Message-ID: <39245asstr$1036948202@assm.asstr.org>
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From: Passing4human <barPbdick1@airmail.net>
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X-ASSTR-Original-Date: Sun, 10 Nov 2002 08:25:03 -0600
Subject: {ASSM} Chat (nosex ff)
Date: Sun, 10 Nov 2002 12:10:02 -0500
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--
To reply, get the lead out.

<1st attachment, "chat.doc" begin>

Chat
By Passing4human


3hot4U> we are 3 verrry hot lezzies here in our bedroom! were
amber britney and caitlin we R here and U R there ha ha!

Tex281> I'm heartbroken.

3hot4U> britney and caitlin R on the bed to gether getting nasty
don't U wish U could watch ha! ha!

Tex281> Words can't express my disappointment.

3hot4U> im getting hot now too there groaning and slirping im
going to craul between them AND U CANT JOIN IN!!!! HAHAHAHA

Tex281> Oh bother.
>
>
>
3hot4U> hi this is caitlin. that was amber talking don't pay any
attention shes full of BS. her and britney went to the kitchen to
make popcorn.

Tex281> This is what, a slumber party?

3hot4U> yeh we're in 10th grade together. are you really in texas
we're near phila

Tex281> I'm in Houston. So 3 16-year-olds, zero lesbians. No
problemo.
>
>
3hot4U> well maybe 1.
>
>
Tex281> What leads you to that conclusion?

3hot4U> i keep having this dream about this girl.

Tex281> Last night I dreamed a wolverine in a police uniform
pulled me over and arrested me for cheating on my 3rd grade math
test. Does this mean I should start checking the cops for fur?

vixen3> its always the same dream. i keep dreaming this girl is
holding me kissing me then i wake up real excited. its
embarrassing and horrible and i wish she was there for real so
much it almost hurts.

Tex281> Hmm. Is this a real girl?

3hot4U> its britney. weve been best friends since 1st grade. i
think this is my last slumber party i cant stand her sleeping
close enough to touch her im scared i will. 

Tex281> Britney doesn't think of you like you think of her?

3hot4U> no! shes always, this cute boy, this gorgeous guy shit
britney you want gorgeous look in a mirror. im scared some day
shell see me looking at her I couldnt stand her looking back at
me disgusted. being a lez SUCKS!!!

Tex281> When I was a kid there was a girl who lived a few houses
down from me. We were best friends from when we could first walk,
we rode bikes, went swimming, watched cartoons on TV, everything
together. What we liked most was tickling contests. One of us
would kind of grin at the other, then we'd start wrestling and
tickling until one of us cracked up and surrendered. Then one day
when we were 13 we started tickling and it turned out real
different. We didn't do anything we shouldn't of   the feelings
were so strong we stopped, scared   but she was a woman and I was
a man, and nothing would change that.

3hot4U> you could of dated her?

Tex281> We'd grown up too close, it would be like dating my
sister. We were still friendly but we couldn't be friends, not
like before. I've never made friends easily and losing her like
that really hurt. My point is, hetero isn't heaven.

3hot4U> in the locker room during gym class its real hard not to
stare. theres no cure for queer is there? except kill myself?

Tex281> Bullshit  you get cancer or sold into slavery, then you
can kill your self but not just cause you like girls ok??
Tex281> Uh look, I'm sorry, I was an AH to rip you like that,
things at work have been real bad. Will you forgive me please?

3hot4U> yeh i guess. i didn't mean what i said.

Tex281> You asked about a 'cure'. There isn't any because there's
no disease. 

3hot4U> it sure feels like one

Tex281> May I make a suggestion? 3 things:
>
>1. Call up your local Gay/Lesbian group, they've all been
through this they can give you good advice. They'll be in the
phone book or you can E-mail them.
>
>2. Make a life for yourself. A hobby, learn how to dance, play a
musical instrument, something. At the least it'll take your mind
off issue #1, at best it'll help you with #3. 

3hot4U> whats #3?

Tex281> 
>
>3. Keep your eyes open. Maybe at school, at the mall, at the
grocery store, at church, somewhere, you'll spot some
good-lookin' gal trying hard not to look like >she's looking at
you. If you've done #2 right she'll find something worth looking
at. If nothing else you could have a friend with something in
common.

3hot4U> thank you ill call the gay org tomorrow. how come you
know so much about this do you know somebody gay?

Tex281> My daughter.

3hot4U> ill have to tell my parents some day. how did she tell
you?

Tex281> She left a note.

3hot4U> did she run away?

Tex281> She took her own life 3 months ago.

3hot4U> OH GOD im sorry i talked about killing myself!! im so
sorry!! what was her name?

Tex281> Andrea. She was 17.

3hot4U> ill be 17 in june!! that is so horrible!! i wish id of
known her!!

Tex281> I wish I'd known her too, Caitlin.

3hot4U> amber and britney are coming back I got to go!! GOODBYE
TEX!! THANK YOU THANK YOU!!!

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Amber and Britney hadn't returned after all. Caitlin was
relieved, she was still shaking and dabbing at her eyes, trying
to control herself after the last five minutes. Hard enough
confiding to a stranger, however sympathetic, what she hardly
dared admit to herself. Harder still to know that somebody barely
a year older could die for real and willingly, for that very
reason.

In the kitchen Amber and Britney had started eating the popcorn,
talking dreamily about some guy named Greg in their English
class. Oh hell, Britney, Caitlin thought bitterly, what I
wouldn't give to join in that conversation. Or hold a different
one, just with you.

Mention of English reminded Caitlin of her own English class.
There was a girl across the aisle from her, what was her name?
Brown hair with a bit of red, real shy. She'd heard some of the
boys talking about her, the kinder ones describing her as chunky,
the others dismissing her as fat. To Caitlin this was proof that
boys didn't know bear shit from wild honey, to use one of Uncle
Vernon's favorite expressions, because Rachel   Rachel, that was
her name!   had one of the lushest, most beautiful figures
Caitlin had ever seen. And there was something else, not wishful
thinking but something she was almost certain she'd reallyseen.

She was sure she'd spotted Rachel looking at her.

Come Monday, if Rachel did look at her then she would see Caitlin
looking back. And smiling.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

The National Weather Service had just issued a severe
thunderstorm warning for western Harris County. The storm that
had occasioned the warning towered over one of Houston's new
affluent subdivisions, slashing it with lightning and blinding
rain. In one house a man sat alone, his exhausted face and empty
eyes illuminated now and then by the lightning's harsh blue-white
light. On the desk in front of him was a laptop, its screen
bearing thanks from a girl half a continent away. To the left of
the computer was a picture of another girl, a serious, perhaps
worried look on her face. On the desk to the man's right was an
automatic, fully loaded, the safety off. As he'd done so many
times before, he picked it up and held it, as if weighing it. He
held it for a long time, longer than usual, looking at it.
Finally he removed he clip, switched on the safety, and tossed
both clip and weapon onto the bed. And then, three months after
the fact, for the first time, began crying brokenly. 


<1st attachment end>


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