Date: Fri, 14 May 2004 14:19:16 -0400 From: Jason Leigh Subject: Up Close and Personal-Chapter 4 The story is fiction. It isn't based on any real characters, events, places and situations. There is no relationship between the names used and that of any real person. CHAPTER 4: "What were you thinking? Are you crazy?" "Calm down Jenny." "Calm down? He left you, he never called or gave you a reason why, then shows up suddenly and you take him back. Shane, am I missing something here?" "He's sorry and he needed some time alone to think..." "Drew's a fucking bastard who dumped you" interrupted Jenny. "Why can't you see that?" "We're better off together. Me and Drew realized that and we're gonna make it work this time." "Aaaaaaaaaah" screamed Jenny. "Are you blind? What's going to happen later when he needs some time to think alone? Is he gonna leave again? "Its not gonna happen, and even if it does, I'll deal with it." "Yeah sure, like you dealt with it the last time huh? Shane ignored her question and said "Drew's gonna be here any moment now and ..." "I don't care. He's bad for you, Shane. You were over him. You told me that. He's hurt you so many times and he's going to do it again. Does he even love you? No.... wait a minute, I should ask you that. Do you still love him?" "Jenny I don't want to get into this now..." "Answer me, Shane. Do you love him?" "Oh-kay," replied Shane slowly. "I don't think I have to tell you everything I feel..." "Just answer the fucking question, damn it. DO YOU LOVE HIM?" "NO! NO! IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT TO HEAR? NO! I DON'T LOVE HIM." Jenny stared at him in silence for a few moments then asked, "So why did you take him back?" Shane took his time answering, staring in space for a while, "Because there's no one else out there for me. Because I hate going to bed ever night, all alone, and I hate waking up every morning alone. Because I wonder if Drew is my last chance at happiness...you know how everyone's supposed to have this great love of their life, a knight in shining armor who comes and sweeps them off their feet, well maybe I don't have one. Or maybe I missed my chance with him or maybe...fuck... I don't know. Maybe I don't want to meet my Knight, maybe he's too fucking busy doing something or saving some fucking damsel...or should I say guy... in distress, but you know what? I don't fucking care. I'm with Drew now. I'm fucking tired of waiting for "The One", I don't even know if he exists. I just want to be someone now, and I guess I'll settle for Drew. Jenny chewed her bubblegum in silence, pondering what Shane had just said. She realized how right he was; she just wished he was with someone else, other than Drew. Shane continued, "Who knows, maybe I'll learn to love him again. He came back to me Jenny and I can't ignore that. We're gonna try it out again, and maybe it'll work this time." "I may not know much about long term relationships Shane, but what you've got with Drew doesn't sound like the formula to one." "Well I guess I'll just have to find out myself, won't I?" "Yes, you will Shane. And I'll be right here with open arms, waiting to tell you, I told you so." "I'm sure you will, Jenny." "SHANE! I'm serious", said Jenny in exasperation. "About what?" "This...you never listen to me! Remind me again why I'm your best friend." "Uhh...because no one else would have you?" "I mean it Shane. Drew's a fucking..." "Don't even start that again, Jenny. We've been through it already. Your ranting isn't gonna make me change my mind." "I know...I just don't want you getting hurt again." "I won't." Jenny sighed in defeat, she knew she wasn't getting anywhere with this line of conversation. She decided to change the subject, focusing her attention on the music playing in the room. "Why do you insist on listening to this crap?" "What crap?" "This" She held up an empty Celine Dion CD case. "That's her new one. It's really good, you should ...," replied Shane. "Shane, her music is overrated, sentimental crap. I'll give you two uses for any Celine Dion CD, the first is this." Jenny grabbed her mug of coffee and placed it on the CD case. "As a coaster." Shane smiled and said, "Well what's the second?" "Torture, of course." Jenny replied with all seriousness. "You wanna punish someone? Tell them you'll lock'em up in a room for 24 hours, with a Celine Dion CD playing." Shane couldn't keep the laughter from his voice as he said in Celine Dion's defense, "Her voice is terrific and ...Drew! You're here." Drew strode over to Shane's desk, ignoring Jenny. "Sorry I'm late...got held up by traffic." He leaned over and Shane raised his head to kiss him gently. He'd meant to make it short and started to