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From: johnsonb111@yahoo.com (Brad Johnson)
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Subject: {ASSM} "Taboo Diary - Complete (MF, inc)
Date: Sat, 12 Apr 2003 05:10:06 -0400
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This is the first of a large library of original adult stories. The
majority of them were finalists and winners in adult books and
magazines during the 80's and 90's. To my knowledge, they have never
been posted on the internet. If there is enough demand out there, I
will work on converting and updating as many as possible to the
internet. I would appreciate any feedback, good or bad.
 
The following story is for adults only and is not meant for those who
are easily offended.


Taboo Diary - (MF, INC)
by Brad Johnson


What follows is, to my knowledge, a true story. About two weeks ago,
while dumping a load of garbage at a dump near Apple Valley,
California, I saw something that caught my eye. Although embarrassing
to admit, there are occasionally interesting items to be found in
community dumps. On this particular day, I saw a book. What intrigued
me was that this book had a homemade metal locking mechanism that
surrounded it. It was locked with a standard padlock so I figured I
could break that off. Once home, I got a hammer. My curiosity grew
with each strike and after five minutes of smashing away, the lock
cracked. A quick flip through it showed this to be a diary and I
figured I had an interesting read ahead of me. My initial excitement
faded as the inside cover listed the owner as James Lyons. I decided
to browse it anyway and if it is true, it is quite a story. I thought
this was a great story to post on the Internet and after searching
around, found this group site. Having browsed some of the other
stories, I found them quite disappointing. Although most or all are
fantasies, I found them a letdown. Those that started out fine and
realistic usually started drifting with great exaggerations. Hopefully
you will find the diary as interesting as I did. There were occasional
pages that had obviously been ripped out and certain sections that
were illegible -- I have reprinted word for word what I have.

20 Apr 92
Well, I do not know how to start this diary, so I will just write. We
recently learned about stream of consciousness in English class and so
I decided to keep track of my thoughts in a book. I feel like a homo
for even doing this, but I think this is a good way to sort out my
thoughts. I always hear old farts talking about forgetting what
happened in the past and I don't want that to happen to me. It should
be fun to read this in 10 to 20 years. We learned stream of
consciousness works best when one just spews out whatever is on their
mind. I love writing stories so that is how I will write this -- maybe
this will be my biography when I am rich and famous!!
I have been so confused of late and although I normally love
vacations, I am ready for spring break to end so I can get back to
school. I can't believe I actually want to go to school, but it is not
for academic reasons. I spend most of my school day looking and
dreaming of girls. Most of my classmates are average or just plain
ugly. There are a few hot chicks in my classes, especially in drivers
ed. My college prep classes have mostly average chicks and the good
looking ones know it and flaunt it. Hell, even the bad looking ones
think they are hot. My favorite is Lisa Gibbs -- she is medium height,
fairly skinny, with a brown hair. Her ass is truly great -- the best I
have ever seen in a pair of jeans. She doesn't have much for tits, but
that can be forgiven. We talk occasionally in class, but she has not
shown any interest in me. She had a couple of boyfriends the last few
years; those that I know of at least. I wish I had the guts to ask her
out, but rejection is not for me. I have the distinct pleasure of
knowing I have never been turned down by a girl - then again, I have
never asked a girl out. I do not know my problem, but as time goes by,
I get set more in my ways. I hate that society promotes sex so much
and makes it seem that every teenager is having sex. I would think I
am weird for still being a virgin, but most of my friends, at least
those willing to admit it, are too. I am not a bad looking guy but
then again, I am not on the football team either. The only sport I
ever played in school was soccer, and that was coming off the bench.
My stupid ass coach keeps his favorite players in the game 90% of the
time so the rest of us get no chance. Oh well, I am thinking of
quitting anyway. I'm already tired of writing and feel like some
computer games.

21 Apr 92
A thoroughly boring day today -- TV and computer all day. My parents
suggested I get a gym membership at the new gym. I had a cheapy home
set of weights when I was younger, but I used those for about a week
before boredom set in. Hopefully tomorrow will be more interesting.

24 Apr 
I've been putting off writing in this thing since nothing much has
happened the past few days. Two more days off and it's back to Lisa's
ass. My father gave me the money today to join the gym. I shall check
it out tomorrow.

26 Apr
I had my second workout today and am wiped out. I wasn't too keen on
the whole gym thing until I saw some of the girls in there. Most of
them should stay home and out of sight, but a few were very hot.
Whoever invented leotards should be given a medal, although there
should be a law and set weight limit for those allowed to wear them.
Back to school tomorrow. Actually, with the great views in the gym,
I'm not too interested in school anymore. So go the twists of life!

28 Apr
Well, school is boring. Lisa has not been back yet and seeing the
other girls doesn't compare to the sights in the gym. My mother said
she was going to check out the aerobics section at my gym. I smiled
politely but hope she doesn't join my gym.

30 Apr 
Lisa was back today -- it looks like she packed on 10 pounds since I
saw her a few weeks ago. What a letdown. I guess the only thing I can
say for her is her tits got a bit bigger. What a waste. Unfortunately,
my mother came in the gym and signed up for a month. I think I'll
start working out later - half the fun of the gym is checking out the
aerobics room - thank god for the designer who put a glass wall
between the workout room and the aerobics room. I don't really care to
be checking out the chicks doing aerobics with my mother in there.

4 May
I have really been hitting the gym hard lately - I have already gained
5 pounds and am up to 175. I can see some differences in the mirror
and that gives me more motivation. My mother came to the late class
today. I was actually checking out her ass before I realized it was
her. My thoughts went straight to the movie Taboo, which I have not
seen in several years. That was actually the first porno I ever saw
and it made quite an impression on me. A few years ago, I used to
dream about my mother and she was actually my first sexual fantasy. I
realized that was all bullshit and luckily the girls in my classes
started developing. Actually after today, I cannot get my mother out
of my mind. I suppose this isn't the smartest place to put such
thoughts, seeing how I'm sure my mother snoops around my room during
the day. I should have got a locking book but those things were too
expensive. I should be able to fashion a lock for this thing just in
case my mom finds my hiding spot.

6 May
My book is now secure and I feel excited. I cannot get that movie out
of my mind. I actually went to a few video stores today to look for
it. I felt so stupid walking into the adult sections, but they only
had the sequels to Taboo. I thought about getting one but was too
embarrassed. I've been tempted to go to the gym earlier to check out
my mom again, but I don't want her to get suspicious. The more I think
of her, the more she reminds me of the mother in Taboo. I think my
mom's face is nicer and her hair is not quite as dark, but their
bodies appear similar. I don't know how my mother stays as thin as she
is with large breasts - I assumed she had implants. I have not seen
her naked since I was a little kid and that image in my mind is so
faded. I thought about trying to see her naked but have not figured
out a way yet. Drilling a hole in the wall like in the movies is
impossible in our house. I saw my mom in her room in her bra about a
year ago, and that image is coming back to haunt me the past few days.
I feel like I'm going to burst if I don't do something.

7 May
Today was the first day I ever jerked off. I always felt a weird since
of pride that I never masturbated before and the longer I went without
it, the more determined I was not to do it. I've had plenty of wet
dreams, but felt I was the master of myself and did not need to do
such things. My thoughts the past few days have been overwhelming and
I just had to do it. The first image that came to mind was my mom and
it was all over. It was intense but too short. Realizing that not
doing it was a waste of time, I jerked off two more times. Actually
I'm glad I did, since had I fucked a girl for the first time without
knowing how to control myself, I would have died of embarrassment. I
can hear it now, 'ah that James only lasted 10 seconds'. My new goal
in life is to build up some tolerance. I'm sure my first time with a
girl will still be a flash, but I can try.

12 May
I'm embarrassed to admit how many times I've jerked off the past few
days so I'll leave that out. My problem of going to the gym earlier
was solved in an unexpected way. My piece of shit car crapped out
yesterday and is in the shop. I feel like a dipshit since I'm back on
the school bus but my mother offered to drive me to gym when I got
home from school. Needless to say, I did not object. My mother always
wears loose clothes so the drive to the gym was uneventful. I had
hoped to get an up close view of her in her aerobics outfit but she
waited to change at the gym. I tried looking over at her in the car
but as soon as she asked what was wrong, I kept my eyes straight
ahead. In the gym, I barely got a workout. Every chance I got, I
stared at her. I'm still not sure if her tits are real since she wears
a sports bra under her outfit. I've just got to see them. I wish it
was as easy as in the movies, watching through a cracked door with
your girlfriend in the other room. Ahh, if only Taboo was real life.
My mother kept her leotards on during the trip home and I did my best
to check out her legs without being obvious. I dream that her legs are
perfect, but I know most women her age are rocking the cottage cheese
thighs and ass. As soon as we got home, she hit the shower while I hit
the spank. That was the best one ever. I thought about peeking in the
bathroom, but she locked the damn door.

16 May
My parents' video store finally got a copy of Taboo back. I
contemplated getting it for half an hour before I finally grabbed it.
I waited until nobody else was at the counter. The feeling was quite
surreal and I felt nauseous as I walked to the counter. Even worse was
there was a girl doing the checkout. I was waiting for the ultimate
embarrassment if she asked for an ID, but she seemed as embarrassed as
I was. I hauled ass home, ran to my room and popped it in. I wanted to
fast forward to the good part, but the buildup of watching the whole
movie was too much to skip. I actually came halfway through without
even masturbating. When the sex scene between the mother and son
finally kicked off, I was delirious. What a feeling. I wanted to make
a copy of the tape but our other vcr was in the living room and my
parents were watching TV.

17 May
Last night, I snuck into the living room and got the other vcr to tape
my movie. The whole process was exciting but I could not think of any
plausible excuse if one of my parents caught me. While it was taping,
I plugged in my headphones to listen to it without waking anyone up.
Everything worked like a charm.

Unfortunately, without my car, I had to convince my father to take me
to the video store. He was busy until after the return time for my
video and I wasn't going to risk having my mother bring me. Luckily,
my father went into the grocery store while I returned the video and
paid the late fee. Nothing quite as embarrassing as paying a late fee
on a porno in a crowded store. I grabbed a copy of batman to cover my
tracks and all was good.

18 May
I got my car back today and it was still a mess. I have been enjoying
my trips to the gym with my mom and have gotten used to riding the bus
again. So, I told my parents that the car was not reliable and they
said they would help me get something else if I got a job this summer.
I said sure, but I'm happy enough to have mom drive me around. We have
been talking more than ever and I'm in heaven. Each day after the gym,
I can't wait to watch my movie. In some ways, I wish my mother would
walk in on me someday. I know that would be the ultimate
embarrassment, but it is intriguing.

22 May
Today was really weird. Lisa asked me if I had been working out and
she actually seemed interested in our conversation. I tried to temper
my excitement but she actually seemed to be flirting with me. I'm not
sure if she is dating anyone now -- maybe her boyfriend dumped her for
pigging up a bit. She is still quite thin, but those extra few pounds
destroyed my perfect image of her former ass.

24 May
I'm quite excited again to go back to school. It will be interesting
to see how things pick up with Lisa since Friday.

25 May
Today was another interesting day with Lisa. She initiated several
conversations with me and I almost feel bold enough to ask her to do
something. I want to say something so bad, but the words just won't
come. Why can't girls make the first moves!

28 May
Things with Lisa are still the same -- she initiates the conversations
and I get the feeling she wants me to ask her out. I'm such a coward.
If it wasn't for my feelings for my mom, I might be more bold. Lisa
has a great body, but I love tits and hers just don't compare.
Sometimes I wish I had a fat, dumpy mother and I'm regretting the
feelings that have developed. They are consuming me more and more and
I don't know what to do.

29 May
I finally got emboldened and asked Lisa if she wanted to see a movie.
She got a strange look on her face and said she was busy this weekend.
She said maybe the next weekend, but I was blown away. Now I know why
they say you can never know what a woman is thinking. I tried and I'll
leave it to her if she wants to do something in the future.

31 May
This weekend really blew. I borrowed my mother's car and hit the gym
both days to work off some steam. I am really not looking forward to
seeing Lisa tomorrow. I'm sure she told all her friends that my loser
ass dared to ask her out. Oh well, life sucks.

1 Jun
I skipped school today, claiming sickness, and enjoyed a miserable day
with Taboo. Having the whole house to myself was great and the thought
that my mother might walk in on me was exhilarating, though that was
not going to happen since she works until 3. Oh well, I can fantasize.

