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 Erotic Memoir

   This is a work of erotic entertainment.  It is intended for
entertainment purposes only.  Reader discretion is advised.  It may contain
depictions of non-consensual sex (i.e.  rape) and racial slurs which some
readers may find offensive.  This material is for mature audiences and is
not intended to be read by minors or by anyone who might be unduly
influenced by its contents, or where community standards prohibit this type
of content.

   While readers may freely re-distribute this material on the Internet,
with proper attribution, the author retains all publishing and reproduction
rights.

   Evan Williams: classicrider14@excite.com

   ******************************************************

   Sneaking Peeks At Adult Cartoons

   I always enjoyed sneaking a peek at my father's erotic cartoons when I
was a child.  They called them "adult cartoons." I was mystified that
adults actually had their own cartoons.  I wondered how their cartoons were
any different from the cartoons me and my buddies read.  It wasn't until we
stole some of them, and looked inside, that we learned the great value of
"adult cartoons."

     As white kids in suburban schools we enjoyed the naughty pleasures of
gathering around a pile of stolen copies of erotic cartoon books.  Often
these cartoons had images of men raping women, which was erotic enough for
me and my buddies.

     One day, however, we came across a cartoon that featured a group of
white men gang-raping a big and buxom black woman.  Her big black nigger
titties were flying everywhere and her pussy flowed with semen from the men
who had raped her. 

     The drawing made us all so horny we spontaneously broke into group
masturbation.  This is something we had never done before and there were
very few times that we ever did it again.  There was something about those
pictures that just overwhelmed us.

   I remember wanting to see more black ghetto sluts taking white cocks in
their pussies, mouths and ass.  There was something arousing about the idea
that we, as teenagers, could be fucking grown black women.  We could take
away any dignity they pretended to have, and reduce them to what they
really were -- what they were born to be: black sluts and cum buckets for
horny white teenage cocks.  The throbbing hard manhood, standing perfectly
erect between our legs, just loved the idea. 

     We were normal, healthy teenage boys who just needed to get off
without getting involved in complicated relationships.  We were aroused by
the idea of taking grown black women and fucking their pussies as much as
we wanted -- then returning their used vagina, dripping with white teenage
cum, to their black boyfriends and husbands.

     Secretly, I harbored thoughts that extended this fantasy to black men
and boys.  Whenever I saw a cocky black boy I wanted to take him down a few
pegs by stripping him naked and having him crawl at my feet.  I would spit
in his face while he was sucking my cock.  Then I would piss on him.  I
envisioned streams of my piss splashing off his thick, dark lips.

   I often masturbated to these mental images.  I was driven to wild fits
of horniness when I actually found images, in an erotic cartoon, that were
similar to this fantasy.  They showed a black woman's face that was
completely covered in a white man's cum.  It was a hot image.

   Fantasies of Involuntary Sex

     The fantasy of forcing another person to comply to sexual aggression
is far more powerful and arousing than having them eagerly and willingly
comply because it heightens the sense of sexual tension.  A white man
pushes down on a black servant boy's head, until the boy's face is in the
man's pubes.  This tension is part of the power of sexual conquest.  As
teenagers we thought we were entitled to fuck tropical dark-skinned bodies
as much and as often as we wanted.  We thought we should rule the world.

     I was aroused the first time I saw cartoon images of white men using
black men as their fuck tools.  I didn't understand all of the images I
saw. At that age, I frequently confused the act of fellatio with using the
black man's mouth as a urinal, but that was good enough for me.

   I got off on it. 

     I loved seeing a black man on his knees, taking a white man's "urine"
in his mouth.  I imagined doing the same to the black boys who attended our
school, one of whom was my best buddy.  I wanted to see him go down on his
ashy knees, and take my white cock in his mouth while I pissed down his
throat.  At night I beat off to these manly types of fantasies.

   The Bathhouses In Soho

     Of course, I knew about the bath houses in the Soho section of the
city.  We had heard lots or rumors about them ever since we were kids. 
Those rumors made our imaginations run wild with erotic excitement.  We
heard about how black boys, our own age, hung out at the bath houses in
order to make extra cash.  That's how they got all the money they had for
fresh hair cuts, gold chains and expensive sneakers.  Black boys were
rocking new clothes that always seemed to match -- but they paid a price
for those clothes, on the "down-low."

