The Mary Tyler Moore Show ran on CBS from 1970 to 1977, always on
   Saturday nights.

   Mary Richards was the idealized single career woman, coming to
   Minneapolis after the breakup of a four-year relationship with a man
   (we never saw him). She was ambitious, and looking for new friends.
   She moved into an older apartment building, and found a job as
   assistant producer of WJM-TV news.

   The writers at first wanted Mary to be a divorcee -- but the network
   balked, afraid the viewers would think she was divorced from Dick Van

   The show marked the return to television for Gavin MacLeod, who had
   been on PT-73 as Happy Haines in McHale's Navy, and who would return
   to the sea later as the skipper of the Love Boat.

   Ted Knight appeared as the lovable narcissist Ted Baxter, the
   anchorman who had the habit of inserting his foot into his mouth.

   Georgia Engle played Georgette, Valerie Harper was Rhoda, and Cloris
   Leachman (who had earlier been Lassie's first tv "mother") was

   Rhoda and Phyllis were both spun off as their own series. Harper went
   on to make TV movies of the week, and Leachman went on to several
   memorable performances, notably as Frau Blucher in Young Frankenstein.
   ("YES! He vas mine BOYFRIEND!")

   The series has never been off television since, a tribute to the
   talent that abounded in the show.

   The events in this story take place approximately 1974, before Rhoda
   and Phyllis' series were spun off.

   Who can turn the world on with her smile? Who can take a nothing day
   and suddenly make it all seem worthwhile? Well, it's you, girl, and
   you sure know it, With each glance and every little movement you show

   Love is all around, no need to waste it, Love is all around, no need
   to fake it, You're gonna make it, after all.

   (toss your hat, Mary!)

   THE MARY TYLER MOORE SHOW: "Ted Needs a Definition"

   Mary Richards stretched, yawned, and moaned. She sat up in her bed,
   her bright red silk nightie clinging to her body. She looked over at
   the alarm clock, just as it went off.

   She reached over and turned it off, smiling to herself.

   Sliding to the side of the bed, she put her feet into slippers and
   stood up. She picked up her robe from the chair, and slipped into it.
   She folded her blanket, picked up her pillows and put them in the
   closet, then folded the sofa-bed up and replaced the cushions.

   She walked across the room to her kitchenette and started a pot of
   coffee, then around the corner to the bathroom.

   She turned on the water in the shower, and while she was waiting for
   the water to run hot, she sat on the toilet for her morning
   "business", humming "Oh, What A Beautiful Morning."

   Her business finished, she stripped off her robe and nightie, and
   stepped into the hot shower. She soaped herself down, her hands
   rubbing down her full, pert breasts, and lower, soaping her pubic
   hair, while fingering her clit... just a little... mmmm... just a
   little more....

   "Oh, my..." she thought, "I mustn't... I'll be late for work."

   She rinsed off, and reached for a towel from the rack. She dried off
   and stepped out of the shower, and redonned the robe.

   She selected her wardrobe for the day, a sharp miniskirt, cute little
   blouse, and ...yes, this circle pin with matching earrings. She
   dropped her robe on the floor, and reached for her bra and panties,
   catching a glimpse of her nude body in the full-length mirror. She
   straightened, admiring the image: full breasts, with tan nipples, not
   a hint of sag in them. The dark pubic hair below, unshaved because it
   was winter, and not a bikini in sight. She turned, and looked at her
   firm backside; no sag there, either.

   "What a shame to waste clothing on a body like this," she thought.

   She decided not to wear the bra.


   Mary drove into the parking garage in the building that housed the
   studios of WJM-TV, parked it in the space marked "M. Richards:NEWS".
   She took the elevator up to her office, which was still dark.

   She turned on the lights, started a pot of coffee, and sat down at her
   desk. She turned the pages of her newspaper, looking at the headlines
   before turning to the comics page.

   Murray Slaughter, the news writer, pushed the door open. Mary quickly
   opened the newspaper to the editorial page.

   "Good morning, Mary," Murray smiled.

   "Good morning, Murr," she replied.