2 Jun
Today was the greatest. I ignored Lisa in our first class and was curt
with all my responses. I could see her staring at me on occasion and
she tried to smile each time our eyes met. I felt like talking to her
but I decided anger was a more pleasurable response. She actually sat
by me at lunch and asked what was wrong and why I had missed school
the day before. I was an ass and said nothing was wrong. She asked if
I was pissed about her not going out with me last weekend. It was
difficult to keep my emotions in check and I just said it was no big
deal. I think she could tell I was lying and asked me if I wanted to
do something tonight. I was quite shocked and could not help but
smile. We agreed to go to the mall. I am getting ready to go in a bit
and have already showered twice. My stomach is in knots and I hope I
don't get sick.

Well, my shopping trip with Lisa was uneventful except for one time
where she grabbed my hand. I was not expecting it but my heart jumped.
We grabbed some fast food and I figured I would try and be a gentleman
and pick up the bill. She seemed happy but refused to let me pay her
share. This surprised me and am not sure how to interpret it. I felt
like a dipshit since she had to drop me off at home but she didn't
seem to mind. Sitting in her car in front of my house was the worst
part. I have never been in the situation and did not know if she
wanted me to do something. I felt I would be a gentleman and asked her
for her phone number. I wanted to kiss her but was too shy and did not
want to embarrass myself. I guess being shy paid off since she called
me later and asked if I wanted to see a movie this weekend. Life isn't
too bad after all.

5 Jun
Tonight was the big night with Lisa but I still can't get my mom out
of my head. We went to the gym again today and she is looking better
every time I see her. I can't decide who I'd rather see naked. Lisa
has a nice ass but my mom's tits are just killing me. I feel like an
idiot in the car because I often get a boner. I usually have my bag or
a magazine to put on top and so far I don't think my mom has noticed.
I started bringing my jeans to wear in the car since they hide it much
better than my sweats. One of these days, maybe I'll just let it show
to see if I can get a reaction from her. I'm not that bold but maybe
someday. Well, on to my date. Lisa picked my loser ass up at home
again and we went to the cinema. I don't even remember much of the
movie since my mind was conflicted between Lisa and mom. Lisa held my
hand through the whole movie and I even put my arm around her. I
thought about all the date movies I had seen in the past and realized
it really is that easy. All my shyness over the past few years was a
complete waste of time. I thought about grabbing Lisa's tit but felt
my gentleman routine was working just fine. After the movie, we walked
and talked a lot, holding hands. It was fun but my mind was often on
my mother. Out of nowhere, Lisa pushed me into a wall and kissed me.
This was my first kiss and I hope it was not a bad one. Later, she
said she could tell I was shy and got tired of waiting for me to make
a move on her. We kissed a bit more and I felt I'd take a chance and
feel her ass. It felt great and I immediately wanted to feel it naked.
I told her my parents were going to an air show tomorrow and asked if
she wanted to come over. She was a bit hesitant but agreed. We made
out a bit in her car and that was it. I ran in the house, ignored my
parents, went in my room and jerked off to my video. What a feeling.

6 Jun
My parents were pissed I skipped out on the annual air show but too
bad. I figured if Lisa was willing to come to my house, she might be
willing to do more. I had a few condoms I got at the sex ed class
earlier this year. My stomach was a complete mess and I hoped it would
calm down by the time Lisa came. She showed up an hour late but called
and told me she would be. When I opened the door, my fantasies for sex
disappeared. She was wearing some worn out sweats and a baggy t-shirt.
We hung out for awhile and watched TV. She checked out the rest of the
house and quizzed me on my parents. After we had lunch, we started
making out. My hopes increased again as I found the sweats easier to
feel through than jeans. She didn't pull back as I felt all over her
body. I asked her if she wanted to go to my room and she said yes. She
was not nervous and I hoped I wasn't showing mine too badly. As soon
as we hit my room, she pulled me onto her and onto the bed. I got her
shirt off and fumbled with her bra for a while before she took it off
for me. She pulled off my shirt and pants. My hard on was beyond
belief and actually hurt. I tried to remember all the things I read in
magazines about what women liked and the wrong things guys normally
did. I slowed down a bit and started giving her mini-massages in the
midst of making out. She really seemed to dig it, so I took off her
sweats and started kissing her all over her body. I wasn't sure about
oral sex and it kind of scared of me. I had heard so many things
positive and negative about it but knew the overwhelming amount of
women I read about enjoyed it. I figured if I could get her off
orally, maybe she wouldn't notice how pitiful at fucking I would be. I
got her panties off and took my time kissing her body again. She
seemed surprised when I went down on her and I just kept things as
slow as I could. I knew I had already cum accidentally from the
excitement of the moment and figured oral sex would give me the time
to get hard again. The experience was not like I figured. She got
pretty excited as I used my tongue and finger on her and even though I
got hard again quite quick, I wanted to give her an orgasm. I worked
on what I determined was her clit since that got the most response. It
was smaller than I figured and did a good job at hiding at times. I
eventually got her to cum - at least I think she did. I read that
women like hugging and doing nothing for awhile after orgasm so I got
on top of her and kissed her for awhile. After a few minutes, she
started stroking me and tried to lead me into her pussy. I grabbed a
condom and fumbled with it for a second. I actually felt myself losing
hardness as I put it on, but it came back quickly as soon as laid
between Lisa's legs. Lisa turned us over and sat on top of me. She sat
there for a second before finally lowering herself onto me. The
initial feeling was hot and felt good, but I must admit I was a bit
disappointed. I didn't know if it was because of the condom or what.
She started riding me and I was waiting to explode. Surprisingly, an
orgasm was not approaching and I started getting into it. After a few
minutes, I flipped her back over and started pounding away. Since I
was lasting longer than I hoped, I tried changing speeds and depth to
see what reaction I got. I lost track of time and actually wondered if
I would be able to cum. My thoughts started drifting to my video
laying a few feet away and I got a new spark of excitement. I
remembered back to the part of the movie where the son was banging his
girlfriend while thinking of his mom. This excited me to no end and I
came within a few seconds. Lisa seemed happy enough and so I felt
confident of my performance. She said it felt great and that she never
had anyone go down on her. We showered and watched more TV. She took
my pants off and I thought she wanted to screw again. Instead, she
started licking around my dick and I couldn't wait until she put it in
her mouth. Again, my expectation of a blowjob was beyond my first
experience. Granted, it felt wonderful but I had built up a grand
vision of the feeling. I think this lasted about five minutes before I
decided I wanted to fuck her again. She was happy to oblige and the
second time was better than the first. I went from missionary to her
on top. As I figured, her tits were small and I felt disappointed
there wasn't much to grab a hold of. Again, my mind went to my video
and the giant tits on the mother. My own mother flashed in my mind and
I about came right then. I pushed her image out of mind and managed to
control myself. I tried a few other positions and eventually went to
doggy style. Watching her ass from behind was enough for me and I lost
it. We cleaned up again, talked awhile, and she left. I aired out my
room and cleaned up the house. My parents already suspected I had a
girlfriend and my mom was all giddy at the idea that I was finally
dating. I'm sure they previously feared I was a fag since I had never
brought a girl home and never talked about any. I stayed in my room to
avoid them when they returned.

7 Jun
Lisa called yesterday and today and I'm already getting pissed at the
amount of time taken away from my laziness. My mom got all excited
when she told me there was a girl on the line, but I tried to ignore
her. She asked me later at dinner who the girl was and if she was my
girlfriend. I said we were friends and that was it. My mother was
positively beaming and didn't believe Lisa was just a friend. To keep
my mind off of the conversation, I kept staring at my mom's tits,
dreaming of holding on to them as she rode me.

8 Jun
Today was a truly awful day. My father came into my room after work
and asked me about a late fee for a video. I'm sure my face went white
as a ghost. He asked me why I rented the movie. He knew what the movie
was about since it was his videotape I had discovered and watched a
few years before. I figured I'd take the chance that he was unaware
I'd ever seen his tape, and told him I rented it for a friend because
they didn't have a video card. He asked if I watched it and I said I
had since I had heard about it from other classmates. My father just
stared at me and left. I am a fool and cannot believe the fuckin video
store didn't credit the late fee I paid. Part of me hopes he tells mom
-- maybe if she thinks I'm interested in the movie, I'm interested in
her. It's stupid to even think such thoughts but it is fun!!

9 Jun
Lisa picked me up and we drove out into the desert. We found a
deserted area and started going at it. Fucking in a car is not nearly
as easy and fun as it looks in the movies. The only position that
managed to be feasible was me sitting with her straddling me. Luckily,
her legs are quite flexible. My interest in Lisa is already waning and
it took a fantasy of my mother to cum again. I feel bad about it
because Lisa is such a nice girl and she really seems to like me. I'm
really beginning to regret ever watching Taboo and think the best
thing to do is destroy my copy. Without such thoughts and images, my
mind will turn towards Lisa and enjoy our time. Who knows.

15 Jun
Lisa and I have been spending a lot of time together. I enjoy her
company, but fucking is getting a bit tedious. Its better than jerking
off to a video all the time but I feel myself acting with her more and
more. I am getting looks from other girls in school but I don't feel
they would be anymore satisfying than Lisa. My workouts are up to 5
days a week and my body has transformed quite a bit in the past
months. My body  isn't great by any means, but I at least look like a
decent athlete now. I can even see my ab muscles and can't wait to
start laying out this summer to get a great tan. My mother does
aerobics 2 to 3 days a week by now and I love every minute still. I
feel like a perv staring at her from the workout room, but with all
the other girls in the room, she has no idea I watch her. My mom
hasn't asked me about the late video - what a conversation that would
be! She has asked me a lot about Lisa and how it's going. Curiously,
such conversations give me an instant hard on.

18 Jun
Today was almost the best day ever but nearly turned into a nightmare.
After returning from the gym, my mother went to shower as normal. I
did not hear the door lock so I decided it was finally time to take a
chance. I quietly approached the door and listened for the shower.
Once I was sure she was actually showering, I quietly cracked open the
door and was getting ready to peek inside. Within a few moments, I
heard my mother ask if it was me. My mind flashed, I got nervous, and
went quickly to my room. I realized that when I had opened the door,
the air pressure had shifted the shower curtain. I just hoped that
without saying anything, my mom would assume the door had opened on
its own. It was a long shot, but after she was done, she did not ask
me about it I've decided that seeing her is not going to happen except
accidentally. I tried to figure out an explainable accident to see her
naked but nothing reasonable comes to mind.

20 Jun
I think Lisa is sensing my growing dissatisfaction with our
relationship. I am hoping to make her dissatisfied enough that she
gives up on us without pissing her off. I decided that I would try and
see my mom from outside her room. They usually keep their curtains
partially open so I think I should be able to sneak out at night, and
see them without being seen.

21 Jun
Last night was really fun. As planned, I went outside a bit after my
parents closed their door. I found a good spot by their window that
let me see part of their room without making me obvious.
Unfortunately, my mother was already in her nightgown, in bed, reading
a book. I could see her large breasts under the nightgown and their
sag appeared to dispel my thoughts that she had implants. I got an
instant hard on thinking of such large, real tits. They looked even
bigger than I thought, at least a DD from what I've seen in magazines.
My father finally came to bed and the lights turned out. Up until now,
I never considered that my parents had sex and at that moment, I
realized I might actually witness it. The thoughts were oddly exciting
although I didn't want to see my out of shape father sticking it to my
mom. I wanted that pleasure myself. I soon realized how stupid I was
and that my parents had obviously been screwing long before my time. I
waited for about twenty minutes with nothing. I finally got tired,
went to my room and jerked off to my tape.

27 Jun
After a long week of pushing Lisa away, I look forward to my workouts
more than ever. I am getting obsessed with my mother and I know it is
wrong. Even though I want to stop it and have a normal life and
relationship, I just can't help it. Tonight is another test. I figure
if my parents fuck, it would be on my fathers days off. I snuck out
the past few nights but saw nothing. I'm beginning to wonder if
they'll ever do it. School is up for the summer and thank god. Now
I've got time to focus.

