Date: Fri, 10 Feb 2012 19:41:57 -0500 (EST)
From: jaks020101@aol.com
Subject: BrothersAtPlay27

Copyright 2011 Josh. ...All Rights Reserved.



Brothers At Play, part 27



During the week, I went swimming with Eric.

"I brought an extra pair of goggles for you.  I thought you might not have
them."

"Thanks," I said, slipping out of my clothes.

"And a pair of Speedos," he said.  I looked at them.  "Everyone wears them
to do laps."  He smiled at me.  I put them against me.  "Yeah, even you can
fit into them."

"Even me?  What does that mean?"

He smiled, pulled his on and said, "See, you just reach in and tuck."

I pulled off my boxers, pulled up the Speedos, reached in and moved my junk
around and tucked.

"Come on," he said.  "You've worn a jock and a cup."

I looked down and said, "Yeah, but I didn't walk onto the field with just a
jock on."

"Like you care," he said, shoving our stuff into a locker.

It was amazing to watch him glide effortlessly through the water Ðor so it
looked.  I struggled, but did better than I thought I would.  We were in an
Olympic sized pool, but the lanes were roped off across the width of the
pool, not the length.  Eric and I shared a lane.  Each time he'd pass me,
I'd watch him under the water, as he'd glide by me.  His body looked
amazing as he stretched and stroked. His package looked inviting.  I better
stop this, I thought.  In these things, if I pull wood, everyone will know.

We showered together.  "What do you think?"

"Actually, I think it would be a good workout.  Maybe I could join you once
a week."

"Sure.  I'd like that.  It's easier to do when there's someone else working
out with me."

I thought about asking him to join my brothers and me, Greg and James when
we ran and worked out, but I had no doubt that then there would have to be
the ÔI'm gay', conversation.  Walking back to the dorms with him I thought
about how much I hated being in that situation.  I knew I was being a
coward.  If he got weird with me, his loss is what my head said, but my gut
yelled up to my head, "danger, danger, rejection, humiliation, you can't
handle it.

We walked back to the dorms and had dinner.  I had two hours scheduled to
work, but then I was staying at the library to study.  He went to the
library with me.  I liked being friends with Eric.  He seemed shy but
sincere and thoughtful.  He didn't talk much about himself, mostly classes,
working out, studying, papers, exams, his roommate.  I knew he didn't have
a girlfriend at home and I wondered why he wasn't dating anyone.  He was
hot, I thought.  Kevin said he'd fuck him.  I thought to ask why he wasn't
dating, but then that would bring the question to me and I didn't want to
go there.  In reality, a lot of the guys in the dorms weren't dating.  A
lot of the guys were focused on studies.  Some just seemed to be partying.

My dad always goes to sleep early.  My mom stays up and reads.  When I got
back to the dorms, I called my mother.  We talked a lot about school,
grades, my brothers Ðthe usual.  "When I come home for Thanksgiving, I'm
thinking about telling Dad that I'm gay."

"Okay, if that's what you've decided.  You're brothers are coming down, so
they'll be here.  Is there anything I can do to make this easier on you?"
I was surprised she seemed so okay with it, but then she's always on my
side.

"Just be there.  He's going to go ballistic.  I'm not going to let him hit
me.  I'll leave if he tries.  I'm thinking about calling Uncle Robert and
asking him if I can come over there if I need a place to stay overnight."

"Don't worry.  I promise you won't get hit, but I think it's a good idea
for you to call Robert.  What will Kevin do?"

"He said he's going to tell Dad too.  So, Uncle Robert might need to put
both of us up."

"Don't do it on Thanksgiving Day.  Maybe Friday or if you want to wait
until Saturday.  You're leaving early Sunday right?"

"Yeah.  We're leaving here Wednesday morning and we'll get there that
night."

"Why have you decided to do this now?"

"I'm not completely sure.  I thought about what John said.  I mean I think
he's a coward for what he said about being in the middle, but I'm being
more of a coward by not doing this."

"You're not a coward, but I've been thinking about this and reading about
it."

"About me telling Dad?"

"About coming out.  I talked to your Uncle and Mark.  I've read and they've
said that when you have integrity, do you know what I mean by that?"

"Being honest."

"Being honest with yourself and others," she said.  "Being as you are.
People who have integrity have an inner strength.  I think you confuse
being a coward with not feeling that inner strength that comes from just
being yourself.  A strength to survive what you fear might happen when you
come out."

