Archive name: Hairy Peeter and the Philosopher's bone - Chapter 5.txt Authors name: SensualKink (firstname.lastname@example.org) Story Title: HP 1 - Ch 5 ------------------------------------------------------------ This is a work of parody. There is no intention to infringe on any copyright owners. Please don't remove the author information or make any changes to this story. You may post freely to non-commercial "free" sites, or in the "free" area of commercial sites. Thank you for your consideration. ------------------------------------------------------------ Hairy Peeter and the Philosopher's Bone - Chapter 5 (ped, inc, cons, size, cum eating) By SensualKink (email@example.com) Chapter Five - Digonad Alley Hairy woke early the next morning hugging Hogrod’s giant penis like a pillow, nestled amongst the fluffy cushion of his pubic hair. Although he could tell it was daylight, he kept his eyes shut tight so he could enjoy the feeling of the enormous tube of cock meat pressed against the length of his body. "It was a wet dream, he told himself firmly. I dreamed a giant called Hogrod came to tell me I was going to a school for jizzards. When I open my eyes I'll be at home in my cupboard hugging my pillow." There was suddenly a loud tapping noise. And there's Aunt Peetuna knocking on the door, Hairy thought, his heart sinking. But he still didn't open his eyes. It had been such a good dream. He wasn’t ready for her to sit on his chest and squirt hot piss in his mouth yet. Tap. Tap. Tap. "All right," Hairy mumbled, "I'm getting up." He sat up and Hogrod's heavy coat fell off him. He was naked, nestled between the giant’s hairy legs, with his long, fat cock pressed the length of his body. His own stiff cock was poking between the giant’s huge balls, nestled amongst the soft pubics there. The hut was full of sunlight, the storm was over, Hogrod himself was asleep leaning against the collapsed sofa, and there was an owl with huge, human vulva rapping its claw on the window, a porn mag held in its beak. Hairy scrambled to his feet, huge boner standing out straight before him, so happy he felt as though a large cock was swelling inside his ass, getting ready to scorch his young rectum with hot cum. He went straight to the window and jerked it open as he jerked his stiff penis. The owl swooped in and dropped the porn mag on top of Hogrod, who didn't wake up. The owl then fluttered onto the floor and began to attack Hogrod's balls. "Don't do that." Hairy was mortified at the idea of the bird harming such big, beautiful testicals. Hairy tried to wave the owl out of the way, but it snapped its beak fiercely at him and carried on savaging Hogrod’s enormous balls. "Hogrod!" said Hairy loudly. "There's an owl…” "Fuck her," Hogrod grunted into the sofa. "What?" "She wants payin' fer deliverin' the porno. There’s lube in the pockets." Hogrod's coat seemed to be made of nothing but pockets -- bunches of keys, slug pellets, a string of anal beads, peppermint lollipops in the shape of cocks, a manual on teabagging... finally, Hairy pulled out a tube of strange-looking liquid. "Give her a good fucking," said Hogrod sleepily. "Seriously?" Hairy asked, picking up the owl and admitting to himself that the pink, wet vulva did look very inviting. But the size of his own penis seemed impossible in comparison. "The bitch wants it. Fuck away." Hairy carefully lined up his throbbing cock with the owl’s dripping vulva. The owl held out her leg so Hairy could slip his cock inside. To his amazement, his foot-long cock easily disappeared inside the bird, even though it was longer than the owl’s whole body. He was so excited by another occurrence of magic and the chance to quell his usual morning horniness, that it only took him a few strokes in the tight, steaming owl pussy before he was cumming. Hairy let go of the owl so as not to hurt it as a massive orgasm ripped through his little body. The owl’s huge eyes were riveted to his as it flapped its wings and rode up and down on his huge cock. Then his meat stick lurched and a torrent of hot, thick sperm erupted inside the animal. The bird was literally blown off his cock, leaving his prick to jump and spew thick gouts of ball cream all over Hogrod’s gigantic genitals. The bird flew out the window, trailing Hairy’s hot cum. Hogrod yawned loudly, sat up, and stretched. He looked down at the hot, semen icing Hairy had gifted him with and smiled. He wiped it up with a huge finger and slurped it eagerly. "Best be jerking me off, Hairy, lots ter do today, gotta get up ter Longdong an' buy all yer stuff fer school." Hairy gladly lay down and embraced Hogrod’s huge penis, thrilling as it quickly filled with blood and lifted Hairy upright. He bounced happily up and down, loving the feeling of sitting on Hogrod’s huge, soft scrotum. He desperately wished he could ride it up his ass. As he bounced up and down, using his whole body to jerk off the giant cock and grinding his own cock and balls into Hogrod’s soft, hairy scrotum, he thought of something that made him feel as though the happy ballooning penis inside him had suddenly begun to soften. "Um -- Hogrod?" "Mm?" said Hogrod, who was pulling on his huge nipples and watching Hairy’s naked body with intense interest. "I haven't got any money -- and you heard Uncle Vermon last night ... he won't pay for me to go and learn magic." "Don't worry about that," said Hogrod, standing up and scratching his balls. He held Hairy gently from underneath, using his clinging body to jerk himself off. "D'yeh think yer parents didn't leave yeh anything?" "But if their house was destroyed --" said Hairy, then a huge dollop of precum oozed out of Hogrod’s enormous, pulsing head and splatted on his face. "They didn' keep their gold in the house, slut! Nah, first stop fer us is Groinglutts. Jizzards' bank. Have a sausage,” he said, extracting one that was tangled in his scrotum hair and feeding it to Hairy as he slid back and forth over Hogrod’s smooth, veiny length. “They're not bad cold -- an' I wouldn' say no teh a bit o' yer birthday cake, neither." "Jizzards have banks?" Hairy asked, loving the taste of cold sausage and salty precum. "Just the one. Groinglutts. Run by goblins." Hogrod’s huge penis began to throb and Hairy knew he was about to get a real breakfast of champions. Hairy dropped the bit of sausage he was holding and clung to the enormous penis, wrapping his arms and legs around it tightly. A steady stream of piping hot pre-cum oozed from Hogrod’s huge piss hole and covered Hairy’s whole head in cock honey. "Goblins?" "Yeah -- so yeh'd be mad ter try an' rob it, I'll tell yeh that. Never mess with goblins, Hairy. Groinglutts is the safest place in the world fer anything yeh want ter keep safe -- 'cept maybe Hogfarts. As a matter o' fact, I gotta visit Groinglutts anyway. Fer Dribbledong. Hogfarts business." Hogrod drew himself up proudly, now cradling Hairy with both hands, sliding the little boy back and forth on his lurching cock. "He usually gets me ter do important stuff fer him. Fetchin' you, gettin' things