Note: This story was dynamically reformatted for online reading convenience. I phoned Cindy that night but she didn't answer. I was unbearably horny and desperately hungry for a taste of our what I dimly realized was our previous relationship. I wanted to feel her soft body, hold hands, make out on the couch. Have standard romantic sex, in memory nowhere near as incendiary but comfortable. I fell asleep and dreamt about her full lips, woke up kissing my pillow. A dry taste of bitter cloth followed me through the morning. I gave the day's lessons, commuting to talk little kids through scales while baby sitters watched television bored in the next room. I showed a hotshot high school kid riffs, pop songs. My star pupil, we discussed progressive rock and jazz pianists, the lesson running well over time to take my mind away. In the evening I had a rehearsal, which lately had just meant a band fight where I was a disinterested spectator. We were a working cover band and I knew my parts, the vocal harmonies, the big piano intros. Occasionally I felt I should remind the rest of the group that we weren't actually Styx or Journey for all the shouting about "the fans". The lead singer made his usual speech about it being his band and they could "hit the road" and that usually quieted things down. I dutifully led them through the top 40 they hadn't bothered to really learn, fans be damned, but my mind wasn't on it and I improvised behind guitar solos earning a stern glance or two from the stars stalking the stage of the singers garage where we rehearsed. I called Cindy when I got home. "Hi! How are you?" She was a little breathless. "I'm okay. Usual boring rehearsal." "Well I had a lunch shift where I made almost no money." "That sucks. Hey can I see you?" I asked but immediately regretted it. "Baby I ..." She paused. "I'm so tired I just want to pass out. I'm sure we'll see each other soon." She trailed off and the truth behind her words hit me in the stomach. "Okay ..." My mind panicked, looking for the right tone, the right approach. "Call me tomorrow if you're up late." "Okay! I will unless I'm sleeping." We both knew she was lying. "And I'm off to the bar," I joked. Our little joke as I wasn't much of a drinker. "Don't drive then," she sounded cheery. "Bye now." I put on my cheeriest voice. "Bye." The line went dead. I sat in my nearly empty one room apartment and stared at the wall, not wanting to think. The feeling in my stomach told me the truth but I decided not to face it. I reread some stupid book and went to sleep. The next day was nothing. I forgot to eat and got light headed on the drive to the club, listlessly eating a bar sandwich after soundcheck. The gig was good. Don't stop believing indeed, and after a few encores my bandmates seemed ready to take over the world. A plan was made to drive back into town, meet up at a bar and have the same discussion as always about original music and the music business. I said I'd meet up but I knew I lied and went home to try to sleep and wait for the phone call I knew wasn't coming. We had a long drive the next day and I remembered to eat. There was nothing special about the rock bar and the lack of a drunk crowd significantly rolled back plans for world domination. Back home I knew there'd be no messages. The next day I taught and slept and listlessly remembered that it was Clarissa's show. I considered going and getting very drunk, but I was unclear with myself about why I would go, about what I would want to happen, and I ended up staying home. The next afternoon I got a call from the studio. Clarissa wanted to book another session. "I'm busy," I lied. "Probably not engineering much unless I bring the project in." "He's specifically requesting you." The owner made endless jokes about Clarissa and the appropriate pronouns. "Anyone can do that mix. Have Rick call me if he's confused about how to EQ backing tracks." I hung up and stared at the same wall again for a while. Two days later we were playing in town, the singers home club. His crowd was there and the band was pumped to slam out some top 40 while strutting the stage like unleashed rock gods. I knew this place and techs knew me so soundcheck was almost non-existant. I sat in the back discussing Quincy Jones with an aspiring "rock writer" until it got boring. I stepped outside past the bored security into the venue. And I saw her, saw them. Cindy was there. She was standing with a drummer, rich kid I'd known since high school all gym muscles. An asshole. Cindy smiled at me and I walked over. Her face was flushed and I knew. They had just had sex, probably in the parking lot, before coming in. Drummer chatted with me good naturedly, subtly exploring whether I was okay with seeing them together. Cindy seemed hyper, making small talk and unleashing her unbarably cute giggle. I tried to mask the empty feeling in my stomach, a pain not from lust but a hunger that