     White men from the suburbs rented private rooms in those bath houses.
They were like cheap motel rooms.  They fucked those black teenage boys.

   The method the white men used was one where they gradually reeled the
black boy in.  They started out by offering to pay the boy a little bit of
cash, just have the boy lift his shirt and show them his teenage cock. 
Then they offered a little more, to watch him jack off.  Then they offered
more if the straight black boy would let them suck on his big, black cock.
They always complemented the boy on his size, flattering him and making him
feel comfortable and trusting.  Finally they went in for the kill.  What
these white men were really after was to see a black teenager's thick lips
wrapped around their hard white cock, and eventually, to fuck the nigger's
ass.

   It was a great plan, and nearly always worked.  When they were alone in
the bath house room the white man grabbed the black boy's nappy head and
pressed the boy's face in the man's crotch.  The boy knew that he had to
suck the older man off if he wanted to get paid.  He got even more money
when he let a older man flip him on his stomach and fuck him in his smooth,
tight, black ass.

   I remember riding on a bus one afternoon, through Soho, and the bus
passed one of the bath houses that was notorious for this practice.  I saw
one of my black classmates standing there, outside the bath house, waiting
for someone to take him in.  He was one of the biggest ladies' men in our
school -- always dressed to the nines and hyper-macho.  You'd always find
him either working out in the gym or flirting with the girls.  He was proud
of his lean, muscular body.  He was proud that all the young girls were
chasing after him.

   When I saw him that afternoon in Soho I finally realized how he earned
all the money that he threw away on colorful new clothing almost every
month.  A big, hairy, middle-aged white man came up from behind, clasped
the black boy's ass and ushered him through the door into the bath house.
As the teenager was being ushered in he looked around, frantically, hoping
he wasn't seen.  He gave the wealthy, overweight white man an annoyed
glance as they both disappeared through the doorway with the white man's
hand still on the boy's ass.  The man was about to own that black boy for
the rest of that afternoon.

   The next day at school I razzed him about it mercilessly.  I told him I
saw him with that old, fat, hairy guy who must have shot his sticky wad of
cum up his nigger ass.  This really rattled him.  He wasn't his usual cocky
self for the rest of the day, and he wasn't too happy about being reminded
about his private business ventures in public. 

     Absence of Strong and Stable Male Role Models

     Sadly, many black boys were abandoned by their fathers at an early
age. Many didn't even know who their father was.  They had to fend for
themselves on the streets and create their own ideas about masculinity and
manhood.  They didn't have a steady male role model in their home, which
made them even more insecure.  They wanted to be men, but they didn't know
how to go about it, and they didn't understand how real men really
cooperate and relate to each other.  Instead they imitated caricatures of
manhood they saw on TV or heard about in rap music.

   They acted out their manhood in exaggerated ways, including exaggerated
homophobia, and engaging in lots of verbal and physical abuse.  Although
they were easily aroused as their bodies came into contact with other young
men, their own age -- through wrestling or basketball -- they were afraid
to show it.  More than most young men, black boys were always very
sensitive about protecting their "manhood," but they went about it in the
wrong way.

     Still, these black boys didn't have any money.  Low on cash and
searching for the close and steady male relationships that had eluded them
all their young lives, they took a hairy white cock up their ass every
weekend and called the fat white man, who stuffed their ass with his cock,
"daddy." A white man, who was fucking one of these boys, told me he always
enjoyed asking the boy about the boy's mama and his daddy, and his brothers
and sisters while he was fucking him.  He said he didn't know why, but it
made him extra horny knowing that he was fucking somebody's brother or
their son.  It felt more like a conquest that way.

     Although black boys allowed this to happen to them in private they
never gave up their cocky attitude in public.  They never let on that they
were insecure about their masculinity.  They never lost their "swag." They
sagged their pants, exposing their ass and tempted any white man who came
along and wanted a piece of it.

   Black Teenagers Worship Money

     When black boys rented themselves out it was usually not because they
were in dire need of money.  Many black boys couldn't distinguish between
what they wanted and what they actually needed.  They wanted Timberland
brand boots and $100 sneakers.  They wanted video games and a "fresh"
haircut.  They wanted to be able to wave a wad of "Benjamins" in young
girls faces.  This is what they wanted; and white men helped them to get
these things -- at a price.