I told her about Brad and I becoming closer after I told him and about
Eric.  "I feel really comfortable around Brad.  I joke with him about stuff
I never thought I'd joke about with a straight guy.  I feel like he and I
could be friends for life.

"I really like Eric," I said.  "I like him a lot, but I don't feel
comfortable with him and I can't imagine us being friends, really good
friends."

"Has he said anything against gay people?"

"No.  Never.  We never talk about anything gay."  I told her how I avoided
asking him further into my life.

"Well, then that's either about something you're picking up about him,
which you need to take seriously, or it's about your not being honest."

"Yeah, so how do I find out?"

"How do you think?  How did you find out with Brad?"

"Your right," I said and sighed.  "It's just so hard.  I mean Brad told me
he was okay with it before I told him."

"Life can't always be easy, Joshua.  Maybe after you tell your father,
telling Eric will be easier."

I laughed.  "Yeah, I guess if I can survive him, I can survive anyone.
Well, that decides it.  I'm going to tell him."



"You've already taken small steps to stand up to yourself.  I think once
you do this, you'll understand the inner strength you have.  You've always
stepped out and fought to protect others.  Now it's time to fight for
yourself."

"I guess I'm a lot like you," I said.

She chuckled.  "Your uncle said that there is a price to pay for any choice
you make.  If you hide the fact that you are gay, you'll pay one price and
I think you're paying that price.  If you come out, you'll pay another
price.  Some people will turn their back on you.  You have to decide if
those people are the people you want in your life or not."

"I know I don't.  It's just scary to have to deal with the rejection."

"You've got to learn to be angry when people hurt you."

"Telling you was so hard.  I was so scared you'd be disappointed in me.  If
you rejected me I don't know what I would have done."

"You are one of the best things I've done with my life, Josh.  Every day my
heart fills with pride.  Every mother should have a son like you."

"Ah, Mom," I said.  I don't know why, but I started to cry.  I could hardly
talk.  "I love you, Mom."

"I know you do.  If you need to talk about this anymore, I'm here."

I hung up.  About five minutes later she called my back.  "How about this,"
she said, "would you mind waiting until after Christmas?  You're coming
down for Christmas, right?"

"Yes.  Sure I can do that.  We can come down for Christmas and I can tell
him before I leave.

"Yeah, I'd like that."

I hung up.  I called Alex and got Kevin on the line.  I told them what our
mother said.  "What are you going to do Kevin," Alex asked.  "I'm going to
tell him.  If he throws me out, I'm fine with that.  My worry was that he'd
cut me off from Mom.  Not that she'd reject me, but that I wouldn't be able
to see her."

"That won't happen," I said.  "I think I was worried about that too.  But
if she kept a relationship with Uncle Robert, there's no way she'd let Dad
decide we couldn't see her."

"Mom would never let that happen," Alex said.

"I know that now," Kevin said.

Brad came back to the room.  I told him about my conversation with my
mother.  "You really should let me come and be there so I can tell my
brother how to do this."

I smiled.  "You just want to see the show."

"Show?"

"Me and my dad going mano a mano."  He laughed.

I lay in bed not being able to sleep, thinking about my mother asking me to
wait until after Christmas.  Tears filled my eyes.  She wants one last
Christmas with Kevin and me, I thought.  After this we'll never be a family
again. "Are you asleep?" I asked.

"No, why?  You want head?"  I chuckled.  I told him that I thought this
would be my last Christmas at home.

"Are you okay?" Brad asked.

"I just hate that I'm tearing my family apart.  I just hate it."

He got up and sat at the foot of my bed.  "You're not doing that.  He is."
I sighed.  "My brother feels the same way you do.  He doesn't want to cause
other people pain so he sucks it in and lies to my dad and twists his life
into knots to cover things up.  It's not worth it, Josh.  If it was me, I'd
never do that.  I'd feel the way you do.  If he couldn't accept me, then
it's his loss.  And you know your mother will never stop seeing you."

"I just hate making my mom have to pay the price for this."

We talked for a while.  He went back to his bed.  I chuckled.  "What?" he
asked.

"Do you want head," I said, mimicking what he said.

"Yeah, sure.  Do you?"



I laughed.  "I was just saying what you said when I asked if you were
awake."

"Oh, okay."  Silence.  "So that means you don't want head?"

I laughed.  I said, "My dick is hard.  Yeah, head would be good.  Besides,
you're getting pretty good."