   Murray went over to the wire-copy terminal and pulled off a sheet of
   paper, scanning through it. "Oh," he said, "looks like they have a
   lead on that lesbian murder case. Looks like it could be our top story

   Mary looked up. "I don't think we can use that word on the news,

   Murray smiled. "Lesbian? Why? You think our audience would be

   "No," Mary shook her head. "I don't think Ted can pronounce it."

   Lou Grant stormed though the door, and stomped toward his office.

   "Morning, Lou," Murray said.

   "Good Morning, Mr. Grant," Mary added.

   "Mmmmnnnngggg" Lou grunted, and closed his office door behind him.

   Mary and Murray looked at each other. Mary got up and tapped on Lou's

   "Mr. Grant?"


   She opened the door. Lou was behind his desk, his bourbon bottle in
   hand, his coffee cup in the other.

   "Isn't it a little early for that?"

   "You'd think so, wouldn't you?" Lou growled, but softly. "Come in,
   Mary, and close the door."

   Lou leaned back in his chair. "Have a seat, Mary."

   Mary sat in the chair, and crossed her legs.

   Lou paused a moment, then sighed heavily. "You know that I've got
   problems with Edie."

   Mary nodded. She knew they were separated. Lou had made that
   announcement some time ago.

   Lou sighed again. "Do you have any idea how long it has been since..."
   He paused. He leaned forward in his chair, and lowered his voice.
   "...since Edie and I had marital relations?"

   Mary blushed. "I have no idea."

   "Two years, and let me tell you, it's been hard."

   "I'll bet it is," Mary thought. "I'll bet it's really hard. And long,

   Lou leaned back in his chair again.

   "Is there anything I can do?" Mary asked.

   "Seriously?" Lou scowled.

   "Seriously. Can I help?"

   Lou paused a moment again, then leaned forward.

   "What would you say to a little blow job?"

   "Hello, little blow job," Mary grinned, then she wiped the grin from
   her face. "Sorry, old joke. Would that REALLY help? Would that improve
   your general demeanor?"

   Lou nodded. "But I'm way out in left field asking this of you. This is
   not in your job description, and ..."

   Mary got up and walked around Lou's desk. She put her finger on his
   lips, silencing him.

   "It would be my pleasure, Mr. Grant."

   She swiveled his chair around, and knelt down in front of it. She
   reached up and unzipped Lou's trousers. He was wearing boxer shorts
   under his trousers. She reached inside, and released his penis. She
   was right; it was hard -- and long.

   It was of medium diameter, not very wide, but its head was large and
   purple, the pisshole in its tip oozing a drop of precum.

   She bent forward, and drew her tongue around the tip of his cock,
   licking off the precum, before drawing it between her lips.

   She sucked gently as she pushed her lips farther down his shaft, until
   the tip of his cock bumped the back of her mouth. She held this
   position, her tongue moving back and forth across the underside of his

   Lou moaned, softly, and Mary took him deeper, holding her breath as
   she pushed her head forward, allowing his cockhead to enter her

   She held him there as long as she could, but she had to breathe. She
   released his cock back into her mouth, and swirled her tongue around
   his cockhead.

   There was a tap at the door. "Lou?" Murray's voice from outside the
   door said, "Are you in there?"

   Mary slid around and under Lou's desk. Lou scooted his chair up, and
   Mary resumed her attention to his tool.

   "Yeah," Lou said, roughly.

   Murray opened the door and looked inside. "I thought I saw Mary come
   in here."

   Lou shook his head.

   "But I could have sworn..." He glanced down, and saw one foot sticking
   out from under the front of the desk.

   He entered the office, and closed the door behind him, pressing the

   "Lou, you're smiling," he said.

   "I am not," Lou moaned.

   "Yes, you are, and I think I know why." He stepped around Lou's desk,
   knelt down and peeked under the chair. "Hi, Mary!"

   "Hi, Murr," came Mary's muffled voice from under the desk.

   Lou moaned again, and he spurted, the thick globs of semen spashing
   against the back of her throat. Lou fell back in the chair, his cock
   softening in Mary's mouth, as she sucked the last drops of his semen
   from it. She swallowed, enjoying the slippery feel of it going down
   her throat.

   Lou pushed his chair back, and Mary crawled out. As she straightened
   her clothing, she said, "Will there be anything else, Mr. Grant?"