withdraw, but Drew's hands held his face firmly in place, making the kiss even more demanding. He felt Drew's tongue on his lips and was about to open his mouth in response when he remembered that they weren't alone. He jerked back and nodded his head toward Jenny. Drew glanced at her briefly then turned back and kissed Shane one more time. Sitting on the desk he feigned surprise as if he'd just seen her, "Jennifer." "Andrew." replied Jenny. "How are you?" "Pretty good ... actually life's been great...I grew a few inches; doctors are baffled by my sudden growth spurt. You?" Shane bit down on his lip in an attempt to keep from laughing out loud. Drew raised his eyebrow at her reply then smirked and said, "It's good to see you." "Can't say the same for you" replied Jenny as she studied her fingernails intently. Folding his arms in obvious frustration, he asked her, "Where's your broomstick, Jennifer? Shouldn't you be off to the witches' convention tonight?" Shane let out small chuckle and received a glaring look from Jenny. She then smiled at Drew and replied sweetly, "No, Andrew that was yesterday, pity you missed it, although I'm sure your duties as head of the Heartbreakers Society keeps you pretty busy, huh? Drew opened his mouth to reply but Shane interrupted quickly "Alright kids, stop fighting." He knew if he didn't intervene they'd be at it all night. "Jenny I'll see you tomorrow, Drew we'd better leave, I'm starving." Jenny winked goodbye to Shane then closed the door behind her as she left. Drew remarked, "There goes your own personal guard dog." "Just drop it alright?" replied Shane. "Can't you two at least try to be civil to each other?" "She doesn't like me" replied Drew. "You don't like her either but it doesn't mean..." "I tried Shane. She acts like she's your mom ... you need to tell her to back off." "Jenny's just ..." Shane paused then sighed, running his fingers through his hair. "Let's not argue...tonight's supposed to be special, right? Where're you taking me?" Drew smiled, "Well, there's this great Italian place I discovered..." *********** "Jake, are you sure he said he was coming?" asked Jay Knight. "Yeah, he should've been here hours ago" Jake replied. "I know Leo's never early but this is fucking ridiculous," said Dave. "We haven't had one real practice since we came back from Japan," said Jay as he walked in circles around the room. "He's worse now, he either doesn't show up at all or he shows up and can't remember the words to his own fucking songs." "Calm down guys" said Paul. "I'm sure he'll be here soon." "Fuck that Paul... I'm his back up but I don't have to take this. You deal with him. I'm outta here." said Jay as he grabbed his jacket and stormed out of the room. Terry Daniels, who'd been calling Leo's room nonstop since they got to studio, finally slammed the phone down in annoyance. "Where the hell is he? What's going on? It's as if he's back to his old habits again ... is he on drugs again, Paul? Cos I remember this happening when ...?" "No!" exclaimed Paul. "He isn't. I'd know if Leo was using. Maybe ... maybe it's Joni. They just broke up..." "Don't play dumb Paul" said Dave. "Leo's never been like this over a chick. The only thing that makes him act up is drugs. Yesterday he could barely speak, walked in here like a fucking zombie, couldn't sing one damn note, and you say he's clean. Give me a fucking break. Since we're clean, the question is Paul, where the fuck is he getting drugs from?" Paul shook his head in disagreement "No way, Leo's been clean for over a year now. I'm sure he's just going through a hard time. Besides if he doesn't get drugs from me or you guys then, where?" "Maybe he's got a new dealer or ..." Jake cleared his throat nervously, trying to get their attention. "Uhhh...yesterday morning...uh... Leo comes up to me and uhh...he says he hasn't been sleeping too good and he needs umm...a coupla of umm... sleeping pills..." "WHAT?" yelled Paul, jumping off his chair in anger. "YOU FUCKING IDIOT. WHAT THE FUCK DID I TELL YOU ABOUT GETTING LEO DRUGS? ARE YOU FUCKING INSANE? WHAT DID YOU GET HIM?" "Umm...just a coupla of umm... roofies...umm...Rohypnol" replied Jake. "Oh Shit!" said Dave and Terry in unison. "I'm sorry Paul, I shoulda told ..." said Jake, his voice quavering in anxiety. Paul grabbed his car keys heading for the door, "Forget it Jake. You're fired," he said as he headed out the door. "Get the fuck out of here." "Wait up, I'm coming with you" yelled Terry running out to join Paul. "Me too" said Dave. Turning to look at Jake before he left the room, he said, "You should've said something..." Jake put his head in his hands, shaking it in regret "Fuck...I didn't think anything would..." Dave