He got up.  "I've got a great cock sucker for a teacher."  It had been a
couple of weeks since we first did this and this would be the third time.
I found that I was quite comfortable with what we were doing and the
frequency.  It wasn't passionate.  It wasn't intense.  It was just easy,
comfortable and fun.  And I liked that he was so into it.  I uncovered
myself.  "Last time we tried sixty-nine.  That was really hot.  You want to
do that again."

"Yeah, sure.  That was hot."

We lay in my bed sucking each other's cock.  He liked our oral play to
last.  We were getting used to each other's body and how it responded when
we were close.  The last time we sucked each other for over a half hour
before he worked my cock to orgasm.

This time was no different.  We sucked each other, edging each other.  He
then moved around and knelt between my legs, lifted them and ate my ass.
With his finger up my ass he jerked me off until I came.  He learned to
keep my cock close to my stomach and aimed at my chest when I came.  "Fuck,
I think it is so awesome the way you come."

"A good mouthful," I said, looking at my chest.

"Oh wow, I hadn't thought about that.  Have you ever come in someone's
mouth and had then swallow your cum?"

"Yes, of course I have.  Haven't you?"  He shook his head.  "Fuck, you
straight boys sure do have to put up with a lot of shit."

We switched places.  When he came I thought about taking his load but then
I thought that I had to play safe and that I didn't want to go down this
road with him.

The Wednesday of Thanksgiving week, Alex, Kevin and I took off for home.
We arrived late that night.  It was great seeing my mother.  My dad sat at
the table as she made us sandwiches.  We talked, ate and talked some more.
Steven hadn't come home yet.  He asked that my dad pick him up when he
picked up his parents for dinner the next day.  He said he'd probably hang
around and have us drop him off when we headed back to school, or he'd have
my dad drive him back early.

Thanksgiving morning, Kevin woke me up.  "Mom and Dad just went to church.
She said you should get up and have breakfast.  When she gets back she
wants help preparing stuff for dinner," he said, sitting on my bed.  "Dad
is going to leave to get Steven and his parents when he gets back."

"I wish they weren't coming for dinner.  Wouldn't it be great if Uncle
Robert and Mark were here instead."

"Yeah, I guess."  We had called them and asked if we could get together for
lunch while we were in town.  We decided to have lunch on Friday.  Robert
said that David and his wife were coming in from Hawaii for Christmas to
visit with her parents.  He asked if we'd like to meet them.  Alex, Kevin
and I agreed.

I noticed that Kevin was in a tee shirt and sweat pants.  "Where's Alex?" I
asked, looking over at his bed.

"Alex went out.  He's meeting Don for breakfast.  He'll be back in a couple
of hours."

I reached over and pressed my hand against his crotch.  "Did you shower?" I
asked, smiling.  He smiled at me, shook his head, pulled the covers off of
me and wrapped his fingers around my erection.  "I gotta pee."

"Go pee," he said, standing.  I got up.  I peed and brushed my teeth.  When
I returned he was lying on my bed naked.  It had been a while since Kevin
and I played.  I smiled as I lay down on top of him.

"I miss this," he said.  "Seeing you almost every day again and hanging out
and partying with you is wonderful, but I miss this too."

"Me, too," I said.

We kissed. When I kiss Kevin, I feel it throughout my body.  Even my toes
curl.  I couldn't remember if it was like that with John or not.

Kevin gets in moods.  Sometimes he wants to be a total top, sometimes a
total bottom and sometimes both.  I get in moods too.  Most of the time we
mesh.  Sometimes it's playful wrestling to see who gets what he wants. When
I lay on top of him, he wrapped his legs around me.  This was his way of
telling me he wanted to be fucked.  We looked at each other and smiled and
kissed again.

I turned around so we were head to toe.  I heard him moan as he pressed his
face into my junk.  We lay, holding each other, sucking and licking, bring
each other close several times.  Then Kevin started working my cock hard.
I knew he was close and I knew he was going to make me come.  I sucked his
cock, taking him deep into my mouth.  We had done this so many times that
we were getting pretty good at simultaneous orgasms.  As my cum exploded
into his mouth, his exploded into mine.  I swallowed as my body climaxed.
We held each other.

He pulled me to him.  We kissed.  He chuckled.  "That was pretty good," he
said smiling.  I nodded.  "Let's get in the shower," he said, looking at
the clock.  "We don't have too long."

