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Chapter 1 – Freudian Slip
The school bus rumbled on through the cold late-night air. As it hit a bump, I felt my bare leg brush against hers. How did I end up here? I wondered to myself. It was a long story and I knew it was only the beginning of what would surely become an even more interesting tale. Passing streetlights briefly illuminated the interior, revealing the blonde huddled next to me, her legs up on the seat as she struggled to keep my jacket over both of us. Beyond her, I could see some of my friends in the nearby seats. Most of them were sleeping, or talking quietly. What I was about to do was crazy. She was probably going to slap me, or at the very least get up and move to another seat. At the worst, she was going to make a loud scene. But if she didn’t, did I really want this to continue? As I reached out to slide my hand between her knees, I thought back to how I had gotten into this situation …
Over the summer, before my senior year began, I had met Carly. She was tall, trim and brunette. I was attracted to her at once. At that age, I would have been attracted to anyone female. What made her different was that she was attracted to me, only I didn’t recognize this at first. She teased me a lot. It took me some time to realize she was teasing me more than she teased the other guys. She was paying a lot of attention to me. I wondered if she might like me. I decided to play along to see what happened.
What happened was that we started talking. It always started with a group of friends hanging out. Carly would tease me about just about anything. I didn’t mind it because I liked having her attention. When she saw I was playing along, the teasing changed to something else. At first, it was light conversation – what teenagers talk about. Who was dating whom, what we were going to do after graduation, movies, songs, things that would turn out later to be unimportant but seemed to be so important to us at the time. A few people noticed this change, maybe even before I realized it, but no one said anything about it. Then, one hot afternoon the teasing turned into tickling.
The usual group was hanging out under this lone oak tree along a dirt road at the edge of a pasture. We met here often. It was outside of town and out of the way. We would sit there in the shade and talk for hours. On this day, we had been sitting on the ground when I started tickling Carly. I was so glad to have an excuse to put a hand on her that I was not about to let up. She was giggling so hard from my tickling that everybody turned to watch us. I laughed along but only tickled her harder. I was merciless.
She struggled to get out cries of Stop! Stop! I did everything but stop. Carly was trying to hit me but she was laughing too hard to put any strength behind her punches. She finally pushed me and rolled away into a ball. She looked at me kind of funny, then sat up, leaned over to Sharon and whispered something to her. Sharon’s eyes grew wide. Carly said something else no one but Sharon could hear. Sharon got up and, standing in front of Carly, announced that she had to leave. She and Carly headed quickly to her car. They drove off without any further explanation.
I felt really bad. I thought I had pushed Carly too far. I was sitting there under that lonely tree, surrounded by my friends and feeling like shit. I had finally gotten my hands on Carly and I had driven her away. For a long time, everybody just stared at me, wondering what I had done to her. The dust stirred up by Sharon’s car finally settled in the breezeless sky but the mood was definitely spoiled. Even though it was only early afternoon, the others drifted off, driving away until I was all alone under the tree. I sat there for probably an hour, all alone. I was trying to figure out what I had done wrong.
I could hear someone driving along the dusty road. The car stopped but I never looked up. A door opened. I was surprised when I heard Carly speaking.
“I’ll be OK, Sharon. I don’t know where everybody went, but I’ll get a ride with Sam.”
“Are you sure?” Sharon asked. “I can wait.”
“Go. I need to tell him. I owe him that.”
There was another short exchange I couldn’t quite hear before the car door shut and the car slowly pulled away. I looked up to see Carly standing alone. She was wearing the halter top she had on earlier, the one I had run my hands over when I was tickling her. She was still wearing short shorts, but they were a different color. I figured she was there to tell me off, but I couldn’t figure out why she would be willing to ride home with me after.
She was just standing there barely inside the shade of the oak tree. Beyond her, the bright sun was illuminating the empty field almost to the point of being featureless. My attention was on Carly. On her long lean legs, her brown hair, her cute face. She smiled.
“Huh?” I asked.
“What?” she asked back.
“What’s going on?”
“What do you mean?” She was grinning, obviously enjoying my confusion.
“I don’t understand. What is going on?” I repeated.
She put her hands on her hips and stared at me. Then she looked around, as if to see if anyone else was still there. We were alone. There wasn’t another person for miles. Just the two of us under that big oak tree in the field, surrounded by grass starting to turn brown from the summer sun. She seemed to be coming to a decision. She sighed and approached me.
When she reached me, she crouched down in front of me and sat cross-legged. She reached out for my hands. I expected that I was finally going to hear how I had hurt her, or worse. I was ready for what I knew I deserved. She was going to tell me off. She was going to confirm that I had ruined my chances with her.
“Where did everyone go?” she asked.
“Huh?” I asked. I wasn’t sounding very intelligent. She told me as much.
“Why did everybody leave?” she asked, mirth in her voice.
“I think they didn’t want to be around me. Carly, I’m really sorry I hurt you –“ I started.
She cut me off. When she spoke, it was quiet and gentle. “You don’t know why I left, do you?”
I shook my head.
“I had to.” She had my full attention. This was not at all what I expected to hear. “You tickled me so hard that… I wet my pants.” She laughed an embarrassed laugh.
I stared at her, at those lovely green eyes, not sure I had heard correctly. She grinned sheepishly and nodded.
“You wet -?” She nodded. “your –?” She again nodded. “I am so sorry. I never meant to –“
I intended to continue my apology but she stopped me with an index finger on my lips. I was still saying the last word when she touched my mouth and it was as if I was kissing her finger. She seemed to realize the same thing. There was but an instant of indecision in her eyes. Then, she quickly removed her finger, leaned forward, and kissed me.
I know you are supposed to close your eyes when you kiss someone, but I was too much in shock. My eyes were wide open, and I saw her face pressed against mine. Her expression was the loveliest thing I had ever seen. She was peaceful, happy, relaxed. I still had a shocked look on my face. Her lips were soft, warm, moist. I was confused. She pulled away and opened her eyes. When she focused on my face, she burst out laughing.
That was the only sound to be heard. Carly’s laughter. It was a delightful sound. It was just really out of place, like everything else that had just happened.
“Don’t you close your eyes when you kiss?” she asked as she convulsed in laughter. She was trying to look serious, but she just couldn’t.