interrupted "Well you should've thought something damn it, Leo's only been out of rehab a year now. How could you...?" "Oh God...I'm so sorry..." Dave said nothing as he shut the door quietly behind him. ********** He stared at the pills. One... two... three... four... five... six... seven... eight... nine... ten... eleven... all the way to twenty. When he closed his left eye and looked with only his right eye, there were twenty pills. When he tried looking with only his left eye, there were still twenty pills. He shook the bottle in confusion; it was empty. He'd been sure there were ten left, but now he was seeing twenty. Oh wait a second, when he looked with both eyes, there were just ten pills. He laughed out loud at his stupidity. He put the bottle to his mouth and took a long swig of whiskey. As he set the bottle down, he wondered how it had gone down so quickly. He hadn't taken that much he thought, just one or two drinks... or had he? He couldn't remember. He looked around, maybe there was also someone here drinking. The suite was empty; he was alone. Alone...that was the story of his life. He smiled at the thought then popped another pill. He'd counted out twenty-five pills, he figured that each pill stood for one year in his life and now there were nine left. He burst out in laughter again, that meant he was nine years old. He'd thought for sure he'd be sleeping by now, but he wasn't. He just felt really drowsy. He swallowed another pill. He tried to lift the bottle again but it fell out of his grasp, unto the floor spilling all its remaining content. That amused him and he giggled. His own laughter sounded like it was coming from miles away, and he wondered why. His eyes closed gradually and he was about to lay his head on the table when the phone rang. That was probably the hundredth time someone was calling, he ignored it and swallowed the five more pills in quick succession. He knew he was supposed to be somewhere but he couldn't remember. He leaned down to pick the empty bottle on the floor, but fell off the chair in the chair in the process. He tried to lift himself up, but he felt very weak. His head felt very light, and he seemed to be seeing double. Licking his dry lips, he began contemplating how to get himself up. His eyes began to close and sleep overcame him before he completed a single thought. ********** They'd been knocking on the door but there was no answer. "I don't think he can hear us," said Terry. "Maybe he isn't there," said Dave hopefully. Paul stared at the door thoughtfully. "He's in there, I just know it." "How're we gonna find out?" asked Dave. In reply, Paul took a few steps backward, and then slammed himself sideways into the door, trying to break it open with his weight. "Umm...Paul, I don't think you can do that," said Terry. He pointed to the electronic lock on the door which needed a smart card to open it. "Fuck" muttered Paul quietly to himself. "I thought we could do this quietly. He turned to Terry, "We're gonna have to ask for help." Twenty minutes later, the door was finally opened and they rushed into the suite. Paul heaved a huge sigh of relief when they'd searched the suite and found nothing. He smiled happily and said, "I guess he's not here after all." "Sir?" said the concierge who'd helped them open the door. "We haven't been up stairs yet." "There's an up stairs?" asked Paul in surprise. They'd been through two living rooms, three bedrooms and three bathrooms...and there was more? They found Leo sprawled out on the floor next to the dining table. His skin was pale and moist, and his dark hair fell untidily over his handsome face. Paul pulled out his cell phone and dialed 911. Dave knelt down next to Leo and looked closely at his chest. "Oh God, Paul, I don't think he's breathing." Terry grabbed Leo's wrist and felt his pulse. "No, he's still alive. His pulse is very faint. I can barely feel it." Paul finished making the call and they all stared in anxious silence, at Leo's unconscious form. ********** Shane moaned out in pleasure when Drew took his nipple into his mouth and sucked on it hungrily. His hands traced patterns across Drew's back as Drew began kissing his way down. Shane opened his eyes and watched him, remembering what he loved best about his partner's body. Drew was softer than he was, his abs weren't as hard, and his body was lean and supple like a swimmer. Drew stuck his tongue into his navel before he got to Shane's cock then moved down and took him into his mouth. Shane let out a small cry and Drew raised his head smiling, "Has it been that long?" Shane didn't answer; instead he put his hands on the back of Drew's head and pushed his hips forward. Drew opened his mouth and licked