was now never going to be fed. Cindy got most hyper when she leaned in. "I thought I'd see you at Clarissa's show," she was whispering, conspiratorial. I tried to spy whether the drummer was leering at me but couldn't tell. "I worked late. Did the mix work?" "I suppose so. She was very disappointed that you weren't there. Very disappointed." Cindy was teasing and she pursed her lips a little. A small flame of erotic heat flickered for a moment and then died, the events of a few days ago now a different era. On cue to rescue me the house lights dimmed. I excused myself and walked backstage. The guitarist took me aside. "Hey, isn't that your girl friend?" I looked at him. "We split up," I said, shading the truth. "You okay with that?" Okay with her giving a blow job in the parking lot to another guy before my show? "Yeah. Whatever." I didn't lie well that time and he knew. But it was time to play. Our sets were standard but the singer had carefully curated this one for his home club. We wandered around the top 40 with a few choice oldies. I dimly noticed that, after much deliberation I'm sure, the original song was omitted from the set, and we ended up with our dance party closer. Play That Funky Music Renegade. After the set I loaded out in record time, not bothering to move through the house. I figured Cindy was still there and wasn't sure what I'd be doing. Chasing girls? Not in front of her. Even the singer picked up to be cool, the guitarist probably told him, and he paid me very quickly. Through the parking lot and the night I drifted home, my bored, probably sad face getting me waved through a drunk checkpoint without even rolling down my window. Two days later my phone rang. It was Clarissa. "I thought I'd see you at the show." "I was busy. Sorry. Did it go well?" "Yes it was fantastic! Cindy was there and I asked about you." I paused, feeling bleak and apathetic. "She dumped me." The line was silent. "What?! You mean after our thing ...?" "Yeah, I guess so." Clarissa was indignant. "That little bitch. You were doing that for her, not for you." "Yeah," I said, but I wasn't entirely sure. "Listen, I'm really glad it happened and have kept it entirely secret." "I appreciate that." "You should come to a show. I mean ..." She paused to choose her words. "Not for anything to happen. Like if you want to rebound I know some really cute bottom girls that would love to hang out with you, if only for a moment. Whatever you wanted. There are also lots of drunk straight girls by the end of the night and it's totally acceptable to sweep them up after they're finished fag hagging." "That's funny. Thanks for the offer. Maybe I'll stop by." "Oh baby I feel bad for you. You were in love with her. You probably still are." I had never thought of it like that, blind probably, but at that moment I knew it was past tense. "She's such a bitch to get her dominatrix on and then dump you immediately. Have you seen her?" "Yeah. She's got a new boyfriend." "Oh my god. Did she ... hit on you?" I thought for a moment. No, but maybe. "No. Or maybe not yet." "Well you're a big boy and sexy as all hell. Here's my number ... " She read the number off. "I understand why you want to stay out of the studio with me right now but if you want to come to a show let me know so I can get you past the faggots on the door. And ... " She paused, almost wary. "I'm a top, like I'm only a top, but if you bring a bottle of booze over and promise promise promise to not tell anybody I mean anybody you can come over and I'll ..." Her voice went theatrically low. "... return the favor." I laughed. "That's very nice of you." I couldn't think of anything else to say and Clarissa seemed to feel that over the phone. After a pause she signed off. "Bye now." I did gigs, played lessons. Got drunk in a strange bar trying and failing to pick up an overweight woman and had to walk miles home and back again the next day to get my car. I sat in the bathtub and tried to masturbate but I had no fantasies, or none that I wanted to look at. I ejaculated very far from an orgasm and went to sleep. Had a dream with rock videos, their sets on fire, collapsing as an anonymous crew of highway workers was building an overpass outside. There was a concession stand with a lifeless goth girl and nothing for sale. I woke up. The drummers band was playing. I knew from the local press. I stopped by the liquor store and bought a bottle of top shelf whiskey. The clerk gave me an eye but I told him not to worry, I'd park first. The parking lot was half empty. The venue was too big for their band. I'd been on bills with them for years. They did a mediocre cover act combined with some forgettable original power ballads. They had an audience, mostly their high school friends of course, but it was getting smaller every season. The main room in the venue had a ridiculously high stage for a bar, taking up half the dance floor and making it feel