With my dick hard and swinging back and forth, I followed him into my
bathroom.  I locked the door.  We got into the shower and soaped each
other.  "Fuck me hard," he said as we kissed.  He turned around, arched his
back and put his hands against the wall.  I pressed my cock against his
hole and in one quick move buried my dick in him.  His legs shook.  He
grunted and began masturbating.  I held his hips and fucked him hard and
fast.  He was grunting, breathing hard and masturbating.  I put my hands on
his shoulders and pulled him toward me.  We kissed.

"Fuck me," he moaned.  "Oh God," he moaned.  His body shook in my arms.  He
was coming and coming hard.  His legs shook so hard I had to hold him up.
A few more thrusts and I came, pressing deep into him.

We stood in the shower holding each other.  He kissed me.  "If we lived
together, we'd never make it to campus."

I kissed him.  "I love you," I said.

He smiled.  "I love you and I love being loved by you."

We dressed and went downstairs for breakfast.  When he sat, he said, "Fuck,
I can still feel you in my ass."

"You said hard."

Thanksgiving dinner was great.  "You are the best cook ever, Mom," I said.

"Compared to college food anyone would be a good cook," my father's father
said.

I stared at him.  My face was hot with anger.  Alex was sitting next to me.
He immediately put his hand on my knee.  This was to tell me to not
respond.  I pushed his hand away.  "Really, I wasn't aware you ever went to
college."

He glared at me.  Kevin, who was sitting across from me, smiled.  I waited
for my father to say something but he didn't.

We helped my mother clear the table, while my father and his parents stayed
seated at the table.  Steven said to me, "Why do you have to antagonize
him?"

"I paid Mom a compliment and he shit on it.  He's eating her food.  He
could have said that it was great and paid her a compliment too or just not
say anything."

"I'm just saying, don't start trouble, like you always do.  It's a
holiday."

I felt my jaw tightening.  My mother looked at me and shook her head at me.
We helped clean up the kitchen and put everything in the dishwasher.  I
mumbled to Kevin, "Other than the two of you looking a like, you're nothing
like him."

"I thank God for that every day," Steven said, loudly.

Kevin, Alex, my mother and I turned and stared at him.  "You know,
asshole," Kevin said, "he might let you get away with your shit, but if you
start with me, I'll put you through a fucking wall."

"Enough," my mother said.

Steven went into the dining room.

"Don't start with him," my mother pleaded.

We sat at the table and had dessert.  "Oh my God, Mom, the apple pie is
fantastic," Kevin said.

"Try the pecan pie," I said, "It's her best."

"It is good," my father said.  "You outdid yourself."

"You make the best pies," my father's mother said, "Your pie crush is
perfect.  But you did outdo yourself this year."

I looked at her with appreciation.

"I'd like you boys to give me some help tomorrow with some garden work and
the garage," my father said.

"We can't," I said.  "Not tomorrow but we can on Saturday."

"What are you doing tomorrow?" he asked.

I hesitated.  My mother said, "They're having lunch with your brother
Robert."

My father looked at me.  I expected him to be angry, but he nodded and
said, "Then Saturday."

I was shocked.  She must have told him that Kevin and I had seen Robert.
"Steven isn't coming," I said.  "He can help you tomorrow."

"Bobby," my father's mother said, looking upset.  "Bobby?  My Bobby?"  She
sounded like she was about to cry.

"I don't want to hear about this," my father's father, or whom I call the
old man, yelled.

"How is he?  He's alive?  He's okay?" my grandmother asked.

"Enough," he yelled, looking at me.

"He's fine," I said, looking at her, confused.  "He's alive and well."

The old man slammed his fist against the table.  "I don't want to hear
this."

"I want to hear," she said.  "I want to hear about Bobby."

The old man suddenly turned in his seat, shoved her, almost knocking her
out of her chair and then raised his hand to hit her.  My father and mother
jumped up.  My mother, who was sitting on the other side of my grandmother,
leaned over and protected her.  When the old man's hand came down he hit my
mother.  My father was on the way toward him, but didn't make in time.  He
grabbed his father's arm as he raised it to try to hit his wife again.

"Not in my house, you don't.  And never my mother," my father yelled.

The old man pulled his arm from my father, turned and glared at me.  I was
still in shock, but stared back at him.  He got up and stormed out of the
room.  My heart was pounding. My face was hot.  My mother sat beside my
grandmother.  She was crying.  She looked at me and said, "You saw Bobby?"

"Yes, I had lunch with him in August and Kevin and I had lunch with him
before I left for college."