from Groinglutts -- knows he can trust me, see.” Hairy cried out in surprise and hung on tightly as Hogrod’s huge cock jumped. Hogrod reached down and fondled his balls, using his other hand to slide Hairy up so his face was right beneath his gaping piss hole. “Have some breakfast, Hairy,” he grunted. Then Hairy was in sperm heaven. Huge torrents of thick white testical milk began leaping from Hogrod’s urethra. It arced across the room and splattered loudly on the floor, blasting Hairy in the face on its way and plastering his unruly hair to his little head. The gallons of dribblings and oozing fell heavily onto Hairy’s face and he opened his mouth, almost laughing at the idea of eating so much. His mouth was instantly filled with steaming hot goo and it coated his head so thickly that he couldn’t hear anymore. It seemed like an eternity later that, the fresh waterfall of hot cream ceased. Hairy sputtered and swallowed mouthful after mouthful, a thrill running through him at how good and hot and thick and creamy and slimy it was. Hogrod reached down and flicked goo from Hairy’s eyes. Hairy’s heart raced with lust and excitement as he looked up through a sticky mass to see the pink, puckered skin of Hogrod’s huge piss hole above him. It was still pulsing and oozing pearlescent semen. Hairy opened his maw again and was rewarded with hot, tasty globs of sperm. Caught up in the excitement, Hairy bent his head upward and French kissed Hogrod’s piss hole, running his tongue all over the silky insides of the giant’s urethra. Hogrod grunted several times, his cock throbbing gently and spilling quarts more of milky, steaming cream onto Hairy’s face and eager tongue. Hogrod’s cock finally ceased moving and he held Hairy tenderly, stroking his naked boy’s body up and down his mighty rod. Then he knelt down and gently lowered Hairy to the floor, sliding his sticky penis back and forth over his still-clinging body. “I wish I could fuck ye, Hairy,” he mumbled, and Hairy’s heart hammered with excitement every time Hogrod’s huge balls bumped his ass. Then, he jumped up, slung the last few pints of goo all over Hairy’s naked, spreadeagle form and began to gather his things. "That enough cum to satisfy ye? Come on, then." Hairy followed Hogrod out onto the rock, wiping up huge gobbets of thick sperm from his head and body, slurping them with relish. The sky was quite clear now and the sea gleamed in the sunlight. The boat Uncle Vermon had hired was still there, with a lot of water in the bottom after the storm. "How did you get here?" Hairy asked, looking around for another boat. "Flew," said Hogrod. "Flew?" "Yeah -- but we'll go back in this. Not s'pposed ter use magic now I've got yeh." They settled down in the boat, Hairy curled up between Hogrod’s hairy thighs. He hugged Hogrod’s huge cock and nestled into his huge balls contentedly, loving how his whole world smelled like spent cock and sperm at that moment. Hairy stared up at Hogrod, trying to imagine what it would be like to take such a huge penis up his tight pre-teen asshole. "Seems a shame ter row, though," said Hogrod, giving Hairy another of his lusty looks. "If I was ter -- er -- speed things up a bit, my hands would be free to wash you off with hot piss. Would yeh mind not mentionin' it at Hogfarts?" "Of course not," said Hairy, eager to see more fluids emerge from the tender piss hole he was currently kissing and licking. Hogrod pulled out the pink dildo again, tapped it twice on the side of the boat, and they sped off toward land. Then Hogrod handed the dildo to Hairy and stood up making the boat rock precariously. “’Ere, shove that up yer ass and I’ll piss on ye.” Hairy gladly lay in the bottom of the boat with his knees spread and raised. He glowed with warmth as Hogrod’s dark eyes glittered with excitement, watching Hairy work the huge dildo into his tight anus. "Why would you be mad to try and rob Groinglutts?" Hairy asked, as Hogrod bit his lip and aimed his huge, flopping penis downward. Hairy sighed with pleasure as a powerful stream of hot piss as big around as his leg exploded from that puckered hole and splashed into his chest. "Spells -- enchantments," said Hogrod, allowing his heavy cock to hang free, showering Hairy with piping hot pee. He unfolded his porn mag as he emptied his bladder. "They say there's nymphomaniac dragons guardin' the high security vaults. And then yeh gotta find yer way -- Groinglutts is hundreds of miles under Longdong, see. Deep under the Underground. Yeh'd die of hunger tryin' ter get out, even if yeh did manage ter get yer hands on summat." Hairy lay and thought about this while Hogrod read his porn – the Daily Prophylactic - and deposited a waterfall of piss on Hairy. Hairy had learned from Uncle Vermon that people liked to be left alone while they did this, but it was very difficult, he'd never had so many questions in his life. "Ministry o' Magic messin' things up as usual," Hogrod muttered, turning the page as Hairy managed to get his open mouth into the powerful stream. "There's a Ministry of Magic?" Hairy asked, after swallowing a huge mouthful of hot piss. "'Course," said Hogrod. "They wanted Dribbledong fer Minister, o’course, but he'd never leave Hogfarts, so old Cornholius Fudge got the job. Bungler if ever there was one. So he pesters Dribbledong with owls every morning, askin' fer advice." "But what does a Ministry of Magic do?" Hairy gurgled, fighting to keep his face in the cleansing flow and catch mouthfuls without the powerful stream gagging him. "Well, their main job is to keep it from the Muffles that there's still bitches an' jizzards up an' down the country." "Why?" "Why? Blimey, Hairy, everyone'd be wantin' magic enhancements to their naughty bits. Nah, we're best left alone." At this moment the boat bumped gently into the harbor wall. Hogrod folded up his newspaper, grabbed his big cock and worked the gushing piss all over Hairy’s naked body. Hairy spent a few minutes on his knees kissing and licking Hogrod’s beautiful piss hole in gratitude. Then Hogrod picked Hiary up, dipped him in the cold water and played with his flaccid cock as he watched Hairy get dressed. Then they clambered up the stone steps onto the street. Passersby stared a lot at Hogrod and the giant genitalia barely contained by his leather pouch as they walked through the little town to the station. Hairy couldn't blame them. Not only was Hogrod twice as tall as anyone else, he kept pointing at perfectly ordinary things like parking meters and saying loudly, "See that, Hairy? Things these Muffles dream up, eh?" "Hogrod," said Hairy, panting a bit as he ran to keep up, "did you say there are dragons at Groinglutts?" "Well, so they say," said Hogrod. "Holy shit, I'd like to fuck a dragon." "You'd like to fuck one?" "Wanted one ever since I was a kid -- here we go." They had reached the station. There was a train to Longdong in five minutes' time. Hogrod, who didn't understand "Muffle money," as he called it, gave the bills to Hairy so he could buy their tickets. People stared