like a 300 seat stadium. I stood in the back of the room and watched them setting up. As the show started I saw Cindy, standing in the crowd alone, and I admired her tight shirt and pants from behind. Once they got past their small town pyrotechnics I strolled over to beside her. "Cin ..." I said, over the rolling piano chords of yet another intro. She turned and looked a little shocked. "Hey baby. How are you?" She looked at me warily. "I'm fine," I said. "Listen, can I talk to you for a moment?" I realized I was lisping, faking the swishy standard sibilance of a gay man. The lisp seemed to get her attention, intrigue her. "Sure!" She said. "Let's go to the lobby." We walked out into the empty lobby away from the sound and around the corners towards the restrooms. We'd had sex is this bathroom when we'd first gotten together. "Oh my god," I said, putting on a full gay voice. "I just really want to tell you some stuff." "Please do." Her voice was excited and curious, filled with lust. "Not here. Let's go in the bathroom I remember it being very clean." She laughed and followed me in. "I remember being in here." She was giggling and she turned to me, holding out her hand. There was an engagement ring. "You're getting married?" "Yes," She demurred, "he proposed two days ago. I'm going to move in with him and quit my job." "Are you going to invite Clarissa to the wedding?" He eyes got wide with feigned shock and excitement. "I just might," She laughed. "That's so hot," I said. "Yes it is," she said and looked at me. "So how about you. Anymore ... adventures?" She got her wicked evil grin going. "What do you think of my fiancÚ?" "No more adventures," I said, "Until now." With a sudden thrust I pushed her back into the toilet stall and pressed my mouth against hers, forcing my tongue through her lips and kissing her passionately. She kissed back for a moment and turned away. "Sweetie!" She half screamed, "What are you doing?" I put my hand on her face and pressed my thumb into her mouth. "Nothing you don't want, Cindy." I pressed her back until she sat on the toilet seat. "Wait! What are you doing?" She was starting to resist but not making much of an effort. I put my hand on her head and pressed it into my crotch. I unzipped my fly and pulled my rising hardon from my pants. "Make me hard," I said, and put my cock in her mouth. She began to suck, hyperventalating and choking but not trying to stop. I pressed her head down until my cock touched her throat. She started gagging and I pulled out. "You've got to learn to open your throat Cin. Don't tell me I'm a better cock sucker than you." I stood her up. "Turn around." I faced her to the wall and pressed into her back. "What are you doing?" She was frantic. I unbuckled her pants and pulled her pants and underwear down to just above her knees. She tried to push my hand away put I reached her fur and began roughly caressing her folds. "You're not telling me to stop," I commented as my finger penetrated her vagina. She was wet and she involuntarily pressed against me. A small moan escaped her lips, exposing her. I angled my cock and entered her, thrusting in and out with a purpose. I'd always been the tender lover, waiting for her to be aroused, entering her slowly, waiting for her to cum. Now I took her from behind, more moans revealing that she was now lost in lust. After a moment I slid my cock out and placed it against her anus. We had never done any anal play. I had licked it a few times, in retrospect the beginning of her dominant phase, but never penetrated. I pressed my tip in and felt her sphincter clench. I paused so she could consider what was about to happen. "Oh baby," was all she could say and I pushed into her ass. I felt muscles almost tearing and she started moaning and crying, more pain than pleasure. I reached around and placed my finger on her clitoris, rubbing up and down as I slid further and further into her ass. "Ahhh ..." she said, "It hurts. It hurts." She shuddered as she reached orgasm, her body shaking all over and grunts squeaking from the top of her throat. She began to relax and I rubbed her clitoris some more. With a shocked gasp she came again, this time longer, pushing back into me before finally collapsing forward, her face pressed against the top of the nightclub toilet. I pulled my cock out and turned her around. Her makeup was a mess and she was covered in a thick layer of sweat. As she gasped for breath I put my cock in her mouth. She unconciously tried to suck it but she was gasping for breath. "Saving that for your wedding night?" I teased. She inhaled, giving into the blow job. In our six months of going out I'd never come in her mouth, she didn't like that and I would always finish on her hand. This time I placed my cock at the front of her mouth and let the first burst of semen flood onto her tongue. Then I removed it and spasmed, rubbing my cock on her cheeks and covering her