     Black teenage males worship money.  They will live and die for it. 
They wear clothing with images of dollar signs.  Their rap songs are
obsessed with getting money.  Their desire for money is greater than their
fear of homosexuality.  As long as black boys are willing to do anything in
the world for a little extra cash, why should anyone else worry about it?
What business is it of ours to try to stop them?

   Entertaining Fetishes

     Some of the white guys who went to bath houses had fetishes.  They
liked to tie those black boys up and fuck them in the ass.  It was fitting,
since the black boys were usually straight.  Tying them up added to the
feeling that this was something they were forced into doing.  It added to
the feeling of conquest. 

     A straight black boy only gets fucked in the ass for three reasons:
(1) because he is in prison; (2) because he's trying to join a fraternity
or a gang; and (3) because he is trying to make extra money.  In other
words, surprising as it might seem, getting fucked in the ass is a common
rite of passage for young black males.

     I knew guys who always bragged about going into "the city" to take
advantage of this and get a piece of straight black boy ass.  They did this
every weekend.  They got to know inner city black boys very, very well; and
those black boys got to know white cock on an intimate basis, even though
they didn't want to admit it.

     Carried away by the moment, and suddenly realizing their advantage
over the black boy in front of them, the white patron roughed the teenager
up.  The patron slapped the boy's face with his thick, white cock and threw
the boy down on the bed, pinning the boy's arms to the mattress.  Anyone
outside of the room could hear what came next.  There were grunts and the
groans, and squeaking bed frames, as the straight black teen got his ass
busted.

   Although it embarrassed them, straight black boys couldn't understand
why they became aroused by these rough man-on-man sessions.  Tough,
humiliating sex always gets black boys hot, even when they are the ones
being insulted and humiliated.

   Naked Black Bodies

     Schools in the inner-city ghetto are hurting for money.  They have
lean, muscular black teenagers on their sports teams, and this generates
lots of local interest and curiosity.  The white coaches are the brains;
the black players are the brawn.  Together, this is a winning combination.

     School officials market black athletes the same way people marketed
slaves more than 100 years ago.  We love to pay to see black flesh battling
it out on the basketball court or the football field.

     I think people have always loved the thought of owning sinewy naked
black teenage bodies.  Even straight slave owners loved to see their black
bucks fuck black slave women for breeding. Many of my straight friends
watch porn that features niggers because they love to see naked black
bodies tangled up in a ball of sex. 

     I think most black males know this, and they thrive off of it. They
love to be admired for their bodies.

     They may not want to admit it, but they love getting attention from
white men and they somewhat resent it, or feel threatened, when that
attention comes from other black men. Black males are peculiar that way;
they really don't like each other.  They are sorta like dogs.  You have to
reign them in, when they are around each other, to keep them from fighting.
You have to control them or they will tear each other apart.  They are very
competitive among themselves.  They have to have a white man, standing
between them, to keep them from killing each other.  They compete with one
another to win our attention and approval.

   Straight Boys Get Aroused Nonetheless

     I have always found it very erotic to fantasize about straight boys
being forced to participate in gay sex -- especially when the role they
play is that of the dominant partner, such as being forced to receive a
blow job or being forced to grind on top of another male's firm, warm body
and finding, in spite of themselves, that they enjoy the feeling of a wet,
warm mouth wrapped around their hard, throbbing cock, or having a firm male
body lying under them.

   They think, because they are straight, they shouldn't become aroused
when they have a hot, wet mouth on their cock, or when they are grinding
their cock between another boy's thighs. They are surprised when they get
aroused by these taboo pleasures it totally fucks with their minds and
throws them into confusion.  They don't know how to deal with it.  It gets
them very frustrated and angry.  Then they want to fight or damage
someone's property.

   Erotic Humiliation

     Some of the drawings in the adult cartoon books were simply humorous,
but even this humor had an erotic edge to it -- especially if the humor
involved insulting and humiliating naked black boys. 