more than ever on the train. Hogrod took up two seats and sat knitting what looked like a canary-yellow circus tent in the shape of a penis. "Still got yer letter, Hairy?" he asked as he counted stitches and hefted his huge leather-clad balls to a more comfortable position. Hairy took the parchment envelope out of his pocket. "Good," said Hogrod. "There's a list there of everything yeh need." Hairy unfolded a second piece of paper he hadn't noticed the night before, and read: HOGWARTS SCHOOL of BITCHCRAFT and JIZZARDRY UNIFORM First-year sluts will require: 1. Three sets of plain work robes and thongs (black) 2. One plain pointed hat (black) for day wear 3. One pair of protective gloves (dragon hide or similar) 4. One winter cloak (black, silver fastenings) Please note that all pupils' clothes should only be worn when directed COURSE BOOKS All students should have a copy of each of the following: The Standard Book of Sex Spells (Grade 1) by Myrandy Gushawk A History of Sex Magic by Butthilda Bungshot Magical Theory of Sex by Analbert Whiffing A Beginners' Guide to Genital Transfiguration by Erotic Switch One Thousand Aphrodisiac Herbs and Fungi by Phyllabia Spore Intoxicating Drafts and Potions by Arse Jiggle Fantastic Beasts and How to Seduce Them by Newd Scatmander The Dark Forces: A Guide to Sex Protection by Queertin Tremble OTHER EQUIPMENT wand, cauldron (pewter, standard size 2) set glass or crystal phials (with mouths large enough to fit over genitalia) microscope set brass speculum Students may also bring an owl OR a cat OR a toad PARENTS ARE REMINDED THAT FIRST YEARS ARE NOT ALLOWED THEIR OWN CHASTITY BELT "Can we buy all this shit in Longdong?" Hairy wondered aloud, scooting closer to Hogrod when he saw women eyeing up his huge leather package. "If yeh know where to go," said Hogrod, shifting so one of his enormous testicals ‘accidentally’ fell out. Hairy had never been to Longdong before. Although Hogrod seemed to know where he was going, he was obviously not used to getting there in an ordinary way. He got his balls stuck in the ticket barrier on the Underground, and complained loudly that the seats were too small and the trains too slow. "I don't know how the Muffles manage without magic," he said as they climbed a broken-down escalator that led up to a bustling road lined with sex shops. Hogrod was so huge that he parted the crowd easily; all Hairy had to do was keep close behind him. They passed porn shops and S&M stores, hamburger restaurants and XXX cinemas, but nowhere that looked as if it could sell you a magic wand. This was just an ordinary street full of ordinary people. Could there really be piles of jizzard gold buried miles beneath them? Were there really shops that sold spell books and broomsticks? Might this not all be some huge joke that the Droolsleys had cooked up? If Hairy hadn't known that the Droolsleys had no sense of humor, he might have thought so; yet somehow, even though everything Hogrod had told him so far was unbelievable, Hairy couldn't help trusting him and lusting after his huge cock and balls. "This is it," said Hogrod, coming to a halt, "the Leaky Condom. It's a fucking wild place." It was a tiny, grubby-looking pub with a used condom hanging from a sign above the door that looked big enough to accommodate Hogrod. If Hogrod hadn't pointed it out, Hairy wouldn't have noticed it was there. The people hurrying by didn't glance at it. Their eyes slid from the big sex magazine shop on one side to the XXX video shop on the other as if they couldn't see the Leaky Condom at all. In fact, Hairy had the most peculiar feeling that only he and Hogrod could see it. Before he could mention this, Hogrod had poked him in the ass and steered him inside. For a famous place, it was very dark and shabby. A few old women were sitting in a corner, drinking tiny glasses of sherry and pissing together into a big metal pan. One of them was smoking a long joint. A little man in nothing but a top hat was laying over the bar sucking off the old bartender, who was quite bald and looked like a hairless testical. The low buzz of chatter stopped when they walked in. Everyone seemed to know Hogrod; they smiled and waved their genitalia at him. The bartender popped his cock out of the little man’s mouth and began squirting thin, watery sperm in a glass, saying, "The usual, Hogrod?" "Can't, Tom, I'm on Hogfarts business," said Hogrod, clapping his great hand on Hairy's ass and making Hairy's knees buckle. "Holy fuck," said the bartender, fat upturned cock still spurting away into the glass with a hollow sound, peering at Hairy, "is this -- can this be --?" The Leaky Condom had suddenly gone completely still and silent. "Bless my scrotum," whispered the old bartender, "Hairy Peeter... what a babe." He hurried out from behind the bar, rushed toward Hairy and seized his hand, tears in his eyes. Hairy let his hand be guided to the man’s big, shiny cock and he was rewarded with one last squirt of thin cum that laced the front of his shirt and pants. "Welcome back, Mr. Peeter, welcome back." Hairy didn't know what to say so he just stroked the rigid cock and licked his lips as a fluffy bit of semen hung from its piss hole. Everyone was looking at him and fondling themselves. The old woman with the pipe was stuffing it into her huge, wrinkled labia even as yellow piss sprayed in all directions. Hogrod was beaming as he unlatched his leather thong and allowed his gigantic genitals to spill out and flop around. Then there was a great scraping of chairs and the next moment, Hairy found himself shaking hands and being offered a grope of everyone’s genitals in the Leaky Condom. "Dourass Cockfed, Mr. Peeter, can't believe I'm meeting you at last." "So horny, Mr. Peeter, I'm just so aroused." "Always wanted to suck your cock -- I'm all of a flutter." "Delighted, Mr. Peeter, just can't tell you, Dingle's the name, Deadass Dingle." "I've seen you before!" said Hairy, as Deadass Dingle dropped to his knees and began licking Hairy’s zipper enthusiastically. "You bowed to me and kissed my crotch once in a shop." "He remembers!" cried Deadass Dingle, looking around at everyone and rubbing his face lovingly over Hairy’s crotch. "Did you hear that? He remembers me!" Hairy fondled genitalia again and again -- Dourass Cockfed kept coming back for more, giggling and blushing whenever Hairy’s fingers played with her sticky, protruding pussy lips. A pale young man made his way forward, very nervously. One of his eyes was twitching and his hairless testicals kept pulling up into his groin and dropping down again to waggle all over the place. "Professor Squirrell!" said Hogrod. "Hairy, Professor Squirrell will be one of your teachers at Hogfarts." "P-P-Peeter," stammered Professor Squirrell, grasping Hairy's hand and guiding it to his soft, dangling balls, "c-can't t-tell you how t-titillated I am to meet you." "What sort of magic do you teach, Professor Squirrell?" Hairy asked, becoming very aroused as he rolled the man’s soft scrotum in his hand and realized he had four