“Usually,” I said.
She stopped laughing. “Oh.” Silence. No more laughter. Her face fell. Now she was apologetic. “I thought you wanted me to kiss you. I shouldn’t have done that.”
Finally, my brain kicked into gear. I caught on to what was happening. I leaned forward, putting my hands on her bare shoulders. The feel of her skin in my hands was positively delightful. I pressed myself to her and kissed her back. I can still remember it so clearly that I can feel the softness of her lips. I can smell the light hint of perfume, feel the warm breeze blowing stray wisps of her hair against my cheeks even. As I kissed her, I put my arms around her. Her halter top covered to just a little below her breasts so my arms felt bare flesh when I wrapped them around her. I felt her put a hand to my cheek.
That kiss ended with both of us breathless. My heart was beating wildly. Carly was looking at me, her face still tilted to one side. She was studying my reaction. A smile slowly spread across my face, a reaction that was mirrored on hers.
“Yes, you should have,” I told her as I caught my breath.
“You can do that whenever you want,” she said with feeling.
“Did you really, you know, -?”
She nodded and blushed. “I had to go home and change.”
“I’m so sorry,” I apologized again.
“At the time, I was so ashamed. Now, it’s funny. I just didn’t know how I’d face you again.”
“I was afraid I made you mad and maybe even hurt you.”
“I loved what you were doing, except for what happened to my clothes,” she said. “I was relieved when I got back and you were alone.”
“You were?” I asked.
“Yes, I didn’t have to explain to everyone why I had changed my pants.” We both laughed.
We were two people alone on the face of the earth. There was no one else. Under that tree was our entire world. It was a magical afternoon. We talked and kissed, delighting in the feel of holding each other. All too soon, though, our afternoon came to an end. It was getting near dinnertime and we both knew it. The sun was sinking lower in the sky. We reluctantly got in my car. She slid next to me and held onto my arm. As we drove back to town, I enjoyed being so close to her. The afternoon had turned out so differently than how I had expected. After Carly had left with Sharon, I never imagined I’d be taking her home. I never imagined I’d ever be so close to her again.
When we got to her house, I walked her to the door. It was still daylight but that didn’t stop her from kissing me goodbye. I was careful to keep the embrace chaste, aware that we might be watched by the neighbors. It wasn’t easy but I behaved myself. We parted with the promise of more shared times to come.
After that first afternoon, we were a couple. We went everywhere together, whether hanging out with friends or dating. There were a few parties where we got into some really heavy kissing. We spent more afternoons together where we became more comfortable with each other. We progressed from kissing to exploration. By the time school started in the fall, we had gotten our hands into each other’s pants. One night, after a movie, we had gone parking and got home really late. We really fogged up the car windows as we explored each other with our hands. It didn’t progress beyond kissing and touching. We weren’t ready to progress to things that carried the risk of pregnancy. Still, we lost track of time. I think both our parents figured out something was going on.
When school started, our different interests became apparent. My big focus was Army Junior ROTC. Carly’s was theater. Each took a lot of time. Where possible, we supported each other’s interests. There were also dances. These were social events that we shared with our usual group of friends, and a few new friends. After that late night at the movies, our parents had gotten suspicious and pressured us to double date. This really impacted our chances to spend more time alone.
JROTC meant a close knit group of friends. I knew my fellow classmates from prior years, of course. This being our senior year, we formed the cadre around which the battalion functioned. We were also active on various extra curricular teams. I continued on the drill team which meant a lot of weekend traveling to competition. There was a new class of freshmen to be trained. We also had a few new older cadets who joined after transferring from other schools. One of the new senior cadets, and one of those new friends, was Nancy.
Nancy had transferred from another school that also had an Army JROTC program so she fit in easily. She was a cute blonde with short hair and blue eyes. When I first saw her in class, I just about melted. If I hadn’t been dating Carly, I would have been in love. As it was, we quickly became very good friends. Nancy fit right in with the group of friends Carly and I shared. When I couldn’t be with Carly, I was usually talking to Nancy.
One night, after I had spoken to Carly, Nancy had called. She called to ask about a class, but the conversation continued beyond that. She knew I was dating Carly; we often talked about her. When it was time to hang up and go to sleep, we wished each other goodnight. Then, she said, “I love you.” I froze. We both froze. I never knew whether it was a Freudian slip on her part or a test for me.
“Nancy, -“ I started to say.
“I’m sorry,” Nancy said quickly. “That just slipped out. I don’t know why. Please don’t tell Carly I said that.”
“I think that would be best.”
“Let’s forget I said that.”
“Alright,” I agreed. I think we both knew at that moment, though, that either of us forgetting what she had just said was impossible.
After we hung up, I went to bed. Lying in the dark, staring up at the ceiling, I thought about Nancy. I thought about Carly. I thought about how I felt. I wasn’t sure how I felt. If I had met Nancy first, I don’t know if I would ever have gotten to know Carly. On the other hand, I was in love with Carly and didn’t want to break up with her to pursue Nancy. I was very happy with what I had with Carly. Even if I did break up with Carly, there was no guarantee that I’d ever find as much happiness with Nancy.
I finally fell asleep after torturous hours thinking about the two girls in my life. It was ironic that most guys didn’t find the love I had found with one girl. I had two girls – too many girls – in my life. Morning arrived with me feeling tired from lack of sleep and with nothing resolved. I guess I thought Nancy was cute (she was that and more) and I liked being around her. I was also very much in love with Carly. I hadn’t thought about Nancy that way before last night. Well, maybe I had thought about it, but not really seriously. Not until she slipped up and said what she said. What if it wasn’t a slip? What if it was intentional? What if it was what she felt in her heart?
When I got to school, I went looking for Carly. I knew I’d see Nancy soon enough in the class we shared. I was feeling a little guilty but I wasn’t sure why. Nothing had happened. I hadn’t done anything. Except thought about it.
I knew I still loved Carly. What I was afraid of was whether I was also starting to love Nancy. As more than a friend. As more than a very good friend.
Carly surprised me when she said, “What are you thinking so hard about?” with her usual cheerful smile. I hadn’t noticed her coming up. I tried not to show it but my facial expression probably revealed something of what was torturing me. I tried to pass it off but Carly wasn’t buying it.