nose and beautiful mouth. She sat on the toilet stool exhausted, breathing hard her face covered in cum. "Thanks Cin," I said. "For everything." I reached down and kissed her and her mouth, surprised, opened welcoming my tongue with hers. I tasted my cum and kissed her on the lips for the last time. I zipped my pants up and left without a word. I drove home, went upstairs, took a shower scrubbing my body and redressed. I called Clarisse. She picked up on three rings sounding not at all sleepy. "11 o'clock. This better be good." "Clarisse," I said. "You said I could call you." It took her a minute. "Hi! How are you?!? Do you want to come over?" "Yes," was all I said. "Okay. But I won't be in full drag." I thought that was funny. Clarisse was actually a bit of a drive but I made good time and parked. She buzzed me in, meeting me at the door in a robe. Underneath the robe I could see her coffee colored skin framed by a white bra. I was holding the paper bag with the whiskey in it. "Hello sexy! Come on in. I'm sorry I didn't have time to clean up. She had a standard apartment, not messy but not seriously clean. A couch like the one at the studio, a TV. Through a door I could see a kitchenette and a bedroom. "I brought some whiskey," I said, taking it out of the bag. "Oh my. Good stuff." She looked at me quesically. "Is that why you're here? Is that what you want?" She paused. "What do you want?" "No. I mean. Just to hang out, if that's okay. I mean ... " My mouth was dry again. "... you're a top." She smiled, understanding. "Yes I am, baby. Let's sit on the couch and just relax." I sat by her realizing I was shaking again. "Your hands are shaking. Do you want a drink?" "No. I'm okay." I paused. "If it's okay could I ... like what we did ...". She knew and she let the robe fall open. She was wearing a bra and panty set, different but still silk panties. I sighed, happy with lust, and moved more confidently this time between her legs. I began to explore her panties with my mouth, the smell of her maleness, letting my tongue drift down to her testicles and around the edge of the panties. "Oh my. Wait a minute baby. Stand up." Confused I stood up. "Take your clothes off. I want to see that body of yours. I striped and stood before her naked. "That's better. Oh you're so sexy." She arched her back and removed her panties, her cock rising to attention. She indicated her groin and raised her eyebrow. "Now let's see if you can make me cum like last time." I went down on my knees and took her penis in my mouth, the taste and the memory of the taste shooting electric bursts into my own groin. Without cloth to press against my cock twitched as I slowly brought my lips and tongue around her, feeling the head press against and open my throat. "Oh wow." She said. "You're a straight boy who just knows how to deep throat." She began to rock her hips, fucking my throat. I would bring the head back into my mouth and press against with my tongue and her had would gently press my head down until my lips were right up against the base of her shaft. I withdrew and began kissing around the edges, letting my lips travel gently to her balls and then under. She slid back on the couch and raised her legs. I spread her ass cheeks and began to tongue closer and closer to her anus. She sighed and I licked her anus, pressing my tongue inside as it opened up. The smell of her ass and sweat was overwhelming. I brought my head back up and put her cock back in my mouth, pressing against it with my tongue. "I'm going to cum," she said, gasping. I looked up at her and our eyes met. She smiled and her eyes half closed. Her hand was on my head but not holding me. I felt her penis twitch but she didn't withdraw. I rubbed against the head with my tongue and felt her semen start to fill my mouth. "Oh baby. I'm coming in your mouth." She continued to twitch and more liquid filled my mouth. Confused for a moment I swallowed her cum. With one last thrust she finished. Her cock came out of my mouth and I pressed my face up against the warmth. The white semen and black skin filling my nose. I could taste her sperm, sweet and sticky, in my mouth and the back of my throat. We sat like that breathing for a moment. "My god that was amazing," she said. "Oh my god." "Thanks. I really wanted to do that again." "No thank you!" She stretched her legs. "You're so hot." I sat back onto her carpet. "Hey," I said, shyly, tentatively. "Should I leave now. I mean ... I don't know ..." She laughed out loud. "What protocol for a blow job is? Honey you can jump up if you want and we'll never say a word or you can stay. What do you want to do?" I had a hunger in my groin. "Actually I was going to ask you ... but then I got carried away and you came which was great but now ... I mean ..." She looked at me. "Come sit on the couch and tell Clarisse what you want." I sat next to her and she cuddled up to me, her breasts touching me