She glanced at Kevin.  "He's okay?"

I realized that she had no idea how he had been for the last twenty years.
"He's healthy.  He's happy.  He's a college professor," Kevin said.  Tears
fell.  My mother leaned over toward her and put her arm around her.  My
father sat and listened as Kevin and I told her everything we knew.

Kevin said to our grandmother, "He asked for you.  He wanted to know how
you were.  How often we saw you?"

"He did?  You're seeing him tomorrow?" she asked.

"Yes, for lunch.  We're having lunch with him and his partner, Mark," Kevin
said.

The old man stood in the doorway.  "Take us home," he demanded.

"I'm not ready to leave," my grandmother said.

"I'll tell you when I'm ready," my dad said to his father.  He turned and
walked away.

I looked at her.  "Uncle Robert's partner is also a college professor.
They've been together for seventeen years."  She smiled.  My mother sat
beside her, looking at her.  My mother glanced at me and smiled.  "My
mother has lunch with Uncle Robert once in a while."

My grandmother looked at my mother.  "You two were always good friends."
She touched my mother's face.

I looked at my father, again wondering if he'd show anger.  He didn't.  I
looked at my mother and saw such compassion on her face.

"He doesn't hate me?" my grandmother said beginning to cry, again.  She
hung her head.

"No, not at all," Kevin said.  "He asked about you with concern.  He
doesn't blame you at all."

She turned her head and looked at my mother.  My mother pulled her toward
her.  She rested her head on my mother's shoulder and cried.  Tears filled
my mother's eyes.  My mother turned to my father and said, "You've had a
hand in this.  If you ever think you might pull the shit that your father
did, and destroy my family, your bags would be packed and you could go live
with your father."

My father looked at me.  "Is he angry at me?"

"No.  He said that he doesn't blame you.  He said that he was surprised
because you and he were closer than he was to David.  But he said that he
understood because you were always trying to please your father."  I looked
at my grandmother.  "Uncle David is coming here from Hawaii with his wife
for Christmas.  Uncle Robert said that he wants to set it up so that Alex,
Kevin and I can meet them."

She asked about David, but there was little that I could tell her.  My
mother knew more and told her what she knew.

My father and mother drove my father's parents home.  The four of us
cleaned up the dining room and kitchen.  "Say a word," I said to Steven,
"and it will be one of the sorriest days of your life."  We glared at each
other.  No one said much after that.  I went to my room and reread my
history paper.  Eric had proofed it once and I made corrections, but I
wanted to go through it again.

Friday we headed out to Uncle Robert's house.  I wondered if my father
would say anything but he didn't.  Lunch was good.  Robert and Mark talked
to Alex a lot.  It was their first meeting.  He mentioned what happened at
dinner.  I watched Robert's face.  It seemed frozen.  "I've always known
that he'd never relent," Robert said.  "And I knew that she was powerless
in that relationship. It's terrible to say this, and I talked to your
mother about this, but I've thought that if she out lives him, I'll get to
talk to her before she passes."

"Why wait," I said.

"I can't start trouble for her."

"Isn't that her decision?  She didn't seem to care last night," Alex said.

"Would you want to talk to her?" Kevin asked.

"Of course, but she might,"

I took out my cell phone and called my mother and got my grandmother's
number.  I looked at Robert.  He sighed.  If he's there I won't say
anything about being here.  I dialed.  "Hi Grandma, it's Josh.  I was
wondering if you're okay after last night."

She thanked me for being concerned.

"Are you alone?" I asked.  I nodded at Robert.  "He went out with friends.
Okay.  I'm having lunch with Uncle Robert.  I was wondering if you wanted
to talk to him."

I handed my phone to Robert.  I saw tears in his eyes.  He took the phone,
stood and walked into the kitchen.  "Hello, Mom," he said.  "I love you,
Mom."  Then we heard him crying.

I looked at Mark.  Tears filled his eyes.  "Thank you," he said.  We sat
quietly listening to Robert talking through his tears.

Robert returned and handed me my phone.  His eyes were still wet.  "Thank
you," he said, his lips trembling.  "Six months ago," he glanced at me and
began crying.  "I'm sorry."

Tears filled my eyes.  I noticed Alex and Kevin wiping tears from theirs.

We all pulled ourselves together and had dessert.  Mark lighted the mood by
making jokes.  "I wish I could say that Robert doesn't usually cry, but I'd
be lying.  He breaks out into tears watching commercials."  We laughed.