“Is something wrong?” she asked.
Is something wrong? Of course, but I couldn’t say that. I couldn’t tell her how confused I felt without hurting her. I tried to distract her by talking about other things, anything else. I needed some time to think. I also needed to talk to Nancy. The only thing I knew at that point was that I didn’t want to hurt Carly. I didn’t want to hurt our relationship.
Fortunately for me, it was soon time for class to begin so we had to go our separate ways. Carly’s homeroom was her theater class. Mine was my JROTC class. The one I shared with Nancy. The two classes were on opposite ends of the campus so I had a lot of time to think as I walked. I thought about it but I just didn’t know what I was going to say to Nancy. I wasn’t even sure if I was going to say anything to Nancy. Maybe it had been just a slip. Maybe I was making something out of nothing. If so, why was I worried about it?
It was Monday so the class looked like any other. It was on Wednesdays, when we wore our uniforms, that the whole tone changed. Out of uniform, dressed in blue jeans like all the other students, we weren’t all that different. Well, maybe a little more disciplined. I got there just as the bell was ringing. I took my usual seat next to Nancy but didn’t get to talk to her before the instructor walked in. We all stood and came to attention when he arrived, then took our seats.
The first topic was a reminder of the upcoming drill meet out of state. We were going to leave school on Friday morning and spend the day driving to the meet. We would compete on Saturday and drive home on Sunday. The male and female teams would both be competing. My heart skipped a beat when the implication of that reminder hit me. I was on the male team. Nancy was on the female team. We’d be together all weekend. I cast a sidelong glance at Nancy and saw she was smiling. I wasn’t sure if I was happy or scared.
Partway through the class, the instructor had to leave us to make some phone calls. We had some time to talk. Nancy turned to me.
“This is my first meet since I’ve started here. I think it will be fun.”
If she only knew what I was thinking.
“Nancy, about last night, …” I started.
Nancy looked around. No one was paying attention to us.
“I told you that was an accident. Forget about it.”
Was I convinced? Was she convinced? She continued.
“Look, we’re friends. I was tired. I got carried away and said something I shouldn’t have. I don’t want to do anything that might hurt Carly.” True, she and Carly were friends, and she knew I was dating Carly. Everyone knew I was dating Carly.
“I know that. It just surprised me, that’s all. I –“
Nancy silenced me by pressing her index finger to my lips. All I could think of at that moment was how Carly had done the very same thing to me a few months ago. Right before she kissed me for the first time.
“Forget it,” she said forcefully.
The instructor returned and began lecturing again, ending our conversation. After class, we always left together because our next classes were in the same direction. I remembered how I had helped her learn her way around when school started. After that, we still walked together and used the time to talk. This day, we didn’t talk. We walked in silence. When we got to where she turned to go to her class, she looked at me as she touched me on the arm.
“It’s OK, Sam. Don’t worry about it.” Then she was gone before I could reply. The feel of her hand on my arm lingered in my mind. She was in my thoughts the rest of the day.
I had lunch with Carly and did a better job of hiding my thoughts. She was getting excited about her upcoming play and she talked animatedly about that. I concentrated on what she was talking about and used that to keep from thinking about Nancy. Just before lunch was over, Carly asked about my upcoming trip.
“Are you going to be gone all weekend?”
“Yes, we leave Friday morning and we won’t get back until late Sunday night,” I told her.
“At least you get to cut classes on Friday,” she said. I nodded in agreement. “Will you call me when you get back?”
“It might be really late,” I warned her.
“Well, if it’s before 11, call me. Promise?”
“Sure,” I agreed. “I’ll miss you.”
The bell, every high school student’s bane, rang at that moment and we picked up the remains of our lunch. She kissed me quickly just before running off to her class, again in the opposite direction of mine. My heart was pounding as I relived that kiss. Then, all the activity around me reminded me that I also had to get to class.
At the end of the day, I had a drill practice. When I had a practice and Carly had stayed late to work on a play, I would take her home. On that day, she didn’t have to stay late so she rode the bus home. The two drill teams (male and female) practiced on the same field so I could see Nancy out of the corner of my eye from time to time. We both were trying to concentrate on our routines but I did notice her smiling as our eyes met a few times. I was still confused. Yesterday I was in love with Carly. No question about it. After last night, …
After practice, Nancy walked back to the armory with me. She was talking excitedly about the weekend trip. Part of me was excited about the trip, the competition, and spending the weekend with Nancy. Part of me was scared of spending the weekend with Nancy.
I still didn’t know what I wanted. I still didn’t know if there was anything to be scared of. Maybe it was just a meaningless slip. Or maybe it meant exactly what it sounded like. How could I be sure? More importantly, how could I find out without risk to my relationship with Carly?
Nancy and I walked together to the parking lot. I was getting into my car when I noticed she was walking over to me waving her arms.
“What’s wrong?” I asked as I opened my door.
“I don’t know. My car won’t start,” she explained. She looked really distraught. “Can you try to fix it?”
“I don’t know much about cars, but I guess I can take a look. Get in and we’ll ride over.”
“Thanks, Sam,” she said as she got in. As I drove the short distance to where she was parked, I couldn’t help thinking that the only other girl I had been alone with in my car was Carly, and I remembered vividly what we had often done in the back seat.
I raised the hood on her car and looked around, not that I expected to find anything I could fix. This was foreign territory to me. After trying for a few minutes to look like I knew what I was doing, I shut the hood and turned to a very nervous Nancy.
“I don’t know what’s wrong with it. How about I give you a ride home and your dad can come look at it later?”
She seemed to think about that for a minute or two before she smiled. “That would be great. Thanks.”
She got her books and locked the car while I waited with my engine running. She got in and buckled up as I pulled out of the parking lot. I had been to her house a few times so I knew the way. I had even met her parents before. Her father was a veterinarian who had moved into town to take over the practice of an older doctor who was retiring. With all the farmland around where we lived, vets were always in demand. We all thought it was funny that someone with Nancy’s last name would become a veterinarian. It seemed to be an oxymoron.
When we arrived at Nancy’s house, her father was just getting home. He looked surprised to see Nancy getting out of my car. When he recognized me, he gave me a warm smile.
“Hi, Doctor Hunter,” I said as I extended my hand.