testicals. Hairy wondered if he squirted four times the amount of sperm too. "D-Defense Against the D-D-Dark Sexual Arts," muttered Professor Squirrell, as though he'd rather not think about it. "N-not that you n-need it, eh, P-P-Peeter?" He laughed nervously. "You'll be g-getting all your equipment, I suppose? I've g-got to p-pick up a new b-book on semen vampires, m-myself." He looked terrified at the very thought. But the others wouldn't let Professor Squirrell keep Hairy to himself. It took almost ten minutes to get away from them all. Hairy had never received so many offers for fellatio. At last, Hogrod managed to make himself heard over the babble and yank Hairy away from the crowd on their knees trying to get his pants down. "Must get on -- lots ter buy. Come on, Hairy." Dourass Cockfed squeezed Hairy's crotch and kissed it one last time, and Hogrod led them through the bar and out into a small, walled courtyard, where there was nothing but a broken toilet and a few marijuana plants. Hogrod grinned at Hairy and wagged his enormous sausage up and down. "Told yeh, didn't I? Told yeh you was famous. Even Professor Squirrell was tremblin' with lust -- mind you, he's usually tremblin'." "Is he always that nervous?" Hairy asked, sniffing his fingers to smell the myriad scents they had left on it. "Oh, yeah. Poor fucker. Brilliant mind. He was fine while he was studyin' outta books but then he took a year off ter get some firsthand experience.... They say he met a coven of semen vampires in the Blank Forest, and there was a nasty bit o' trouble with a shag hag -- never been the same since. Scared of the students, scared of his own penis. Now, where's me dildo?" Semen vampires? Shag hags? Hairy's head was swimming as he reached down the back of his drawers and pulled out the dildo that was still inserted in his tight, warm asshole. Hogrod, meanwhile, was counting bricks in the wall above the broken toilet. "Three up... two across,” he muttered. "Right, stand back, Hairy." He tapped the wall three times with the head of his dildo. The brick he had touched quivered -- it wriggled -- in the middle. What looked like vulva formed and a small hole appeared -- it grew wider and wider -- a second later they were facing a labia-shaped archway large enough even for Hogrod, an archway onto a cobbled street that twisted and turned out of sight. "Welcome," said Hogrod, "to Digonad Alley." He grinned at Hairy's amazement, whipped his drawers down over his smooth boy’s butt and tenderly inserted the pink dildo up Hairy’s ass again. He left Hairy’s drawers pulled down so his smooth ass with the protruding dildo and Hairy’s prodigious genitals were flopping around for all to see. “Now we match!” Hogrod laughed, twisting his hips so his huge cock flopped back and forth. They stepped through the archway. Hairy looked quickly over his shoulder and saw the archway shrink instantly back into solid wall. From this side it looked like a wrinkled anal sphincter. The sun shone brightly on a stack of cauldrons outside the nearest shop. Cauldrons -- All Sizes - Copper, Brass, Pewter, Silver -- Self-Stirring -- Collapsible, said a sign hanging over them. "Yeah, you'll be needin' one," said Hogrod, "but we gotta get yer money first." Hairy wished he had about eight more eyes. He turned his head in every direction as they walked up the street, trying to look at everything at once: the shops, the things outside them, the people doing their shopping. A plump woman outside an Apothecary was hefting a pair of gigantic tits up and down as they passed, saying, "Dragon semen, seventeen Pickles an ounce, they're mad...." A low, soft cooing came from a dark shop with a sign saying Eyepops Owl Empokium -- Tawdry, Screech, Barn, Brown, and Snowy. Several boys of about Hairy's age had their bare asses jutting out and their noses pressed against a window with broomsticks in it. "Look," Hairy heard one of them say, "the new Numbnuts Two Thousand -- fastest ever --" There were shops selling thongs, shops selling microcopes and strange silver instruments Hairy had never seen before, windows stacked with barrels of bat sphincters and eels' ovaries, tottering piles of sex spell books, quills, and rolls of parchment, potion bottles, globes of the moon.... "Groinglutts," said Hogrod. They had reached a snowy white building that towered over the other little shops. Standing beside its burnished bronze doors, wearing a uniform of scarlet and gold, was - "Yeah, that's a goblin," said Hogrod quietly as they walked up the white stone steps toward him. The goblin was about a head shorter than Hairy. He had a swarthy, clever face, a pointed beard and, Hairy noticed, very long fingers and feet. He bowed and gave their cocks a squeeze as they walked inside. Now they were facing a second pair of doors, silver this time, with words engraved upon them: Enter, fucker, spill thy seed Anticipate who hasn’t peed, For those who take a load of sperm, Must pay most dearly, drain the worm. So if you seek sex on our floors A treasure trove of goblin whores, Thief, you have been warned, beware Of finding more than treasure there. "Like I said, Yeh'd be mad ter try an' rob it," said Hogrod. A pair of goblins bowed and kissed the end of their cocks as they passed through the silver doors and found themselves in a vast marble hall. About a hundred more goblins were sitting on high stools behind a long counter, scribbling in large ledgers, weighing coins in brass scales, examining precious stones through eyeglasses. There were too many doors to count leading off the hall, and yet more goblins were showing people in and out of these or giving them oral sex as they stood in line. Hogrod and Hairy made for the counter. "Morning," said Hogrod to a free goblin who was wiping sperm from his gnarled lips. "We've come ter take some money outta Mr. Hairy Peeter's safe." "You have his key, Sir?" "Got it here somewhere," said Hogrod, and he started emptying his pockets onto the counter, scattering a handful of moldy used condoms over the goblin's book of numbers. The goblin licked his lips. Hairy watched the goblin on their right weighing a pile of rubies as big as glowing testicals. "Got it," said Hogrod at last, reaching beneath his balls and holding up a tiny golden key. The goblin looked at it closely and sniffed it. "That seems to be in order. And your balls smell delicious." "An' I've also got a dirty letter here from Professor Dribbledong," said Hogrod importantly, wagging his huge penis up and down. "It's about the You-Know-What in vault seven hundred and thirteen." The goblin read the letter carefully, making sure to accidentally knock some of Hogrod’s used condoms into his lap. "Very well," he said, handing it back to Hogrod, "I will have someone take you down to both vaults. Grouphug!" Grouphug was yet another goblin. Once Hogrod had crammed all the other condoms back beneath his huge scrotum, he and Hairy followed Grouphug toward one of the doors leading off the hall. "What's the You-Know-What in vault seven hundred and thirteen?" Hairy