through her bra, her masculine strong arm drapped around my shoulder. "I was hoping you'd ... uh ... take my cherry." "You want me to fuck you?" "Yeah. I want that really bad." "Oh wow. Have you been jerking off thinking about it?" I thought about it. "No," I told the truth. "I was in a weird mood until earlier." "But you want it now?" "Yes. Yes I do." The heat in my anus grew. Clarisse then leaned over and stuck her tongue in my mouth. We kissed, her agresively exploring my tongue, her hands rubbing my chest and body but avoiding my hard on. We made out for a while, the strangeness of kissing the shemale feeling very right all of a sudden. Then she sat back. "Have you ever done anything like that before? I mean, anything been up there ..." "No ... uh ..." Clarisse laughed. "Except the ex girlfriends finger." I laughed as well. "And my finger. She ... uh ..." "She wanted to watch you. She's such a dominant. Have you seen her since?" "Yeah," The whole night came into focus. "I bumped into her earlier. With her new boyfriend at one of his shows. They're engaged." "Was that okay?" Clarisse sounded genuinely concerned. "Yeah. I fucked her in the ass in the bathroom while he was on stage." "Oh my god!" Clarisse shrieked. "You kids! I mean, you didn't rape her or anything?" "No. I mean sort of. I was pushy but she didn't tell me to stop. She came a few times." "You switched her!" Clarisse was laughing. She got up and went into the kitchen, emerging quickly with two coffee cups. "That is an incredibly erotic story. Here, you're not driving tonight. Let's drink some of this good stuff." She poured two coffe cups full of whiskey and we drank. "You're so hot baby. You bisexuals have the best sex life if you can keep it together." She looked down at my flagging erection. "And look, you're no longer interested." "I am. I mean I want it." On que my cock started to get hard again. "I'll tell you something baby. One of the perks of being a drag queen is that all the closeted bottom boys come around so I've fucked a lot of virgins. If you're too tight it can really hurt. But ... I have a toy ... !" From the side of the couch she pulled out a dildo. "But if I do this you have to give me another blow job." "I will. Of course." "Well lie sit back on the couch and spread your legs. Did you wash down here?" "Yeah," I said. I lay back and exposed my anus and crotch to her. I spread my legs wide and lay there waiting. She looked at me as she dripped some lubricant from a tube and spread it carefully around the dildo. "Notice this dildo is black. Like my cock." She laughed and I smiled. I smiled. She leaned over her face near mine and I felt the tip against my anus. As it pressed in I started moaning, pleasure shooting up through my stomach. She rocked back and forth and I thrust back at the dildo. "You little slut," she laughed. "You're taking all of if. You know what ... ?" She pulled the dildo out and stood up in front of me. "I think you're ready. Here, get me hard." She straddled my face and put her cock in my mouth. I massaged it with my tongue, letting her thrusts take control. She quickly became erect and stood back in front of me. Her long black legs and hair were set off by her bra. I saw her open a condom and slide it on, smearing lubricant up and down her now covered erect penis. Then she leaned over me and looked in my face. "I'm going to fuck you now," she said. "Thank you," I said, which sounded weird. I felt the tip of her penis pressing into my anus. It was larger than the dildo but pleasure overtook pain as she entered me from the missionairy position. Coming in close she French kissed me as he cock slowly filled my ass and beyond. Through the kisses I moaned uncontrollably sucking on her tongue. An orgasm erupted and I came over and over on her belly. She paused, continued tongue kissing me, and then slowly resumed her thrusting. "You like this?" "Yes." "Then give me that ass baby," She set back and started thrusting for her own pleasure. My anus was sore but my erection quickly returned. I lay there passively as electric shocks traveled up and down from my toes to my belly and she stiffened. "Oh so fast!" She said, impressed and horny. I could tell she was cumming and the thought brought be to another orgasm, so powerful my back arched and the room was filled with hazy stars as waves of pleasure roared from my rear. I dimly noticed her cock slip out and watched her move into the bathroom. After a moment I heard a toilet flush. She came back in. "You almost passed out," she said. "Yeah," I said. "Well you're not driving so let's drink." We stayed up drinking and laughing and we moved to the bed. Too drunk and spent for more sex we kissed and passed out. In the morning we were both hungover and she had to go to work. "What do you do," I asked. I guess I'd always figured she was a professional shemale, whatever that meant. "I'm a hair dresser, of course." She laughed. She