“Hi, Sam.” Then, turning to Nancy, “Where is your car, honey?”
“I had to leave it at school, Dad. It wouldn’t start. Sam took a look at it but he couldn’t get it going so he gave me a ride home.” Nancy looked scared, like she was going to cry.
“It’s OK, Nancy. I’ll go take a look at it. I’m just glad Sam was there to give you a ride home.” He gave me a smile as he said that.
I was about to leave when he stopped me. “Sam?”
“Could I trouble you to come with me to the school? If I have to tow Nancy’s car, I’ll need someone to steer it. I don’t think Nancy will be strong enough to do it without the engine running.”
Nancy blushed at her father’s comment and looked at me. Yeah, the big, strong knight who rescued her. Dr. Hunter was already getting a rope and some tools from the garage.
“Sure. I’d be glad to help.”
“Nancy, run in and tell your mom we’ll be back in about half an hour.”
When Nancy went inside to relay the message, he put the things in the bed of his pickup truck. Nancy came back out. I opened the passenger side door and she crawled in next to her father. I got in and we drove back to school. As I suspected with my vast knowledge of automotive mechanics, Nancy’s father didn’t do any better to coax the engine into starting than I had done. We tied the rope between the front of Nancy’s car and his truck so we could tow it to his mechanic’s shop. He told me to turn on the emergency flashers as he got in the truck. Nancy slid in the passenger seat and handed me the keys.
When I looked at her, she explained. “You’ll need the keys so you can steer it.” When she handed me the keys, her hand seemed to linger over mine for a moment. I was very aware of her touch, and the sweet smile she gave me. The interior of the car suddenly seemed a few degrees warmer.
After we dropped off her car and got back to Nancy’s house, her mother asked me to stay for dinner. “It’s the least we can do for all your help,” she said. Seeing the look of gratitude in Nancy’s eyes, I agreed. “You can use Nancy’s bathroom to wash up. There’s a phone in the bedroom so you can call your parents and tell them where you are,” she suggested. Then, “Nancy, come help me in the kitchen.”
Dr. Hunter indicated the way to Nancy’s bedroom before going his own way to clean up. It felt really strange being alone in Nancy’s bedroom. I realized that this was where she was when she made the slip on the phone the night before. Did she lie in bed and think about me after?
I went into her bathroom and washed my hands. There was a basket on the floor for her dirty clothes. Lying on top was what she had obviously been wearing the night before - a pink teddy. I thought about what she must have looked like taking that off to get in the shower that morning. I quickly became erect.
Checking myself in the mirror, I could see that it was obvious. I would have to do something before I faced Nancy’s family. I used the phone in Nancy’s bedroom to call home and tell my mother where I was. When I told her that I was having dinner with Nancy’s family, she told me that Carly had called for me. I felt my reaction in the pit of my stomach. Trying to sound calm, I said I’d call her when I got home. The call did wonders towards taking care of my problem. As I hung up, a thought hit me. This must have been the phone Nancy had used to call me, when she told me she loved me. That should have scared me, but instead it started me on the way to another erection. I knew I had to think of something else, anything else. Standing next to Nancy’s bed, I was desperate to come up with something else to think about. I settled on what her father must look like birthing a calf. It almost made me laugh out loud, but it did the trick.
I joined Nancy and her parents in the dining room. Nancy directed me to the seat next to her. The meal was pleasant. Her mother thanked me for “rescuing” her daughter. I brushed it off as helping a friend. I thought a saw a trace of a pained look cross Nancy’s face as I said that. Her father said that her car surely wouldn’t be ready until at least tomorrow afternoon and looked at me. I knew the unasked question was hanging in the air. Seeing no easy way out, I offered to give Nancy a ride to school the next day. Her face lit up when I said that. My situation was getting more complicated by the moment.
After dinner, she walked me out to my car and thanked me again. I told her that I’d pick her up in the morning. As I was about to leave, she hugged me. My reaction was automatic. I put my arms around her and kissed her before I realized it was Nancy in my arms and not Carly. Feeling her shapely body against mine, I did the predictable thing. I was hard again. She felt it. She gasped and she was smiling when our lips parted. Then I realized what I had just done. I was scared. She was delighted.
“Nancy, I’m sorry. I got carried away.”
“That’s alright, Sam. I didn’t mind,” she answered.
“No, really. I shouldn’t have done that. I reacted without thinking.”
“Well, part of you reacted nicely,” she said as her gaze drifted lower to my waist.
I knew I had to get out of there fast. I let go of her and got in my car. The last thing she said as I was closing the door was, “I can’t wait for Friday.”
Driving home, my thoughts were a maelstrom. Images of Carly and Nancy collided as I warred with my feelings. Who did I want? Carly, of course. So why did I kiss Nancy? Why did I enjoy kissing Nancy so much? I didn’t enjoy it. Of course I did. I almost ran a red light due to my distraction.
When I got home, I headed straight for my room. I was afraid to face my mother because she might be able to see on my face that something had happened. As I breezed past her, she reminded me to call Carly.
I shut the door behind me, closing in my problems. I put my books down on the dresser and studied my face in the mirror. Was this the face of someone who had just betrayed his girlfriend? Would I be able to face Carly in the morning and not let on what had happened? Would I be able to talk to her on the phone tonight and not let her hear in my voice what I had done? Would Nancy tell anyone what had happened? That last thought sent an icy chill through my body.
I knew I couldn’t put off calling Carly. Delaying it would only call attention to things I didn’t want to tell her. I sat on the bed and picked up the phone. I dialed her number as I tried to quell my nervousness. The phone rang and Carly’s sister answered it. She recognized my voice right away.
“Are you alright, Sam? You sound like you’re sick.”
I panicked. If she could tell something was wrong, Carly knew me even better. I took a deep breath and bit my tongue hard. Then, I said, “I’m fine, Lynn. I just had a rough time at practice. Can I speak to Carly?”
I used the seconds waiting for Carly to come to the phone to steel myself.
Whenever I heard her say that, I felt like I was melting inside. Her voice was sweetness itself. I looked at her picture on my dresser as I lay back on the bed.
“Hi, Carly. What’s up?”
“I called for you earlier and your mom said you were helping a friend. Is everything OK?”