28 Jun
Last night was the night. When the lights went out, my father got on
top of mom. My eyes adjusted to the dark and the neon light from their
clock was just enough to make out what was going on. They made out for
a few minutes and went right at it. To my disappointment, my mother
left her nightgown on and the sheets were covering the rest of their
bodies. The look on my mother's face was more than enough to make up
for it. She had a wonderful fuck face, creasing her eyes and
apparently making noise on occasion. I heard a faint moan every now
and then but the windows were too good to hear more. It seemed to last
for awhile and I grew bored. About 10 minutes into it, I saw my father
make a slight movement and then collapse on my mother. They hugged and
kissed a bit before my father rolled off. My hopes jumped when my
mother got up to go in the bathroom, but the light was not enough to
see any more than a slight outline of her body under her nightgown. I
about came right there, so I ran inside and took care of business.

Later on today was exciting. My father went to the hardware store
while I was sitting on my bed watching TV. My mother came into my room
and watched my father leave from my window. She laid down on the other
end of my bed. Oh, how I wanted to jump on her at the moment and show
her a true fuck. She asked me about Lisa and I said things were
alright. She asked why Lisa had not been around this weekend, and I
said she was busy. My mother had met Lisa twice and thought she was a
great girl. If she had my mom's tits, she'd be even better. I thought
back to all the corny lines in the Taboo movie and how easy the mom
and son got together. Smartly, I made no such stupid comments about
how great looking my mom was or any movements toward her. Sleeping
with here was the dream of dreams, but my parents seemed happy and I
figured women were not so obsessed with their sons that they would
screw them at the slightest chance. I had been taking psychology
classes and knew if I wanted such a thing to happen, I would have to
create the perfect scenario. This is such a fantasy but it is
enveloping my whole life. I knew I would have to create a scenario
that made such a thing possible in my mother's mind. My mind snapped
back and my mother was staring at me while I was staring at her tits.
She smiled, kissed me on the cheek, and left. What to do, what to do.

9 Jul
I figure I have the whole summer to woo my mom. I finally broke it off
with Lisa yesterday. We had a goodbye screw and said we'd see each
other later. All my energies are now to the impossible task of getting
my mom in the sack. Since my mother has complemented me on my ever
improving physique, I returned the complement, ever so subtle though.
She was genuinely happy and I new I had an in. After 20 years of
marriage, I'm sure my mother loved to hear approval of her hard work
in the gym. She has always been in good shape and has only improved in
the recent months. Objectively, she isn't a supermodel, but as a real
woman, she is ideal for my tastes. What kind of world is it that the
most desirable women I know is my mom. I have decided to show more
affection to my mother, which I have always withheld over the years.
In the past few days, her hugs or kisses were returned as a good son
would. Not that my intentions are good. A few times, I've got an
instant hard on, but have never placed it in a position for her to
feel it. That will change I hope if I get more bold. The other day, I
pretended to sleep in the car while I had a hard on with sweats.
Whether she saw it or not, I don't know, but I made it pretty obvious.
I will do it again in a few days. Mom has started wearing a bit
tighter clothes, apparently feeling more confident in her body. I
can't imagine not feeling confident of such a body, but maybe that is
what marriage does. My new plan is to leave my Taboo tape away from
its normal hiding place and on top of the vcr. Knowing my mom snoops
about my stuff, hopefully she'll find it and get curious. I know she
must have watched my father's copy but her knowing I have a copy of my
own will hopefully get her mind thinking. I placed a small thread on
the tape to know if she moves it. Although I know this is fruitless,
it is beyond exciting and I am really getting into it. It feels just
like a movie and this diary just reinforces that feeling.

11 Jul
I've stayed out and about the past few days and my mother did not
disappoint. The thread fell off and the tape was not quite in the
exact position I left it. I've caught slightly odd expressions on my
mother's face the past few days. Whether it is fear of what is going
on with her son or excitement, I pray for excitement. I keep dreaming
of that lovely mouth wrapped around my pole and those big tits
bouncing in my hands. Why can't fantasies be easier to enact??

13 Jul
Last night at dinner, my parents asked me when I was getting a job. I
had not intended on bringing it up since I was completely happy
driving around with my mother or using one of their vehicles. My
father pushed and said I needed to be more responsible. I kind of blew
it off and said I would check the papers. Dad continued to press me to
the point I wanted to tell him to screw off. Over time, I got along
quite well with my dad, but recently he has turned into the
competition. I was waiting for my mother to come to my rescue but no
such luck. I realize I am getting carried away with this fantasy. I've
always thought of myself as very intellectual, but I need to grow up.
 From my psychology class, I learned that most sons have an attraction
to their mothers - I suppose mine just got carried away. Maybe it's
time to move on.

15 Jul
My mother has not gone to the gym with me since my video was moved.
I'm beginning to think I may have ruined my entire relationship with
her. She is pleasant enough to me but no longer asks anything about my
life. I feel lonely and am now regretting breaking up with Lisa. I
cannot quite see what went wrong.

16 Jul
Mom went to the gym again with me today and I felt really excited. I
kept my bag on my lap the whole trip since I was about to pop. My
workout was awesome and I was transfixed on the aerobic room in
between sets. At one point, my mother turned around and spotted me
staring. I looked away casually, desperate not to ruin this
relationship this time. I'm watching my video at least twice a day now
and am starting to feel guilty afterwards. I don't know where the
guilt is from but it is bothering me. I think my psychological
experiment is just about over. I suppose I am not as smart as I
thought. I have looked for a job, but not with much excitement. My dad
asks every night and I'm getting sick of his shit.

20 Jul
Things have gotten back to normal and I suppose I am content. My
thoughts about mom haven't changed but I am back to being realistic.
I've thought about calling Lisa but I think I need to start fresh.
Tonight was the final straw for the job. My mom actually told my
father to leave it alone, and that if I didn't want a job, I wouldn't
get a car. Not exactly a rescue, but hopefully the issue is dead.

23 Jul
Today blew all my expectations to hell. Returning from the gym, mom
and I did our normal routine. I waited for her to finish showering and
timed my exit from my room as she opened the bathroom door. I got a
great site as she was wearing a loosely sashed robe. I only got to see
the top half of her tits but that was plenty for me. I hit the shower
and took care of business in near record time. That sight was enough
to convince me to take another look at how to get into my mom's pants.
I have to have those tits.

24 Jul
After wracking my brain all night, I came to believe that my former
plan was on track. I felt I had overstepped, but looking back at my
diary, I realize I got to my mother. I believe her distancing herself
was her way of dealing with her feelings. Going back to normal so
quickly tells me that she is either not worried about my feelings or
she accepts them. I hope to god she accepts them and I can find a way
to exploit it. For this to be successful, she must initiate the final
act. If I pressure her into it, that lets her off the guilt trip quite
a bit - if she initiates it, she has no one to blame but herself. I
realize such a thing will ruin my relationship with her forever, but
my mind will not let these images go. I do not want to go through life
with this constant hunger. Also, I'm realistic enough to know that if
I can get her, it won't last long. Realistically, I know her great
body won't hold together for many more years and I'm not the kind of
guy that wants to fuck an old lady, regardless if she's my mother.
This is a one or two shot deal for the sure pleasure and enjoyment.
The eternal secret I can take with me and nobody will know. Everyone
has secrets but how many guys can say they nailed their mother? I've
just got to do this and it's gotta be before I graduate. I can't
imagine my father letting me live in the house past that and I won't
have the time or means after I move. God damn, how the hell do you get
your own mom to sleep with you?

26 Jul
I've been to the library all weekend and their selection of incest
books is non-existent. There was nothing to spark my mind and help me
out. I'm gonna borrow the car tomorrow and head over to the university
library in Riverside -- I've been there a few times and the selection
is massive. They should have something that can help me out. My mother
has asked if there is anything wrong with me so I guess she can see
the tension and pure drive in my eyes. A man on a mission like no
other. How I would love to say, "Yea mom, I need to find out how to
fuck you -- any ideas?" Maybe I'll make a porno some day and include
that line - brilliant for a movie.

27 Jul
At long last, I've found some inspiration. I poured over dozens of
books today. The great thing about the university library is the
solitude you can find in certain parts. I read for hours in one
corner, never encountering anyone. I suppose incest isn't the hot
topic but there was plenty to read on. Mostly real life stories and
how people suffered and dealt with it. I wasn't into that crap.
Molestation incest gives me the creeps and those folks should be shot.
I'm just trying to bang the hottest body within my sight -- the fact
that she's my mom makes it more exciting and gives me chills down my
spine. The more I think it could happen, the more my stomach twists
and turns. Realistically, I know my mom still hasn't shown any
indication that she is attracted to me, but life is about fantasies
and this is the grandest I've had. A few books peaked my interest and
a few times, I felt like jerking off. I kept control though, focusing
on the mission at hand, looking for any clues to help my impossible
task. I found some interesting information and now I need to sort it
out in my head.

30 Jul
I've refocused myself at the gym, realizing that my healthy body is
the most visible difference between my father and me. He's in typical
adult working male shape, which isn't much to speak about. He's been
that way as long as I can recall, although I've seen older pictures of
him with a thinner face and looking somewhat athletic. I'm hoping
beyond hope that my mom's earlier accolades about my body weren't her
just being a nice mom, but an admiring woman. It's a long shot, but
that's all I've got to work with -- all long shots. I've got new
desires to improve my body to its limits. I've been sunning as long as
I can stand it each day and it's starting to really show. My muscles
really seem to be coming out with the tan and it is even starting to
excite me. I never thought I would get into good shape and I no longer
feel self conscious with the big beasts in my gym. Granted, I'm never
going to be mistaken for a bodybuilder, but the occasional look I get
from girls is proof enough that the hard work is paying off. If I had
lasers, I'd burn right through my mom's ass and tits while she is
doing aerobics. Everything seems back to normal between us and she has
started asking me about my life and dreams. I've been leaking subtle
hints such as wanting to go on adventures, living beyond life's
standards, and doing what feels good. I am quite good at putting
sentences together and making people understand what I want. I cannot
be blatant about this. I've decided I will use up the whole next year
if necessary. If I fail, and I only have slight expectations of
success, I know I did my best and won't regret the attempt. I'm back
to thinking of this as a grand adventure, a great story, with me as
the star. Adventures always have a happy ending. I can only imagine
the feeling if I succeed.

1 Aug
My psychological games are on target - I've got to stay focused for as
long as it takes. One problem I have no solution for is my father. I
cannot envision any scenario for my success with dad in the house.
Unfortunately, he doesn't have a storybook job that takes him away on
business. I can't even remember the last time he left my mothers side
for more than a day. That is a potential story killer with few
options. A slim hope is that my grandmother is sick. Neither one of my
parents get along with her so I'd have to come up with a doozy to get
my father out the door. I'll work on him tonight and test the waters.

2 Aug
It seems luck is on my side for once. I casually asked about grandma,
which brought about mom's disgust. I don't think they have talked for
years even though grandma lives about four hours away. My father is
not much fonder but I had to hope that he would have some remaining
loyalty to her. I threw it out that grandma must be lonely, being sick
with no family around. My mother laughed at that but dad showed little
reaction. I took a shot and said we hadn't been to see her in several
years. I thought I'd been too bold, but my father took the ball and
ran. He said it would be the right thing to do to look in on her for a
few days. Mom scoffed at that but I said I would go with him. He
seemed genuinely happy. So was I, because he just took care of the
most difficult part of my plan. Mom thought we were both crazy and
said we could have fun with that old bat. I laughed at that but dad
was still feeling the guilt I had opened up. He decided to go this
weekend, which doesn't leave much time. In fact, I did not plan on
initiating anything so quickly and felt my elation of success start to
fade. Things are going to have to go perfect from here on out and my
luck isn't that good.

3 Aug
I started in on the complements with mom again and as before, she
loved it. I still can't interpret her feelings and maybe this is all a
fools' errand. I've got to go for it, because I might not get another
shot. A few times now, my mom has come by my room and seen me writing
in this book. Once she tried looking over my shoulder and her tits
pushed into my back. I didn't want her to leave that position, but
she'll never read this diary. I closed the book and asked her what was
up. Within a few seconds, I had a nice tent pole in my shorts, but I
was sitting at my desk and it offered a convenient cover.
Unfortunately, the book was what she wanted to see and she stepped
back. She quizzed me on the book and I feigned disinterest. Another
psychological tip I learned is that nothing piques curiosity more than
someone else being secretive. Mom found my secret video tape that I
accidentally left out and I've recently come up with what I hope is my
masterstroke. I am off to the stores tonight and hope and pray my luck
holds out.