asked, reaching over the caress the soft skin of Hogrod’s enormous cock. "Can't tell yeh that," said Hogrod mysteriously. "Very secret. Hogfarts business. Dribbledong's trusted me. More'n my load's worth ter tell yeh that." Grouphug held the door open for them, kissing their cocks as they went by. Hairy, who had expected more marble, was surprised. They were in a narrow stone passageway lit with flaming torches in the shape of cocks. It sloped steeply downward and there were little railway tracks on the floor. Grouphug farted and a small cart came hurtling up the tracks toward them. They climbed in -- Hogrod placing Hairy on his lap with some difficulty -- and were off. At first they just hurtled through a maze of twisting passages. Hairy tried to remember, left, right, right, left, middle fork, right, left, but it was impossible sitting there straddling Hogrod’s magnificent penis. The rattling cart seemed to know its own way, because Grouphug wasn't steering. Hairy's eyes stung as the cold air rushed past them, but he kept them wide open stroking Hogrod’s veiny meat with both hands. Once, he thought he saw a burst of fire at the end of a passage and twisted around to see if it was a dragon having an orgasm, but too late - - they plunged even deeper, passing an underground lake where huge stalactites and stalagmites grew from the ceiling and floor. “I never know," Hairy called to Hogrod over the noise of the cart, "what's the difference between a stalagmite and a stalactite?" He bent Hogrod’s huge prick upward and began to kiss and lick at his tender piss hole. "Stalagmite's got an 'm' in it," said Hogrod. "An' don' ask me questions just now, I think I'm gonna be sick." He deftly slid Hairy’s pants down and Hairy’s cock pulsed with excitement as his naked ass and balls nestled in the huge pubic patch above the giant’s penis. He did look very green, and when the cart stopped at last beside a small door in the passage wall, Hogrod got out and had to lean against the wall, his huge cock and balls trembling. Grouphug unlocked the door. A lot of green smoke came billowing out, and as it cleared, Hairy gasped. Inside were mounds of gold coins. Columns of silver. Heaps of little bronze Knuts. "All yours," smiled Hogrod as the goblin dropped to his knees, slurping and sucking at Hogrod’s now-dripping head and playing his overlong fingers all over the giant’s fat balls. All Hairy's -- it was incredible and it immediately gave him a stiffy. The Droolsleys couldn't have known about this or they'd have sexually tortured him until he turned it over faster than blinking. How often had they complained how much Hairy cost them to keep? And all the time there had been a small fortune belonging to him, buried deep under Longdong. Hogrod used a huge fingertip to tickle Hairy’s bare ass as he piled some of it into a bag. "The gold ones are Gaylions," he explained. "Seventeen silver Pickles to a Gaylion and twenty-nine Knuts to a Pickle, it's easy enough. Right, that should be enough fer a couple o' terms, we'll keep the rest safe for yeh." He looked down at Grouphug. "Vault seven hundred and thirteen now, please, and can we go more slowly?" "One speed only," said Grouphug, smacking his leathery lips as he slurped up one last glistening drop of pre-cum. They were going even deeper now and gathering speed. Hairy clung tightly to Hogrod’s amazing penis and was gratified when it began to fill with blood. The air became colder and colder as they hurtled round tight corners. They went rattling over an underground ravine, and Hairy leaned over the side to try to see what was down at the dark bottom, but Hogrod groaned, pulled him back by the scruff of his neck and pushed Hairy’s face to his now-pulsing piss hole. Vault seven hundred and thirteen had no keyhole but it did have a stylized set of male genitalia. "Stand back," said Grouphug importantly. He stroked the door’s flaccid penis gently with one of his long fingers and it simply melted into a large puddle of pungent, sparkling semen. "If anyone but a Groinglutts goblin tried that, they'd be sucked through the door and trapped in there with a cock in every hole," said Grouphug. "How often do you check to see if anyone's inside?" Hairy asked, reaching down to dip his finger in the semen and taste it. "About once every ten years," said Grouphug, noting Hairy’s appreciation of the taste with a rather nasty grin. Something really extraordinary had to be inside this top security vault, Hairy was sure, and he leaned forward eagerly, hoping his jutting bare ass would entice someone to put a cock in it -- but at first he thought it was empty. Then he noticed a grubby little package wrapped up in brown paper lying on the floor. Hogrod picked it up and tucked it deep inside the leather thong that held his grapefruit testicals. Hairy longed to know what it was, but knew better than to ask. Plus, he longed so kneel and suck Hogrod’s gigantic balls more. "Come on, back in this infernal cart, and don't talk to me on the way back, it's best if I keep me mouth shut," said Hogrod. And with that, he ensconced Hairy between his legs and pressed his leaking head and Hairy’s mouth together with a soft rumble from his hairy chest. One wild cart ride later they stood blinking in the sunlight outside Groinglutts, Hairy was covered with thick sperm having jerked Hogrod off effectively with his whole young body. Hairy didn't know where to run first now that he had a bag full of money. He didn't have to know how many Gaylions there were to a pound to know that he was holding more money than he'd had in his whole life -- more money than even Didley had ever had. "Might as well get yer uniform," said Hogrod, nodding toward Madam Milkin's Thongs for All Occasions and cleaning Hairy up with a handkerchief the size of a blanket. "Listen, Hairy, would yeh mind if I slipped off fer a butt-fuck in the Leaky Condom? I hate them Groinglutts carts and a cock up t’arse always calms me down." He did still look a bit sick, so Hairy entered Madam Milkin's shop alone, feeling nervous and wondering why the giant didn’t want to be fucked by him. Madam Milkin was a fat, smiling bitch dressed all in mauve. "Hogfarts, dear?" she said, when Hairy started to speak, gently tenting her fingers and stroking the sensitive end of his throbbing cock. "Got the lot here -- another young piece of meat being fitted up just now, in fact." In the back of the shop, a boy with a pale, pointed face was standing on a footstool while a second bitch pinned up his long black robes and tongued his hairless asshole. Madam Milkin stood Hairy on a stool next to him) slipped a long robe over his head, and began to pin it to the right length. Hairy felt silly until the old woman’s fat fist slid under his robes and began to give him a very talented handjob. "Hello," said the boy, arching his back to give the second woman better access to his sphincter. "Hogfarts,too?" "Yes," said Hairy, knees shaking as Madam Milkin took his balls in her fat fingers and rolled them around. "My father's next door buying my