Date: Wed, 18 Aug 2010 21:58:12 -0400 From: J K <firstname.lastname@example.org> Subject: Funny things happen part 20 Funny things happen part 20 - sorry for the delay everyone. Comments always welcome at email@example.com As I lay there in a daze replaying what just happened in my head over and over again, I felt him stir and I then I looked over at the clock, FUCK it was 11:30. I shot up in the bed I had to get to work, but then figured, fuck it, I'm the boss if there's a problem they can handle it, and I lay back down and felt a pair of arms tighten around me again. I looked down to see the top of Josh's head, hair wet with sweat, as my eyes traveled down his back and his legs to his feet. As I was looking for the first time, all of these scars came into view. Two on his back, one on his leg, it was amazing how much his body had gone through and still be able to function as well as he does. But scars and all, he is still the most beautiful creature in the world, one that I love and cherish and don't know what to do with. I don't know whether to consider myself a fool to have let this happen knowing full well that it couldn't just be one time. I don't think I could handle that, especially with him living down the hall from me. My desire and hunger has not been satisfied, only increased 10-fold. As I lay there my head still spinning, I heard a phone start to ring, most likely Mark looking for me after probably calling my office to find me not there. I decided that I probably should answer it, how I would be able to talk or what would come out of my mouth I did not know. I was probably going to sound like a bumbling moron, but it is what it is. I gently slipped out from under Josh's arms went over to get the phone looked at the caller-id, as thought it was Mark. "Hi babe, what happened? I called your office but you didn't answer, is everything ok?" I just stood there staring at Josh really wondering how to respond to that and said, "Yea, everything is OK, but we need to talk again. Want to go for lunch?" I heard him chuckle and he said, "Sure, but go shower first I'm sure that you are full of sweat and cum. And then meet me at the diner on Logan Street. And don't worry everything is fine. Love you, see you in a bit." And then he hung-up. I absolutely hate the fact that he knows me so well, but I guess after so many years, that's the way it is. But he was correct on the fact that I needed shower. Still in a daze, I looked over and saw Josh sleeping like the angel that he was, and then walked out of his room and over to the bathroom. As I stood under the hot water, I just kept replaying what had just happened in my head over and over again. It was the most incredible sensual, erotic and loving thing that had ever happened to me. Something that I had wanted and desired for as many years as I could remember, and now that it did I'm torn between love desire and happiness with one man and love desire and happiness from another. As I got out of the shower to dry myself off I was still in my own world trying to figure out what the hell I was going to do. How I was going to face Mark –even though he clearly knows what happened. It's a funny thing I almost wished that he would hate me and be angry with me for this, it would make everything so much easier. But no, he had to be the most loving and understanding man that existed. What a fucked up world. I walked into my bedroom and again sat down at the bed and stared at myself in the mirror just saying to myself over and over what do I do, what do I do, I suddenly heard a noise from down the hall and then water turning on and realized that Josh must have gotten up as well. I immediately started to get dressed to be sure to avoid anything else from happening in the event that he walked in. Not that it really would have mattered clothed or not, if something were to happen it would happen. As I was finishing my tie, why I don't know because I certainly wasn't going to work. He came up to the door of my bedroom and just stood there watching me but not saying anything. Honestly what could be said right now? Our relationship was so much different now. Everything changed and could never be changed back. And then he said, "You always did look better as a business man than in casual clothes." And for a moment there was absolute silence, and then both of us burst out laughing. At least the tension was broken to some degree. And I said to him, "Well what can I say? Someone has to pay for this place. Can't be casual all the time." He looked at me smiled and said, "You going to see Mark for lunch?" I nodded my head yes and he said "Good, tell him that I love him and thank you. And also, why don't we all have dinner home tonight? I'll cook – no im not THAT crippled anymore. And I promise I wont burn the place down." He came over kissed me on the cheek, then winked at me and walked out of the room. Once again in a daze I walked downstairs put my shoes on and walked out the door. As I stood waiting for the elevator, I turned and looked at the closed door to the apartment and asked myself again, `What the fuck am I going to do?' I stepped into the elevator and as the doors closed and it headed down to the garage level I was contemplating in my head what it was that I was going to say to Mark. How do I say to someone that I do truly love, that I just made love to another man that holds my heart and that I love too. Granted he already knew everything and didn't seem to have a problem with it, which in itself boggled my mind, because in his position I doubt I would be able to handle anything like this. Hell I could barely handle it in my own position. As I got into the car and started to drive to the restaurant, I also started to wonder what Mark was going to say or do. It scared me to think that he might walk away from us, I would feel as if I kicked or forced him out. Or what if he wanted to truly become a part of it, having three-somes and down that line, I don't think I could handle that either. Like I said to myself before, there is no easy way out of this. One way or another someone is going wind up getting hurt, or all 3 of us, the latter being the most likely