When we got home, my mother asked how the phone call went.  My father sat
and listened as we told them how Robert cried and how he said Grandma
cried, asking for Robert to forgive her.  "Of course, Robert told her that
he was never angry at her and that he loved her."

I saw something that I had never seen before.  Tears in my father's eyes.

"Is it okay if I skip dinner," I asked.

"Where are you going?" my father asked.

"I want to see Zack while I'm here."

"Yeah, sure," my mother said.  "Take my car.  I don't need it."

It was good seeing him.  I had been talking to him on the phone, texting
and emailing him, but it wasn't the same.  This was someone that I saw five
days a week for over nine years.  I'm not sure I had ever had lunch at
school without Zack within shouting distance.

We sat in his room and talked.  "I hate being at school without you being
there," he said.  "It's not the same.  I don't feel like I fit in."

"Yes, you do.  They're all your friends."

"No.  They were all your friends.  I was your friend."



"And what about Sam?"

"Yeah, we're friends, but she's into all that senior stuff and jocks."

I smiled.  "And you're not into jocks."

"Asshole," he said smiling.  "Wait, do you mean jocks as in guys or jock
straps."

I laughed.

"I really miss you," he said smiling.

"Are you doing early acceptance?" I asked.

"No.  I don't have the grades you had."

"You have your music."  Zack was fantastic on the trumpet.  He also played
the French horn and had been taking piano lesson.  "You know you'll get
accepted."



"I have to get a scholarship."

We decided to go out and have dinner.  We went to my favorite Italian
restaurant and had pizza.  "I'm not supposed to tell you this," he said.  I
looked at him.  "You're my friend and my loyalty is with you."

"This is bad."

"I just think you should know."

I put down my slice and sat back.

"John is in town.  He's been talking to Samantha."  My stomach twisted into
a knot.  "Crying a lot."  He looked at me and winced.  "She made me promise
not to tell you, but like I said, you're the friend I want to keep."

"He told her?"

He nodded.  "She asked if I knew about you and him having a thing.  I lied
and said no.  After she told me about what he said happened, I told her
that if she told people, it would get back to your father.  That's probably
why you didn't tell me and didn't tell her.  She agreed."

I sighed.

"I don't think she'll tell anyone.  She said that you're going to tell your
father this week."

"I was but my mother asked me to wait until after Christmas.  When did she
tell you this?"

"About two weeks ago.  She said that John called her and told her that he
called you begging you to take him back but you were angry and cold and
just blew him off."

"Why are you not supposed to tell me that she knows?"



"John made her promise not to tell me.  He said that I'd tell you.  I
promised that I wouldn't before she told me what she was going to tell me.
I know you think I have a big mouth and can't keep a secret but I didn't
tell her that you told me."

"Thank you for telling me."

"He thinks that you might still change your mind.  He's afraid that if you
knew he told Sam that you'd never take him back.  I guess I'm hoping that
you don't but I'm not telling you this because of that."

"I know."

"No.  I'm telling you because if this gets fucked up and your father finds
out from someone and then it all gets traced back to Sam and you ask me if
I knew she knew, I'd have to say yes.  I couldn't lie to you.  Then I'd
feel like shit that I didn't tell you."



I nodded.  "I'd hate for him to find out from someone at school," I said.

"You're going to tell him after Christmas?"  I nodded.  "Well, that's only
a month away.  I really don't think that she'll tell anyone."  I sat
staring at my pizza.  "I did the right thing, right?" he asked.

"Yes, definitely."

"You're better off without him.  You know that, don't you?"

"Yes, I do.  But I have a lot of confused feelings.  I remember really
liking him, being attracted to him, falling in love with him.  Then I
remember that he cancelled his contract and knew he wasn't going to the
university when we were making love.  Isn't that weird?"

"Wait.  He didn't cancel the contract while he was away on vacation?"

I shook my head.  "No, he cancelled it before graduation.  He knew weeks
before graduation that he was going to Michigan.  He told both schools that
he was going there.  So even when he told me that he was going to the
university and we were going to be roommates and that he was gay, he also
told his cousin that he was going there.  I guess if I freaked out about
him being gay, he still had Michigan in his back pocket.  He never told
them that he wasn't going there.  I guess sometime in May, probably after
the prom, he cancelled his contract."

"What a fucking asshole.  He strung you along all that time."

"It doesn't matter now.  It just made me realize that I'm doing the same
thing."

"No way.  No way."