porn and mother's up the street looking at enchanted dildos," said the boy. He had a bored, drawling voice. "Then I'm going to drag them off to look at racing brooms. I don't see why first years can't have their own. I think I'll seduce father into getting me one and I'll smuggle it in somehow." Hairy was strongly reminded of Didley. Madam Milkin’s warm tongue began to tickle his asshole and he had an inexplicable urge to present his ass to this boy and be thoroughly butt fucked. "Have you got your own broom?" the boy went on, farting loudly on the second woman’s tongue. "No," said Hairy, trying to get a look at the boy’s penis. "Play Quimmitch at all?" "No," Hairy said again, wondering what on earth Quimmitch could be. "I do -- Father says it's a crime if I'm not picked to play for my house, and I must say, I agree. Know what house you'll be in yet?" "No," said Hairy, feeling more stupid by the minute, but amazed at how good it felt to have Madam Milkin’s long, dexterous tongue up his tight ass. "Well, no one really knows until they get there, do they, but I know I'll be in Slithering, all our family have been -- imagine being in Hufflepiss, I think I'd eat fresh shit, wouldn't you?" "Mmm," said Hairy, wishing he could say something a bit more interesting, but electrified with pleasure by Milkin’s stimulation of his prostate. "I say, look at that man!" said the boy suddenly, aiming an arcing stream of yellow piss toward the front window. Hogrod was standing there, grinning at Hairy and pointing at two large scoops of ice creams sliding down his huge penis to show he couldn't come in. "That's Hogrod," said Hairy, pleased to know something the boy didn't. "He works at Hogfarts and his balls are gigantic." "Oh," said the boy, "I've heard of him. He's some kind of retard, isn't he?" He grunted and a long turd slid from his anus into the second woman’s mouth. "He's the gamekeeper," said Hairy. He was liking the boy less and less every second now that he saw what a tiny dick he had. "Yes, exactly. I heard he's a sort of savage -- lives in a hut on the school grounds and every now and then he gets horny, tries to get it on with a magical creature, and ends up setting fire to his genitals." "I think he's brilliant and I’d let him fuck me any time he wanted," said Hairy coldly. He was doing his best to satisfy an insistent Milkin, but he just didn’t have a turd ready to push out for her. "You would?" said the boy, with a slight sneer, reaching back to pull his pretty, white ass cheeks apart so the second woman could clean his wrinkled, pink hole. "Why is he with you? Where are your parents?" "They're dead," said Hairy shortly. He didn't feel much like going into the matter with this boy. Plus, the second woman loudly chewing his turd was making Hairy kind of nauseous. "Oh, sorry," said the other, not sounding sorry at all. "But they were our kind, weren't they?" He quickly turned and splashed piss in the woman’s face. "They were a bitch and jizzard, if that's what you mean." Hairy turned around as well and was gratified to see the boy’s surprise at the size of his huge member. "I really don't think they should let the other sort in, do you? They're just not the same, they've never been brought up to know our ways. Some of them have never even heard of Hogfarts until they get the letter, imagine. I think they should keep it in the old jizzarding families. What's your surname, anyway?" He tried his best not to eye Hairy’s huge prick, but it was obvious. But before Hairy could answer, Madam Milkin said, "That's you done, my dear." It was obvious Hairy had no waste fluids for her, so she quickly joined her colleague and began bathing in the other boy’s powerful stream. They choked and giggled and kissed, swallowing piss and pulling each other’s huge tits out to play with. Hairy, not sorry for an excuse to stop talking to the boy, hopped down from the footstool. "Well, I'll see you at Hogfarts, I suppose," said the drawling boy, directing his piss stream back and forth, repeatedly filling their mouths with steaming pee. Hairy was rather quiet as he slurped and lapped the ice cream Hogrod had bought him mounted on his mighty cock (chocolate and pussy cream with real chopped squirrel nuts). "What's up?" said Hogrod, petting Hairy’s face affectionately. "Nothing," Hairy lied, tickling the giant’s underside with his tongue to clean it of the melted treat. They stopped to buy parchment decorated with pornographic images and quills festooned with beautiful braided locks of pubic hair. Hairy cheered up a bit when he found a bottle of ink that changed your words into stylized drawings of bi-sexual daisy chains. When they had left the shop, he said, "Hogrod, what's Quimmitch?" "Blimey, Hairy, I keep forgettin' how little yeh know -- not knowin' about Quimmitch!" "Don't make me feel worse," said Hairy, nuzzling his enormous genitals and huge carpet of pubic hair. He told Hogrod about the pale boy in Madam Milkin's. "--and he said people from Muffle families shouldn't even be allowed in. And he had a beautiful white ass." "Yer not from a Muffle family. If he'd known who yeh were he probably would have give you his arse right then and there. He's grown up knowin' yer name if his parents are jizzardin' folk. You saw what everyone in the Leaky Condom was like when they saw yeh. Anyway, what does he know about it, some o' the best I ever saw were the only ones with magic in 'em in a long line a'Muffles -- look at yer mum! Look what she had fer a sister!" "So what is Quimmitch?" "It's our sport. Jizzard sport. It's like -- like soccer in the Muffle world -- everyone follows Quimmitch -- played up in the air on broomsticks and there's four balls -- sorta hard ter explain the rules." "And what are Slithering and Hufflepiss?" Hairy asked, embracing Hogrod’s huge cock, lapping up sticky residual lovingly. Hairy loved following big pulsing veins with his tongue and lips, and pressing his mouth to Hogrod’s huge piss hole to French kiss it. "School houses. There's four. Everyone says Hufflepiss are a lot o' dumbfucks, but --" The giant paused as Hairy slid his tongue deep into his urethra and swirled it around. "I bet I'm in Hufflepiss" said Hairy gloomily, wiping liquids from his chin and rubbing Hogrod’s big, leaking, puckered piss hole all over his face. "Better Hufflepiss than Slithering," said Hogrod darkly. "There's not a single bitch or jizzard who went bad who wasn't in Slithering. You-Know-Who was one." "Mol-, sorry - You-Know-Who was at Hogfarts?" "Years an' years ago," said Hogrod. They bought Hairy's x-rated school books in a shop called Fourinch and Butts where the shelves were stacked to the ceiling with books as large as paving stones bound in leather and chains; books the size of postage stamps in covers of silky pubic hair; books full of pornographic symbols and a few books with nothing in them at all. Even Didley, who never read anything, would have been wild to get his hands on some of these. Hogrod almost had to drag Hairy away from Sexy Curses and Countercurses (Bebitch Your