   Lou looked up at Murray. "Are you still here?"

   "Yes, Lou."

   "And what is it you want?"

   Murray looked at Mary. "Well, I could tell Ted that you just got head
   from Mary, or I could tell Sue Ann Nivens that you just got head from
   Mary, or..."

   "Or?" Lou frowned.

   "Or, I could ask Mary to bend over the desk and let me plow her

   Lou frowned.

   Mary turned and looked at Murray, and nodded.

   She unzipped her miniskirt and dropped it to the floor, and followed
   it with her pantyhose and panties. She leaned over, putting her elbows
   on the desk, presenting her ass to Murray.

   Murray moved up behind her, unzipped his trousers, and let out his
   penis, engorged and ready. He placed it at the entrance to her pussy,
   then placed his hands on her hips.

   He moved forward, and his cockhead parted her nether lips. Mary
   gasped, as he entered her, "Ohmigosh, Murry, you're so BIG!"

   "It's not just a tool, Mary," Murray said, grinning. "Its a luuuuuve

   He had his cock fully inside her now, and he began to make small,
   quick strokes, moving just his hips as he held hers. Mary began to
   hum, softly.

   Lou sat back in his chair, enjoying the show.

   Mary pushed herself up on her hands, pushing back against Murray's
   increasingly strong strokes, until he grunted, and she felt him push
   deep inside her, depositing his semen at the her cervix.

   Murray withdrew, slowly, and Mary turned to give him a quick kiss on
   the cheek.

   She was somewhat disappointed that she had not climaxed; but there was
   time for that later...

   Murray put his cock back in his pants, and slipped out the door.

   Mary plucked a tissue from Lou's desk, and wiped herself off, and
   pulled her clothing back on while Lou watched, interestedly.

   "Will there be anything else, Mr. Grant?"

   "Not just now, Mary," he said, smiling. "Perhaps later."


   Ted Baxter strolled into the newsroom, smiling broadly, as usual.

   "Hi, Guys!"

   "Hi, Ted." Murray and Mary chimed together.

   "Murray, I was reading this news copy you gave me."

   "Amazing," Murray said, "he's reading it before he gets on the air."

   It went right over Ted's head. "What's this word here?"

   Murray looked at the script. "Lesbian," he said.

   "Lesbian. Is that like ... actors? Shouldn't we use 'actors' instead?"

   "No, Ted, you're thinking of 'thespian'," Mary said.

   "Oh... then what's a lesbian?"

   Mary and Murray exchanged glances. Murray said, "Ted, I'll have to
   explain that to you later. Just read it like it's written."

   Ted walked out. Mary and Murry broke up into laughter.


   The "ON THE AIR" sign came on. Ted launched into his delivery voice.

   "Today in Minneapolis, police announced they had definite leads into
   the Lesbian murder case. Lesbians, by the way, are not actors..."

   Back in the newsroom, Murray moaned, Mary laughed, and Lou headed
   quickly for the studio.


   Home again, Mary sat down in her chair and picked up a book. She read
   quietly, her mind torn between the words on the page, and the events
   this morning in the office.

   She set the book down, as memories of Lou Grant's cock in her mouth
   flooded her. Her hand went to her groin, cupping her genitals, her
   middle finger pressing against her clit through her clothing.

   She couldn't resist any more. She stood up, and dropped her skirt to
   the floor. She sat down again, slipping a hand into her panties. Her
   fingertip sought her clit, and she rolled it over with her finger, her
   eyes closed, lying back in the chair.

   The door opened quickly, and Rhoda said "Hi, Mary!"

   Mary jumped up, startled.

   Rhoda looked at her, standing in her panties. "Oh, I'm sorry, Mary...
   I'll come back later..."

   "No..." Mary said, hesitantly. "Don't go..."

   Rhoda looked at her seriously for a moment, then closed the door
   behind her. She stepped over to Mary.

   "Rhoda..." Mary said, softly.

   "Don't talk," Rhoda said, equally softly. She pushed Mary back into
   the chair, and knelt down in front of it. She pushed the crotch of
   Mary's panties to one side, and slipped a finger down Mary's distended

   Mary moaned, pushing herself against Rhoda's hands.