"I'm having relationships with people and they don't know what's going on
with me.  I mean I'm gay.  That's pretty big.  That's why I'm telling my
father.  I'd rather he hate me for being honest than have him liking me
because I'm being dishonest."

"Don't say that.  He won't hate you," he said, sadly.  "No one can hate
you."

"John knew I'd be hurt, angry, disappointed if he told me we weren't going
to be boyfriends.  So, he didn't tell me until I confronted him.  That's
what I'm doing with my father."

"You're nothing like John.  It's different," he said.  I shrugged.  "But I
think it's good that you're telling him.  If you need a place to stay after
you tell him you can stay with me."

I half smiled and nodded.

We finished the pizza and then walked around.  We went back to his house.
His mom convinced him to play the piano for me.  I sat on the bench beside
him and watched him play Debussy's Clair de Lune.

"Damn, Zack, you are so talented.  That was beautiful."

"And I'm cute too," he said.  We both laughed.

"You're more than cute.  You're very good looking.  I was talking to Kevin
and he said that he thought you were hot."  Sitting shoulder to shoulder,
he leaned over and rested his head on my shoulder.  "You're just prejudice,
but thank you for saying that."

"I miss you too," I said.

When I left, Zack walked me out to the car.  "I'll see you in a month," he
said.

"Definitely.  Let's plan on doing something," I said, leaning against the
car.

"Whatever you want is fine with me," he said.  I smiled.  He chuckled.
"I'm a great top, too."  I laughed.

He moved closer to me, not looking me in the eyes.  I put my hand against
his chest and squeezed his pec.  He looked at me with his deep blue eyes.
"I don't want to lead you on," I said.

"You're not."

"I'm probably going to date when I get back.  I don't want either of us to
get hurt and fuck up a great friendship."

"I know.  Neither do I."  I pulled him against me.  We held each other. I
looked at him and saw just how attractive he was Ðblue eyes, light brown
hair, high cheekbones and beautifully shaped lips.  He leaned into me
gently and put his arms around my waist.  I put my arms around him.  I felt
comfortable holding him, then a deep desire for him in a way that I had
never felt before.  It scared me.

"I should go," I said.

"I won't hurt you," he said.

"I know that.  I don't want to hurt you."

"Just be my friend and I'm good."

We held each other.  I moved my face toward his.  We kissed.  Our tongues
met.  He sighed loudly.  We held each other.  "I promise, we're friends and
this won't fuck that up."  We kissed.  He looked at me.  "My mom went to
bed.  Come to my room for a half hour.  You have time."  I stared at him.
"We're friends."

I went to his room.  We undressed each other.  We kissed.  We sucked each
other.  Wearing a condom, I fucked him as he masturbated.

He walked me to my car and said, "I'll see you at Christmas.  I'll save my
Christmas shopping for when you come down."

I went home and told my mother that John was in town and talking to
Samantha.  "Should I wait to tell him, or tell him now?"

"You're concerned about what?" she asked.

"What happens if someone finds out at school and then Dad hears it from one
of them?"

She nodded.  "Let me think about it.  You have all day tomorrow."

I went upstairs and went into Kevin's room.  Steven was there talking on
the phone.  "Where's Kevin," I asked.

"Must be in your room."

I went to my room.  He and Alex were talking.  Kevin was lying on my bed,
Alex on his.  I sat on my bed and told them what Zack told me.  "You told
Mom," Alex asked.  I nodded.  Steven walked into the room and sat at Alex's
desk.  "Well, she'll know what's best."

"What's this?" Steven asked.

"Kevin and I are going to tell Dad."

"Tell him what?"

The three of us looked at him as if he was from another planet.  "That
we're gay."

"Are you nuts.  Why would you do that?"

"Because we're tired of lying about it," Kevin said.  "He's going to figure
it out at some point."

"And I think it's better if we tell him than he figures it out or someone
else tells him," I said.

"You're going to fuck up this family, you know that, don't you?" Steven
said.

"Mom thinks we should tell him," I said.

"Mom knows?  How did Mom find out?"

Again we all looked at him.  "You know, it's like you're not part of this
family anymore," Kevin said.  "I don't hardly ever talk to you anymore and
you obviously don't talk to Alex or Josh."

"How long has Mom known?" Steven asked.

"Four months," I said, counting in my head.  "I told her during the summer.
Kevin told her just before I went up to school."  Kevin nodded.

"But maybe there's a chance you might not be gay.  Then what?  You're going
to start all this trouble and then you might decide you're not gay."