kissed me as we were about to leave. I got shy. "Hey. Before we go ..." She looked at me curious and then understood. "Sure baby." She stood looking at me before cradling my head and tenderly kissing me. "I'll come quickly for you." I sank to my knees and she stood over me. I unbuttoned her pants and freed her cock, taking it in my hands. She wasn't hard yet so I began to suck, caressing her balls. As she became erect she played gently with my hair. "On your knees in front of a drag queen. Are you my little submissive boyfriend?" My mouth was filled with her penis and I tasted the soft warmth of the muscles, the sweet smell of her cum. I looked up at her and our eyes met. I let one hand release my hardon from my pants and I pressed into my pleasure, not stroking. I slid her in and out of my mouth, using my tongue to try and draw the pleasure out of her penis. "You know how to suck cock now," Clarisse whispered, seductive and impressed. There was a heat in my rear. I wanted her in my ass again but I knew this wasn't the time. This was for her. She started breathing harder. "I'm going to cum baby," she almost whispered and I felt her begin to twitch. "I'm going to cum on your face." She slid her cock out and looked down at me. "Open your mouth." I opened my mouth wide and she groaned. Cum shot from her cock, hit my cheeks and open mouth. She moved her cock around, covering the other cheek, my forehead, my chin. I felt my own orgasm erupt into my hand. I shuddered and moaned, grasping my penis as the sensation followed to my clenching ass. I remained kneeling as we both rested. After a moment she reached down and brought me to my feet. "Look at you. I came all over your face. Was that hot?" I smiled. "Yeah ... uh ... I came in my hand." She laughed long and loud. "Oh baby you are so sexy. You make me cum so fast!" She took me in her arms and stuck her tongue in my mouth. We made out for a moment and she pushed me away, zipping her pants back up. "Now wash up quick. I don't want to be late for work." After I'd washed my face she was waiting for me by the door. "Do we have to find you a boyfriend now?" I smiled, put my hands on her breasts and kissed her agressively. "No. I mean, I don't think so." "Well come to the club if you get the ... urge. I know a very cute little blond that would love to dress you up and take you from behind. She looks kind of like your ex." Clarisse looked at me, with affection but no lust. "No. You're straight baby." I looked at her slightly confused. "This is about the female domination for you. The girl you were in love with getting you to suck cock. She was a selfish bitch about it and stupid to dump you, but you got some great orgasms out of it." She leaned over and French kissed me, pressing me up against the wall. "And I got some great blow jobs. I got to cum on your face!" I felt myself blush. "You're done with her or you wouldn't have come over here. You're probably a straight top. Which is a shame ..." She smiled at me. We laughed together. "And you took my virginity," I pointed out. I was hard again under my pants. "And I'd turn you around and fuck you in the ass right now. And you'd love it!" She was right. "Except I'd be late for work. Now that you've experienced kink you'll probably be a top anyway. It's a shame as you'd look so hot dressed up for a room full of trannies" We laughed, went downstairs and said goodbye. I went home, packed my gear, canceled my students, left a message with the singer that I was done and left the number of my star pupil. Let the high school kid play Journey in the suburbs. I left a message with the realtor that I was out and they could keep the deposit. I set off with a full tank of gas headed for LA. Made a snap decision and turned the other way, ended up in New York, then London and then Chicago where I made dance records and got a great job in finance. I met a stunning farm girl, introduced her to sex, submissive sex, bisexual sex and then married her. We have three kids. A friend from music, reappearing as a DJ many years later, told me Cindy got into coke and girls but that her marriage eventually lasted. I was sad about the coke, happy for the marriage. Never knew what happened to Clarisse. I imagined her doing drag shows and fucking closeted boys in the ass in bathrooms, getting blow jobs and, I guess, doing hair. She was right, I was never with another man, and spent my life a hetro vanilla sometime top, getting blow jobs from girls in venue bathrooms while their boyfriends looked around the club for them confused, introducing shy girls to the joys of making out with and going down on each other. To the strange alien pleasure of giving rim jobs while on their knees backstage after shows. Making them cum and watching them, flustered from intense orgasms, trying to straighten out and go back to their dates. Recently, however, my wife got curious about strap-ons. But that's another story.