     Likewise, there, as I mentioned before, there was something powerfully
erotic about watching a black buddy from school crawling on the floor at
your feet -- even when he is just goofing around.  The image of a black
classmate on all fours at my feet, without fail, made my teenage cock hard.
Power over another male is always sexually arousing, especially for a
teenager.

     It was erotic and hilarious at the same time to see a black male who
was naked and helpless in the comic books or on the internet.  Take those
images, we have all seen on the internet, of black men who were locked in
stockades during their prison sentence, back in the old days.  Like anyone
else, I found those images cruel and disturbing, but I also jacked off to
them for weeks after I first saw them.

   Imagine how erotic it must also have been for the prison guards to have
a black boy bound, with torn clothes, nearly naked, and completely at the
guards' mercy.  Imagine what they made those black boys do to each other
when nobody else was looking.

   Straight Black Boys and Prison

     From what I understand, at least 25% of black males have spent some
time in prison.  When black boys give their overly-exaggerated denials that
they have experienced any type of homosexuality you really have to take it
with a grain of salt.  40% of inmates are black and they are only 11% of
the US population.  There must be a whole lot of man-on-man fucking going
down in the black community, even though they are reluctant to talk about
it. 

     They brag about all the women they conquer, but they keep all of their
male-on-male sexual "experiments", they have in prison and in the
backstreets and alleyways of the "hood," hushed-up and on the "down-low."
The frequency of male-to-male sex in the black community is their best kept
secret.

     Pussy Power

   These days it is white women who hold most of the power in Western
society.  Men, black or white, have become emasculated; it is the women who
wear the pants in the household.  Black men have become emasculated because
welfare checks mean that their women don't need their nigger asses around
the house anymore; in fact, having them around has become a liability for
black women.  White men have been emasculated due to rising unemployment in
traditionally male industries such as lumber and manufacturing.  It is now
the women who bring home the money.

   Not surprisingly, men have developed dominatrix fantasies that reflect
these changes.  They get down on their knees and worship their women's
leather boots.  They allow women to make them beg if they want to get any
pussy.  The women use handcuffs, whips, and chains to act out their
fetishes with these men.

   Female jobs -- such as nursing and clerical work -- resist economic
downturns and de-industrialization.  So long as women are the ones bringing
home the paycheck they will be the ones calling the shots in the household.

   Black male hyper-masculinity is a futile attempt, on the part of black
boys, to conceal this reality.  Black males are especially expendable
because many of them lack job training and the social skills to hold a job
once they are trained for it.  Even if they have training and skills they
are still seen as intimidating -- just by being male -- so, most employers
won't hire them.  Therefore, they lurk in the streets, sporting do-rags on
their heads and gold ear rings.  They look every bit like modern day
pirates; and so, they are.

   They are outside of the legitimate economy, so they participate in the
outlaw economy.  They hustle, rob, and steal -- anything they can do to get
extra cash.  Shamefully, they have replaced many white men as being symbols
of masculinity.  White women are attracted to them because, with the new
pussy power of white women, they want to show their "independence" by
replacing white males with a black stud, whom they can totally manipulate
and control.  Black men, meanwhile, are attracted to white women because
white women are the epitome of feminine beauty, and "owning" a white woman
makes a black man feel as though he has finally "arrived."

   White women treat black men as prized possessions -- trophies of
masculinity.  Black men treat white women as trophies of feminine virtues.
They both want to taste the forbidden fruit and own a piece of gendered
property to show off to their friends and highlight their "liberation" from
white men.

   Meanwhile, society, as a whole, has become emasculated and is dominated
by the pussy power of women.  Work sites have been made much more favorable
for women than for men.  Men no longer have control over public space -- it
has all been ceded to working women.  There is no place for a man to smoke
a cigar, openly drink beer, change the oil of his car, and walk around
wearing a "wife beater." Women have "cleaned up" public spaces.  The guys
have had to retreat to discrete "man caves" in order to be men again --
removed from the sight of the general public.

   The Sensuality of Black People 

     It's almost impossible to think about black people without thinking
about sex.  It's almost impossible to think about them without thinking
about stripping them naked and fucking them. They have such big lips and
big mouths, they almost cry out for a good face fucking.  You just want to
grab a black boy's head, force him to his knees, and fuck his black skull
until you cum all over his face.