I looked at Alex and said, "How's Kim?"

"She's good.  I just talked to her.  We're trying to figure out what to do
with Christmas.  I think I'll come down here and then after Christmas go
there."

"If you tell Dad that your gay, you won't be here for Christmas," Steven
said to me.

Again we all looked at him.  No one spoke.  He got up and went to his room.

I lay beside Kevin Ðme on my back, Kevin on his side facing Alex and me.
"I kissed Zack tonight and the we had sex again," I said.

"Really," Kevin said, sitting up.  "What was that like?"

"It wasn't like making out.  It was a kiss, but with tongue."  I looked at
Kevin.  "I got all nervous, but I got really turned on."

"You're attracted to him," Alex asked.

"It's weird.  I really like him and I love him.  He's my best friend."  I
sighed.  "But he's my best friend.  I really don't want to fuck that up."

"I'm not going to say anything," Kevin said.  "I was the one who told you
to go for it with John."

"Yeah, you were," I said and then smiled.

"Well, one thing for sure," Alex said.  "He'd never treat you like John
did."

"I know that.  He'd never hurt me.  I'm just afraid that I'd hurt him."

"Here's the thing," Kevin said.  "If you're going to go for it with him,
you owe it to him to be sure he's what you want, because I think if you
said you wanted to be his boyfriend, he'd go for it without thinking
twice."

"I agree," Alex said.  "I don't think you can kind of date him and then
say, I found someone else."

"I know."  Silence.  "He's cute, don't you think?"

"Yes," Alex said.  "I think he's very attractive Ðgood looking, looks like
he's got a nice body, he's funny."

"He has great lips," I said, smiling.

"He's into lips," Kevin said to Alex.

"He's very talented," I said.

"Really?  With those lips?" Kevin said.  "You're giving me wood."

"Asshole," I said and chuckled.  I told them about how he played Clair de
Lune.  "You've heard him on the trumpet.  Why don't we play instruments?" I
asked.

"We do?" Kevin said and grabbed my crotch.

I laughed.  "Eat me," I said.

"Because we were out throwing a football.  Dad didn't want boys who blew
anything," Alex said, looking at Kevin and smiling.

"Yeah, well, he lost on that account," I said.

After turning in for the night, I said to Alex, "I'm confused about Zack."

"How so?"

"I've known him forever.  And I miss him when I'm at school."

"Yeah, so?"

"Why am I now thinking about him and getting turned on?  I mean when we
kissed, it wasn't like we just kissed.  Do you know what I mean?"

"Yes.  Do you think it's because you're wanting to have those feelings like
you had with John?"

I felt sad hearing that.  "Maybe," I said.

"It's possible that you have deep feelings for him, feelings that you
wouldn't allow yourself to acknowledge before for hundreds of reasons."  I
sighed.  "Look, you're going to be at school.  You said you're wanting to
start dating.  So, date.  Go to the LGBT meetings with Kevin.  Brad said he
could fix you up with his gay frat brothers.  Go out.  Enjoy yourself.  If
in September he doesn't go to the university it would be pretty hard for
you two to have a relationship.  If he does go, well, it won't be until
September."

"I was thinking about asking him to come up after Christmas with us.  He
could hang around with us until he has to be back here for school."

"Do it.  Spend time alone with him.  Greg won't be back until classes
start.  I going to take off and go to Kim's for a while.  You two can have
my apartment, if that's what you want."

I lay in bed, trying to figure out what was going on with me.

Alex woke me up.  "Get up," he said.  "Dad wants you and Kevin downstairs."

"What?  Why?"

"Probably to get started with the yard and the garage.  Between the four of
us they don't have room for both cars.  So, I guess we're going to have to
find a place for the stuff or get rid of it.  Get up," he said, leaving the
room.

I went to the bathroom to pee and brush my teeth.  I decided I'd take a
shower after we were done.  I went downstairs.  Mom was making breakfast.
Dad was sitting at the table with Alex and Steven.  Kevin was right behind
me.  My dad looked stressed.  My mom looked tired.

I sat down feeling nervous.  Kevin seemed oblivious to the tension.  "You
want to do the yard or the garage first," he asked.

"I understand there's something you want to tell me," My dad said, looking
at me.

My face tingled.  My stomach knotted.  Kevin looked at me.



Well, once again, my happy fingers have taken us to the end of another part
of my story.  I hope you are enjoying it.  More to come.

Josh