5 Aug 
Today was grand. Mom asked me about Lisa and why I haven't been
dating. Instead of my normal brush off, I took a shot and said that
Lisa wasn't what I was looking for and I haven't been able to find
what I want yet. Surprisingly, mom pushed the conversation but I was
not bold enough to follow. I read that women are much more curious
than men and I did not want to misinterpret her curiosity. I only have
one shot this weekend and cannot blow it with slick talk from
magazines and movies. Luckily, the gym takes my mind off of all the
things that could possibly go wrong this weekend -- having my moms ass
staring at me through the glass was both a gift and a curse. I've got
to stay focused more than ever. Luck was with me the other day and I
was able to buy a duplicate diary. I've been busy as hell the last two
days filling up that diary with all the tips I learned at the library.
I created entries showing my increasing attraction to my mother, how
Lisa's body did not compare, how I felt a loneliness emanating from my
mom, how little attention my father pays to her and so on. The last
two are bullshit but if all works out, these should plant seeds of
doubt into my mother's head. To top it all off, I wrote extensively of
my perfect dream, the ultimate desire in my life, and that is to sleep
with my mother one time. The perfect dream of course is an almost word
for word duplication of Taboo where the mother walks into the sons
room and gives him a blowjob while he sleeps, wakes up, and they go at
it. I put it in better terms than that but that is the jist. The
kicker was to add that I don't feel my mom even notices me and that
I'm not sure I want to go on in life if I can't experience an ecstasy
that feels so right to me. That entry will be post dated for tomorrow
to allow me to make a 'sudden' change in moods. Unfortunately I did
not think of this in time to let me sink into a truly realistic
depressive down spiral. The closeness of this trip is screwing with my
long term timeline, but I've gotta go with it. I prettied the new book
all up, leaving out my normal male crudeness. Hopefully it is not too
sappy but my veiled suicide threat has to be the final blow. If that
doesn't do it, I'm doomed.

6 Aug
Tomorrow is our big trip -- at least for my father. I'm about to
develop a great headache after going to the movies and mall. I am on a
short timeline and I've got to hope my mother's curiosity doesn't fail
me. The new book is in place in the metal protector, laying upside
down on the floor next to my bed, with the lock undone. I told her not
to expect me back until after 9, which should give her plenty of time.
Hopefully it is not obvious but even if mom suspects I left it on
purpose, she may interpret it as a cry for help. I cannot take the
chance on leaving a thread or something else obvious on it this time,
but if she reads it, I doubt she'll risk taking it out of the room in
case I come home early. I figure she'll either read it on my bed or in
my chair. I placed the blankets and chair in positions I'd notice if
they were sat on or moved. If this doesn't work, I have no way of
knowing if she reads it unless she blunders and places the book
somewhere else. I don't think she will be so careless with the book.

Tonight was hellacious. I thought of waiting for the headache to kick
off tomorrow, but I figured I'd get it over with tonight. I told dad I
had a headache and was sick to my stomach. I told him I was in no mood
to get up early and drive for 4 hours. He nearly blew a gasket. I
didn't take into account he probably didn't want to visit his mother
alone. Too bad. My mother thought he was stupid for going anyway so
she didn't back him up on this matter. Again, is she helping me or
not? I wish I knew her feelings. I inspected my book by the bed and it
showed no signs of being read. Unfortunately, my mind could not recall
the exact pattern I placed the blanket in. It seemed different but
this could have been my mind hoping she read it. I heard my parents
arguing a bit, which is quite unusual for them. It wasn't bad, but any
cracks help my cause. It was about the trip and I assume my father was
complaining about his worthless son. Screw him - I'm trying to go
where only he has gone in the last 20 years. I can feel the tide
turning in my favor. I hope this is what destiny feels like.

7 Aug
I must have slept peacefully because I was awoken by my mother. She
sat next to me on my bed and asked how I was doing while placing the
back of her hand against me forehead. God, that hand burned me. I
wonder if I could transfer to her the heat I felt. I got an instant
boner and my blankets did little to hide it. I quickie pulled my legs
up to hide it and wanted to smack myself for being so rash. Her eyes
did not leave my face, so I casually lowered my legs back down and
pretended to stretch out. I leaned to the side, looked out the window
and asked if dad had left. He had but I still could not get her to
turn her head down my body. I wanted to grab her hand, shove it under
the covers and let her feel my desire. I remained calm and asked her
what she was up to. I forgot it was only Friday and that she had to
work. I wanted to create a movement to rub against her and let her
feel my hard on, but I could not think of anything that would not have
been obvious. She asked what I was going to do. I took a chance to
gauge her reaction and said I was going to watch a video and write in
my book. I hoped she would read into the statement and I got the
reaction I was waiting for. Her eyes widened a bit and I could see the
wheels spinning, searching for a response. Anytime else, she would
have said have a nice day and left. After what seemed an eternity, she
said I should get out and about and that she would drop me off at the
mall if I wanted. I had nearly forgotten about my depression act and
put it on in full force. I tried my best sad face and looked away. I
got the concern I wanted and she asked what was going on. I said
nothing was wrong, and got my voice to break at the same time. It was
near perfect. She pushed as I dreamed she would but I told her that
there wasn't anything she could do to help. She sat silent for awhile,
reflecting on what to say to comfort me. Her concern was excessive and
I was pretty sure she had read my book. She finally leaned over,
kissed me on the forehead, and told me that she hoped I felt better
and had a good day. I barely heard the last part as my eyes were
planted squarely on her giant tits hanging down in their bra. It was
the best view I had of them since becoming interested in her. I
breathed in deeply and her light perfume was intoxicating. Six more
inches and my tongue would be on her nipple. God damn I was on fire.
As she turned to leave, I tried to watch her eyes as they swept down
and across my body. She had to see my boner but she showed no reaction
as she left. No worries though because my plan had gone to near
perfection. I wish I had a few more weeks to perfect this routine and
having her at work today puts a serious crimp on my plan. I've got
this evening, tomorrow and Sunday morning, assuming my father doesn't
come back early. It's gotta be tonight or tomorrow night. Please make
this happen!

I have decided to try a routine that was not planned. With mom at
work, I've got to give something a shot to speed along her emotions. I
have been trying to create a sexually compromising position that my
mother can catch me at without me knowing about it. It seemed
impossible without being obvious about it but I've got one that just
might work. How she reacts to me upon her return home is key.

My mother came home from work and asked me how I was doing. I tried my
most miserable 'okay', but she didn't bite this time. Perfect. She
went out to the living room and started watching TV. I set my vcr up
and paused it, turned out my lights and went silently out my door. I
went into the hallway and looked around the corner at the back of the
living room. Mom was at her usual spot on the couch, which only
allowed me to see about one quarter of her face from behind and
slightly to the side. I saw her wipe her face and hoped. The second
wipe proved she was crying. This was working too good and I tried to
temper my excitement. Standing there in the dark brought back
childhood memories when I pretended I was a spy in our darkened
hallways. My thoughts almost betrayed my reaction time as mom got up
from the couch. I darted into my room, closed the door quietly, jumped
on my bed, threw on my headphones, and unpaused my tape. Of course, I
had on the first son and mom scene from Taboo, watching from the part
where the mother is waking up. I had the volume to the headphones set
at zero. I was smiling at the brilliance of my plan. I heard a light
tap at the door. I said nothing. Another tap and my mom's soft voice
calling my name. How I wanted her to call my name while I was deep
inside her. I started jerking off and knew I wouldn't last long.
Normally my mother would never enter my room without being invited in.
I hoped the combination of my apparent depression and lights out at an
early hour would be sufficient for her to want to check on me. She
didn't disappoint as I barely heard the door open over the carpet. The
television provided sufficient light to highlight the headphones on my
head and my obvious actions. The angle of my room provided her the
view of what I was jerking off to, but unless she came around, not the
view of my dick. How I wished she could see it now. Hearing a slight
gasp from my mom and a whispered, "oh god", just blew me away. How I
wish I could see her face. As a normally shy guy, being an
exhibitionist in front of my unknowing mother was getting too much for
me. The video scene was almost to the blow job and I wanted that to be
the topper. I tried with everything I had to hold back and lasted
right until the mother put the son's dick in her mouth. I shot my load
and what a feeling it was. I continued pumping to give my mother a
chance to leave. I was caught up in the feeling and did not hear if
she had. I sat there for a few seconds, dreaming of her walking up
behind me, placing her arms around me, those great tits smashed
against my back. I didn't want to turn around and break my fantasy,
scared that it might be at hand or fearing that she might wreck my
dream. I turned off the vcr and TV, waiting a few more seconds. I
decided I could not screw up the act I just put on, so I turned around
and flipped on the light. No mother in sight and my heart both sank
and jumped. The fantasy is still on but there is still so many
potential failures. From my readings, I figured mom would be in
serious thought at this point and that was proven by her bedroom door
being closed. I decided since this is a fantasy, it was time to push
the limits. I cleaned up, went back in my room and got dressed. I
snuck outside and made my way to my mom's window. If there was any
justice, she would be naked and masturbating with me at a ringside
seat. Of course, it was not to be. I found my safe perch and watched
as my mother was lying in a ball, crying. I got a pang of guilt but
instantly shoved it aside. Guilt would destroy my plan and I had come
too far to give it up. How could I ever face my mom knowing she read
my thoughts, even though most were bullshit, and witnessed me jerking
off. The only thing that would put us on an even keel was for us to
have sex. If there was to be guilt, it would be on both are shoulders.
Maybe I'm too young to see the long-term consequences or I just don't
care, but my mind and dick are pointed in one direction and I've got
to have it. As mom stretched out, I got another quick hard on. My mind
instantly called for her to masturbate, but once again, reality
prevailed and she just laid there. I thought it was best to go back
inside in case she checked on me again or better yet, wanted to
fulfill my fantasy. I went back to my room, left the door open, turned
out the lights, stripped down naked, and watched some TV. I felt if
she was to fulfill my fantasy, it would go down just like my video.
That was the only possibility in my mind. I didn't hear anything and
felt the night slipping away. I turned out the light and laid in bed,
unable to sleep. If she came to me, I would close my eyes and pretend
I was asleep. I had to continue the act. The only part that wouldn't
be an act is if she actually went through with it. As the minutes and
what seemed like hours, crept by, I realized I had fallen for the same
falsehoods that bullshit movies and books produced. How in reality,
could a mother have sex with her son. When you think about it
seriously and not as a fantasy, it is nearly incomprehensible. I guess
that is what makes it such an intriguing and exciting fantasy. To get
a normal mother to sleep with her son requires extraordinary
circumstance and I realize our life is to ordinary for such
circumstances to come about. Since I have been unable to sleep, I have
been recounting the night's events in this book to my best ability. I
feel my fantasy slipping away even with two nights left. Enough
writing for now.

As I was drifting off, I thought I saw a shadow in my door. I kept
absolutely still and kept my eyes to the smallest slits, hoping I had
not been spotted awake. As my eyes adjusted, I saw the outline of my
mother in the doorway, apparently watching me. I felt a boner
approaching fast, and made a slight adjustment in body position and a
slight grunt, hopefully appearing asleep and restless. I could barely
see my mom now but I knew my erection was quite visible under the
blankets. Without shorts or sweats, it was even more prominent since
it was standing straight. I kept praying and playing the movie in my
mind. This had to be it. My dream was so near. I saw mom take a slight
step inside the door, making no noise as she moved. She hesitated a
few seconds and took another step. I dared not move and found myself
actually holding my breath, taking in every movement and the slightest
sound. She got within a few feet of my bed and I swear I could smell
her light perfume. My erection was almost out of control and had to
control myself from groaning from the pain it was causing. The next
step was for her to sit down, if she followed the fantasy. At that
moment, I realized my reality was splicing from the movie. In the
movie, the son was laying on top of the blankets, giving his mother a
clear view of his dick. I cursed myself for being careless, but the
air conditioning made it a bit too chilly to lay naked on the covers.
I had no idea when or if my mom would come but it was too late to
worry about it now. If she was going to do it, covers were a minor
obstacle. Please god, guide her to me! I was about to burst and wanted
to reach up and grab her. I really considered it and felt there was a
decent chance we would melt in ecstasy if I did it. I knew I would but
mom is a very level-headed person and I couldn't risk it. I laid there
forever as she stood there staring at me. I could have sworn her hand
reached over the covers. It must be inches from my dick. If she would
just grab it, my world would be complete! My thoughts are so jumbled;
I don't know what is going on. My stomach is in so many knots, I think
I'm gonna be sick. I've got to control this. I'm so close.

