro3@hotmail.co.uk I hope you enjoyed it and thanks for reading!!!