Date: Sat, 11 Sep 1999 23:52:05 GMT From: Mark Hernandez <firstname.lastname@example.org> Subject: MARK AND JARED-4 During the days and weeks that followed, I found myself in a state of despair. I missed Jared with my entire being, longing to be with him. Every night as I lay down to sleep, I would jerk myself off, with his face in my mind. But there was nothing that could fill the emptiness I felt inside. He called me often, and we e-mailed every day. But somehow hearing his voice just made me lonelier. I needed to be with him. During this time, I also began to question myself about the wisdom of entering into a homosexual relationship. I had always wanted to be "normal". I wanted a wife and a house full of children, just as all my brothers had. Why couldn't I be like them? Why was I so different? I was also a committed Christian. I wanted to please God with my life. How could I do that while maintaining a homosexual lifestyle? Was it possible to be gay and Christian at the same time? The frustration of my life produced feelings of anger, guilt, and self-condemnation. I began to see myself as a loser who could never live up to my full potential as a human being unless I chose to forsake my basic nature and forced myself to become someone else. I thought that by fighting the feelings I had for Jared, I might be able to become a normal person. I decided that I needed to see a priest. My brother Daniel who lived in Santa Fe had told us about a new young priest at his church who had recently moved down from Denver. He had a great rapport with young people. I thought he might be someone I could talk to. I also knew that Denver had a large, active gay community, so I figured that at some point, he must have had some contact with gay men in his Denver church. I called the church and set up a meeting with Father Michael. Then I called Daniel to see if I could stay with him and his family for a couple of days. Santa Fe is a long way from where I live, so I knew I would need at least one overnight for the trip. I left early on a Monday morning, telling my parents that I needed a break from the ranch, and that I was going to visit Daniel for a couple of days. I didn't want to tell them I was going to see a priest because I didn't want to deal with their questions as to why. I arrived in the afternoon, and spent some time with Daniel and Marie (his wife) and their kids. It was a really nice visit. Marie went out of her way to accommodate me. She had fixed a great Mexican dinner. I figured Mom had called them and told them that I needed some cheering up. I spent the next morning with the kids touring around in Santa Fe. My appointment with Father Michael was not until 4:00 that afternoon. I told Daniel that I wanted to get together with an old friend who had moved to Santa Fe. I didn't want him to know that I was going to see the priest. I drove to the church, and found his office. My heart was pounding as I knocked on the heavy door. He quickly opened the door and motioned me into the room. He was a very big man, not at all what I had expected. He was around 6'3", and weighed at least 200 lbs. He wasn't fat at all, but was extremely muscular. He had to be either a weight lifter or a football player. He had curly black hair, cut short, and dark piercing eyes. His features looked Italian to me. I found him to be very intimidating. His friendly smile and firm handshake made me feel a little more at ease, but I was still very nervous. I thought to myself, "There's no way in hell that I am going to tell this jock that I am a fag." I figured he would tell me that I was going straight to hell, and throw me out on my ass. I sat down on a couch while he took a seat in a chair nearby. We started the conversation with small talk. I told him that I was a twin, that I had grown up in eastern New Mexico, and that I was majoring in accounting at the University of New Mexico. I discovered that he had indeed played football at a small midwestern Catholic high school, and had gone on to play in college. After graduating from seminary, he served in Denver for several years before coming to Santa Fe. Finally, he moved the conversation toward the real reason for our meeting. "So tell me Mark," he began, "what can I help you with?" I sat in silence for a moment, trying to think of what to say. He assumed that I did not understand his question, so he rephrased it. "Do you have some sort of problem you would like to discuss?" he asked. I knew I had to say something, so I gave it a shot. "I, uh, I," I couldn't say it. "Mark, just relax," he said encouragingly. "I'm not here to condemn you. I want to help." I tried it again. "I think that maybe I am ... gay." I couldn't believe I had said it. I waited for the barrage of condemnation. He sat quietly for a moment. Then he asked, "Are you actively engaged in a homosexual relationship?" I spilled my guts. I told him all about Jared and how much I loved him. I told him that my family would never accept such a relationship, and that I knew God would never accept it either. I just needed a way to get past this huge roadblock in my life. After a few seconds, he began again. "Mark, I believe that God is love and that he wants his children to experience love. Sex between two people who love each other is a celebration of that love, a union that expresses the power of that love. I don't believe that God ever condemns that kind of love. For many people, that expression of love is between men and women. For others, it involves people of the same sex. Either way, it is the same. God wants to enjoy each other, and to love each other. Your love for Jared has my blessing, and the blessing of God." I couldn't believe my ears. This priest was telling me that my relationship with another man was a good thing, and that I could continue in it with the blessing of God. In that instant, I knew I would never question my sexuality again. I was created as a homosexual, and I would live my life in joy and fulfillment, no matter what. If only my family could believe the same way. I thanked Father Michael and got up to leave. He shook my hand, and asked if we could get together the following evening to talk some more. I told him that I had made arrangements with my brother for two nights, and that I would be going home in the morning. I felt that to ask