My mind keeps drifting and all these emotions are preventing me from
thinking straight. I realize my eyes have been closed. Do I dare to
open them and possible ruin what is happening. I can't hear anything
except my heavy breathing. I wait several minutes and nothing happens.
I open my eyes as slightly as possible and feel the burn from sweat
that had been building on my face. I try to focus and can't see a
thing. I finally see with help from the feint light from my neon
clock. Mom isn't standing there anymore. I finally move around a bit
and she is nowhere in sight. I could swear she was there, her hand
just inches away from my throbbing dick. Was it all a dream? I began
to wonder if I had not fallen asleep and let my mind trick me into
believing what I wanted to happen. It just felt too real. If it was a
dream, it was the most powerful I had ever experienced. My desire for
my mother was growing day by day and I knew I had to do something
before I burst. I now realize I don't have until graduation to
complete my life goal. I will go insane without her tits and ass in my
grasp. If it does not happen later tonight, tomorrow night is my last
gasp. I tell myself I must sleep to keep up my energy. I've just
realized how draining this day's experience has been. All the
planning, the lucky breaks, and what felt like near success has
finally taken a toll. I've heard stories about guys who couldn't get
it up during extreme stress or with lack of sleep. How traumatic to
get to the end of my quest and fail. I can't think that way. I know I
could go without sleep for a week and my dick would still leap at the
chance to enter its birthplace. It's time to refocus everything on
tomorrow.

8 Aug
I slept longer than I wanted but I am refreshed. I get dressed slowly,
clearing my mind and preparing for my finest hour. Normally I would
workout today, but if mom isn't going, I cannot sacrifice the time
better spent working on her. I went out to the kitchen to got some
breakfast. There was no sign of my mom. I realized my plan would be
all but doomed if she stayed in her room all day. Just as I was
getting ready to watch TV, mom walked into the kitchen. She was still
wearing her nightgown and god was she gorgeous. Her eyes were puffy
and face slightly red, obviously the look of someone who had recently
been crying. To me it made her even better looking. She looked at me
and gave a half-hearted smile. I beamed my grandest smile and asked
her how she slept. I needed her to feel guilty to go through with it,
but I couldn't afford to have her so majorly depressed. She perked up
the slightest bit and said she slept okay. I knew she was full of shit
and probably had not slept the slightest. As my mind worked on the
perfect conversation, my eyes slipped to her body. I realized this was
the first time in many years she had worn her nightgown in front of
me. She was always properly dressed outside of her room. Either she
was too tired to care or her normal guard had been broken. In the
fresh light of morning, I could see the outline of her breasts. I
looked back up to her face and she was staring directly in my eyes. I
had only been checking her out for a second, but she knew. She turned
to start making coffee and I didn't miss the chance to see the
outlines of her body. She really was beautiful. I always thought the
next best thing to seeing her in her leotards would be nakedness, but
seeing her in her nightgown gave me goose bumps. From my sideview, I
saw the slightest hint of her nipple. I wanted to run to my room and
relieve myself but I stood firm. I asked her what she was doing today.
She didn't say anything so I asked again. She said she was sorry and
had things on her mind. She was not sure what she wanted to do today.
I could have given her a few tips on what to do. I stayed the course
and told her we should have a picnic, just like when I was a kid. She
seemed tentative at first but agreed it would be good to get out. This
would be perfect. This was as near to a date as I could formulate, and
I'd be able to keep her around me. I told her I would prepare
everything and she went to her room to get ready. I watched that great
ass as she walked away. I couldn't stand this much more.

A few hours later, we went to a local park and laid out a blanket. I
brought the smallest one I could find so that we would be closer to
each other. She had showered and looked great. I could smell that
wonderful perfume and her still damp hair turned me on for some
reason. I did the majority of talking and she seemed to loosen up as
time went by. Before I knew it, several hours had passed and I could
feel the sands of time working against me. I decided the outdoors had
loosened her up better than anything I could come up with at home, so
I stayed with it. She eventually laid back, absorbing the sun. She was
in a t-shirt and shorts and was wearing sunglasses. The glasses
prevented me from staring and soaking up every inch of her. I figured
this was a game with a short clock and needed to be bold. I laid on my
side, several feet from her and just watched her. To my surprise, a
tear came out making a perfect line down to her ear. What follows next
is my recollection of the conversation I had been waiting for:

`James?', mom's voice so soft, but cracked.
I could feel the tension. `Yea, what's up?' I responded casually,
wanting to lighten the mood a bit.
She turned on her side, her glasses staring right in my eyes. `What's
going on with you?'
`Nothing much', I responded.
`You know what I mean. This is not a conversation I wanted to have and
I hoped the past few months were just a teenage phase.... I've seen
the way you look at me and although I understand, it is wrong.'
The conversation wasn't starting out to well, but I felt I could shape
it in time to my needs. She had paused for several seconds, but I
wasn't ready yet.
She continued, `I had hoped your relationship with Lisa would be what
you were looking for.'
Again a pause, but I was still biding my time.
`I hate to admit it but you probably already know. I read part of your
diary and your thoughts really disturbed me. Your father also told me
that you had rented a video about incest.'
I knew she was full of shit. I was positive she had read the whole
diary and she had watched my video. I guess she was expecting me to
blow up at her for going thru my stuff, but I just put a slightly
depressed look on my face. I tried to think sad thoughts in an attempt
to redden my eyes and if necessary, start crying.
After a few moments, she went on, `Why would you write about possibly
killing yourself?'
Mom couldn't bring herself to add the fact that I might kill myself if
I didn't get to sleep with her. My mind was working overdrive with sad
thoughts. Thinking back to the movie scenes that touched me the most,
my nose started to run a bit. Bingo. The back of my throat started
swelling a bit in tandem with my sinuses. My body had cooperated and I
was ready.
With a broken, quiet voice, I started what I hoped would go down as my
finest moment. `I don't want to kill myself mom.' I paused a second to
compose myself. `My feelings for you .. have been growing over the
years .... and I just can't control my mind anymore.' I sniffled a few
times more and continued, `I was really happy with Lisa at first but I
started to compare her against you ........and.. and, there was no way
she could compare with you. It's not just your body. I think you are
the perfect woman in every way.'
My mother, for the first time sensing the seriousness of our
conversation, looked around to ensure nobody else was within ear shot.
We had been talking very low indeed and the next closest people were
at least 50 feet away. Seemingly comfortable that we were talking in
private, my mother started in again.
`What you are feeling for me might feel natural for you, but it will
pass in time. You just need to find the right girl.'
This wasn't going to well, so I needed to be bold. I slowly reached
over and grabbed my mom's hand. She pulled back a bit and I pounced.
`Why do you always reject me?', I almost cried, in the softest voice I
could muster.
My mother showed shock in her forehead and I wished I could see those
eyes. `How can you say that? I have never rejected you. I've done
everything I possibly could and have always loved you.' She seemed
genuinely offended.
I had to tread carefully. `I never ask you for anything.....I can't
help my feelings for you. Any more than you can help your opposite
feelings.' I hoped to be able to twist her.
`It's not like that honey. What you want is wrong, and even those
people that want such things are able to suppress such feelings
because they know it is wrong.'
I continued to sniffle, actually feeling sad that my plan might not
work. `What is wrong with sex? If everybody does it.... what's the big
deal. Why in the world would it be wrong for family members to have
sex if they both want it? In ancient times, it was normal for parents
to actually teach their children about sex by way of incest.'
`God James, what have you been reading? I thought we raised you better
than this.'
`Dad had an incest tape and I know both of you used to watch it.' This
was one of my potential aces and I prayed it would be a winner.
Mom took off her glasses and looked positively shocked. She started to
speak several times but paused to collect her thoughts. Finally, `What
your father and I do in our spare time is none of your business and is
beside the point.'
There it was; a typical parent response that proved she had no
legitimate argument. Time to pounce.
`If incest is so wrong, then neither of you would have ever had that
tape.' This conversation was getting out of hand and I realized if
anyone had overheard it, they would have found it unbelievable. I
reached for her hand again, and although she started to pull back, she
relented. I decided to go for broke. The tears flowed full force and I
was a sniveling mess in a matter of seconds. Mom relaxed so I grabbed
her like a child would and hugged her tight. By chance, my face ended
up in her chest. I felt her arms wrap around me and I cried as I had a
dozen years before. I opened my eyes and saw my mother's jewels. They
were getting wet from my tears. Would she notice if I took a lick? No
chances this late in the game.
I heard, `there, there.' I guess mom's never tire of comforting their
children.
I blubbered on, `I just ...... want to experience ... what I know will
be the best moment of my ... life.'
Mom had no response for it. I pushed the matter.
`You always .... taught me to go for .... what I wanted. I want you
... more than anything. Why can't you do .. this one thing for me??' I
had to pause a few seconds to let her mind work. `I don't want to go
on .... without experiencing you.'
She responded instantly, `God dammit James, don't say that. You know I
can't do what you are asking.'
I went for broke and pulled away from her. I turned away and tried
cleaning myself up. She tried helping me but I shrugged her off. I
continued a few sniffles to feed her guilt.
`Can we go home now?', I said with a quiet, distant voice. I did not
stare at her as I asked.
`We need to resolve this James.'
`It's already been resolved', I said quietly.
`James, don't do this now. We need to go see a specialist and work out
our feelings.'
I turned on her harshly, `You seem to have already worked out your
feelings mom. I'll take care of mine my own way.'
`Please James, be reasonable about this. You are not a child.'
`Exactly, so stop treating me like one. I'm ready to leave.' At that,
I grabbed a few things and walked ahead towards the car.
At the car, I watched my mothers awesome body approach. My present
course was a toss up but I had to stay on target. Her face and eyes
were red and I knew she wouldn't keep her emotions held up for long.
We got in the car and she just sat there for a few moments, trying to
keep from crying. Composing herself, we took the short ride back home.
Neither of us talked. I took occasional glances at her legs. I made no
effort to hide my erection. She looked at me a few times but I don't
know if she saw the excitement in my pants.
Once home, she went straight to the bathroom. I went for my video,
needing to take the edge off. If something was going to happen
tonight, I wanted to be able to last more than a few seconds.
Mom was in the bathroom for an eternity. I grabbed a large sports bag
and slowly started putting clothes in it. When I was nearly done, I
stopped and waited around, expecting to be enlightened with a
brilliant plan. Nothing better came to mind. I finally heard the
bathroom door open. I slammed my closet door and grabbed the last
items of clothes to put in the bag. Mom was standing in the door as I
turned around with my bag.
`Where are you going?' she said, a slight fear in her voice.
`Somewhere I can be happy .. somewhere that I am not constantly
reminded of you.' I said this as casually and matter of factly as I
could, with no hint of anger.
`Jesus James .. This .. This can't be as bad as you think. Let's wait
until your father gets home tomorrow and work this out.'
I laughed. `Great .. Hey dad, guess what, I want to sleep with your
wife. That should go over great. I guess I wouldn't have to worry
about killing myself then.'
`Don't joke about this,' she pleaded. I started feeling bad at how
much I was hurting her. Staring at her tits swiftly cured my guilt.
She was lost in her own thoughts and paid no attention to my wandering
eyes.
`If I stay here any longer, I'm either going to go crazy or lose
control of myself.' That last part caught her attention and she
straightened up, slightly defensive.
`If you want to go, it's your choice. Where do you plan on going and
how do you expect to live?' I could hear the fear in her voice and I
hoped she was bluffing.
`Thanks for caring mom,' I said as I strode to hear. I stood in front
of her. `Do I get a goodbye hug or am I that repulsive.' I was going a
bit far but what the hell.
Mom was taken aback and started tearing up. She grabbed me tightly and
hugged hard enough to cut off my air. I dropped my bag and hugged her
back. After a few seconds I realized her huge tits were mashed against
me stomach. I got instant wood that struggled to reach out to her. I
knew she could feel it against her flat belly but she didn't let up. I
rested my cheek against the top of her head and felt her start to
shake. She loosened up and stepped back. After what seemed a lifetime,
she looked up at me with the saddest face I'd ever seen on her. My
heart nearly broke at that moment. She arched up on her feet, kissed
me on the cheek, and walked out of my room. After a moments pause, my
heartache let up and the power of my erection took over. From my
psychology teachings, I realized my mother was probably more
vulnerable than she ever would be. Although I always wanted my fantasy
to mirror my movie, I now knew that I wanted to be in her any way I
could. I shook my head, cracked my neck, loosened up my arms, and felt
this must be how the star quarterback feels going into his first big
game. Would I be the hero or the goat.
I walked out of my room and towards my mom's room. I seemed to walk
for hours and I could hear a deep pounding in my head. Nervousness
started to rack my body and I feared I couldn't go through with it. As
I entered the room, mom was sitting on the side of her bed. She looked
up at me, first with hope, then with resignation as she saw in my face
what I wanted. I said nothing as I walked up to her. Just inches in
front of her, I kneeled down to my knees. I bent down into her and
grabbed her around the waste with both hands, and hugged her. `Mom ...
I'm so sorry.' I got carried away in this moment and my nervousness
caused me to shake. I felt her put her hand on the back of my head,
rubbing it as she had when I was a child. A few moments passed and I
slowly moved my head from her belly to her waist. It was hard for me
to move as I loved the weight of one her breasts laying on part of my
head. I sacrificed for what I knew was a better prize below. Whether
my mom knew my intentions or not, she didn't stop me. My position
could still be interpreted as innocent, but not for long. My knees
were several feet behind me and started to hurt from the awkward
angle. I had no other way to lay against her and do what I intended.
Her legs slowly gave way to the pressure from my chest. By the time I
had manipulated my head into her lap, with one of my ears over her
presumably lovely mound, her legs had opened up a little and my
armpits were now resting on her knees. I could feel her body tremble
and shake from her soft crying. I continued to shake slightly but kept
my tight grip around her waste. I finally felt her bend a bit and she
kissed the side of my head. I slowly turned my head and although I
could feel her stiffen and she stopped rubbing my head, she didn't
prevent my movement. Eventually, my nose was buried against her lower
belly while my mouth was just inches and two layers of cloth from my
dream. I wanted to stay in my awkward position forever, but the
pressure on my knees and neck were getting uncomfortable. I couldn't
rush myself as I felt I was on my journeys last lap. I thought I smelt
the slightest hint of my mothers sweetness and wondered if she was
getting wet. Was she excited or petrified of what she considered
impossible? I had to do something. I slowly released my hands and
angled them to the side of her hips. Slowly as I could, I knifed my
hands along her hips and onto her ass. It was beyond any experience I
ever had and I felt I would cum at any moment. She didn't resist so I
continued to wedge them between her ass and the bed. As I got them
under her, I pulled down as soft and as slow as I could and hoped she
appreciated my care. Eventually my middle fingers touched each other
and I could have cupped both her ass cheeks -- oh how I wanted to. She
was letting me go this far; I had to continue on the successful path.
As I slid my hands toward me, I pushed slightly with my forehead on
her belly. I was in no position to exert pressure but I did the best I
could. Eventually, as my hands came up and under the back of her legs
I pulled up slightly while still pushing with my head. She slowly sank
back at her waist and I inched my knees up to allow better leverage
and to continue pressure with my head. Eventually she laid back with a
long sigh. 'Ohhh goddd,' were the words I`d been waiting to hear. Near
my moment of triumph, a calmness overtook me and everything became
crystal clear. All of my sexual readings came back in a flood. I
wanted to please her beyond any pleasure she had ever experienced. I
prayed my many months of study would pay off with my mom's ultimate
orgasm. With mom laying on her back and her ass at the edge of the
bed, I worked my way in between her legs. I pushed my stomach into her
mound. I flexed my stomach muscles as I pushed in harder, and heard
her moan. I couldn't believe I was going to do this. I backed of a bit
and pushed back in again, exciting another light moan from her. Her
eyes were closed and she looked as if she was asleep. I pulled back
again and noticed her shorts were much darker over her pussy. This
excited me to a new level and I quickly ejaculated. Oh, how I wished
that would have occurred inside her. Soon. I decided slow was good and
stood up. Stretching out my muscles was a great relief. I leaned over
my mom, looped my hands under her back and struggled to pull/push her
farther onto the bed. She pushed off with her legs and arms and I knew
she wanted it. Once onto the bed, I slid on top of her, needling
myself in between her legs. She let out a few deep sighs and looked
like she was trying to catch her breath. She still had not looked into
my eyes, but that was a small sacrifice to get to my treasure. I tried
centering my weight onto my belly and again rubbed it onto her pussy
mound. I had read that this puts pressure on the clit and gets women
into the right mood without direct stimulation. It seemed to be
working as mom let out several deep, but soft moans. I got another
erection but I wanted her primed to perfection. I pushed up with my
arms and started moving my whole body in circles, while laying between
her legs. She responded even more and I was feeling cocky. All my
reading was paying off. I laid back down on her, cupped my hands under
her ass and pulled up a bit. 'Umm,' told me the increased pressure was
working. I slid my hands down under her supple legs and pulled up a
bit, bringing her knees along my sides. God, her skin was on fire. I
pulled myself farther up and finally my cock made contact with her
wonderful soft flesh. Even between our layers of clothes, I was as
hard as a diamond. Mom started moaning more and she started bucking
against me. I wanted to give her an orgasm but I never thought it
would come so quick. Her breathing started picking up and the moans
subsided. She moved her hands to my back and grabbed my hips. She
pulled me into her even tighter and then wrapped her long, lovely legs
around me. I could feel my own orgasm building again as she started
moaning even louder. The sound of her moans were intoxicating and I
started shooting my load into my pants. She started bucking harder and
my arms could no longer stay extended. I dropped my chest onto hers
and wrapped my arms around her back. The feel of her soft, large
breasts were beyond anything I ever imagined. I couldn't wait to feel
and taste them. There would be time for that later. She buried her
face in the crook of my neck and clamped on lightly with her mouth. I
was in heaven and already felt my dick stirring again. After a few
more intense moments, mom let out the most lovely, soft scream my ears
had ever had the pleasure of experiencing. She remained clamped onto
my body with her arms and legs and was suckling on my neck. A few
seconds later, she bucked one last time and let go, going completely
limp under me. Her head turned to the side, her eyes closed. I had
never seen her more beautiful and wanted to enter her right then. I
heard a soft growling sound and it didn't click in my mind for several
seconds. I realized, and mom a second later, the sound was our
electric garage opener. She turned towards me with a look of shock I
will never forget. My erection died a quick death and I almost pissed
my pants. Mom was quicker than me, and she struggled to push me off.
The struggle only lasted a second as I got up and darted out of the
room, moving faster than at anytime in my life. I couldn't get my
footing at the end of the hall and crashed into the wall prior to
turning into my room. I felt no pain as my nerves were in complete
shock. I was out of breath and felt I might slip into
hyperventilation. My wits came back and my shock turned to relief,
then regret, and finally anger. What the hell had happened? Why the
fuck had he come back early, right when my dream was a reality. I
smacked myself to ensure I wasn't dreaming. No such luck. The greatest
experience in my life had ended so abruptly. I heard the door from the
garage close. That fucker had just ruined all I had worked for.
Although I thought of dad as the competition, I never wanted to kill
him until now. I started second guessing myself and regretted moving
so slowly. How long had I wasted working into her? Ten, twenty
minutes? She was ready to go as soon as she laid back. I could have
fucker her twice since then. My god, what a disaster. I wondered what
mom was up to. I had moved so quickly, my heart pounding so loudly
inside my head, I didn't even hear her. I snuck over to my door and
saw that the bathroom door was closed. At that second, my father
walked up to it and knocked.
`Hey babe, are you in there?' I heard a soft affirmative and he opened
the door. I heard the faint sound of a shower and applauded mom's
quick thinking. Again my anger returned. That should be me in the
bathroom with her. More to the point, that should be me in the shower
with her, fucking one more time. Dammit, how could my luck end so
badly. The pounding in my head drowned out their brief conversation,
but I saw as dad left the bathroom, went towards the living room, and
came back towards his bedroom with his bag. His bedroom!! That was my
bedroom just five minutes ago. Those were my tits and ass and I didn't
even get them! Had there been a gun in the house, I might have blown
my father away right then. I should blow myself away for being so
stupid. I just had to be the smart guy -- had to impress her with my
smooth moves and knowledge. I'll never forgive myself.
My father walked back out towards the living room and I heard the
sounds of the television. Of course he wouldn't see how I am. It'd
probably take months for him to forgive me for skipping out on the
trip. How long would it take me for getting mom off?? Ha! I realized
I'd given her a supreme orgasm. While spying on my parents, I had
never witnessed an orgasm from my sweet mother. If she had one, she
didn't show it. Definitely not like the one she just got from her son.
I wondered if she'd ever experienced such intensity - and I hadn't
even fucked her. If there was any justice, I'd  be able to show her
that what she just experienced was an appetizer. My anger slowly faded
as I realized all was not lost. Mom had let me go that far and
everything was different now. Her earlier arguments no longer held any
water and I knew it was only a matter of time before I took my prize.
Yes, time to plan the final act.

9 Aug
Surprisingly, I slept quite well last night. I am hungry as hell
thought because I didn't have the balls to go eat dinner and face mom
with dad there. I'm sure she was thankful I wasn't there either. Dad
was no idiot and he would see something was wrong. Last night, I
slipped outside my room and listened to their conversation. Her voice
sounded normal and I had to applaud her again for being such a cool
customer under these circumstances. From what I gathered, my father
got into an argument with his mother and she told him he should just
leave. He decided it wasn't worth staying the extra day and came on
home. Damn him and damn his mother. Since I was so hungry and knew mom
and I couldn't avoid each other forever, I went for some breakfast.
Still, I was relieved that she wasn't there. Dad was watching
television and actually made a friendly greeting to me. I got some
breakfast and made small talk with him. Mom had gone out shopping and
would be back in a few hours. Why couldn't dad have gone shopping for
a few hours - enough time for me to finish the deed. He lent me his
car and I went to the gym to burn off my excess energy and collect my
thoughts.
When I got back, mom was making sandwiches. She didn't look at me as I
came in but asked if I was hungry. I was hungry for those two
wonderful globes of hers but she was wearing an extremely baggy shirt
that somehow hid those beauties. We all ate lunch together but mom
eyes never met mine for anything more than a split second. This could
not last long or I would go crazier than before. I spent the next few
hours watching TV and dreaming of all the possibilities.

10 Aug
Mom successfully avoided me for the remainder of yesterday and dinner
was a repeat of lunch. I slept awful, hopeful mom would sneak into my
room and fulfill what I now felt was a prophecy. Again my hopes were
warped by my media-based upbringing - mom was much too sensible to
risk such a thing. Maybe she already regretted the whole incident and
won't allow anything further to occur. I can't think so negatively.
I've got to believe she'll come back for more, desperate for what she
too didn't experience.
Today was more of the same and life is getting into a routine. I am
putting every bit of myself into the gym.

12 Aug
Mom hasn't been back to the gym yet and I can't say I'm surprised. She
has avoided being alone with me in the house, never coming home before
my father, and leaving for work the same time he does. For the time
being, I am content with the gym. I know the fire in her must be
burning as it is in me. Whereas the gym is my release, I think she has
none.

14 Aug
Last night, my dad's mom finally passed away. He got pretty broken up
that he wasn't there for her but what the hell, he couldn't stand her.
Briefly, I thought mom and me would get a chance to finish but she
shocked me by suggesting we all go to the funeral. I guess she knew
that if she didn't go, I'd find a way to skip out of it too.

17 Aug
Today was the funeral. Not much of the family showed up, proof that
grandmother won't be missed much. My father was the only one of us who
showed any emotion. I myself was checking out mom in her black dress.
I felt some pangs of guilt after realizing we were at a funeral, but
remembering the wonderful day just over a week ago cleared away any
regrets. Mom had to know I was watching her at every opportunity but
she still failed to keep eye contact with me. This was back to a game;
one that I fully intended on winning and going home with the head
cheerleader.