“Sure, everything is fine. After practice, Nancy’s car wouldn’t start so I gave her a ride home.”
“You’re so sweet,” my girlfriend told me.
“Then her father asked me to help him tow it to the shop. After that, they wanted me to stay for dinner.”
I held my breath. I had left out the last part. I waited to see if she suspected anything else.
“I’m glad you helped her. She’s a good friend,” Carly said.
If only you knew how good, I thought with fear.
“I offered to give her a ride tomorrow, since her car wouldn’t be ready.”
I waited again with my breath held.
“Oh, OK. Yeah, I guess that’s the least you could do.”
She didn’t seem to think anything was wrong. Maybe I’d get away with it. After that, I steered the conversation back to her, to what she would be doing over the weekend. “Missing you,” she told me. That made me feel better. We talked about the usual nothings that teenagers in love talk about. Finally, I had some homework to do so I had to go. When she told me, “I love you,” I froze. That is exactly what Nancy had said the night before. She was silent, waiting for me to speak.
“I love you, too, Carly. I’ll see you tomorrow. Sweet dreams.”
“I’ll be dreaming about you,” she said, and then there was a click.
I pressed the off button on the phone before letting out an enormous sigh. What a nightmare my life was becoming. All because of something Nancy had said, a slip up. My insides were quivering with tension. How long could I keep my feelings concealed, I wondered. As long as necessary.
I buried myself in my homework and it was bedtime before I realized it. I got ready and turned out the light. Lying in bed, I finally relaxed. That was when all my fears came rushing back to haunt me. I tossed and turned, trying to sort out what I was feeling. I finally fell asleep, only to be tortured by a dream where Carly was pulling on one arm while Nancy pulled on my other. Both were yelling, “Let go! He’s mine!” I was trying to convince them that there was enough of me to go around when the school bell rang.
I opened my eyes and realized it was my alarm clock going off. I got up, feeling as if I hadn’t slept at all. In the shower I usually thought about Carly and did what most teenage boys do in the shower. That morning, I couldn’t even get it up. I was too scared about what would happen if Carly found out that I had kissed Nancy.
I drove over to Nancy’s house and picked her up. Instead of her usual blue jeans, she was wearing a pretty dress that complimented her blue eyes. Her blonde hair was fixed to perfection and she looked lovely. Was that for me? I wondered with trepidation.
We didn’t talk much on the drive to school, but Nancy kept looking at me. Looking and smiling. She was obviously very happy. I was very terrified. Two days ago, everything was going fine. Now I wasn’t so sure. I thought I wanted Carly. I had never thought of Nancy in a romantic way. She was just a friend. Maybe that was what I was looking for – a friend I could be in love with. No, that wasn’t right. I was confused.
“Sam.” Nancy was trying to get my attention.
“What?” I asked, still dazed.
“You passed up the school, silly.”
I looked around me. She was right. I turned the car around. I was so out of it, lost in my thoughts, that I could have gotten in an accident.
“Sorry, I was distracted.”
“I’ll say. You’ve hardly said a word all morning. What’s the matter?”
“Nothing. I’m just thinking about this weekend.”
“Yeah, the drill meet,” she supplied. “I’m kind of nervous, too. I’m sure we’ll both do fine, though. We’ve been practicing a lot.”
When we got to school, we walked to class together. I didn’t get to see Carly before class that morning. I didn’t catch up to her until lunch. We ate together as usual. I was nervous the entire time, worried that I’d slip up and say the wrong thing. I knew Carly could tell something was wrong, but she didn’t press me for details. She was Carly – charming and sweet. We talked about normal things and it felt like old times. I loved Carly. I could feel it coursing through my entire body. The problem was that I was starting to feel the same way around Nancy. Why was my life getting so complicated?
I got through the rest of the week. That’s about the only thing I could say about it. I got through it. I had talked late into the night Thursday with Carly. It was the usual teenage stuff, about how much we were going to miss each other. She made me again promise to call her when I got home Sunday night, no matter how late it was. We told each other, “I love you,” then hung up to get some sleep. Friday arrived. Nancy’s car had been repaired and she was driving herself to school again. Because we were going to be gone all weekend, no one wanted to leave a car in the school parking lot all weekend. My parents were going to park my car at school Sunday afternoon so they wouldn’t have to come get me late at night. Nancy told me her mother offered to take me to school Friday morning to save my parents the trip. In return, I could take Nancy home Sunday night. It seemed like a good arrangement.
Nancy and her mother picked me up at home. At school, we unloaded our baggage at the armory where a school bus was waiting. As Mrs. Hunter was telling Nancy goodbye, she looked straight at me.
“Sam, take care of my little girl.”
“Oh, Mom. I’m not your ‘little girl’ anymore,” Nancy protested.
Ignoring Nancy’s protest, I said, “I will, Mrs. Hunter. I’ll get her home safely Sunday night.”
Satisfied with my answer, her mother left. Before long, we were on the bus and settled in for the six hour ride. I was sitting with a group of our friends near the back, sharing the seat with Nancy. We talked to pass the time. After lunch, some people were starting to nap so the conversation died off. Nancy and I were talking just to each other, about Carly strangely enough. Nancy wanted to hear about how Carly and I had met. I told her of the previous summer, but I left out the part about Carly wetting her pants. Nancy was saying how lucky Carly was to find me when she leaned against me. I couldn’t help noticing how nice that felt. Nancy put her head down on my shoulder like she was going to take a nap, only she didn’t go to sleep.
We kept talking about the past summer and what we had done. Hers was spent preparing to move and saying goodbye to friends. We also talked about what we were going to do after graduation. We were both going on to college.
When we arrived at the hotel, we were assigned rooms in groups of four persons. The boys were together in one block of rooms and the girls in another, with the chaperones staying in the rooms in between - the usual arrangement. We had fun though all were well behaved. No one got caught doing anything they shouldn’t have been doing. Saturday night after the meet was finished, we had some free time. A group of us went to eat at a pizza parlor and saw a movie. Nancy sat with me and it was like we were on a date. I felt a little guilty about that. I knew it wasn’t really a date. It was just a group of friends, though Nancy was sticking close to me.