   Rhoda leaned forward, and extended her tongue, tracing where her
   fingertips had just been. Her tongue slid up into Mary's pussy,
   eliciting another moan of pleasure from her.

   She moved up, her tongue tracing over the slippery skin to Mary's
   distended clit, which was warm and throbbing. Rhoda fastened her lips
   around it, sucking gently, flicking the tip of her tongue against
   Mary's clit.

   Mary began to quiver, bucking her hips into Rhoda's mouth, as Rhoda
   pressed her tongue against Mary's clit, slipping a finger deep into
   Mary's pussy.

   Mary came, her body shaking furiously. She slid off the chair into
   Rhoda's lap, her lips seeking Rhoda's, their tongues dancing with each

   "Oh, Rhoda," she breathed, finally breaking the kiss, "thank you... I
   really needed the release."

   "My pleasure," Rhoda said, smiling. "And speaking of my pleasure, I
   believe it's my turn."

   Mary began to unbutton Rhoda's blouse. She slipped it back over her
   shoulders, and Rhoda dropped her arms from around Mary's body long
   enough to let it slide off. Mary reached behind Rhoda's back, and
   unhooked her bra. Rhoda shrugged out of it as Mary reached for her

   Mary kissed Rhoda's lips passionately, as her thumbs rolled over her
   dark-brown nipples, aroused and hard.

   Rhoda lay back on the floor, Mary was straddling her body, resting on
   her knees, her pussy pressed against Rhoda's abdomen. Mary massaged
   Rhoda's breasts, watching her aerola pucker, the nipples trying to
   extend further.

   Mary pulled off her blouse, her own breasts unfettered by bra. Rhoda
   reached up and stroked Mary's tan nipples, pinching them between her
   fingertips. Mary rolled off of Rhoda's body, and Rhoda hooked her
   thumbs under the waistband of her skirt, and pushed her skirt and
   panties down. She kicked them off her feet.

   Mary turned around, and put her head into the 'v' formed by Rhoda's
   parted thighs and lifted knees. For one moment, she breathed the musky
   scent of Rhoda's love-box, then put her lips against Rhoda's lower

   Rhoda sighed, and reached for Mary's hips. She slid Mary's panties
   down her thighs. Mary lifted each knee in turn, allowing Rhoda to
   remove the panties. She then allowed Rhoda to guide her hips over
   Rhoda's head, straddling her face.

   Mary's tongue caressed Rhoda's clit, causing spasms of pleasure to
   ripple through Rhoda's groin, radiating out to the farthest reaches of
   her body.

   Mary used her fingertips of one hand to open Rhoda's pussy, before
   using the fingers of the other hand to probe, deeper and deeper until
   she had four fingers buried deep into Rhoda's love-tunnel.

   Rhoda gasped, then bent her head upward, grazing Mary's clit with her
   tongue. Mary pressed harder, sucking Rhoda's clit between her lips,
   her fingers working frantically in her cunt, until Rhoda gasped, her
   body quivering.

   Rhoda's head fell back to the floor as she arched her back, squeezing
   Mary's fingers with her vaginal muscles, the contractions of her cunt
   shaking her violently.

   They were so engrossed in their activity, they did not hear the door

   "Mary? Rhoda? Are you here?"

   It was Phyllis' voice. Since Rhoda and Mary were in the sunken part of
   the living room, and a chair was between them and the door, Phyllis
   could not see them.

   Phyllis stepped further into the room, spotted the two women on the
   floor, and gasped.

   "Phyllis!" Mary said, raising her head from between Rhoda's thighs.

   "Mary! Rhoda! I'm shocked!" Phyllis said, her hand over her mouth.

   "I'm sorry you're shocked, Phyllis," Mary said, "but the door was

   "You don't understand, Mary," Phyllis said, lowering her hand,
   revealing a broad grin. "I'm shocked you didn't invite me."


   Murray had tried to explain lesbianism to Ted, but much of it had gone
   over the anchorman's precicely-trimmed head.

   Ted was in Georgette's apartment, sitting on the sofa. Georgette was
   in the kitchenette, putting the dirty dishes in her dishwasher.