18 Aug
Last night we stayed at a motel. Since dad was too cheap to spring for
a room for me, I got to sleep in a double bed just a few feet from
them. I was in bed early so that I could focus all my attention on mom
when she came out in her nightie. Dad went in the bathroom as she came
out and I made no attempt to avert my eyes. When the bathroom door
closed, she finally met my gaze, giving me a half smile of regret and
heartache. I thought of something to say but nothing proper came to
mind. As I was searching for the right words she said, 'Not here.
We'll talk at home.' The sound of her voice was joy to my heart. I
nodded acceptance but continued to stare at her as she settled in with
a book. As dad entered the room, I turned over and readied for sleep.
Once he was settled in, I heard a few kisses. My stomach turned from
the thought, wishing I could kiss her whole body.
We got a late start and didn't get home until the afternoon. I wanted
to talk to mom as soon as  possible but dad's presence was making it
impossible. For dinner, mom said we should get some Chinese. My father
was watching a baseball game so mom asked if I wanted to go with her.
I agreed instantly, knowing I sounded like an eager child. Neither of
us said a thing as we got in the car and left. I wanted to touch and
feel her so bad but restrained my horny urges. Mom broke the ice and I
was regretting what she might say.
`I'm .. I'm sorry I've been avoiding you the past week. What happened
was crazy and .. and .. I have been trying to cope with it.' She
paused for a few moments, concentrating on the traffic. 'I'm not going
to pretend what happened was a terrible mistake. It happened and both
of us made it happen. I'm still .. not sure how it happened or why I
didn't stop it, but it did and we can't change it.' She paused a few
more seconds, seemingly at the end of her prepared speech.
`Mom ..', I started.
`Please James, let me finish first. I won't lie to you and pretend I
was not caught up in what happened. We both know it was a very intense
experience -- one that ... never should have happened. I know you must
be frustrated and confused and I can't blame you.'
`Mom, the only frustration I have .. is .. that my dream .......
didn't .. wasn't complete.' I was at a loss for words but that was the
best I could come up with. I couldn't let her shut me out after I came
so close.
`Honey, you know if you get what you want .. we won't be able to just
shut it off and return to normal as if nothing happened. We already
can't but what you want will make it even worse.'
We arrived at the Chinese joint and the conversation ended as we went
in and ordered the take-out. We went back to the car to continue in
private while we waited. I didn't wait for her.
`I want you more than ever', putting every bit of sincerity into my
voice. For once, I was completely telling the truth.
She had no response. The words felt foolish and fake but I couldn't
think of anything better, 'Just come to me one night and fulfill my
fantasy.' I paused to control my breaking voice. 'That is all I ask
and I will not ask for anything more if that is what you want .. just
please do this one thing for me mom.' Six months ago, I could never
have dreamed of saying such a thing to anyone, let alone my own
mother. How my life had changed and I had no idea where it was
heading.
She found her thoughts, 'What we did has changed everything forever. I
have already considered leaving your father -- I never cheated on him
and I don't think I can stand to live a lie, knowing I betrayed his
trust in me.' I couldn't believe my mother would go to such lengths,
but it didn't change my resolve.
`If you are going to leave him, what further ... harm ... damage will
being with me cause?'
I had the slightest thought that mom meant to leave dad to be with me
but she dispelled that quickly, 'honey, if we go beyond what already
.. happened, ... I ... I won't be able to live with myself. If we do
what you want .. my life as a .. mother and wife, are ....... over ...
forever. The only way I know it won't happen again is to leave not
just your father, .. but .. you too. I could not stand to see you
knowing what we had done.' A long pause. `I already believe that
leaving is my only option to maybe getting my life back to ... some
kind of normality. I can't live in such a fantasy world and I don't
want to live with the constant guilty that seeing you and your father
bring me.'
I felt really bad, never realizing the full extent of damage my plan
would and had caused. I thought my parents' life would carry on,
albeit with a deep, dark secret. In one fell swoop, I had wrecked our
entire family and might never have a family to go back to once I left
home.
I think mom saw my concentrated look and I snapped back to reality.
`Mom, I'm so sorry'. I truly was and could not ask for forgiveness for
what I put into motion. I started crying. After a few moments, she
hugged me sideways in the car and I cried into her shoulder. I
recovered in a minute. Mom went back into the restaurant to pickup our
food. Guilt flooded as I watched the sway of her ass. I still wanted
it -- I still needed it. Was I willing to give up the only life I knew
-- give up any future contact with my family for what I hoped would be
the most erotic experience of my lifetime? I knew I could not grasp
the vastness of my future and the hurt and loneliness of not having my
family, but I wanted her more than anything -- wanted her more than
life itself. It had to be worth it -- otherwise, why would it be so
forbidden in society. I watched those great hips sway from the front.
The full bounce of her tits under her shirt. Another uncontrollable
hard-on. Mom slid a few bags to me as she entered the car. As I placed
them in the floor board, she handed the rest to me. Her eyes dropped
quickly to my pants, since they were loose enough to make a very
obvious tent pole. She looked up at me with no change in expression. I
took the remaining bags and we went home. We managed silence for the
return trip. At dinner, my father carried the conversation for both of
us. Mom stared at me on occasion but neither of us bothered with small
talk. Later, while cleaning up, my hand brushed her hip and sent a
shock through my whole body. I had to have it. Couldn't she see?
That night, I listened from the hallway, hoping to hear if my mom
broke the news to dad. I couldn't hear over the noise of the
television, but assumed it would get loud, at least on his end, if she
told him she was leaving him. He went to their bedroom first as she
setup the coffee machine for the next morning. I waited at the corner
of the hallway as she came through, turning out the lights.
I whispered, 'Mom .... if you are leaving anyway, please do this for
me.' I gave her no chance to reply and could not see her expression in
the darkened hallway. I turned immediately and went to my room. I
prayed and hoped she would visit me tonight. After about ten minutes,
I got restless and snuck outside to spy on my parents. Mom was reading
her book while was lying in bed, apparently asleep. After a few
minutes, he rolled over, apparently deciding it was time for his
weekly fuck. The bastard. He started touching mom but she made no
attempt to stop reading. They exchanged a few word and he rolled back
over. Mom looked up and over towards the window. I ducked, hoping I
hadn't been spotted, and quickly made my way back into the house and
into my room. Hoping tonight was the night, I went to the bathroom. I
dropped my dick in the sink, cleaning it for that beautiful mouth I
hoped would soon be wrapped tightly around me.
I laid in bed, unable to sleep. Sticking to the fantasy, I was naked
on top of my bed. It was getting a bit chilly, but if I was going
through with a once in a lifetime experience, I wanted it perfect down
to the last little detail. Time crept by and every time I thought 10
minutes had passed, it was only 5. I don't know when it happened, but
it was surreal. I felt something, heard a slurping and popping noise.
Fearful I was dreaming again, I waited. Was this real? Was mom
fulfilling my fantasy. My mind drifted and curious images warped
through my mind. I tried opening my eyes but couldn't. Just then, I
started falling. I reached out for my bed but nothing. I kept falling.
I turned over and saw the ground approaching. Fearing I would never
taste the sweetness of my mother, I started yelling. In an instant, I
was awake -- and alone. A few moments later the hallway light told me
that I hadn't been just yelling in my dream. My father came shuffling
into my room. After I assured him it was just a dream, he went back to
bed. It seemed like hours before my mind and heart calmed down enough
to drift into sleep.