We got a late start on Sunday. We were allowed to sleep a little later, and then we attended the awards ceremony before changing and loading the bus. The weather was warm so everybody was glad to get out of our uniforms and into shorts and t-shirts. Nancy’s shorts were really short; she looked great in them. I found that I couldn’t help wondering what she might look like out of them. Thinking of Carly helped me to curb those thoughts. It was mid-afternoon when we finally headed for home.
Like on the trip up, Nancy sat with me. Most of the seats were occupied by couples, though Nancy and I were one of the few couples sitting together who weren’t dating. It was known that I was dating Carly, of course, and Nancy wasn’t dating anyone. More people slept on the way home so Nancy and I talked mostly to each other. I asked her why she didn’t have a boyfriend and she told me that all the good ones were already taken. I felt a spasm of fear run through me.
Nancy turned to face me directly and said, with much sincerity, “If you ever break up with Carly, I have first dibs on you.”
I think I stared at her, hearing her words but comprehending them slowly. She watched me for a few moments, then broke out laughing.
“You looked so serious, Sam. You know I’d never do anything to tear you two apart.”
“I know, Nancy,” I answered, not fully believing either one of us.
The sky had been growing darker all afternoon. Rain finally started and the weather turned cold. The sudden change from the front we were passing through left us unprepared. We had been expecting it to be hot. I was able to reach my suitcase and retrieve a light jacket I had brought. Nancy and I put our feet up on the seat and huddled beneath the jacket. With our bodies pressed tightly beside each other, we kept each other warm. Darkness fell and it got colder.
Looking around, I couldn’t see much but it appeared that everybody else was either sleeping or staring out the windows. Maybe a few couples were doing something more but it wasn’t apparent. From time to time, we passed near a streetlight that cast a dim glow into the interior. About all I could make out in those brief moments was Nancy’s blonde hair on my shoulder. I was very aware of her bare leg against mine. It was impossible to keep from touching while both of us huddled under the jacket. I certainly didn’t mind. I thought about putting my arm around her to keep us together. It would keep us warmer, but I was worried someone might see that and get the wrong idea.
We were silent now. I guess we had finally run out of things to talk about. I was thinking about Carly... and about Nancy. If I hadn’t gotten together with Carly over the summer, what would have happened when I met Nancy? I liked Nancy. Her slip had told me how she felt about me. Nancy was here and Carly wasn’t. I knew what I’d be doing with Carly if it was her beside me.
It wasn’t like I was married to Carly. We were dating, but we weren’t engaged. I wondered what would happen if I tried to get intimate with Nancy. I looked around again and didn’t see anyone watching us. I couldn’t believe I was thinking about it, but I got hard as I thought of Nancy’s body. I wondered if she was thinking about me.
The school bus rumbled on through the cold late-night air, the drone of the tires and engine drowning out other sounds. As the bus hit a bump, I felt my bare leg brush against Nancy. A thought, inspired by teenage hormones, came into my mind. What I was about to do was crazy. She was probably going to slap me, or at the very least get up and move to another seat. At the worst, she was going to make a loud scene. If she did, it was sure to get back to Carly. But if she didn’t, did I really want this to continue? I wondered if I could be as happy with Nancy. I wondered who I really wanted to be happy with. I wondered what Nancy felt like, between her legs. As I reached out to slide my hand between her knees, I turned to Nancy and watched her for a reaction.
My hand reached the outside of her leg and at first she didn’t react. I slid my hand along her leg and she lifted her head to look at me. My heart thudded in my chest. If she was going to protest, it was going to happen now. Would I be sitting alone in a moment? A passing streetlight revealed a puzzled look on her face. Not angry, just puzzled. Not daring even to breathe, I slid my hand over the top of her leg and to the part where her thighs were joined. I pressed lightly with my fingertips.
Nancy looked at me, her expression dead serious, and I felt her legs slowly move apart under my touch. I almost stopped and asked, “Why?” Almost. Instead, I didn’t stop. I reached between her legs until my hand was sliding along her smooth inner thighs. I felt every inch of leg as my hand moved relentlessly toward where her legs joined. In the near darkness, our eyes remained locked together as my hand made steady progress to its predetermined goal.
I felt the fabric of her shorts as my hand reached the hem. Moving on top of the material, my hand continued up to where I had never touched her before. I knew I was doing what I had done before only to Carly, but I continued. I felt the change in shape. I knew my hand was now over her pussy lips. Her mouth parted slightly like she was going to make a sound, but she remained silent. She wasn’t moving to stop me. I moved my fingers back and forth over the warm place between her legs. Next I moved back down her shorts and along the smoothness of her leg about halfway to her knee. Changing direction, my hand retraced its path until it reached the hem of her shorts.
This time, my fingers pulled the material up and my hand moved between her clothes and her leg. As my hand moved into her pants, a slight smile formed on her lips. It was a change that I could only barely see in the dim light. With her back to the aisle as she partially faced me, anyone else would think we were just talking quietly. Beneath my jacket, we were doing something else entirely, crossing new boundaries.
My fingers met the leg opening of her panties. I recognized the thin elastic band and the soft fabric. I had touched Carly here many times. I moved my hand over her panties. The material was much thinner than the fabric of her shorts and I could feel more detail this time. I felt the beginnings of her patch of hair. I felt the rise of her lips. She made a very slight sound, almost a gentle gasp, as my fingers rubbed against one lip. Now one finger was extended and sliding along her slit. On the third trip along her slit, I felt moisture beginning to appear. She was becoming as wet as I was hard, apparently.
I didn’t stop to think about what I was doing. I knew that if I did, I’d think about Carly and I would stop. I didn’t want to stop and Nancy obviously didn’t want me to stop. The journey wasn’t quite finished, though. I withdrew my hand down to the edge of her panties. When I felt the elastic leg opening pass under my fingers, I pressed my fingers to her skin and slid them inside her panties. Nancy shifted slightly in her seat to give me better access. I felt hot skin sliding under the fingers of my right hand. Suddenly, I felt curly hairs. Her hair was wiry and very soft at the same time. The hairs felt so fine against my fingers. I felt precum dampening my own underwear. In my mind I could see what my fingers were discovering.