   "Georgette, do you know what a lesbian is?"

   Georgette nearly dropped the dish she was holding. Composing herself
   rapidly, she said, "Yes, Ted. Why?"

   "Well, Murray tried to explain it to me, but I couldn't figure out
   what he was talking about. Then I asked Mary, and she told me to ask
   Lou. Lou told me to look it up in the dictionary."

   "So?" Georgette asked, coming out of the kitchenette. "What did the
   dictionary say?"

   "That's too much trouble. I'm asking you."

   "Well, let me think about how to explain it to you. Will you excuse
   me? I need to make a telephone call."

   Ted nodded, and turned on the television. "Hey, it's the Brady Bunch!
   I just adore Marsha..."

   Georgette smiled, and went to her bedroom to make her call.


   Phyllis undressed quickly, and Mary and Rhoda got up to help.
   Revealing her blonde pubic hair by pulling off Phyllis' stylish
   slacks, Rhoda explored with her fingers until she had a finger inside
   Phyllis' vagina.

   Mary kissed Phyllis' lips, while her fingers roamed over her
   pink-nippled breasts, the nipples rapidly rising to their full

   The trio moved slowly to the floor, Rhoda burying her face in Phyllis'
   cunt, and Mary's hungry mouth moving over her breasts, tickling her
   nipples with the tip of her tongue.

   Rhoda quickly had three fingers inside Phyllis, her fingers searching
   for the tender spot on the inside of her pussy, while her tongue slid
   over her diminutive clit.

   As Mary moved from one breast to the other, the telephone rang.

   Mary groaned, and crawled over to the telephone.

   "Hello. Uh-huh. Uh-huh."

   Phyllis reached over and caressed Mary's buttocks. Mary leaned forward
   and pushed her ass back, putting her ass within Phyllis' easier reach,
   and also opening the cleft between her asscheeks. Phyllis' finger
   found the pink pucker of her anus and tickled it.

   "Yes. By all means. Sure... Bye." She hung up the phone. "That was
   Georgette," she said, pushing her ass back against Phyllis' hand.
   "She's coming over, and she's bringing Ted."

   Phyllis asked, "Why?... Couldn't you have put it off?"

   "She said he needed a lesson on the word 'lesbian'," Mary grinned.

   "But we're not lesbians," Phyllis moaned. "Are we?"

   "Close enough for a demonstration," Mary gasped, "Now, what are you
   going to do with that finger, Phyllis?"

   Phyllis demonstrated, as Mary gave a moan of pleasure.


   "But why do we have to go to Mary's for you to define a word?" Ted
   asked, plaintively. "Can't we just stay at your house and cuddle?"

   "No," Georgette said, "You wanted to learn, and now you will."

   Georgette knocked at Mary's door, while Ted fidgeted. The door opened,
   and Mary, in a bathrobe, appeared.

   "Look," said Ted, "she's getting ready to go to bed... Let's go,

   "Come in," said Mary.

   Ted shuffled in, dejectedly. Mary directed him to a wooden chair with
   arms. Ted looked around, and noticed that Rhoda and Phyllis were also
   in bathrobes, sitting on Mary's sofa. Georgette had disappeared.

   Mary stepped up behind Ted's chair, her hands behind her back.

   "So Ted, you want to know about lesbians," she smiled.

   "I just need a definition..." Ted said, uncomfortably.

   "We have a better idea," Mary smiled at him. "How about a

   "A what?"

   "Just relax." Mary brought her hands forward. They held a roll of duct

   "What's that for?" asked Ted, nervously.

   "Just so that you get the view, with no interference." She taped Ted's
   hands to the arms of his chair, and his feet to the legs of the chair.

   "All ready," Mary called.

   Phyllis and Rhoda stood, and dropped their robes, under which they
   were naked. They began to embrace.

   Georgette emerged from the bathroom, and she too was naked. She
   stepped over to Mary, who dropped her robe.

   "" gasped Ted.

   Phyllis and Rhoda dropped to the floor, and moved into a sixty-nine
   position. They dove into each other's pussies, slurping and sucking
   for sound effects.