Friends and Befuck Your Enemies with the Latest Revenges: Pubic Hair Loss, Jelly-Lips, Tongue-Tying and Much, Much More) by Professor Vindicktus Vulvidian. "I was trying to find out how to curse Didley. If I could make his dick shrivel up, he couldn’t make me suck it anymore." "I'm not sayin' that's not a good idea, but yer not ter use magic in the Muffle world except in very special circumstances," said Hogrod. "An' anyway, yeh couldn' work any of them curses yet, yeh'll need a lot more study before yeh get ter that level." Hogrod wouldn't let Hairy buy a solid gold speculum, either ("It says brass on yer list"), but they got a nice set of scales for weighing testicals and a collapsible brass analscope. Then they visited the Apothecary, which was fascinating enough to make up for its horrible smell, a mixture of stale semen and rotted cunt. Barrels of slimy white liquid stood on the floor; jars of pungent red bud, dried roots, and bright powders lined the walls; bundles of feathers, strings of fangs, and snarled claws hung from the ceiling. While Hogrod asked the man behind the counter for a supply of some basic potion ingredients for Hairy, Hairy himself examined silver unicorn turds at twenty-one Gaylions each and minuscule, glittery-black beetle eyes (five Knuts a scoop). Outside the Apothecary, Hogrod checked Hairy's list again. Hairy immediately knelt in the dirt and began to kiss and slurp the giant’s tender piss hole. "Just yer wand left - A yeah, an' I still haven't got yeh a birthday present." Hairy felt himself go red and he looked up at the hairy giant lovingly. "You don't have to --" "I know I don't have to. Tell yeh what, I'll get yer animal. Not a toad, toads went outta fashion years ago, yeh'd be laughed at - an' I don' like cats, they make me sneeze. I'll get yer an owl. All the kids want owls, they're dead useful, carry yer mail an' everythin'. Plus they’re a right good fuck in a pinch." Twenty minutes later, they left Eyepops Owl Empokium, which had been dark and full of cooing and flickering, jewel-bright eyes. Hairy now carried a large cage that held a beautiful snowy owl, fast asleep with her head under her wing. Below her majestic white breast, was a glistening pair of the most beautiful pussy lips Hairy had ever seen. He couldn't stop kissing Hogrod’s cock and stammering his thanks, sounding just like Professor Squirrell. "Don' mention it," said Hogrod gruffly, his cock beginning to stiffen. "Don' expect you've had a lotta presents from them Droolsleys. Just Oilyvendors left now - only place fer wands, Oilyvendors, and yeh gotta have the best wand." A magic wand... this was what Hairy had been really looking forward to. That, and the moment when Hogrod was so turned on, he’d use that spell he used on Peetuna and fuck Hairy’s tight ass right there in the road. The last shop was narrow and shitty. Peeling gold letters over the door read Oilyvendors: Makers of Fine Wands since 382 B.C. A single wand lay on a faded purple cushion in the dusty window covered with what looked like a prodigious load of white, sparkling cum. A tinkling bell rang somewhere in the depths of the shop as they stepped inside. It was a tiny place, empty except for a single, spindly chair with a dildo mounted on it that Hogrod sat on to wait. Hairy felt strangely as though he had entered a very strict medical clinic; he swallowed a lot of new questions that had just occurred to him and looked instead at the thousands of narrow boxes piled neatly right up to the ceiling. For some reason, the bottom of his scrotum prickled. The very dust and silence in here seemed to tingle with some secret magic. "Good afthernoon," said a soft, lisping voice. Hairy jumped. Hogrod must have jumped, too, because there was a loud splurting noise and the dildo from the spindly chair exploded from his big, hairy ass. An old man was kneeling before him, his wide, pale lips glistening with spit through the gloom of the shop. "Hello," said Hairy awkwardly, as the man hefted his huge cock and began sniffing and licking at the tip. "Ah yes," said the man. "Yes, yes. I thought I'd be seeing you soon. Hairy Peeter." It wasn't a question. "You’re hung just like your father and you have your mother’s soft skin…” His gnarled fingers ran all over Hairy’s tummy, thighs and bare ass. “It seems only yesterday she was in here herself, spreading her pussy so I could taste which wand was right for her. Ten and a quarter inches long, swishy, made of willow. Nice wand for charm work." Mr. Oilyvendor swallowed Hairy’s now-throbbing cock whole and looked up at him. Hairy wished he would blink. Those silvery eyes were a bit creepy even thought his throat was tight and warm. He pulled himself off Hairy’s huge cock and licked his lips. "Your father, on the other hand, favored a mahogany wand. Eleven inches, to match his big, juicy cock. Pliable. A little more power and excellent for transfiguration. Well, I say your father favored it -- it's really the wand that chooses the jizzard, of course." Mr. Oilyvendor held Hairy’s penis close close to his lips. He rubbed Hairy’s rubbery head over his pointed nose. Hairy could see himself reflected in those misty eyes. "And that's where..." Mr. Oilyvendor traced the lightning scar on Hairy's cock with his long tongue. "I'm sorry to say I sold the wand that did it," he said softly, kissing Hairy’s cock tenderly. "Thirteen-and-a-half inches, like the owner. Yew. Powerful wand, very powerful, and in the wrong hands... well, if I'd known what that wand (and that cock) was going out into the world to do...." He shook his head and then, to Hairy's relief, spotted Hogrod. "Rubbery! Rubbery Hogrod! How nice to see you again.... Oak, sixteen inches, rather bendy, wasn't it?" "It was, sir, yes," said Hogrod, slowly backing onto the dildo chair repeatedly, his huge penis swinging back and forth in front of him. "Good wand, that one. But I suppose they snapped it in half and shoved it up your ass when you got expelled?" said Mr. Oilyvendor, suddenly stern. "Er -- yes, they did, yes," said Hogrod, shuffling his feet. "I've still got the pieces, though," he added brightly. “Cleaned the shit off of’em.” "But you don't use them?" said Mr. Oilyvendor sharply. "Oh, fuck no," said Hogrod quickly. Hairy noticed he gripped his pink dildo very tightly as he spoke. "Hmmm," said Mr. Oilyvendor, licking his lips and giving Hogrod’s huge cock a piercing look. "Well, now -- Mr. Peeter. Let me see." He pulled a long tape measure with silver markings out of his pocket. "Which is your wand arm?" "Er -- well, I'm right-handed," said Hairy. "Hold out your arm. That's it." He ignored Hairy’s arm and took his time measuring Hairy’s cock from base to tip, then girth at the base, girth around the head, and the circumference of his tingling ball sack. As he measured, he said, "Every Oilyvendor wand has a core of a powerful magical substance, Mr. Peeter. We use unicorn pubic hairs, phoenix semen, and the vas deferens of dragons. No two Oilyvendor wands are the same, just as no two unicorns, dragons, or phoenixes