I pressed onward. When my fingers contacted her lips this time, there was nothing separating my fingers from her pussy. Nancy made a tiny sound, a sound only I could hear. It was a happy sound of approval. I reached further. I could feel the soft cloth of her panties above my hand and the softness of her pussy beneath. I passed the cotton lining and my fingers slid up her lips. Suddenly, I felt the lips fall away into a valley as my fingers found her slit. I extended my middle finger and rubbed it along the gap. The lips parted, taking the hair with them. Suddenly, I felt like my hand had been thrust into a glass of really warm water. She was very wet, wet for me. Her lips were parted, open now to allow me to explore the most intimate part of her body. The bus passed another streetlight, allowing me to see the look of pleasure on her face. Her lips were still parted, her eyes partially closed though she was still looking at me.
I reached farther down on one trip along her gash and found the opening. I circled the tip of my middle finger around it. When I pressed in, her eyes opened wide. I thought she was going to stop me but she didn’t. She looked wide-eyed at me as my finger pressed into her pussy, stretching her open. She was tight but well lubricated. Lubricated almost beyond belief. I felt her left arm moving beneath our cover. When her hand made contact with me, I knew what she was up to. Her hand landed on my lap and she clutched at the lump my erection had made in my shorts. She kneaded me as I probed her.
Nancy’s pussy was so tight that I couldn’t just thrust my finger all the way into her. I had to work my finger in, a little at a time, as her body slowly yielded to the intrusion. Over the course of many strokes, I soon had my middle finger completely buried in her warm wet depths. I had just enough room under her clothes to manage a slow back and forth motion. Her grip on me became more insistent. I could see by the look on her face that the level of her pleasure was escalating.
Now I had another problem. I was enjoying exploring Nancy so much that I was very excited. I might have been able to keep things under control if it had not been for her hand playing with my hard-on. As much as I was enjoying what she was doing to me, I knew I’d have to stop her soon. I positioned my lips over her ear and whispered as softly as I could.
“If you don’t stop, I’m going to make a mess in my pants,” I told her. She pressed her ear against my lips and rubbed me harder. “No, I’m serious. I’m about to cum. If I do, it will be very obvious when we stand up. Everyone will know what we’ve been doing.” Her hand stopped but didn’t let go of me. “I don’t want you to stop what you’re doing, but I think you need to.” Nancy gave a nod, almost imperceptible. My finger, however, kept up its motion within her.
With the position of my hand, my thumb was near where I knew her clit should be. There was plenty of moisture so all my fingers were slippery enough for what I had in mind. While keeping up the pace with my middle finger, my thumb worked back and forth, feeling for the little nub. When I found it, she started. It was, fortunately, not enough to be apparent to anyone else. I was close enough to her to feel it, though. I now had to concentrate on moving both fingers as I enjoyed the feel of her body. In and out went the middle finger, back and forth went the thumb. Nancy laid her head back down on my shoulder and breathed deeply.
I felt her body tense up. Her legs were as rigid as they could be without the situation being obvious. Her head pressed harder against my shoulder. She held her breath, and then exhaled hard. Her pussy clutched at the invading finger and spasmed. Remembering what usually made Carly squeal with delight, I stopped the motion of my thumb. It still pressed against her clit but no longer rubbed. I felt an increase in the warm moisture in her pussy.
Nancy’s right hand moved over mine, her shorts and panties separating our hands. She pressed down hard, signaling me to stop moving entirely. I complied, not wanting to cause her to make an unintended sound. A minute passed, maybe two. Then she lifted her head and turned so her mouth was right next to my ear.
Her words were so soft that I didn’t make out every one over the noise of the bus. I figured out her intention, though. “You just made me cum. That was so intense. Thank you, but stop now, please. If you keep it up, I might scream.” I nodded and started to pull my finger out of her pussy. “No! Don’t move it. I’m so sensitive right now. Give me a minute.”
Smiling in the darkness, I sat still, my finger buried in her warm wet depths. I was so pleased with myself over what I had given her. We sat like that for a long time. It was a struggle to keep myself from getting too excited; I didn’t want to pass over that magical point where I’d have no control over what my body was going to do. I felt throbbings but forced myself not to give in to them. It wasn’t easy, being so close, so intimate, with Nancy’s lovely body. Eventually, she lifted her right hand. Understanding her signal, I slid my middle finger slowly out of her pussy. She sighed as I withdrew. She pressed down with her hand again, keeping me from withdrawing my hand from her panties entirely.
“Stay there awhile longer. That feels nice.”
I complied, reveling in the feeling of being in her pants. We sat there next to each other as the bus rumbled on through the night. Later, she shifted and I extracted my hand. I was tempted to taste what she had left on it, or at least smell it. I thought that might be too obvious a giveaway if someone had been watching us so I resisted the temptation. We enjoyed being close together, Nancy basking in her post-orgasmic bliss. I wanted to kiss her passionately but knew that would also look suspicious. I settled for enjoying sitting closely with Nancy. My hand was so wet that I had to wipe it on my shirt. Nancy dozed off against my shoulder. While she slept, I relived the experience over and over in my head.
She woke and turned to me in the darkness. “It wasn’t a dream, was it?” she asked very softly. I shook my head. “Mmm, good.” She reached for my hand under the jacket and gave it a squeeze. After a few minutes, she added, “Where are we?”
“I think we’re a just few minutes from school.”
She thought about that, then whispered, “I’m pretty wet… down there. When we get to school, can I use your jacket to conceal, uh, the evidence?”
“Sure,” I told her. It was worth being cold for a little while.
When we got to school, the driver turned on the lights inside the bus. People got up sleepily and we unloaded the gear. Because of the sudden weather change, it was very foggy as well as cold so the lights around school didn’t penetrate very far. After everything was unloaded, most of the kids lined up to use the phone in the armory to call for their parents to come pick them up. Nancy and I headed to the parking lot to find my car. Sounds were masked by the thick fog. The only sound I could hear was the crunch of the gravel under our feet. Nancy stopped suddenly under a streetlight, dropped her bag, grabbed my t-shirt and pulled me to her. Face to face, she looked intently at me. Just as I was going to ask her what was up, she suddenly put her arm around my neck and pulled my face to hers. She kissed me.
Like the slip up on the phone the other night and after dinner at her house, I didn’t realize at first what was happening. I dropped my bag and went along, enjoying the kiss. I felt her warm breath against my face, her lips pressed against mine. I put my arms around her waist and pulled her body tightly against mine. She moaned when my erection pressed against her pelvis. We parted and each took a deep breath, still in each other’s arms.