Daniel about staying another night would be imposing. They did not have much room for visitors. "Why don't you stay a night at my place?" Father Michael asked. "I live alone, and I have lots of room." "Sure, that would be great," I answered. I really liked this man, and I wanted to hear more of what he had to say. The following day, I met Father Michael at around noon, and we spent the whole afternoon together. We went to a movie (the first time I had ever gone to a movie with a priest), and went out to dinner. I called Mom and Dad to let them know I wouldn't be home for another night, and we drove over to Father Michael's house. It was a small house, really old but re-modeled. It had character. It had an adjoining kitchen and living room, and one bedroom. I sat on the couch, and he sat in his big recliner. We watched TV for a while, and then he decided to go on to bed. He gave me pillows and a blanket for the couch. He went into his room and closed the door. I turned off the lights and TV and stretched out under the blanket. In a few minutes the door to his bedroom opened again. He stood in the doorway for several seconds. He was in his underwear, white boxers. I could see him pretty clearly because he had a lamp turned on in the bedroom. His chest was very well-defined, with firm pecs and a washboard abdomen. He was rather hairy, or at least when compared to Jared and me. We were both hairless and smooth. Father Michael had dark hair lightly dusting his entire chest. His legs looked hairy, too. I noticed how muscular his thighs and calves looked. He went into the kitchen and got a drink of water. He looked into the living room to see if I was watching. I pretended to be asleep. After drinking the water, he stood for a moment, as though he were deep in thought. Finally, he came over and sat down on the end of the couch where I was sleeping. My feet were practically in his lap. "Mark, are you awake?" he asked. He put his hand on my foot and began to rub it very gently. "Yeah, I'm up," I answered. I was up in more ways than one. The gentle stroking of my feet continued. I decided just to relax and let nature take its course. He pulled up the end of the blanket and touched my bare feet with his bare hands. The warmth of the touch sent my dick into overdrive. I was as hard as a rock. After a few minutes, I pulled the blanket off and tossed it on the floor. He immediately responded by moving up my legs with his massages which were becoming more and more sensual. He tenderly brushed my inner thighs, and I saw that he was staring at my bulging crotch. I knew he wanted it all, and I wanted to give it to him. I reached down and pulled his fingers up to my cock. He wrapped his fingers around it and just held on, savoring the experience. Finally, he got up from the couch, scooped me up in his arms, and took me to his bed. He closed the door behind us. He lay me on the bed, stripping off my briefs. I spread my legs wide open for him. His eyes were fever-hot with lust. I could tell this would be a night he would not soon forget. He leaned over and kissed my mouth. I eagerly pressed my tongue into his mouth, and caressed his tongue with mine. I held his face to mine, running my fingers through his thick, dark hair. His hand reached for my throbbing pole. He began stroking , and moved down to kiss my chest. I wasn't sure if he had planned on giving me head, so I gently pushed his face toward my crotch. He gingerly took the head of my penis into his mouth. Slowly, more and more of it disappeared down his throat. I was in heaven. I had forgotten how good it feels. Jerking off just doesn't compare. He brought me to an orgasm in a few minutes. He swallowed every drop of my cum. Now it was his turn. He was still dressed in his underwear. I quickly drew them to the floor. His dick was big, really big. I wasn't sure I could get it all down my throat, but I sure as hell was going to give it a try. I felt like it was my mission to give intense pleasure to this man because he had helped me to find such great relief in my life. I took him into my mouth a little at a time. His deep moans were encouragement for me to continue to give it all I had. I swirled and sucked and licked with all the energy I had used in making love to Jared. Father Michael responded by thrusting himself further down my throat. "Oh my God," he shouted. "Oh yeah, fuck yeah. Do it, Mark do it." His head was rolled back, and his eyes were closed. I made it last as long as I possibly could. He loved every second of it. Finally, he shot his massive load into my mouth. "Uh, uh, uh," he grunted, as his cock exploded. After it was all over, he lay perfectly still in complete silence. I cuddled up next to him, placing my head in the bend of his arm. He caressed my hair, and held me to himself. We fell into a deep, restful sleep. When I woke up the next morning, he was in the shower. I noticed that he had left the bathroom door ajar, so I boldly walked toward the shower and pulled back the curtain. I stepped inside, and closed the curtain behind me. I immediately kissed him deeply, and wrapped my arms around his back in a full embrace. He locked his arms around me, and returned the kiss. I pulled away, and slid down to his beautiful cock. It was just beginning to stir, but it quickly came to life as I took it in my mouth. I again gave him the blow job of his life, sucking his stiff rod to a deep, sensual orgasm. "I want to fuck you in the ass," I whispered in his ear. He looked at me with a look of eager acceptance. He held himself against the shower wall as I soaped up my dick. My dick fit very well into his hole without much trouble or pain at all. I slowly pumped, giving him all the pleasure possible. I could tell he was loving it. He groaned as much as I did. I slipped in and out, in and out, over and over again. Finally, I felt it coming, and emptied my load into his ass. I reached around and grabbed his nipples as I planted a kiss in the middle of his back. We finished showering, and dressed. I went with him to his office, where I had left my car. Once inside, I gave him a final passionate kiss. "Thank you," I said. "I'll never forget you." I turned and walked out the door. I drove home a new man. I knew I was free, and couldn't wait to build my life with Jared. Nothing could ever keep us apart.