scenario. As I pulled into the parking lot of the restaurant, I parked in a spot turned off the engine and just sat there staring, I really didn't want to go in. I didn't want to have to deal with this but I knew I had to. I got out and walked over, saw Mark waiting outside, he had a smile on his face held out his arms for a hug and I basically collapsed into them and started to cry. But quickly recomposing myself, we walked into the restaurant sat down at a table, gave our orders and then as the waiter walked away we just stared at each other until finally said, "How are you doing?" I looked back at him with tears in my eyes and said, "It was incredible, but I feel miserable just the same. He and I made a `deal' that it would be just a one time thing. That it was something we both had to do, and then everything would be back to normal and he would go back to school and we would move on and live life the way it should be. But Mark is that possible? I mean could anything really go back to `normal' whatever that is?" He just looked at me and said, "It can be done. The problem is, can you handle that? Can he handle it? Truthfully I think he could, but I don't think you can. David, ultimately it is your choice as to what happens going forward here. You know how I feel about it. You know what I would do for you and for him – and that is anything and everything, no matter what. I told you from the beginning that I knew who your heart belonged to. I know that you love me and are in love with me, I don't doubt that for a second, and I love and am in love with you too. And I love Josh too, I consider him to be my own son too , none of those things will EVER change. " And I looked at him and into his eyes and I knew that he meant every word that he said, I just didn't know what to do and said, "I don't know what to do, I really don't. " He just smiled and reached across the table took my hand in his, and said, "Yes you do. You just habe to realize and accept it." I just smiled at him, and then looked at my watch and realized I did have to go to work, and so did he. I looked at him and said, "Come on let's get out of here I've got to get to the office and so do you. Josh want's us home for dinner. I know don't ask, I just agreed, it was easier than fighting him on it." He looked at me smiled, gave me a kiss and said, "OK I'll see you at home later, love you." And then got into his truck and drove off, leaving me standing there in a daze. I called the office and just decided that I wasn't going in, there was no point to it I wouldn't be able to concentrate anyway, I would just be sitting there lost in my little land of no where. I didn't really know where to go, I wasn't ready to go back home, so I just got in the car and started to drive around in circles, just the way that my mind was going-circling around the same issue of what to do, what to do. Finally I decided that I would go over to the beach and sit on the sand and watch the ocean crash onto the shore. It was something that I hadn't done by myself since I was in Miami many years ago, maybe it would help. Who knows. As I sat there on the sand just staring into the ocean and watching the sun slowly go down, I realized that as much as I wanted this relationship to work out, and as much as I wanted to be with my son forever it was just not possible. Not only could I not get rid of Mark, but I realized that Josh was going to go back to college this semester and would be away from home again anyway. So I guess in a way Josh was right, we made love to each other and then everything was going to go back to normal-at least as much as possible. But all that aside, I did have a small pit in my stomach about why he was so adamant about having us all home for dinner tonight. Time to find out. I left the beach and drove back home, it was 7:30 already, so I'm sure that everyone was home already and I actually realized before walking in that no one had even called me for the past three or four hours, then again they both knew me well enough that I probably just didn't want to be bothered for a while. As I walked into the apartment the scent of roasted chicken traveled into my nostrils, and I knew immediately that this was grounds for a big discussion. A roasted chicken meant that Josh prepared one of his favorite dinners that he used to spend hours in the kitchen putting together, usually for when we had dinner parties that were smaller gatherings and that we decided not to have professionally catered. I closed the door to the apartment and walked towards the kitchen and was greeted by two of the most beautiful men that I had ever seen both of which I loved dearly. I was kissed on each side of my face and Mark said, "Hey babe, I was starting to wonder what happened to you. Josh, he was surprised that you were even able to walk this afternoon after this morning," grinning at me. Great so not only did he and I discuss it, he and Josh talked about it too. Fantastic, great just what I want to deal with. But he continued on, "Oh come on, don't look so surprised, you knew we'd talk about it. You should be proud, you got high marks from him." I looked over to Josh who had one of those million dollar smiles on and I figured there was no point in avoiding anything might as well just join in and said, "Well let me tell you something, for a newbie I was more than impressed and satisfied. Maybe you should try him out and see if you could learn some pointers from him!" Wow, I couldn't believe that left my mouth. In fact I don't remember ever thinking that before, let alone saying it, but it was said and for a moment there was absolute silence, time seemed to have frozen and remained that way until the oven timer went off and everything came back into motion again. And I decided that before I let this discussion go any further I changed the subject and asked Josh, "So tell me chef, what's the occasion for that you've made one of your banquet dinners for 3? He just looked at me and said, "Because I wanted to, it's been a long time since we all sat together and had dinner that wasn't something quick or pizza. I miss that and before I go back to school next month I