Note: This story was dynamically reformatted for online reading convenience. How to Raise a Baby diapersrfun Codes: inc, ped, diapers Congratulations on your pregnancy. The next nine months will be wonderful as the baby grows in your womb. You may have morning sickness and bizarre food tastes and labor is a bit intense, but you're in cloud nine for most of the time. Once the baby is born, no one has a definitive guide on raising a child--until now. This guide is the ultimate resource for parents. 1. Feeding Children should be breastfed. A mother's lactation will also increase her horniness and she could be wet in two places. Given the optimal conditions, this could lead to another child. However, children should be given equal opportunity. They should have the chance to suck their father's bottle and drink his milk. 2. Diaper changes All diaper changes should involve the tongue and fingers. No wipes. This is to help build the parent-child bond. 3. Bath time Just like diaper changes, bath time is also a great way for parents to bond with their children. Clean every hole. 4. Playtime Activities should include the usual color, animal, number, and letter recognition, but incorporate romper room-style playtime such as "horsey" and "peek-a-boo." As the baby grows up, playtime should not be based on cultural norms. Let boys wear dresses, play with dolls and play with makeup. Let girls play with trucks and cars and sports. 6. Bed time Children should always be tucked into bed by a loving parent. 7. Potty training Potty training should always be done on the child's time, not society's (around 3). Children should have control over their bladder and bowels. If a child is to be potty trained, bribe him or her with money, candy or toys to have accidents or wet the bed. These reinforce the parent-child bond. 8. Growing up As the child grows up, he or she will learn about the world and ask you lots of questions. He or she may inquire about siblings. Always oblige the child and give him or her as many siblings as he or she desires. The child may discover his or her body and begin to explore it, especially around 10, when puberty hits. It's the parents' responsibility to teach proper sex education. Mothers should teach their sons and fathers should teach their daughters sex education. If you follow these guidelines, you will have a happy family.