   Mary led Georgette around to the sofa. Georgette sat on the edge of
   the couch and leaned back. Mary crouched down between Georgette's
   legs, and raised her knees.

   Georgette's platinum-blonde pubic hair flashed just before Mary's head
   moved forward to place her lips against her pink cuntlips.

   Mary's ass was pointed toward Ted, and he had an excellent view of
   both her pussy and asshole. He began to strain against the tape, but
   Mary had done her job well; he could not break the tape.

   Rhoda and Phyllis almost forgot they were putting on a show; they
   became deeply engrossed in their sixty-nine, and the sound-effect
   slurping and sucking noises gave way to heartfelt moans of pleasure.

   Georgette was starting to croon, a squeaky, high-pitched "ooooooh"
   with each stroke of Mary's tongue.

   Ted was drooling, his mouth hanging open limply, his eyes seemingly
   out on stalks.

   Mary, conscious of his view of her rear, 'winked' her asshole at him;
   she heard him moan, and the chair behind her started to shake.

   Mary slipped a finger into Georgette's pussy; Georgette threw her head
   back, her body quivering with the onset of her orgasm.

   "Ooooooooeeeeeeeeeeeee!" she screamed, as the contractions overtook
   her. "Eeee! Ah! Ah! Ah!" Her back arched, pushing Mary back on her

   Mary sat back, watching Georgette writhe on the sofa.

   As Georgette's contractions slowed, her eyes opened slowly. "Oh, gosh,
   Mary... I didn't know it could be soooo..." She closed her eyes again
   and sighed.

   Mary gently caressed Georgette's breasts, the nipples stiff and hard.
   Georgette opened her eyes again. She sat up and leaned forward,
   kissing Mary's lips.

   As they kissed, Mary and Georgette exchanged places, Mary taking a
   seat on the edge of the sofa. She lifted her knees, placing her feet
   under the edge of the cushions. Georgette slid down and applied her
   lips to Mary's clit.

   Once again, Ted was given a view of ass and pussy.

   Phyllis and Rhoda had lost all reference to anyone around them; they
   were lost in each other, rolling in orgasmic passion.

   Mary watched Ted's face as Georgette sucked on her clit. She could see
   the lust building in his face, as he stared into Georgette's open rear

   Georgette slipped one finger, then two into Mary's pussy, sliding them
   in and out as she continued to lick Mary's clit. Mary lay her head
   back, closed her eyes, and let Georgette push her closer to orgasm.

   Ted strained against the tape again, watching Georgette's dripping
   pussy in front of him. Frustrated, be began to rock the wooden chair;
   and it began to tip up on the two front legs.

   Mary felt the familiar warmth begin to spread through her groin, the
   vibrations beginning deep in her cunt, spreading like ripples through
   her body... and ... YES! her orgasm swept through her, making her body
   quiver with pleasure.

   Ted's chair fell forward, just missing Georgette's feet.

   Georgette turned around quickly; Mary slid back on the sofa, enjoying
   the waves of her orgasm.

   "Ted!" Georgette shouted, and pushed the chair over on its side.

   Ted looked up at her, a glazed look in his eyes. Georgette unwrapped
   the tape around Ted's hand. As soon as it was free, he reached for her

   Georgette dodged, and started untaping his feet. Ted untaped his other
   hand, and lunged for Georgette.

   Again she dodged, giggling.

   Ted began tearing at his clothing, pulling off his shirt without
   unbuttoning it, the buttons popped off, flying across the room. He
   kicked out of his trousers, his smallish erection bouncing as he
   lunged again for Georgette.

   This time, she didn't move. Ted pushed her to the floor, nuzzling at
   her neck with his hands at her breasts.

   She wrapped her legs around his hips, and he entered her, frantically
   pumping his hips.

   He grunted, his back arching, his teeth grinding together, as he
   climaxed. He rolled over, and started to sob.

   Mary sat up, watching Georgette cuddling up to the sobbing Ted. Her
   attention then was drawn to Phyllis and Rhoda, who were cuddling on
   the floor on the other side of the room.

   She sat back on the sofa, smiling, as she thought, "...and who says I
   don't give good parties?"

Love is all around, no need to waste it,
Love is all around, no need to fake it,
You're gonna make it, after all.