the head of Shane's cock slowly. Then he stared teasingly at Shane and said, "How much do you want it?" Shane gulped hard and replied, "How much do you wanna do it?" Drew smiled then said "Good answer." With that he bent again, holding Shane's hard cock and took him in his mouth as far as he could. Shane shut his eyes and ran his hands through Drew's long dark hair. Drew thought he cried out because it'd been a long time since he'd been someone. Actually it was because he'd remembered the last person he'd been with, just two weeks ago. Oh God he didn't want to think of Leo now. He opened his eyes to get rid of the images of Leo, and stared at Drew. He took his hands off Drew's head when he realized that they both had dark hair which was almost the same color; although but Leo's shorter hair was a few shades darker. Fuck, couldn't he have sex without thinking of Leo? Despite Drew's ministrations, Shane felt himself going soft. He suddenly wished he was somewhere else. He looked at the mute television screen, which provided the only light in the room. Ten o'clock news...hmmm...maybe something interesting had happened in the world today. "Oh my God," he yelled, pushing a very surprised Drew off him. "Where's the remote?" "Shane! What the fuck is your problem?" "The remote...where is it?" yelled Shane. He searched the bed for it, pulling the sheets wildly. Drew calmly passed it to Shane, who grabbed it and turned up the volume. A female reporter's voice came on as they watched the image of paramedics placing someone on a stretcher in an ambulance. "...unconscious from a drug overdose and was rushed to Pine Valley hospital early this evening. Reports indicate that alcohol and prescription sleep medication were found at the scene. It's unclear if this overdose was accidental or a suicide attempt. Leo Malone was in New York, ahead of a concert at Madison Square Garden next week. It is now unclear if this concert will go on as planned." Shane was white as a sheet; he stared at TV in shock. Leo? Drug overdose? When? How? Why? Suicide attempt? That meant he was still alive... right? He heard Drew's voice faintly, asking him in a question. "Huh?" "I said what the fuck is your problem?" Drew asked angrily. "Ummm ...Leo... I know him... I ...Oh God... in Los Angeles I interviewed him ... He... I can't believe he did this." "So you stopped us making love, for this? I don't fucking understand you Shane. He's just another drugged up singer..." "No... no... he's not like that... he's..." said Shane distractedly as he got off the bed and began searching through his scattered clothes on the floor. "What're you looking for now?" asked Drew in irritation. "Huh? Oh...my cell phone... I've got to call...I don't know his number..." "Call who?" "Paul...Paul Golden, Leo's manager. I've got to know how Leo's doing." "FUCK" He said angrily when he couldn't find it. "No, Shane...fuck you." said Drew angrily, as he kicked the clothes on the floor. He walked furiously to the bathroom, and slammed the door behind him. Shane glanced at the door briefly. He knew he should go in and apologize. He started walking there, and then changed his mind. Drew could wait; he had to call Paul... find out how Leo was doing. Now, if only he could find his damn cell phone. *********** Leo's eyes fluttered open then closed again. He heard a voice say, "Thank God you're awake." "Paul?" He thought. "What's Paul doing here? Where was he?" Opening his eyes slowly, he saw Paul standing over him, a concerned look on his face. "Where am I?" he asked softly. "Pine Valley Hospital" replied Paul. "Huh?" he thought, blinking in surprise. "Why?" Paul ignored his question and asked instead "How're you feeling?" "I'm fine...," he began, and then he realized that he wasn't. "I'm thirsty..." He put his hand to his throat, then his stomach. "I feel...horrible." Paul held a glass of water with a straw to his lips. Leo took a few sips, and then leaned back on his pillow. "What happened?" "Your stomach was pumped last night," replied Paul. Leo winced at the thought. "You don't remember anything?" asked Paul. "If I did Paul, I won't be asking you." Paul sighed then said, "Well... roofies do that to you." Leo said nothing, watching Paul intently. "You tried to kill yourself Leo," began Paul. "You took about thirty sleeping pills last night..." "Yesterday?" asked Leo. He thought he'd been here for a long time. "Yeah... we found you... me, Terry and Dave... in your hotel." Leo smiled bitterly and said, "Well, fuck you very much." Paul replied, "Well I don't expect you to be happy..." "No... no... Paul, I'm sorry...I didn't mean it..." began Leo. "Yes, you did." Leo didn't correct him. "You tried to kill yourself and we stopped