     With their firm asses and big black cocks, it's almost as if they were
forcing us to rape them when they were slaves.

     One of the most persistent rumors we used to hear about black people
was about how they carry on in the ghetto at night.  We knew they were
over-sexed.  Their men have big cocks and their women have big tits; both
men and women have big, round asses.  We knew they all lived in cramped
quarters in the ghetto, and rarely took a bath.  Their ghetto body jungle
odors must have filled apartment buildings with natural nigger sex smells.
Who could fight such temptations? Even as little children they must have
heard people fucking behind the thin walls of their apartment building.

     Since niggers have few sexual inhibitions between them, they must have
been wearing out those ghetto mattresses night and day.  Erotic cartoons
often captured the jungle passions of niggers in the ghetto.  We enjoyed
cartoon images of unrestrained and uninhibited black sexuality -- and
wished that we could live like niggers every once in awhile too.

     There are very few sexual boundaries and inhibitions for a nigger. 
This is another reason why they are always grabbing their crotch in public
and sagging their pants to expose their ass.  They are obsessed with
sexuality, therefore, they don't even know the boundaries of what is proper
and what is improper when they appear in public.

     But I have to suspect that it is in those dark, sweaty, ghetto
apartments that they really let loose and there are no holds barred.  It is
in the blackness of the ghetto that men fuck each other's women, and men
fuck boys and boys suck each other off -- all in one, big black orgy.  It
is never actually planned -- they are just natural about it in that way. 
Like I said, I often wish that I had grown up as a nigger in the ghetto so
I could get laid all the time.

   Black People Getting Fucked; Clothes Torn to Rags

   I've always loved seeing black people getting fucked with their clothes
torn to rags.  I guess it goes back to the slavery thing, when the master
ripped the clothes off of nigger slaves and fucked them to their hearts'
content.  Torn clothing is a sign of sexual conquest and domination.  It
also reminds me of raw, beastly power and uninhibited sex -- just like
those niggers display in the ghetto -- where their passions take over. 

     When you get the chance to rip the clothes off of a nigger's body and
rape his mouth and his ass, your deepest, darkest urges are likely to come
to the surface and take over. 

     A black man, whose clothes are torn to rags while he is being raped by
a white man, is about the sexiest image I can imagine.  The black man is
forced to surrender his body.  A white man can rape a nigger so hard, using
his ass as a pussy, that even the black man becomes so aroused that he cums
and spews his jizim all over himself.  A white man can make a black man a
nigger pussy.

   Conquering His Mind as Well as His Body

     When a white man rapes an nigger's ass he not only conquers that
nigger's body; he conquers that nigger's mind.

     Power is one of the strongest aphrodisiacs, and sex is one of the most
powerful means of mind control.  While images of white supremacy,
especially involving the symbolism of the Nazis and the Klan, may be
disturbing there is also something deeply erotic about the sexual fantasies
that have been built up around them, when they involve the sexual conquest
of black men and women.  These are images of power and domination.  In a
man's world -- having absolute power over another man or woman is a sexual
turn-on.  Wearing Klan robes is like wearing leather.

     I saw a cartoon image of a naked black man, chained to an alter and
facing a burning swastika while he was being raped from behind by a
Klansman.  While I found the image deeply disturbing, I was aroused by the
visual of the Klansman raping the black while the black man pissed on
himself.

   I could imagine that the burning swastika is being branded into the
black man's mind while he took a hairy white cock up his ass.  All of this
drives home his position of being dominated and owned by the purity of
white manhood.  The Klansman, then, became a symbol of a pure, white knight
who subdued the unruly darkie -- who might otherwise be out in the streets,
raping women.

     The best part of the image, however, was the idea of mind-control. 
The black man was forced to stare at the burning swastika while his nigger
ass was being raped.  This is something he will always remember.  By
getting fucked in the ass he paid homage to white power.  He can never
fully think of himself as being a "man" again, at least so long as a white
man is in the room with him.  Also, after having a white man's cum dripping
out of his ass, you can be sure that he will forever harbor secret desires
for all of his white buddies.  Things will never be the same for him.  This
is especially true when a black man swallows a white man's cum.

     True "manhood" is redefined as the purity of whiteness.  It is good
for a black man to experience this purity and beauty; the purity of a firm
white cock shoved up his nigger ass, fucking him until he gives the white
knight conqueror his orgasm.