are quite the same. And of course, you will never get such good results with another jizzard's wand." Hairy suddenly realized that the tape measure, which was wedge into his ass crack measuring the size of each of his ass cheeks, was doing this on its own. Mr. Oilyvendor was making motions at the shelves, and boxes were magically whizzing into a pile next to him. While this happened, he busied himself stroking Hairy’s powerful cock and slurping it loudly. "That will do," he said, and the tape measure crumpled limply, still wedged between Hairy’s ass cheeks. "Right then, Mr. Peeter. Try this one. Bitchwood and dragon testical. Nine inches. Nice and flexible. Just take it and give it a wave." As he said this, he slid his wrinkled lips over Hairy’s cock and quickly swallowed him whole, grunting and working his throat muscles down Hairy’s length in a most pleasurable manner. Hairy took the wand and (feeling an orgasm rising in his balls) waved it around a bit, but Mr. Oilyvendor snatched it out of his hand almost at once. "Maple syrup and phoenix jism. Seven inches. Quite whippy.” He reached under and gave each of Hairy’s tender white cheeks a sharp whack before turning it over. “Try --" Hairy tried -- but he had hardly raised the wand when it, too, was snatched back by Mr. Oilyvendor. "No, no -here, ebony and unicorn pubes, eight and a half inches, springy. Go on, go on, try it out." In between comments, he was fully engulfing Hairy’s mighty prick and fucking it eagerly with his throat. He was also caressing Hairy’s stinging ass cheeks and Hairy felt that undeniable urge to present his asshole to this complete stranger. Hairy tried. And tried. Oilyvender sucked and sucked. Hairy had no idea what Mr. Oilyvendor was waiting for. The pile of tried wands was mounting higher and higher on the floor, but the more wands Mr. Oilyvendor pulled from the shelves, the happier he seemed to become. Hairy wasn’t sure, but he was beginning to suspect the old man was prolonging things because he was enjoying Hairy’s cock so much. "Tricky customer, eh? Not to worry, we'll find the perfect match here somewhere -- I wonder, now - - yes, why not -- unusual combination -- holly and phoenix semen, eleven inches, nice and supple." He squeezed Hairy’s ass cheeks for emphasis. Hairy took the wand as Oilyvendor sheathed his cock in warm, wet mouth and throat again. Hairy felt a sudden warmth in his fingers that traveled to his balls. He raised the wand above his head, brought it swishing down through the dusty air and a stream of red and gold sparks shot from the end like a firework, throwing dancing spots of light on to the walls. Just then, Hairy’s mighty cock lurched and he began squirting thick streams of gooey cum into Oilyvendor’s mouth. The old man’s eyes sparkled and his cheeks bulged but he managed to suck every drop of boy sperm and swallow it down with satisfaction. Hogrod whooped and clapped and Mr. Oilyvendor cried, "Oh, bravo! Yes, indeed, oh, very good. Well, well, well... how curious... how very curious..." He blew some cum bubbles for Hairy and displayed his creamy tongue, then delicately kissed and licked Hairy’s pisshole until it stopped oozing sweet semen. He then got up, put Hairy's wand back into its box and wrapped it in brown paper, still muttering, "Curious... curious.. "Sorry," said Hairy, "but what's curious?" Mr. Oilyvendor fixed Hairy with his pale stare. "I remember every wand I've ever sold, Mr. Peeter. Every single wand. It so happens that the phoenix whose semen is in your wand, gave another specimen -- just one other. It is very curious indeed that you should be destined for this wand when its brother why, its brother gave you that scar." Hairy swallowed. "Yes, thirteen-and-a-half inches. Yew. Curious indeed how these things happen. The wand chooses the jizzard, remember.... I think we must expect great things from you, Mr. Peeter.... After all, He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named did great things -- terrible, yes, but great." Hairy shivered. He wasn't sure he liked Mr. Oilyvendor too much, even though the old fucker had just sucked him off. He paid seven gold Gaylions for his wand, and Mr. Oilyvendor bowed them from his shop. The late afternoon sun hung low in the sky as Hairy and Hogrod made their way back down Digonad Alley, back through the wall, back through the Leaky Condom, now empty. Hairy didn't speak at all as they walked down the road; he didn't even notice how much people were gawking at them on the Underground, laden as they were with all their funny-shaped packages, with the snowy owl asleep in its cage on Hairy's lap. Up another escalator, out into Paddington station; Hairy only realized where they were when Hogrod tapped him on the shoulder. "Got time fer a bite to eat and a quick fuck before yer train leaves," he said. He bought Hairy a hamburger and they sat down on plastic seats to eat them. Hogrod used his magic dildo and settled Hairy on his lap. He pulled his large coat over them so no one could see and Hairy ate with relish as his asshole expanded to accommodate Hogrod’s mighty cock up his tight pre-teen butt. Hairy kept looking around. Everything looked so strange, somehow. "You all right, Hairy? Yer very quiet," said Hogrod, his huge hands gently caressing Hairy’s smooth white cheeks. Hairy wasn't sure he could explain. He'd just had the best birthday of his life -- and yet -- he chewed his hamburger, trying to find the words. "Everyone thinks I'm special," he said at last. "All those people in the Leaky Condom, Professor Squirrell, Mr. Oilyvendor... but I don't know anything about magic at all. How can they expect great things? I'm famous and I can't even remember what I'm famous for. I don't know what happened when Mol-, sorry -- I mean, the night my parents died." Hogrod leaned back and held Hairy close, thrusting his huge penis deep into his warm, tight rectum. Behind the wild beard and eyebrows he wore a very beautific smile. Suddenly Hairy felt torrents of hot, thick sperm pumping into his asshole. "Don' you worry, Hairy. You'll learn fast enough. Everyone starts at the beginning at Hogfarts, you'll be just fine. Just be yerself. I know it's hard. Yeh've been singled out, an' that's always hard. But yeh'll have a great time at Hogfarts -- I did -- still do, 'smatter of fact." Hairy stood up under cover of the giant’s huge coat and farted out quarts of hot cream onto Hogrod’s hamburger. They shared it until it was time for him to go. Hogrod wiped Hairy’s ass clean with a piece of hamburger bun, helped Hairy onto the train that would take him back to the Droolsleys, then handed him an envelope. "Yer ticket fer Hogfarts, " he said. "First o' September -- King’s Crotch -- it's all on yer ticket. Any problems with the Droolsleys, send me a letter with yer owl, she'll know where to find me.... See yeh soon, Hairy." The train pulled out of the station. Hairy wanted to watch Hogrod until he was out of sight; he rose in his seat and pressed his nose against the window, but he blinked and Hogrod had gone.