“I’ve wanted to do that for so long,” Nancy breathed.
I looked at her satisfied face. “I love you, Carly,” I said automatically.
Have you ever had ice water poured over your head? That is what it was like for both of us as the realization of what I had just said hit home. Nancy and I had been intimate. We had shared many things that night. My mistake reminded us that there were really three people involved. I wished I could take back what I had said. I wished I had never met Carly. I wished I had never put my hand in Nancy’s pants. I wished for many things in that moment, all incapable of coming true. We stared at each other. In the distance, I heard a car door slam and an engine start up, the sounds only partly muffled by the fog. Had someone walked past us and heard us?
“Nancy,” she corrected me, trying to save the moment. The moment was beyond saving.
“Nancy,” I started to say. In that instant, I saw not Nancy but Carly standing in front of me. I didn’t know what I wanted, who I wanted, at that instant. I wanted to say that to Nancy, but I couldn’t. Not after what I had done to her, done with her. I had touched her in a way that no one else ever had.
I had touched Carly in that place also. I felt I had a responsibility to each girl. It was a responsibility I could live up to with only one girl. Which one?
Nancy saw it in my face. She knew I didn’t feel the same thing she did. “Carly,” she said, sounding more dejected than I had ever heard her before.
Too late, I had tried to save the moment. I didn’t want to hurt Nancy. I didn’t want to hurt Carly. I didn’t want to hurt myself either. I didn’t see how I was going to come out of this without hurting at least one person. I was probably going to hurt all three of us. A week ago, my life was perfect. Not anymore.
“Nancy,” I started, sounding as tender as I could manage. “Tonight… was special. We shared something magical. I’m not sure why, but it was really special for me. I know it was the same for you.”
I would have thought Nancy would be angry with me now. Instead, the only logical explanation for the way she was reacting was that she also hoped to salvage the situation. The implications of that chilled me much more than the air did.
She reached out and touched my cheek. Looking deeply into my eyes, she echoed my words. “Tonight was special, magical. I never felt that way before. I’ve never been touched by anyone that way. I’m glad it happened. I don’t regret it. We’ll figure out what to do next.” Then, she reached for my right hand, the one that had been inside her. Taking my hand, she led me to my car.
The problem was that I wasn’t sure which girl I wanted to be with. I knew I couldn’t be with both. That would be stupid. It would only hurt everybody. I couldn’t live a lie. I cared for each of them too much to do that.
I opened the trunk and put our luggage in it. The fog was absorbing all sound. It was like we were alone. Well, Carly was there in the shadows, if only in my thoughts. I unlocked the passenger door and opened it for Nancy. She got in as I realized that I had done this many times for Carly. She was smiling now. I was scared. I walked around and got in. As we drove to her home, Nancy held onto my arm. I didn’t want to push her away. I didn’t want to hurt her, especially after what I had done to her. I also didn’t want to lose Carly. I was trapped.
Nancy broke the silence. In an attempt to keep what we had done fresh in my mind, she spoke. I looked over to her, seeing her face illuminated by the green glow of the dashboard. “Can I keep the jacket? I’ll return it to you tomorrow at school. I can’t walk in with a wet stain on my pants – there.”
No, she couldn’t go home without concealing the results of what I had done to her. I nodded, unable to speak. My mouth was dry with fear. In only a few months, I had gone from not having a girlfriend to having too many. I had to stop this, but I didn’t know how. I didn’t know how to keep the situation from exploding.
When we got to Nancy’s house, I got her bag out of the car. I realized that I couldn’t shake hands with her father if he was still up. Not with my hand smelling like his daughter. He would castrate me like a bull. I carried her bag to the door.
“Thank you, Sam,” she said. Before I could interrupt her, she kissed me again. My heart pounded when she did. I wanted her. I wanted Carly. I was a fool.
An instant after our lips parted, the door opened.
“Hi, honey, “ Doctor Hunter said. Then, to me, “Did you take care of my little girl, Sam?”
Oh, yeah. I took care of her alright, I thought as I put my hands in my pockets.
“Oh, Daddy,” said Nancy as she lifted her bag. “It’s late. Sam has to get home. We have school tomorrow.”
“That’s true. Goodnight, Sam, and thanks.”
“Any time,” I said as he closed the door.
I drove home with a million thoughts roaring through my head. I wondered what I was going to say to Carly as I drove home. I remembered that she made me promise to call her when I got in. How could I keep my voice from betraying the conflict in my head, in my heart? On that drive, I learned what stress was really like.
My parents were asleep when I got home. I went to my room and got ready for bed. I crawled into bed and looked over at my clock. 10:53. Next to it, the telephone loomed large. I knew I had to call Carly. I dialed her number. As I put the receiver next to my head, I could still smell Nancy on my hand. My dick leapt at the scent. At that moment, Carly answered.
“Sam?” she sweetly asked in a tired voice.
“Hi, Carly. I’m home.” I tried as hard as I could to keep my tone neutral.
“It’s so late. You sound really tired.”
“Yeah, it was a long day.”
“How did you do?”
“Neither team placed. There was a lot of competition.”
“It’s just the first meet. You’ll do better next time.”
“Thanks.” I knew I had to say it. “I missed you.”
“I missed you too, Sam. I missed you, especially at night.”
Normally when she said that, my heart pounded with excitement, with love. That night, it pounded with fear.
“I missed you, too. I can’t wait to see you tomorrow morning.”
“You go and get some sleep. Dream about me and I’ll have a kiss waiting for you tomorrow morning. I love you.”
“I love you, too,” I said, not daring to add “Carly.” I didn’t want to risk a Freudian slip.
She hung up. I put the receiver down and put my head on the pillow. The light was already out but I stared up at the ceiling that I couldn’t see. I didn’t like concealing anything from Carly. We had started our relationship by sharing a most intimate secret. As I wiped a tear from my eye, I again smelled Nancy’s dried juices. My heart ached. I loved both girls. I had done things with both girls. I knew I had to hurt one of them. Which one? I fell asleep pondering that question.
To be continued in Chapter 2 - Choices
This story is Copyright © 2005 by Strickland83. All rights reserved.
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