     Actual acts of violence, however, are always wrong.  When racial
images are drawn simply out of hate, or to promote it, they must be
rejected in the strongest terms.  But the black man knows, as well as
anyone else, that he himself admires the heroic and Aryan features of the
Nordic gods who dominate his life.  He can't turn away from the beauty of a
white teenager's face.  He knows a white hero when he sees one.  In some of
the cartoon images the nigger was forced to stare a heroic Nordic hero in
the face, while the handsome, young white man's cock is shoved up his black
ass.  The black man knows he is being fucked by his hero; no wonder it
induces him to orgasm.

     The heroic white knight knew that the best way to break a black man of
his nigger pride was to fuck him in the ass until he longed for the purity
of white flesh and screamed, in his mind, to have more "white power" inside
of him, whether through his mouth or his ass.  The Nordic hero not only
shoved his white cock in the nigger's ass; he also shoved his cock in the
nigger's mind.

   My First Erotic Images of Black Subordination

     Like many white teenage boys, and black ones too -- I'd imagine -- I
first came to my erotic images of black subordination to white manhood in
comic books for children.  This is where one sees a hero -- like Tarzan or
The Phantom -- subdue a whole jungle full of unruly and restless black
natives.

     Black native women in those movies, and in the comics, with their
jungle tits exposed, would fall in love with the white hero, while black
men dutifully followed him anywhere.  I remember how my 13-year-old pecker
got rock hard every time I read a comic book where I could imagine Tarzan
fucking all of the black natives' pussies, right in front of their men.

     The white hero had those black men completely under his control.  This
became my prototype for how I should relate to my black friends, and how
they should relate to me.  I should always be one step ahead of them, and
they should follow me.

     The white hero was my prototype: One confident white man can control a
whole ghetto full of niggers.

   Relationships With Black Men 

     I know how much black males crave white flesh. This very thought
always aroused me.  Every time I saw a black man subdued by a white hero it
got me incredibly horny.  I associated physical domination with sexual
conquest.  If I could dominate my black friends in a wrestling match, then
I could dominate them in bed.  It was as simple as that. 

     Here's a secret every young white male needs to know: black boys are
secretly aroused by fantasies of subordination to young white males, with
their smooth skin, and also hairy, older white males, who have power and
can bend those niggers to do his will.  Black boys want to live out these
fantasies as much as we do.

   That was the only way this whole thing became possible.  Black boys saw
the same images we saw, and they wanted to act them out in the privacy of
the locker room or in our bedrooms, when our parents were away.  I was
amazed how eager they were to do this.  They wanted it as much as I did. 
They wanted me to rape them.  They needed this.  They made me feel like I
was doing them a favor by treating them like a restless savage or a slave.
They wanted my white teenage cock to civilize them.

   The first time I got up the nerve to call a black boy a "nigger" to his
face it broke down all kinds of barriers between us.  We became best
friends after that.  He said it made him feel closer to me than he ever
felt to any white boy before.  We enjoyed vigorous and passionate sex from
that day on; with me "forcing" him to take my white cock and him "trying"
to resist me.

     Black boys know they get off on being verbally or physically dominated
by a white man.  Ever notice the bulge in the black athlete's trousers, if
he isn't wearing a protective cup, when the white coach yells at him? 

     Black males crave white flesh.  The safest place for them to express
this desire is through their real or imagined obsession with white women,
but don't kid yourself -- the attraction is at least as strong to be
dominated by a young white man as it is to have a white girl hanging on his
arm. 

     In fact, the most effective white girls in those kinds of
"relationships" are the ones who establish ownership over their black boy.
White girls know that they own their boys.  They collect black boys and
treat them as their private property.  And black boys know they are owned
by white girls.  Only the gay community is still behind the times on all of
this.

     But things are changing.  White males are increasingly becoming bold
and assertive enough to own black bodies again, and black males are freeing
themselves to accept their desire to be owned.

     The whole thing was foreshadowed by the images in the pages of adult
cartoons, which used to make my little pecker hard when I first saw them
years ago.

   ******************

   You may also be interested in my blog at
http://whiteman.xitti.com/blogs/post/54