19 Aug
With morning came the realization that my story was still unfinished.
I started to wonder what would happen if mom actually left. What would
I do -- live with my father as if nothing had happened? What would she
tell him for the reason she was leaving? I had another year of school
and couldn't imagine a home with mom.
I lounged around the remainder of the day, sleeping occasionally,
reflecting on the past few months and my life in general. Until
recently, I had considered life boring. Even with the current turmoil,
I wouldn't trade in my current life for my former existence. Better
short and interesting then long and boring. I ate a microwave pizza
for dinner, alone in my room. I barely saw either of my parents after
they got home from work. I decided I would not plead any more with my
mom. She could decide for herself - my feelings were perfectly clear.
I watched TV until I passed out. Later I awoke at about midnight and
shut off the TV. As I laid there, thoughts of my mother brought me a
quick stiffy. I thought I heard the slight sound of a door closing. Me
being awake wouldn't follow the fantasy, but at this point I didn't
give a fuck. I heard the slightest of sounds and closed my eyes. Two
nights before, I had set my alarm clock light on the brightest
setting, hoping if mom came to me, it would provide sufficient light
to soak up her wonders. I had the sense someone was in my room, and
unless my mind was playing tricks on me, I could smell moms perfume.
God, please don't fool me again.
`James? James, are you alright?' was the music that hit my ears. My
dick twitched nearly uncontrollably. I heard my door pull closed. That
was not part of my movie and I feared she had left. I was positive I
was conscious and this was no dream. Again, I felt a presence, which
was confirmed as I felt the bed move from someone sitting down. A hand
touched my leg so delicately that my body shuddered. I felt long nails
moving up and down my leg. After a moment, the hand circled up to my
lower stomach, and ever so slowly, trailed down to my balls. The hand
lightly touched my ball sack, then softly felt the underside of my
dick. I wanted to cum all over that hand but managed to control
myself. No longer caring to follow the movie, I opened my eyes and saw
my prize. Sitting next to me, mom was dressed in a black nightgown I
had never seen. She was the most unbelievable beauty I had ever seen
and her tits looked bigger than ever in what looked like silk. I
resisted feeling them, wondering what she would do next. I didn't wait
long as she looked right in my eyes, a pleasant smile playing on her
lips. She bent down ever so slowly, while cradling my cock in her
hand. She started kissing it, licking up and down my shaft. The
feeling was amazing, beyond anything Lisa was ever able to do for me.
Her touch was so light that I got goose bumps all over my arms. As she
took my rod into her mouth, she swirled her tongue around the head.
The back of my neck felt electrified and I would not have been
surprised if my hair was standing up from the electric jolt I was
feeling. She sucked on me slowly, reminding me of an artist, with my
cock as her masterpiece. She never got more than halfway down on me
but it was better than I could imagine. Having prevented my orgasm
earlier, I felt new confidence in my ability to last awhile. I raised
up on an elbow and touched her face. So smooth and gorgeous, the look
of my dick in her mouth should be hung up next to the Mona Lisa. Her
wavy brown hair was cascaded over my legs and it was ticklish. I
couldn't help but wonder how I was noticing all of these sense that
were normally hidden. I finally trailed my hand down to her nightie.
My hand hesitated as it hovered near her perfect globes. I finally
trailed the back of my hand along the silk and felt the dent of her
nipple. I circled it with my finger and heard a moan of approval. It
grew in hardness. It was not large or long, but it was perfect. I
couldn't wait to get it in between my lips. I continued to tease her
nipple but was growing inpatient for more fruits. I placed my hand
behind her neck and softly pulled her off my dick. She didn't resist
and her mouth flowed towards mine. We hesitated before our lips
lightly touched. A few more light probes, and I tested her lips with
my tongue. My next stab was met with her own tongue, and we opened our
mouths fully. I never was a large fan of kissing but this was
unbelievable. I knew it was all due to the passion of the moment, but
god damn. I felt her twisting her body and moving her leg over my
stomach. We continued our tongue twist as she slowly mounted me and
sat astride just north of my wanting cock head. I felt the silkiness
of panties on my stomach and reached down with both hands. Feeling her
ass through the slick silk was once again, amazing. I pushed my
fingers under the band and for the first time, felt my mothers bare
ass cheeks. While her mouth was on fire, her ass was cool to the
touch. I couldn't wait to warm it up. I moved my hands along the upper
band until I reached the front. I finally reached my limit and knew I
was going to drop a load. I reached down with a hand and pointed my
cock downward as I came a heavenly orgasm. I went back to work on her
panties, finally massaging her lower belly. My hands trembling, I felt
downward until I could feel the curly pubic hairs under the smooth
silk. With her sitting on my stomach, her hole was unreachable. I
could feel the moistness developing and I wanted to put that lubricant
to work. I pushed at her panties a bit, like a pleading toddler. We
broke our embrace for the few seconds it took her to stand up and
remove her underwear. She was back on top of me in no time, kissing as
if she hadn't been kissed in years. I leaned her to the side and
rolled on top of her. I felt she was due some payback while I
regenerated. I moved her nightgown up above her hips, waiting in
anticipation of seeing the first of my prizes. Her pussy hair appeared
to be trimmed to a bikini line. I've never been a fan of either the
shaved or full-cut look, so I was very pleased. I pushed her legs
apart and she moaned in anticipation of something she may well have
never experienced. My father did everything by the book in life and
I'm sure the missionary was the only position he experienced. After
learning on Lisa, I felt confident with my mom. I slowly used the heel
of my hand to press against her mound, and make slow circles. Mom let
out several moans and my hand was damp in no time. God she was wet!
After a minute, I spread her lips and slipped a finger inside. She was
tighter than I had anticipated and my dick started twitching. I worked
one, and then two fingers into her, building up a steady rhythm. With
my other hand, I started working on her clit. My mother started to
buck slightly against my fingers but I didn't want her to orgasm too
quickly. I wanted a long, slow buildup with an explosion to rival the
4th of July. I pulled back my fingers. She lifted her head to see what
I was doing. I backed up on the bed and positioned her legs over my
shoulders. I inched forward and put two fingers back in her. She
responded strongly and let out a soft scream. I dove in with my tongue
and searched out her clit. As my tongue struck gold, mom's body rocked
with a jolt. I slowed my fingers down and kept a slow circle with my
tongue. Whenever she seemed to get in a rhythm, I changed my own. I
didn't want that orgasm coming quite yet. I could have laid there all
night, lapping away and fingering that smooth canal, but my cock was
straining and starting to hurt. I pulled back and once again she
looked up at me. She had been moaning softly for quite some time and
looked slightly disappointed I had stopped. As she saw me pulling
myself up, she knew what was coming next. Showing her experience, she
pushed off from the headboard, giving ample room for our inevitable
ride up the bed. Before lying between her legs, I realized I hadn't
seen my other two desires. I grabbed the bottom of the nightgown and
slid it up. She raised up her smooth, athletic arms and the bottom of
the nightgown crept up her body. As the bottom of her tits came into
view, I almost came again. Mom pulled the remainder of the nightgown
off herself as I stared in wonder. DD or DDD,  I didn't know but I was
in pure heaven. She laid back down and I followed with her. A hand on
the outside of each one, I pushed them together. God, they were softer
than anything I ever knew. I bent9 down and started licking. In my
excitement, I wanted to gobble them all up. The attention I showed
those gorgeous tits was not lost on my mother. She was groaning and
moaning as much as before. I tried not to focus too much on her
nipples, but they got the better of me eventually. I sucked and pursed
my lips around them and lost track of time. Coming back to reality, I
pulled my body farther up and rested my manhood against her mound. I
started rubbing it all over her  and her reaction was spectacular. I
made several poking moves at her hole, not trying overly hard. This
seemed to drive her wild and I backed off as she seemed close to
orgasm. I finally stabbed and split both sets of lips. I caught myself
as just the head was poking inside. God I wanted to explode. My
earlier orgasm was giving me more control and I was glad for it. I
wanted to play this out as long as I was capable. I finally rocked
back and forth a bit and little by little, I entered her. Her
slickness was delirious and I wanted to ram into her all at once. I
kept control as she started breathing heavier and faster. I kept
inching into her until my full length was engulfed by her wonder. I
started a slow motion, not wanting to pull to far out of her wonderful
warmth. Extended on my arms, I was amazed at her beauty. As I knew she
would, she had a wonderful fuck face. On each downward thrust, her
forehead creased. I wish I had a camera to catch that sight
permanently. I dropped to my elbows and worked by arms under her back.
Eventually, my hands trailed under that wonderful ass, that I cupped
in each hand. I pulled her up and into me and our motion quickened. I
had a slow, unusual orgasm building. Mom was showing similar signs to
those I had been dreaming about since our last encounter. I wanted
this to last forever but I knew we had time. I moved back into a
push-up stance and she wrapped her legs around me. `Oh goddd', came
out of her mouth and I almost came right then. Her moans were
increasing in intensity and frequency. She picked her head up and I
leaned down to kiss her. This was beyond passionate and I kept
building. She pulled her legs up higher and pulled my body into hers.
Each inward thrust was met with a throaty groan and I knew I was done.
I let out my own set up grunts and that put her into overdrive. She
started shaking uncontrollably and I felt her pussy tighten around my
own spasiming cock. Knowing she was cumming brought me to a new high.
My head was suddenly clear and I finally knew the true meaning of
ecstasy. Whether I ever got to touch her again, I was satisfied in
life. My mother continued to hold on, rubbing her pubic bone against
my own. A few light screams escaped her and suddenly she was quiet.
She laid back with a distant stare in her eyes. I fell off her to one
side, her pussy trying desperately trying to hold onto my cock. I laid
against her, not wanting to disturb whatever world she was off in. A
few minutes passed before she turned towards me, seeking a kiss. She
turned more and I laid behind her, my cock spooning her ass. I slipped
an arm under her and was in heaven as I massaged her glorious breasts.
She occasionally bent back and we kissed, intertwining our tongues.
Thinking about this wonderful experience got my cock stirring again.
She reached between her legs and started stroking me. I didn't spring
to life so easily this time but she seemed content to play with me.
After a few more minutes, I stiffened up and she led me into her pussy
from behind. I had never been in the position and it was awkward. I
did what I had seen in movies and scooted down in he bed to be able to
move in and out. She could tell I was struggling and arched her ass
back as far as she could. What an erotic site and I went completely
hard. I raised her upper leg, pulling it towards us. I started pumping
in and out and my whole life flashed before my eyes. I would have
traded the whole thing in to keep this night running forever. I
managed to work my lower hand down to a point that I was able to work
her clit. This brought her ass back to what seemed an impossible
angle. She started shaking again and I realized she wouldn't last
long. This time I didn't mind so I kept the rhythm going. After a few
more minutes, she let out a long moan and I felt the wonderful
tightness again. I slowed down, to let her enjoy the moment. We laid
still for a few minutes and I pulled out. I pushed her butt into the
air and she moved with me. I entered her from behind and worked up a
slow rhythm. As much fun as I had tonight, nothing compared to
watching her ass as I slammed into her. I leaned to the side and
watched those lovely melons, pulled down by gravity, and shaking with
our rhythm. I wanted to cum again from the sight but held off. I
picked up the pace and loved the sound of her ass slapping my thighs.
I reached down with both hands and massaged those tits. She started
breathing heavily again and I was shocked she was coming to orgasm
again so quickly. I wanted to wait for her but the feel and site of
her ass and tits was too much. I poured my load into her and kept on
pumping. She seemed on the verge as I kept pushing, but eventually I
was not pushing with any erection. I pulled out and pulled her back to
our spoon position. I started to work on her clit with my hand but she
lightly pulled it away. `I'm fine honey', were the first words spoken
to me since we had started. I wanted to please her endlessly but I
felt my energy begin to seep out at an increasing rate. She laid in my
arms, neither of us saying anything. I didn't want to let her go,
fearing she would leave when I fell asleep. My mind started jumbling
up and I couldn't focus on specific thoughts. My mother's leg kicked
and I knew she was falling asleep. I kept running the nights events
through my head and prayed it wasn't another dream.
I awoke with a start, and it took me a second to get my bearings.
Feeling a massive breast in one hand brought a flood of memories back
to me. The smell of her clean hair and light perfume gave me a strong
erection. I looked at the clock, seeing it was 4:30 in the morning. It
would be light in another hour or so. I didn't want to let her go, but
knew we had to be smart. I tried moving my arm from under her and she
stretched out. I got up and quietly opened my door, not knowing if a
crazy father/husband was waiting on the other side. I realized this
was stupid and went to the bathroom. Pissing after a lot of sex is one
of those experiences that both hurts and feels good and this time was
both worse and better than ever before. I started the shower as the
bathroom door quietly opened. Seeing her naked in bright lights for
the first time was another wonder. Her light skin was showing goose
bumps and I hurried her into the warm water. We stood in the small
stall, facing each other, speaking no words. We started hugging and
the kissing followed soon after. My dick raised up between her legs.
She gradually opened her stance and I slid up into her slit. I pumped
along the bottom of her pussy, her juices mixing with the water. I
reached behind her, grabbed the back of  her legs and lifted up. Not
as easy as I expected, she looped her hands behind my head and pulled
herself up. She locked her legs around my hips and freed one of her
hands to guide me into her. With the water running, the entry wasn't
as smooth as before. Once inside, her juices lubricated me. I leaned
her against the wall, and after the initial shock of the cold tile, we
worked into a very slow fuck. We went at it for about five minutes
before we both tired and she got off my cock. We washed each other and
shampooed each others hair. It was tremendous. I wished I could find
such a woman to share my life with. We got out and dried each other
off. Before we exited the bathroom, we had one more long kiss and hug.
We said we loved each other, in a different way than ever before. She
left first. I waited a second and high-tailed it back to my room. I
flopped onto my bed, ecstatic that my story had its final chapter.
Unfreakingbelievable. My mind drifted and before I knew it, I was
dreaming.

20 Aug
I awoke to the sound of my fathers car with a bad muffler. I laid back
and reflected on the extraordinary night. The light smell of sex
remaining in the room confirmed last night was no dream, just the
completion of a fantasy. As I laid there, my mother entered the
doorway I had failed to close the night before.
She pointed at the black nightgown on the ground and said, `Did you
have a visitor last night?' I was shocked at her joking mood,
expecting her to be depressed and distant from me.
She walked over, shaking my favorite hips, stood on my bed, straddled
me and lowered herself. She peeled away her regular nightgown, showing
her naked body underneath. Quickly, she guided my now bouncing cock
into her wet pussy. Slowly, she moved up and down. Completing my
fantasy from the movie, I reached up and grabbed her wonders. I had
forgotten their softness and there was just too much of them to get a
hold of. I worked them as she worked my cock. I would give anything to
wake up to this every morning. She started speeding up and I pulled
her breasts to my mouth. Without fear of being caught, my mother was
moaning very loudly. This in turn was turning me on and bringing me
quickly to orgasm. I used one hand to work her clit while the other
handled her sweet tit with my mouth. She started quickening her pace
and let out several sweet-voiced screams. They were not loud, but the
effect on my cock was tremendous. I worked her clit faster and to my
surprise she climaxed before me. With her pussy clenching my throbbing
cock, she let out several deep, loud, throaty moans. That was all I
needed as I blasted away, shooting my sperm where I knew it should
have never gone. To my shock, my orgasm seemed to build again and I
shot a few more loads into her. She kept riding my cock for another
minute until I was soft. She slowly raised up and my dick made a
slurping sound as it fell out of her. I held onto her tits as she
lowered her body onto mine.
`I hope that is everything you wanted because that is all I have to
give.'
At a loss for words and with nothing left to give, I smiled my
broadest smile and nodded my head.
She stared at me for another minute, finally a tear coming to her eye
and rolling down her cheek. I felt the need to do something, so I
wiped the tear away. She bent down, kissed me on the forehead, said,
`I love you', and got up. She didn't look back as she walked out the
door. I laid back, fingers interlaced behind my head and soaked up the
moment. How lucky am I? I just fucked the most wondrous woman in the
world. I know I will spend the rest of my life searching out her
equivalent, and if I'm lucky again, I'll find her. I fell asleep as my
mind drifted.
I woke to extreme hunger pains. After another pleasure/pain trip to
the bathroom, I went into the kitchen. As I made some sandwiches, I
saw several written pages on the table. The first page had my fathers
name on top and was three pages long. I breezed through it and it
basically said she has been confused in life for a long time and could
no longer lead a false life. She was leaving forever and didn't want
anyone to try and find her. It went into much more depth and had a
hundred apologies but that was the jist.
I was kind of surprised she went through with it even though she had
said she might.
I went back to my room and saw a short letter on top of my TV I had
not seen when I woke up. I didn't want to read it but had to:

Dear James,

I know you may always wonder why I have left so suddenly. You should
realize this is the best thing for everyone and the only choice I had.
I need to start fresh and see if I can rediscover myself. Never blame
yourself for what happened. I'm glad we've grown closer over the past
few months and I'll never forget the experiences we had. I hope you
find what you are looking for in life. I will love you forever.

Although my fantasy had been achieved and was beyond my wildest
imagination, my adventure didn't finish with the happy ending I
expected. I wonder in the days, weeks, and years ahead if I will
regret giving up my mother forever for one night of pleasure. I'm
already starting to have doubts.

-- 
Pursuant to the Berne Convention, this work is copyright with all rights
reserved by its author unless explicitly indicated.
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