you," continued Paul. "I have no regrets. I'll do it again and again and again." Leo looked at Paul uncomfortably. For the first time, he noticed how disheveled he looked. His eyes were tired and bloodshot, his suit rumpled and his tie undone. "Were you here all night?" he asked. "Yeah," replied Paul. "Uh... thanks," he said. Paul yawned and rubbed his eyes. "The doctor's gonna be here in a while. He said you'll be out by noon today." Leo nodded. "I booked... umm... an appointment with Dr. Greene for you at 2pm" Leo sat up suddenly. "No, I don't need a shrink Paul. I'm fine. I wasn't trying to kill myself. There're easier ways to do that..." Paul slammed his fist into the wall in annoyance. "Don't give me that shit, Leo. You downed thirty roofies last night... with alcohol... what else were you trying to do? Get a good night's sleep? One would've been enough." Leo shook his head. "I'm fine...that's not gonna happen again... I... don't need Dr. Greene..." "Atlantis called last night Leo" interrupted Paul. "You're becoming a liability, your concert next week is off and they're losing money... they're thinking of canceling your contract. They can't take this any more... Fuck...I'm your friend Leo and even I can't take this anymore. You've always been self destructive... but this... can't you see you're hurting everyone around you? You've gotta go back into detox or your contract's over. I don't know what brought this on...I'm not even gonna ask... Dr Greene's a good guy. He helped you the last time and he'll help you again. You don't have to stay there long... just get your life back on track..." Leo leaned back down on the bed. He closed his eyes in an effort to stop the tears. He didn't succeed. Paul turned away quickly so that Leo wouldn't see that he could see him crying. The loud sound of a phone ringing suddenly invaded the room. Paul thrust his hand in his pocket, found his cell phone and answered it. "Paul Golden... uh huh... no ... I have no comment. No... no... Please refer to the Press release for any further information... no... No comment... Good bye." He hung up and then turned to Leo, "Fucking reporters... been calling me all day. Everyone wants an interview with you." Leo sniffed and said nothing. "So what's it gonna be?" asked Paul. "I'll see Dr Greene" he replied in a small voice. Paul smiled "You're doing the right thing." Uncomfortable silence filled the room then Paul remembered something, "Shane Roderick's been calling..." Leo inhaled sharply and sat up, "Wha..." "I said Shane Roderick's been calling. Wanted to know how you're doing. I thought you'd wanna know." Leo nodded, wondering, "Why was Shane calling? Did he really care how he was doing? Was he calling because of his show, maybe he wanted an interview? Or maybe he still wants me... no... he's with someone else now..." As if guessing what Leo was thinking, Paul answered, "He's the only one that didn't call for an interview." "Oh..." said Leo in surprise. "How did you know I..." "You'd be surprised about everything I know," replied Paul. "What are you talking about?" Paul sighed then took a seat. "What the hell's going on with you and Shane?" When Leo didn't answer, Paul continued, "You gave yourself away, Leo; you hate the press more than me and during the interview you were friendly to him... hell ... you were actually nice. You're never nice to anyone. Then getting his hotel address and later his telephone number from me, breaking up with Joni in Japan..." "That doesn't mean anything..." began Leo. Paul interrupted, "I know you spent the night with him in Los Angeles." Leo gasped in surprise, "Who told you?" "Jake" replied Paul. "You had no fucking right to spy on me...," said Leo angrily. "I'm your manager Leo; I've got to look out for you." Leo said nothing staring at the wall in front of him. "So are you gonna tell me what's going on?" asked Paul. Leo closed his eyes; he said in a tired voice, "It's a long story Paul." Paul looked at his watch, 8.30 am and replied, "I've got a lot of time." ...To be continued. My thoughts- Okay so this chapter's kinda depressing...I know...couldn't help it. At least there's no cliffhanger this time... right? The next chapter will be a bit more upbeat (I think). Shane was supposed to be the main character, but Leo tends to dominates the story more because he's such a complex, tortured, soul (aren't we all?) and I have more fun writing about him. Here's the answer to two questions I've been asked often- I don't know how this story's going to end because I'm making it up as I go along and I also don't have any other stories on nifty. Any Comments? Thoughts? Questions? Please send them to amabfab@hotmail.com. I love hearing from everybody.