wanted to have it again." And there was the answer to all my questions of what to do. And it was quite simple. Nothing. It really was going to go back to just what it was. I was going to have to learn how to get along without him all over again. Then again maybe that was the best case scenario I didn't have to make the decision as to what has to be done. He did it for me- well for us. After hearing that Mark looked at me and could obviously see the look of sadness on my face. I didn't want to lose the one that holds my heart, but truthfully I never really `had' it to begin with. I looked at Josh and said the only thing that I could, "As I've said from the day you were born you are an amazing person. You have done everything you ever put your mind to. No matter what it is or was, if you wanted it you got it. And all of this is no difference, you came back from hanging on to life by a thread to someone who looks as if nothing ever happened. I can't even begin to describe how happy I am for you. However, if you EVER pull a stunt like this again, I will kill you myself. And quite honestly I don't think Mark will be too far behind me either. Got it?" He looked at me and then Mark who had a smile on his face and then at me and said, "Don't worry, I won't. The last year with you two has been nuts. Can't wait to get out of here again!" And then a silence fell over the table before we all just burst out laughing. Although the funny thing was, in thinking about it, I couldn't believe it had already been almost a year since it all happened, He turns 19 in 2 months. We finished eating dinner, and as Mark went into the kitchen to help Josh to clean up dinner , I walked out onto the terrace to just stare into the ocean and contemplate what it was that has just happened in the last 12 hours. I made love to my son, told my lover about it and now my son who I loved more than anything in the world gave me-us what we wanted, that one chance to make love with each other and now he's back off to college and I'm back where I started last year existing with someone that I love dearly and lusting for someone that I just can't have. The question now was, who do I listen to? Do I listen to Josh and go along with everything goes back to "normal" or do I listen to Mark and tell Josh straight out, I want you and don't leave me again? In the midst of my contemplation I never heard the terrace door open and suddenly felt a pair of arms wrap around my waist and then a lick on my ear. I quickly turned around to be faced with sapphire blue eyes and that signature smile of Josh. I stared into eyes for a few minutes and then pushed him back a little and said, "Josh don't do that, I can't handle it, not now. Not with you leaving. I know we agreed this morning that we would make love and everything would go back to normal, but that's not possible for me. You may be going off to college and leaving the situation, but I'm not. I'm still here with Mark, I'm still torn as to what to do. I want to beg you to stay here, stay with me don't leave me again. But I wont do it. You have your own life to lead and you have EVERY right to do it. And I again support you and will help you in any way you need me to. But that being the case we can't do what we did this morning again, I can't handle it. I love you with all my heart. My heart belongs to you no matter what. No matter who I'm with, where I am, what I'm doing I'm yours hands down. And that's all you need to know." He just looked at me and simply said, "I know, I love you too." Then kissed me on the cheek and walked back inside. I was left standing there unhappy with the outcome but not surprised. Though what did puzzle me was why did he go through this insanity to in the end just turn around and let it go? But again I just said fuck it, it's not worth trying to figure out. What's done is done and time to move on. I walked back inside looked into the kitchen where Mark was putting the final dish into the dishwasher and was talking to Josh about whatever, and I just shook my head and walked up the stairs and into my bedroom to fall on to the bed and cry for a while. I don't know for how long I did it, but the next thing I felt was a kiss on my forehead and a gentle voice whispering in my ear, "Sweetie, you OK?" I just looked back at Mark, smiled and said, "Yea I'll be fine, I talked to Josh told him the deal, he responded `OK' and is going back to school next weekend. So it is what it is, we'll go back to what it was and that's it. And I'm good with it, because that's apparently the way that things are supposed to be. He'll go on and live his life and so will we." And I just kissed him on the lips and said, "Come on, get into bed and hold on to me I need you around me." He smiled at me nodded took his clothes off and crawled under the covers, wrapped his arms around me and just whispered, "Everything will be fine my sweet man, I promise." I had a hard time believing him on that, but this point, what choice did I have? I had to believe him. Within what seemed like a blink of an eye we were dropping Josh off at his dorm room again in Stanford and driving back down to San Diego. There was an eerie silence in the car between Mark and I, I don't think either of us knew what to say at this point. Josh was out of the house again and it was just us, we didn't have any trips planned, and I trusted Josh that he wasn't going to pull any more shit – he didn't have to, he clearly knew that all he had to do was ask, nothing more, just ask. I turned and just stared at Mark for a few minutes and then said, "I love you Mark I really do and I can't thank you enough for everything that you have done, for me, for Josh for us. You are an incredible man that I really don't deserve in any which way. And I love you for it, I truly do, I would not have been able to survive any of this without you." He just looked at me, smiled and said, "I love you too David, and you don't have to thank me for anything, I did it because it's you, it's Josh, it's us. We are a family no matter what happens and we stick together one way or another, no matter what the situation is. Got it?" I just smiled back at him and nodded.